Work For It

Chapter 2

2

The alarm woke Lizzy up, like it did every morning. She laid still as Aaron shut off the alarm, slid out of bed, and went to the bathroom. Lizzy listened to the water running as he showered; her mind drifted back to her talk with Cat and Jenny the day before.

Part of Lizzy believed that she would never find anyone better than Aaron, but she wasn’t happy. Then again, did she really deserve to be happy? She had a great life. Aaron worked hard to buy their beautiful home and allowed her to stay home with the kids. Even once Sam started school Aaron still encouraged Lizzy to stay home so she could be there for Sam’s half days, school breaks, and snow days. Lizzy loved it, but she knew she was missing something.

Before Mikey her days were spent doing busywork around the house. She learned to experiment with cooking and even did some DIY projects. She got a new sewing machine and made some clothes for herself and Sam. She enjoyed being crafty, but she felt it was just an extension of her mom self.

The water turned off in the bathroom and Lizzy knew Aaron would be out in a few minutes, dressed in his suit and ready for the day. She squeezed her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep and willing herself to fall asleep so she wouldn’t have to talk to him.

Aaron turned off the bathroom light before he opened the door. He knew Lizzy usually slept through his morning routine, or pretended to. He didn’t want to disturb her even though he wanted to see her. Aaron softly called Lizzy’s name, like he did every morning, wondering if she would answer. Lizzy didn’t so Aaron left the room with a sigh.

When he was gone Lizzy exhaled the breath she was holding. A tear slid from the corner of her eye to the pillow. She didn’t want the life she was living. Aaron might be a great man, but she didn’t want a husband that left before everyone else was up and came home just in time to have dinner and say goodnight. Especially if he was spending his time with another woman. Something needed to change.

The garage door opened and Mikey started crying. Lizzy pulled on her bathrobe as she walked to his room. She lifted him from the crib and carried him to the changing table. Lizzy talked to Mikey while she changed his diaper and went to the glider to nurse him. She heard Sam get up and go to the bathroom then back to her room.

Mikey nursed quickly then Lizzy carried him to her room and laid him on the floor with some toys. She pulled on jeans and a sweater, her standard winter mom uniform. Lizzy carried Mikey downstairs to the kitchen and put him in his high chair. Sam followed and sat next to her brother, talking to him in her baby voice. Mikey cooed at his big sister, laughing and smiling when she played peek-a-boo.

Lizzy fixed Sam’s waffle, listening to the kids play. She worried Sam would be jealous of her brother, but she’d been remarkably happy about having someone else around. Lizzy could tell Sam needed more time with her and Aaron though.

Sam ate her waffle while Lizzy packed her lunch. Mikey threw his teether on the floor and Sam bent to pick it up. He laughed and threw it down again. Sam, the obedient sister, picked it up again and again for Mikey, laughing with him each time.

Lizzy finished packing Sam’s lunch and said, “Okay, time to get going.”

Sam jumped up and put her plate in the sink. She gulped down the rest of her milk then walked into the hallway to pull on her boots. Lizzy got Mikey from his high chair and grabbed her diaper bag. Sam held Mikey so Lizzy could get her boots and jacket on and they all went into the garage.

Lizzy drove slowly through their small New York town of River Pointe. Lizzy grew up in River Pointe and always imagined raising her own family there. Nestled into the corner between the Niagara River and Lake Ontario, River Pointe was the perfect location for summer sports like boating, water skiing, and swimming. The winters were made for ice skating, sledding, and skiing.

The road to River Pointe Elementary School took Lizzy past her parents’ house, the home she was raised in. She saw Jenny’s red Subaru Legacy hatchback out front and wondered why Jenny wasn’t parking in the garage. When Jenny moved back home she decided to live with their parents until she found a job at a hotel, her dream job. With their parents in Florida for the winter Lizzy knew Jenny was lonely, but she also wasn’t ready to live by their parents’ rules again.

Lizzy cruised through the circle driveway to the front of Sam’s school. She marveled, as she did every day, how small the school looked compared to when she was a student there. Sam said goodbye and bounced out of the car to catch up to one of her friends on the way into school. Lizzy smiled and waved at the attending teacher, Molly Davis, an old classmate of Lizzy’s.

She pulled out of the lot and turned back toward home. Lizzy unloaded Mikey and all his stuff and set him on the floor in the living room on his play mat. She kicked off her boots and threw her jacket on the bench in the hall, not bothering to hang it up. She went back to the living room and dropped to the floor to play with Mikey.

Just thinking about her day made her yawn. Lizzy stretched and laid on the floor with Mikey. Had she really become one of those boring women who don’t do anything? The only other stay at home moms she knew had older kids. It was hard to really get together with a bunch of six month olds. There weren’t many places that they could play, especially since most of them just sat around and drooled.

At ten Lizzy carried Mikey upstairs, nursed him, then put him down for his nap. She carried the monitor to the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. She wandered into the living room and dropped onto the couch. She closed her eyes for a few minutes and just breathed.

For the hundredth time Lizzy tried to imagine what her life would have been like if she hadn’t married Aaron. Life as a single mom would have been hard, but she knew she could have done it. Before she dropped out of college, Lizzy was studying early childhood education. She could have finished school, with her parents’ help, and become a teacher or worked at a day care.

Instead she’d married Aaron when he asked. She knew she had doubts, even as her mouth formed the word yes, but Lizzy knew it was for the best. And if she was completely honest with herself, she did love Aaron. She just didn’t love who she was with him.

Mikey’s whimpers interrupted any more thoughts about her fictional life. Lizzy forced herself off the couch and slowly climbed the stairs. In Mikey’s room she changed him and carried him back to the living room for his mid-day playtime.

