Learning to Unlearn

There are 73 synonyms for the word lonely, I know this because I was so companionless as a child that I would sit in dark corners after school and read the Oxford dictionary. I sat for hours watching people, getting invested in their lives, worrying about their issues, and sharing their everyday excitements. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so observant, so maybe loneliness did have its upsides. I learned to emulate people's behaviors and become someone they wanted to be friends with, soon the name Elizabeth Robin became known school-wide. At the time it was a dream come true because I was so young and my school so small. I attended the prestigious St.Nicholas Preparatory School for the comically privileged ( I added that last part), this school shaped and educated future businessmen/women, doctors, politicians, and white-collar criminals. Even though we were mere children, the students aged from 4-13,  the rules of higher society were thrust upon us, making us believe that we were more important than those who couldn't afford our luxuries.  My time at the school was uneventful until it wasn't. When I was in the 6th grade ( I was 12 at the time) I discovered my body and how I could use it to make boys and the occasional girl do what I wanted. I spent that year playing hundreds of rounds of truth or dare, where I was always dared to take my uniform top off, and even though I wore ugly grey sports bras at the time because I had not yet discovered the wonder that was Victoria's Secret, I still flashed my cleavage to any adolescent boy and the occasional girl that wanted to see them. In this way I received the attention I so craved and everyone forgot why they didn't want to be my friend in the first place. In my country, the sixth year of school was so students from all over the country could prepare for and take the High School Entrance Exam ( HSEE), your score on this exam would dictate the rank of school you would attend. The exam was created by the government allowing students from all social and economic backgrounds to have a fair chance of receiving a quality education. There are four ranks: Starting at the bottom students who received marks between 60% and 70% were placed in Rank 4 institutions, Rank 3 students were those who got between 71%-80%, students who achieved scores of 81%-90% were placed in Rank 2 schools and the cream of the crop students who managed to achieve a 91%- 100% where highly revered and placed in Rank 1 schools. To most people's ( teachers and students alike) surprise, I scored a 92% on the HSEE meaning I would go on to a Rank 1 high school. They didn't expect that much from a w***e. Obviously, my parents were extremely unhappy because I hadn't gotten a perfect score but I knew there was no pleasing them so I wasn't all that shocked when I received hard looks and words of disappointment on the day of the results. Though I was proud of myself I couldn't stop the coil of anxiety and nervousness that appeared in my stomach when I thought about how I would have to reinvent my persona in another environment. It would be hard but I would come out on top of Anderson Academy just as I did at St. Nicholas, I would just have to become an entirely new person.