Night with Sole Regret

TAKE ME XXI

f**k, he needed to get a condom out of his bedroom. He couldn’t just plunge into her unprotected, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Hold that thought,” he said.

She grabbed his wrist before he could move away and stuffed a condom into his hand. The little minx had planned this all along. Unlike him, she thought ahead. And he loved that she knew how to get what she wanted. He quickly applied the condom and then filled her with one deep thrust.

She rocked back to meet his thrusts. “Take me, Jacob.”

His balls clenched at the sound of his name on her lips.

“Jacob.”

The doorbell rang.

Amanda tensed. “Who could that be?”

Shade thrust harder, trying to regain her attention. “Don’t know, don’t care.” He rotated his hips. Amanda moaned and relaxed against the table.

The doorbell rang again and then someone pounded on the door.

“Jacob, get the door,” Amanda pleaded.

“I’m in the middle of something.”

“Yeah, me. Now go answer the door.”

“Bossy damned woman,” he grumbled and pulled out with a wince of protest.

The doorbell rang several times in rapid succession.

“This better be f*****g important,” he grumbled as he stripped off the condom, pulled his swim trunks up and tucked his stiff-as-a-board c**k inside them.

“If it’s not, I’m going to kick someone’s ass,” Amanda said as she pulled his shirt down to cover her beguiling ass.

Damn, she looked good in that shirt.

More pounding. Shade stomped off to see who dared interrupt his attempts to earn extra credit with Amanda against the kitchen table.

Shade opened the door to Adam. Should have known he’d be responsible for Shade’s discomfort.

“This better be an emergency,” Shade said.

“I need to talk to you.”

Shade took a moment to look Adam over more carefully. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on the day before, and he looked as if he’d slept in them. Or as if he hadn’t slept at all.

“You look like s**t,” Shade said. He stepped aside and allowed Adam to enter the house.

“Yeah, that sometimes happens when you’re up all night.”

“Let me guess: you drove back to Dallas to hook up with your counselor again.”

“Actually I was in the emergency room, but that’s not why I’m here.” Adam’s gaze moved to a point behind Shade, and his eyes widened. “Amanda?”

“Hey, Adam,” she said. “Did I overhear that you were in the ER? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“No, my dad’s in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Amanda said. “Is he okay?”

“Sort of.”

“s**t, man. Why didn’t you call last night? Do you need a few days off?” Shade asked.

“No, that’s not why I’m here. They assure me he’ll be fine. I came over here to talk to you. We need to clear the air, Shade. I can’t take this anger between us anymore.”

“Clear the air?”

“I need to know what you think I did that was so wrong.”

Shade’s spine straightened. He had no idea why Adam would choose now of all times to pick a fight. “What I think you did wrong?”

Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Apparently, you think I’ve done something truly horrible, but I don’t even know what it is. So you can tell me and we can hash this out here. Or, if you’d rather, we can keep pissing each other off for reasons I don’t understand.”

Shade was flabbergasted. All this time he’d thought Adam was an inconsiderate prick, selfish and callous about stealing one of the most significant events of Shade’s life from him, and now Adam was saying he didn’t know why Shade had been infuriated with him for years?

“You really don’t know what you did?”

“I’m pretty sure it has something to do with my drug abuse. I was wasted all the time when it all went down, but no, I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember me shoving my finger down your throat in Nashville so you’d purge whatever cocktail of pills you’d ingested that night?”

Adam gave a barely perceptible shake of his head.

“You don’t remember throwing up all over me and me dragging you out of the tour bus because the EMTs couldn’t fit the gurney up through the door?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t remember calling me a meddling asshole and telling me to mind my own business and that you could get high if you wanted to?”

Adam smirked. “I do remember that.”

Shade scowled at him. “You don’t remember dying in the ambulance? You don’t remember them defibrillating you back to life?”

Adam’s jaw dropped. His breath caught. He went white.

“I died?”

“Yes, Adam, you f*****g died and while I was watching your own selfish stupidity kill you, my baby was taking her first breath in another hospital. I missed Julie’s birth because you were so insistent on destroying yourself.”

Adam ran a shaking hand through his thick black hair. “Shade, I don’t remember much of anything from those days. I was in a bad place then.”

“Now is different?”

Adam’s hands clenched into fists. “Yes, now is totally different! I’m not doing drugs anymore. You’re too busy to notice. Or care.”

Shade closed his eyes and shook his head. He wished he was too busy to care. He was just so tired of this. So tired of Adam’s denial. His lies. “You’re still doing drugs, Adam. I caught you smoking pot two nights ago. So soon you forget.”

Adam rubbed his haggard face with both hands and then crossed his arms over his chest. “It was just a little. And it was only pot. I mean…” He scowled, obviously still in denial. “You smoke it.”

“I haven’t smoked pot in years, Adam. Not since Julie was born. I grew up while you were stoned out of your mind. You just didn’t notice.”

Adam released a heavy sigh. “I’m not going to do drugs anymore, Shade.”

Shade lifted an eyebrow at him.

Adam stood there with his hands clenching and unclenching. His entire body was tense. Shade had seen this behavior before. Adam got this way right before he started swinging his fists. Shade waited for him to snap. He’d knock him on his ass if he had to. Wouldn’t be the first time. Adam’s intense, gray-eyed gaze bored into Shade’s, but instead of lashing out at him, he said, “f**k, Shade. Why can’t you give me a second chance?”

