Chapter 18Back in The Center, I talked to Sof on the patient phone, head in my hand.
“Every time you work late, or sleep in, or don’t respond to my texts or calls, I worry that you’ve gone out and killed yourself,” Sof said wearily. “Now that I know you’re safe, I need a break. Can you understand that?”
“Yes,” I said softly. “Call me when you’re ready. I love you.”
I hung up and went back to my bed in misery. My new doctor had suggested a new medication, a nasal spray, which contained ketamine, a dissociative psychedelic. It was supposed to work almost immediately, but first my insurance had to accept it. After a week, my insurance rejected my claim, but the doctor tried again and the insurance finally accepted it. I hadn’t talked to Sof that entire time. I went to group meetings like I