Lizzy told herself to enjoy her time with him. She knew she was lucky to be able to stay home with Mikey. After all, that’s what everyone kept telling her. For the last eight years.

Lizzy went through the rest of her day on autopilot. She fed Mikey zucchini for lunch and nursed him again before his afternoon nap. They picked up Sam from school and Lizzy started dinner while the kids played in the living room.

As Lizzy pulled the pork chops from the oven she heard the garage door open. Sam jumped up and ran to the hallway, waiting for Aaron. He came inside and hung his coat up on the hook then lifted Sam into a hug. Aaron asked Sam about her day and glanced toward Lizzy when he walked into the kitchen. She refused to look at him so he kept his focus on Sam.

“What did you and Kylie do today at school?”

“It was great. We had recess and got to play outside in the snow. The boys were throwing snowballs but Kylie and I made snow angels and built an igloo! It was so cool. We were going to build a snowman to stand guard of our igloo, but we didn’t have time.”

“Well, you can build him tomorrow,” Aaron said happily.

“We will. I just hope the boys don’t ruin our igloo. They said it was stupid.”

“It’s okay, boys are stupid,” Aaron said, tickling Sam. She squealed in delight and Lizzy watched them with a sad look. Aaron tried to catch her eye but she still wouldn’t look at him. He almost thought he saw a tear on her cheek before she turned away and headed to the living room.

Sam and Aaron sat in their seats and started dishing out plates of food for the three of them. Mikey sat at the table with his teether and favorite monkey rattle while the others ate. Lizzy listened to Sam and Aaron talk about their days. Sam became so animated around Aaron. Lizzy needed to find a way to spend more time alone with Sam. She just didn’t know when.

After dinner Aaron asked Lizzy if she needed help cleaning up. “No, you can go take your shower. I’ll take care of everything.”

Lizzy didn’t turn around to see the disappointed look on Aaron’s face. She knew he was asking to be nice and she didn’t want to face him. She heard Aaron’s footsteps going upstairs. She loaded the dishwasher and put away the leftovers in containers for Aaron’s and Sam’s lunches. When she was finished, she went to the living room to play with the kids.

Upstairs Aaron sat on the bed with his head in his hands. He tried to figure out, again, where things had gone so wrong with Lizzy. He had no idea when their relationship went from passionate to comfortable to barely talking. Something had to change, but he didn’t know what or how. He tried regularly to initiate some sort of contact with her, whether it was helping with the dishes, saying goodbye in the morning when he knew she was pretending to sleep, or spending time with the kids.

But no matter what Aaron did, Lizzy made it clear she wasn’t interested in his attempts.

Aaron stripped his clothes away and threw them in the hamper. He stepped into the shower, quickly washing his body. His hand slid between his legs and stroked his erection. He closed his eyes and imagined Lizzy like she once was, full of life and happy. He saw her there with him, in the shower like they used to be, playful and loving. He shoved his fist into his mouth to stifle his moan and came in an explosion, wishing his wife would return to him.

Aaron rinsed himself off and stepped from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and faced his reflection. He tried to see what Lizzy would see. His brown eyes peered back at him and scanned his body. He’d certainly lost some of the muscle he had at twenty-two when they married, but he hadn’t completely let himself go. His dark brown hair was betraying him with the occasional silver strand, but not enough that he worried yet. He still had a full head of hair and could pass for 22 without a problem. Well, not much of a problem.

At 30 Aaron knew he was starting to show his age, but he didn’t think that was what bothered Lizzy. He worked hard to give her everything she needed. So what was he missing?

Aaron gave up his internal conversation, knowing he wouldn’t resolve anything, and got dressed. He heard Sam come up the stairs as he pulled his shirt over his head. He stepped from the bedroom and saw Lizzy coming toward him with Mikey in her arms. She brushed past him to Mikey’s room. Aaron followed Sam to her room and brushed her hair. He tied her long hair into a thick braid and asked what she was reading.

“Kylie let me borrow a few books from her. They’re all old books, but pretty good. I’m reading The Secret Garden now. It was Cat’s favorite when she was little. Kylie said it’s really good. I just started it last night though.”

“Cool. I never read that when I was little, but I bet your mom did. She’s really smart and she’s read a lot of books.”

“Yeah, she told me she read it. We talked about it yesterday when she saw me reading it.”

“Oh, well, okay,” Aaron stammered. Did he miss everything?

Sam changed into her pajamas and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Aaron helped her into bed and kissed her goodnight. He went to Mikey’s room and found Lizzy already seated and nursing Mikey. His eyes were closed. Aaron went to kiss his head but Lizzy waved him off, afraid he would wake Mikey. Aaron blew him a kiss instead and quietly closed the door.

Downstairs Aaron turned on SportsCenter and dozed in his chair. He didn’t know how long he’d been there, but when he woke up he saw the kitchen was dark. Lizzy must have finished up and gone to bed.

Aaron turned the TV off again and headed upstairs, hoping to catch Lizzy before she was asleep.

In the bedroom Aaron heard Lizzy’s soft, steady breathing. s**t, he swore to himself. She was already asleep and again he missed a chance to talk to her. Aaron went to the bathroom to brush his teeth then climbed into bed. He turned toward Lizzy, but she was facing away from him. He reached out to her, but didn’t let himself touch her. He didn’t want to wake her up.

After a few minutes Aaron turned over and closed his eyes. Within a minute he was snoring softly. Lizzy’s eyes opened and she wiped away the tears. She curled into the fetal position and quietly cried. She was so confused and needed someone to be there for her. She desperately wanted to reach out to Aaron and have him hold her, but she wasn’t prepared to answer his questions. Or to listen to him tell her about the woman he was going to leave her for.

She had to figure this out on her own.

No, she didn’t. She needed to do the experiment. Then she would know, for sure, if their marriage could be saved.