Work For It

1 “How was your anniversary, Lizzy?” Jenny Owens asked her sister, Lizzy Greenwood. They were cleaning up from the sleepover Lizzy’s seven year old daughter, Sam, and her friends had. “I guess it was fine,” Lizzy answered with a shrug. “Eight years isn’t that big of a deal. We didn’t do anything. Aaron said ‘Happy Anniversary’ but we didn’t exchange gifts or anything.” “You don’t have to exchange gifts for every little thing. Especially with kids,” Lizzy’s best friend, Cat Hawkins chimed in. “Ryder and I like to acknowledge special days, but Kylie is who we spend money on. We save our money and just have bed-breaking s*x instead!” “That’s what I want,” Jenny said. “One day I’ll find someone who is going to make me feel like that’s the most important thing.” “Great s*x?” Cat quipped. “No!” Jenny exclaimed, throwing a pillow at Cat. “Spending time together. I don’t care about stuff, but being together matters. It’s going to be a problem for me now that I’m three hours away from Matt.” Jenny stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. She’d just graduated college but her boyfriend of two years was continuing on in grad school. “That’s why so many long distance relationships don’t work. But if you guys are meant to be together, you’ll figure it out,” Cat said. Lizzy kept quiet listening to her best friend and sister. They talked about love and relationships like they were so easy. Lizzy knew better than to open her mouth and share her opinion. Not only would they jump on her about how great her husband, Aaron, was, but she would also be forced to admit how much she’d been questioning their relationship. Lizzy knew Aaron was a great guy, but she was starting to believe he wasn’t meant to be her great guy. They got married when she found out she was pregnant with Sam. She loved him and was happy he wanted to marry her. But she was 20. At 28 she wondered if marrying Aaron was the biggest mistake of her life. “I guess I just don’t know if Matt is ‘The One’ for me. Moving home was an easy choice, even though it included moving away from him. Doesn’t that mean he’s not ‘The One?’” “I hate to sound like an old wise woman, but I guess you just know. Ryder and I have only been together for eight months and married for almost five. We should probably be asking Lizzy about finding ‘The One’ since she’s been married for eight years. She obviously knows how to make a marriage work.” “Yeah, right,” Lizzy mumbled. “What was that?” Jenny asked. “I said, yeah, she’s right. I mean Cat and Ryder obviously have a passionate relationship where s*x is center stage, but Aaron and I have a lasting relationship built on compatibility and consideration. Passion will fade. If you’re going to be with someone forever, make sure it’s someone you know won’t ever hurt you.” Cat and Jenny exchanged a look, not knowing what to say. Cat spoke first. She rested her hand over Lizzy’s and said, “Is everything okay, Lizzy? Did you and Aaron have a fight?” “No,” Lizzy said sharply. “You have to have passion left to have a fight. You have to give a shit.” “What’s going on?” “Absolutely nothing. Aaron and I are basically roommates these days.” “What do you mean? Are you separated?” “No,” Lizzy laughed roughly. “Aaron wouldn’t ever consider that-” “Because he loves you,” Jenny said. Lizzy looked into her brown eyes reflected in her sister’s face. Lizzy would give anything to be in Jenny’s position. She never had the chance to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. Instead she was forced into a life at 20. A life she wasn’t sure she ever really wanted. “Aaron married me because I was pregnant with Sam. We were young and crazy about each other, but I don’t know that we were ever really in love.” “Are you saying you don’t love Aaron?” Cat asked, astonished. “I guess I don’t know. After being together for so long my feelings are jumbled up. I wouldn’t trade my time with him since it brought me Sam and Mikey, but I can’t tell you I haven’t considered divorce. The only thing stopping me is how I would take care of the kids. I don’t have a degree or skills to get a decent job.” “You have plenty of skills, but that’s besides the point. Are you seriously saying you don’t want to be married to Aaron?” Cat asked. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know if I ever have. I’ve never been able to make my own decisions. Growing up we always had to do what Mom and Dad said. Just when I was starting to figure out who I was, I got pregnant and I had to put Sam ahead of anything I wanted. I’m doing the same now with Mikey, but I’m kind of sick of it.” “Why can’t you be who you want to be and be there for Sam, Mikey, and Aaron?” Jenny asked. She’d always seen Lizzy as so strong and confident. Witnessing this crippled version of her sister was frightening. “I’m not sure it works that way Jenny. How many moms do you know who maintain that perfect balance between who they are and what their family needs? I can’t think of one.” “I think I’m doing a pretty good job,” Cat declared, abandoning the cleaning up to argue her point. “You’re awesome, Cat. But you’re also doing it with a seven year old. Kylie is great, but we’ll see how things go when you have a baby.” “Doesn’t Aaron help out? I mean you’re knee deep in Mikey all day, but when Aaron gets home doesn’t he help out with the kids?” “Oh, yeah, he helps,” Lizzy said sarcastically. “He’s not home until dinnertime each night. So I end up turning on the TV for Sam and dropping