Adam was still blaming his difficulties on everyone but himself. Was the guy incapable of seeing reality?

“A second chance?” Shade yelled, unable to keep his temper in check any longer. “I’ve already given you a second chance, Adam. And a third chance. And a hundredth chance.” Shade shoved him in the shoulder, forcing Adam to take a step back. “Just how many f*****g chances do you think you deserve?”

Adam’s features hardened. “You don’t believe I’ve changed. You don’t believe I’m taking control of my life. The only one who sees the real me is Madison.”

Shade released a derisive snort. “Your counselor? The one you’re screwing?” Shade shook his head at him. “She’s going to see what she wants to see. She’s become your biggest enabler. There are some women you should never fuck.”

Adam tilted his head toward the doorway that Amanda had graced only moments before. “Such as your ex-wife’s sister?”

Touché. “f**k off, Adam. You don’t know anything about my life.”

“And you don’t know anything about mine.”

Shade narrowed his eyes. He really wished he could give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but he could only try to put a broken train back on its track so many times before he had to believe the engine’s only course was derailment. And as much as Adam liked to think his life was proceeding smoothly now, Shade could see disaster coming from a mile away. He wasn’t going to be the one who tried to save Adam anymore. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It didn’t fit anymore.

“Why is your dad in the hospital?” Shade really didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer.

Adam lowered his eyes, going from pissed to defeated in the span of one breath. “He got his hands on some bad drugs and had an adverse reaction. Blames me for not hooking him up with my dealer.”

“Wonderful.” Shade snorted. “Why hold out on him?”

Adam scowled. “I don’t have a f*****g dealer, Shade. When did you turn into such an asshole?”

“When you took one too many things from me that I can never get back.” Shade squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not going to punch Adam today, no matter how much he wanted to. “Have you said your piece?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry I died and made you miss Julie’s birth. I would have waited until the next day to end it all had I known Tina was going to pop out your baby three weeks early. At least I understand why you hate me now. I’d hate me too.”

That was the most mature observation Adam had made in years. And an actual apology instead of defensive avoidance? Maybe Adam was making progress. Maybe he was getting his life together. Maybe Shade could let himself care about the guy again. He had to be sure Adam was on the road to recovery before he trusted his progress, because Adam had had ripped out Shade’s heart a million f*****g times in the past, and he couldn’t let him do it again.

“I don’t hate you,” Shade said. He never had.

Adam closed his eyes and drew a deep breath into his chest. “I don’t hate you either.”

Uncomfortable over exchanging feelings with a dude, Shade stared at the floor and stood in silence for several minutes.

“I’ll, um, see you on the bus,” Adam said. He also seemed to find the hardwood at their feet utterly fascinating.

“Yeah, good. Hope your dad gets better soon.”

“Thanks. I should dump him off somewhere and hope he doesn’t find his way back, but I just can’t do it. Not even after all the s**t he’s put me through.”

Shade knew more about the s**t Adam’s father had put him through than anyone. When they’d been back in high school, Shade had no idea how many times Adam had hid out at his house just to feel a bit of security. Shade’s family had welcomed Adam. Shade’s mother was some sort of stray magnet, be the strays broken people or lost animals. Shade had been disappointed and yeah, hurt, when Adam had chosen to follow in his father’s footsteps. Shade hadn’t wanted that for Adam and hadn’t known what to do. How to help. He’d tried to force Adam to see the light, but it hadn’t worked. Adam had always said he wanted to build a better life for himself, that he didn’t want to be anything like his father, and yet he’d followed the failed life of the man he resented almost to the letter. The only thing that had kept Adam from sending himself to an early grave was that his bandmates happened to give a s**t about him, whether he saw it that way or not.

“You really should get the man out of your life,” Shade said. “He’s never going to change.”

“I don’t need him to be perfect,” Adam said quietly. “I just want him to be my dad. After all this time, I still want that.”

Shade leaned forward and squeezed Adam’s shoulder. He wished he could say he understood what Adam was going through, but he didn’t. He could support him though. Or try to. “If you need something, you can call me.”

Adam’s head lifted and he met Shade’s eyes. He chuckled half-heartedly. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do. I know how hard it is to deal with an addict who doesn’t see he’s destroying himself.”

Adam grinned crookedly. “They’re a total pain in the ass.”

“But they can get better.” Shade hoped. Please, let him be better.

“Yeah.” Adam took a deep breath and glanced at the front door. “I’m going to go now. And it’s none of my business who you mess around with, but Amanda?” Adam shook his head. “Didn’t you learn your lesson with the younger Lange sister?”

“I think I chose the wrong one.” Shade sighed. He knew he couldn’t be with Amanda in any serious capacity, but the woman brought him joy, which was a good enough reason to keep his hands off her. He knew he’d f**k things up with her spectacularly, and she’d take that good feeling with her when she left.

“Just don’t do anything stupid.”

Too late. “I’ll see you later,” Shade said. He was ready to continue being stupid with the lovely woman in question. At least until he had to leave to meet the tour bus.

Shade and Adam exchanged an awkward bro-hug, slapping each other’s backs with enough force to knock the wind out of an elephant, and then Adam let himself out of the house.

Smiling, Shade went in search of trouble. He found her in his shower.