THE GIRL HE NEVER SEES

CHAPTER 2: WHEN SHE USED TO BE MINE

(Louie’s POV)

“Why is regret always at the end? Why won’t it appear in the beginning for a change?” Those questions stirred up my mind for the last 5 years of my life. Years that seem so long. Years that I’ve never thought would happen to me. I’m a happy go lucky guy who enjoys adventure in life the most-not making any plans at all. I just go with the flow. But one of the uncertainties of life changes that perspective of mine. One stupid mistake became my biggest regret in life. I lost the most important person in my life. I lost her, unexpectedly. Suddenly, to the point that when I woke up, she was already gone.

***

2021 (Present time)

She’s back!

My mind froze for a moment right after I saw a familiar face from a distance. The hair. The stance. The walk. The smile. Everything falls down to one person. To someone who’s face I long to see the most. Someone who holds a huge part of my past. Someone whom I cherished and cared for in my life. Someone who never gives up on me. Someone who would always cheer for me, especially during my bad days. Someone who got my back on everything that I do. No wonder I became fearless in the past, because no matter what the outcome is—whether it’s a success or a failure, I would always have a place to go back to—my safe resting home. Someone whom I failed to protect. Someone whom I never expected I would lose in the end. My one great and true love—Gabrielle Rhine Cruz.

Chase her!

I told myself after seeing how she hastened her walk away from my direction. You lost her once, Louie. You can’t lose her twice. I strongly added as I ran after her. I know how stupid I was in the past. I was complacent to think that she would stay by my side no matter what. Just like how she was when we were young. No matter how hard-headed I was. No matter how much I made her cry. No matter how much I hurt her in the past. At the end of the day, she didn’t leave. She stood and remained by my side. But it was already too late for me to realize how lucky I was because she was at my side. I just woke up one day and she was already gone. I looked for her everywhere but she was nowhere to be found. She didn’t even leave any single trace leading to where she was. That’s when I told myself, “That serves you right, so don’t act as if you were hurt and broken, you have no single right to feel that way.”

Be a man enough. Be responsible for your mistakes.

My instincts, which I lost along with fame and money, stood after seeing how she stood and continued her walk towards me. If she slaps you, take it. If she would punch you in the face, let her be. If she curses you, just listen to it. Whatever she would do to you, she has all the right in the world to do it. Remember Louie, you’re the one who hurt her. She might be the one who left. But it was you who pushed her to do so. You pushed her away. You pushed her to the point that she didn’t tell anyone. That’s how badly hurt she was and it was all because of you. Yes, you—her best friend, her one great love who is also the same person that gave her the most painful memory.

Ouch! That must have been painful.

I told myself after seeing how she got stuck on the manhole cover. Well, it appeared that her high-heeled shoes were stuck in the gap in the manhole cover. She was busy trying to get out of it, but the more she got stuck. It must have been embarrassing for her since there were people passing by. “Hurry! Louie, this is your time to act like a gentleman. It might not sound so good to hear that you’re rejoicing with her embarrassment. But, fate was just trying to help you this time. You’ve missed all the chances life has given you, so you can hold onto her longer. But now, it’s your time to shine.” I reiterated while speedily running towards her. I kneeled down and helped her get unstuck on the manhole cover. I placed her hands on my head so she wouldn’t get imbalanced. I wiped her shoes and so liked her feet. I helped her wear her shoes again.

I stood up and smiled after finally getting a closer look at her. She was still the same, just like how I first met her in the past. Her smile, her choice of make-up, her face, nothing changed except that her eyes were filled with anger. Well, I shouldn’t be surprised about it. I was the one who placed anger into her eyes. She might not be saying anything, but I could feel her wrath against me. I bet she wanted to kill me right now.

“Are you okay?” I added to break the sudden awkwardness.

“Yes! Of course! I am okay. I was always okay.” She strongly responded.

“Oh! Another change for her,” I told myself. Back then she didn’t talk to me like that. We might have had arguments and misunderstandings in the past, but she was still kind with her words. No matter how much I pissed her off, she never loses her composure. No wonder all our quarrels didn’t last a day. We fixed it right away and we won’t sleep until we’re on good terms. We managed to make our relationship work and it was because of her. All credits belong to her.