Mikey in the play-yard with a bunch of toys while I fix dinner. When Aaron comes home, he eats with us then tells me he needs a chance to relax since he had a long day. He goes upstairs to take a shower and gets out right around the time the kids are getting into bed. He says goodnight then goes back downstairs to watch TV. Sam reads until she falls asleep and I nurse Mikey then put him down. When I’m finally finished with them I clean up from dinner and get Sam’s lunch packed for the next day. I crash around ten. Aaron and I barely speak to each other.” Cat and Jenny stared at Lizzy, their mouths gaping open, “How long has it been like this?” “A while,” Lizzy answered. “It’s gotten worse since Mikey’s was born though. I almost wonder if he’s cheating on me.” “Do you really think that?” Cat asked. “I don’t know. He comes home every afternoon and has to take a shower. How many accountants do you know that get so sweaty in the office that they need to shower? Sometimes I smell perfume on him, but he insists it’s just from the new woman he works with, then gets defensive.” “You should follow him,” Jenny said conspiratorially. “I don’t know if it’s worth it. If I’m sitting here thinking maybe our marriage isn’t going to work anyway, does it matter if he’s cheating on me?” Lizzy wondered. “Hell, yes, it matters,” Jenny declared. “First I’ll kill him, but second he could give you an infection. You can’t risk getting sick and not being able to take care of the kids because your scumbag husband is screwing someone else.” “Okay, let’s slow down here,” Cat said. She put her hands up between the sisters to get them to slow down. “We don’t know that Aaron is cheating on Lizzy.” She turned to address Lizzy, “You need to talk to him. Tell him what you think and how you feel. If you want to save your marriage, you need to find out if he’s cheating on you and then decide if you still want to be with him.” “I don’t know if it’s worth it. He works hard to take care of us, but it sucks. I feel like a single mom who gets a paycheck for taking care of the kids. Mikey barely knows Aaron. Sam’s gotten used to not seeing her daddy, but I know she misses him, especially since I have to be so attentive to Mikey.” “Have you talked to Aaron about that part of it?” Cat asked. “Oh, yeah, right. And say what? Hey Aaron? Can you work less hours so you can take care of the kids and we can get a divorce?” “Do you really want a divorce? It’s the second time you mentioned it,” Jenny wondered, her voice quiet. “I feel like it’s the only way to figure out who I am. Even if he isn’t cheating on me, I don’t know who I am or who I want to be. With Aaron working constantly I have to be home with the kids. If I wasn’t here Mikey would have to go into day care and Sam would be in after-school care. I know it’s not the end of the world, but I don’t know if I feel like it’s the right thing for the kids.” “But if you get divorced and have to start working the same thing will happen. I think you need to talk to Aaron,” Cat insisted. “Can I offer you a suggestion?” Jenny asked. Lizzy nodded and Jenny continued, “In college one of my friends was a psych major. She told us about this study. There was a psychiatrist who worked with married couples. She realized most of the couples who came to her ended up getting divorced anyway, even the ones that seemed to want to reconcile. She did an experiment with some of her couples and asked them to try something new. “The couples in the experiment were a mix of couples who seemed interested in reconciliation and others who were destined for divorce no matter what. She asked all the couples to devote three months to the experiment and evaluate their situation after that point. “Each couple was asked to come up with ten rules for their three months. It could be anything. Once their rules were set, both sides had to agree to follow the rules for three months. After the three months they could resume divorce discussions or stay together. It gave each person the chance to create a different version of their life and to say what they want and make requests without it being negative. I don’t remember the exact number, but something like 75% of the couples stayed together after the three months.” “How exactly does this help me?” Lizzy asked. “You and Aaron should do it!” Jenny answered. “Do what?” “You two should commit to three months, come up with rules, and give it a try,” Cat chimed in. “I think it sounds awesome. You can ask Aaron to do anything you want, but he gets the chance to have his rules too. It’ll bring you closer together, and it could definitely save your marriage. And it’s a cheaper option than a marriage counselor, and you know Aaron would insist on going to one before he gave up on your marriage.” “I just don’t know, you guys. It doesn’t sound like something Aaron would be willing to do.” “I think if he knew the option was divorce he would be on board,” Jenny said. Lizzy sighed and thought about it. In some ways she could see how it would be a good idea, but she just wasn’t sure it would help them. “I’ll think about it, okay?” Jenny and Cat nodded. “Okay, let’s finish getting this place cleaned up. I’m sure Ryder is anxious to get his wife and daughter back home,” Lizzy said with a forced smile. Cat beamed and started picking up cups and blankets. They finished cleaning up in silence, getting everything done quickly. Lizzy’s mind stayed focused on trying to save her marriage, but she wasn’t sure if it was worth it.