If my wings could fly

II

I don’t want to believe it. I want to cry. I clung to my best, I still linger a little. That's all I can do, all I can do. I do not want to grow up. I want to dream a little more. Staying a child indefinitely. But the clock of the adult world is ringing and I know it's time to leave the nest. I preferred a thousand times to continue dreaming rather than spend my days working. But I will continue to beat the brush that covers my path. Because that's my reality. Nobody arrived on his land before me, I form my own road until reaching the airport already traced adulthood. I will fight with all my will against nature to make my way to heaven like all the others.

The others of my age have already begun to fly. I am still nailed to the ground. They go so fast in the air, above me, I tend to lose sight of them. While I'm going like slow motion in this mad world of madmen. I walk at my own pace, behind the group. On the while, they fly all. Around me, the crazy grasses fly. They look at me mockingly, asking me, Are you okay, will you fly like them soon? And I thought, Maybe I could never fly. Maybe I could never touch the sky ... My wings are broken before I even had time to. My feathers are turned upside down. It may be my fate, but I still want to steal.

So I make my way into life, this wild land that so many people say they have to explore, and I can not help but look at the sky and envy them, all those who can fly so freely. My hematomas, my wounds, my tears, nothing does, my wings remain broken. I would like to continue fighting. Stay in combat as long as possible, catch up with young people my age and I also fly away. Like the flower petals at the end of summer, such as autumn leaves, I would like to twirl in the wind. I open my broken wings and let the wind caress them. That's my truth. I grew tired, my wings my abandoned. I disillusioned myself to young. I let myself down. Now, however, despite my hand stretched out to heaven, I know I would be unable to touch him.

That's my truth. Squeezing four cymbidiums against me, I took to fly away. I'll walk for a while. The sky darkens day by day, and I continue to walk on my path covered with bramble. People ask me if I'm okay, I smile at them and tell them, but in my head, I tell a whole different story. I cry, I scream, I scream. I say no, I'm afraid. I do not want to remain alone on this earth, misunderstood and handicapped. I continue to walk alone.

I do not want this destiny.

I do not want to wake up from this childish dream. I do not want to leave the kindergarten. I want to stay on the beaten track. I do not want to leave my parents. I am still too young for all his responsibilities. I am not ready to leave everything. I do not want to let my tears sink. I want to stop the lies. Perhaps I could never have stolen it. It's not up to me to decide. My destiny is already traced. I will arrive at the end of the road with a little delay, my life will advance at a slower pace than the others. I will watch them running between the clouds of society, forcing me to live at a frantic when I take the time to admire the landscape around me. I would remain faithful to myself and my desires.

Maybe my wings will never work again, despite all my requests, I will continue to walk on my dirt road to clear. I do not like to do like everyone else, so I chose a most complex route. I am me, after all, I am unique and my path should be as much as I do. I have a different course, as well to enjoy to live a little. I lose myself in the landscapes, taking fresh air in deep breaths in my lungs, flowers, trees, birds, mountains cheer my way. I am no longer a child, but I am not yet an adult. I am in a difficult moment, where I have to choose a voice. My path is now traced behind me, adolescence is a ritual passage for all. Complicated for some, so easy for others, each experience is different and rewarding.

I no longer worry about my life, I would fly one day too, whether it is now, tomorrow, in a week or never, I would join one day all his people whom I found so different. The chrysanthemums a perfect line, showing me the way to go. The path of my life is one spring at a time, just like me. It’s my fate, even when life me I kinda refuse it. It to me that I prefer to struggle, my way to practice flying is different from the others, and I prefer to remember the happy time. I prefer learning to walk before learning to fly, pardon me mother, for I am not like the others.

My philosophy may be different from yours, I go slowly in life, I’m always wide awake, and I hope to stop crying. Who am I lying to? I still cry at night, when life is too hard to handle and the colors start to feel grey under my eyes. I sometimes seem to go back to my teenage self and forget everything I’ve learned in my new state of an adult. I guess that feelings are not getting easier to live as times go by, I still remember the first time my heart ached for a long time. Solitude is still hard to live, and making is so complicated to do. I still have some ameliorations to do. I hope to stay wide awake in the future.