“That’s good to hear.” I replied. “Long time no see.” I involuntarily added. “Are you crazy?” I told myself. “Of all the words to say, how come you just spilled those damn words.

“Oh, long time no see.” She simply replied. “Thank you! It was nice seeing you.” She added while turning her back and was about to leave.

“And you’ll just let her go? That easily? How come you haven’t learned anything from the past, Louie?” My instincts added. “After going through all the trouble of what-ifs, would you just let her leave like that? Hold her hands! Quickly! You can’t just let her like that. Not without telling her what you feel all these years. Not without telling her how sorry she has been since then. Don’t be a coward! Fate has already played its part by giving you this chance. Remember, chances only come at once. So, don’t waste it just because you are too ashamed to accept her anger towards you.”

“Wait! I added, grabbing her hands. I was about to say something when she looked at me with what-the-hell look, asking me who gave her the right to touch me. Quickly, I removed my hands from her arms.

“I’m sorry,” I added. I guess I just lost all the words I wanted to tell her. I’ve been waiting for this day to come. But the moment our eyes crossed, she made my mind paralyzed so that I couldn’t think straight ahead. Back then, I never lost my confidence in front of her. Honestly, it was only in front of her that I was free to say what I wanted. I never hesitate nor falter on my words whenever I’m with her. But the five years apart have made a lot of changes, especially that we didn’t parted in good terms. I can’t even stand to look at her eyes. I felt like her eyes were like a mirror, displaying how pathetic, crazy and jerk I was in the past.

“I’m sorry but I just wanted to talk, if you don’t mind,” I uttered. “Finally, you’ve said something good. Whoa! Why is it so hard for you to say those words, Louie? What makes you hesitate this time? Huh!” I told myself.

“I’m sorry but it’s a no.” She quickly declined.

I felt like a whole word had fallen onto my shoulders. But, who am I to feel disappointed? I mean, it was only expected that she would say no. After all, she already has a life—a life without me being part of it. So, why am I expecting to get a yes from her? Why did I have high expectations of myself? “Damn, Louie. That serves you right. Now, you know that you don’t matter to her anymore.” My basher-self reiterated.

“I’m actually meeting someone right now. Honestly, I’m already late for my appointment. I’m sorry.” She explained.

“Really?” My no.1 supporter-self added. “She’s explaining to me which means she wasn’t making excuses just to avoid me. And that’s enough relief. It’s good to hear that I matter to her even a little. She didn’t simply decline. She explained why she couldn’t. And that’s enough for me to hear.

“It’s okay. For sure, there will be a next time. Right?” I added with a huge smile on my face. I don’t know why hearing her explanation makes me happy. But I am happy right now. Happy to the point that I wanted to jump and shout my emotions. But, I didn’t do it. That’s not so cool to look at. Not especially in front of her.

She didn’t respond but I know we will meet again. It might be too early to say that things will be running smoothly between me and her. But it’s not too late to wish for something like that. Just like how our sudden encounter happened after five years of not seeing each other, I know there would be second chances for us to fix what was broken in the past. I don’t know where I got this positivity or if I was just too hopeful of myself and my belief in our love story, but I know she was the woman for me. From the moment I saw her on that bridge, I already knew she was my end game. She was my first and my last. She was my “the-one-that-got-away”. I know it won’t be easy to bring back our happy moments, but this is just the beginning of our story. Our first chapter might end on a bad note, but there was still another chapter to unfold. And this time, I will only write about good memories for her.

“I miss you… so much.” I finally uttered.

She stopped for a minute. I waited for her to turn around. I waited for her to walk towards me. I waited but she didn’t draw closer. Instead, she continued walking. She left as if she didn’t hear anything. And while seeing her back moving away from me, it suddenly made me sad. I saw her back walking away from me, but back then, I wasn’t filled with sadness because I knew she would come back to me on the next day. We will see each other again. But on that day, on the day she texted me and wanted to meet me, on the day I didn’t see her back leaving was the day I regretted the most. I should have come no matter what. Even if she would still leave me on that day, I should seen her and witness, with my own two eyes, her back leaving. But I didn’t go. I didn’t see her because I was too scared to be left behind.

