Recapturing Fate

This was where it started; the pain was sometimes unbearable. There was the joy of being with those certain people, only to be hurt by them in the end. The ones she loved became lost at some point. The anxiety of thinking… how would things turn out for her? She didn’t want to turn out like the people she assumed loved her. Her parents were divorced before she left they were so miserable with their lives that they didn’t even acknowledge her existence. Her whole life she tried to accomplish the hardest things to gain just a bit of attention. That’s where everything started. Her family… her family what could she say they only consisted of her and the people who gave her a life and then basically ignored her. No siblings for her when she needed them the most. Honestly, they didn’t deserve the title of parents. They still didn’t. All twenty-six years of her life were based on what she did wrong and what caused her ‘family’ to end up how they were. She listened to their conversations they went from whispers to shouting in seconds. If they couldn’t bear each other, why hadn’t they just divorced while she was at a young age? She would have rather been tossed between them than stand in on the daily fighting matches. If that was their way of showing their love they were terrible at it. She stared out at the city where she had spent most of her life. She spent years in one city and then the next but this one was where she learned how to live. This was where she understood the difference between people who lied and honest people. The difference between actual love and l**t and that l**t is easily given. That’s why she moved from here when she had a chance. The melancholy feeling of this town had changed her perception of the world she wanted to see through her eyes. She was overall a happy person. This place though changed her. She wasn’t depressed or anything that made her seem dejected. She was just ultimately calculating. She parked her car on the mountain and looked out over this place. Her first feelings of love were sparked here. It was the kind of love a person would normally be envious of. It hadn’t lasted as long as her heart hoped for but she can say it wasn’t that fake love she had come to know so well. It was real. That was eleven years ago. She didn’t know what happened to him. She didn’t know if she missed him or not. In her mind, she had no clue why she had come back. She was already living that successful life she only dreamed of so long ago, only now it was reality. She sat in her car gripping onto the wheel while her thoughts of why she was there plagued her. Why did she come back here? All that she left in this town was complications and memories that she meant to leave in the past. She left this place quicker than she wanted to. After high school, there was no reason to stay. Even though she would have missed those people, she had set her mind on leaving before she knew if she’d graduate. She could have dropped out or something along those lines but she stayed. Her memories had flooded back as she sat there. The cold, dreary weather she had become so accustomed to then, had turned a normal day into a freezing wreck. She spent her day with her friends. The wind blew the light snow around and the feel of running on the cold ground restricted her feet from wanting to move anymore. Oh, how she craved for that memory to be re-experienced. For once she missed that unsympathetic weather. Where she lived now it was so warm and pleasant but when her mood drowned, she had wanted that weather to accompany it. While her memories pulled her into a trance, her phone rang. It was her mother. She hesitated but answered. Since her mom had not been nice well she could come up with better words but being nice to her didn’t mean she had to treat her the same way. “What?” she answered in that harsh tone she had become used to using. “That’s no way to talk to your mother.” Her mom had said in her annoying happy voice. “And when have you ever been a mother to me?” she replied with so much venom. “Oh sweetheart, don’t say I never acted like a mother to you. I fed you and made sure you were alive. I also made sure you went to a good school and had good clothes. That’s all that you needed.” Her so-called“mother” scoffed. Tears threatened to spill from her closed eyes. How could she say that she was a mother? This was why she left. Lies like that had made her disgusted. Wasn’t love an option in her mother’s terms? “Don’t lie to yourself. If you thought you were a real mother you are delusional.” She seethed into the phone. “Is this because your father and I divorced?” her mother questioned curiously. She sighed. She didn’t want to deal with this. Her mother didn’t have a clue. She was so convinced she was a great mom, that it was hard to pull her out schizophrenic daze. “No, it’s not. Look I’ll pass by later. Bye.” she said about to hit the end button. “You’re here? Back in this town! I thought you dashed out of here without planning to come back.” Her mother laughed humorlessly. “I did but I guess there’s some unfinished business I have to attend to,” she said before hanging up.