Before that day, we had a huge quarrel. Huge enough that I’ve said mean words to her. And what’s worse, I told her to get out of the house and in my life, forever. I know I was just so overwhelmed with my emotions that I said words I didn’t mean at all. But I should have swallowed my pride back then. I shouldn’t have so high regard for myself that she would come back if I acted a little. I should have been man enough for her, especially on that day. Then maybe she won’t leave me. Then maybe, there was still an “us”.

***

In the bar.

“What?” Phil was in utter shock. “You saw, who? Your ex? Your one that got away? The great Gari Cruz?”

I nodded after taking that shot of wine he poured into my glass.

“So, how was it? How was your first encounter after five years of not seeing each other? How was your reunion? Was there a show in the street? Was there a sudden slap or punch on the face? Did you stumble on the ground?” Phil chuckled as if he was trying to play a joke on my situation.

“Hey! I know I deserved all that and even more. But, I’m sorry there wasn’t a single scene just like what you expected.” I replied.

“I’m sorry it didn’t live up to your expectations. Except that…” I paused for a moment while the incident that happened earlier resurfaced in my memory.

“Except that? Why? Did something happen? Tell me! What is it?” Phil reiterated.

And just like how I was reminded of our first encounter after five years of not seeing each other, the past suddenly crossed my mind. And I couldn’t stop smiling as I was reminded of our first—our very first encounter on the bridge.

***

(Flashback)

Summer of 2007.

It was summer at that time. A typical summer that everyone wants, especially for students like me. Because finally, no more school work, no more assignments and projects and no more sleepless nights cramming for the exam on the following day. But for me, summer was more than that. Because summer was the only time I would see both my dad. My parents were not staying together. I’m the son of my father to another woman, which means I was meant to be hidden. My father was a well-known CEO of a huge corporation in the country. His life was too perfect in front of the public. He got a huge company both run by his wife and his son—my half-elder brother. But just like the idea that there is no such thing as perfect in life, I became a flaw of my father. After knowing his identity, I was bringing bitterness to my heart and I didn’t want to see him, not even during summer. I had been used to the idea that he was dead to me since I was very young. I harden my heart for him. But things changed after mom got sick. He extended help to my mom just to cure her illness. And with power and money, he saved her. At first, it didn’t move me at all. But seeing his effort at playing a father figure to me, unexpectedly opened my heart for him. We started bonding, like how father and son should be. I don’t know what magic he did to me, but I guess I was just too young to easily get swayed by his sweet words. And every summer, I long to see my dad. It was short, but it was the happiest day of my life. That’s how special summer seasons are for me. It was only during those days that I felt like nothing was missing from me. It was only during this time that we became complete as a family. Although I know it was wrong to feel happy about it, because I know dad has his own legal family who has all the rights in the world. But still, even for a short time, I was happy being with him.

But I didn’t expect that a typical summer would be a summer I wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. It was this day that I first met her. The woman that got away. I was sitting on the edge of the bridge on that day trying to get my handkerchief from getting stuck. It wasn’t just a simple handkerchief for me. I was given it by my mom with my name engraved on it. It was more special because she gave the same handkerchief with my dad’s name to him. She carefully engraved it with both our names while she was staying in the hospital for her treatment.

On the way home, I was pulling something out of my pocket when a strong wind blew it, leading it to get stuck on the railing of the bridge. I tried to reach for it but I couldn’t except to sit on the edge of the bridge. But that scene became a misunderstanding by someone passing by. And that day, it was her who unexpectedly passed by and misunderstood what I was doing. Without questions asked, she grabbed my hands, leading us to stumble on the ground.

“Ouch!” She grumbled while staring at her wounded knees.

“No way!” I shouted in despair after seeing how a strong wind blew and carrying my handkerchief on the sea. Instead of asking her

condition, I pushed and shouted at her. “Hey!” with a fierce look in my eyes. I know she was just trying to help, but during that very moment I was too preoccupied to think about it. My whole attention was on my handkerchief, which was gone by the wind because of her. I just walked and left her without saying anything other than, hey.

***

At home.

“Louie? What’s wrong? What’s with the long face, huh?” Mom asked.

“Nothing.” I replied without looking at her in the eyes. I don’t want to spill the truth that I lost the handkerchief she gave to me. I don’t want my mom to be heartbroken because of it. Plus, she’s still in the recovery stage. She can’t afford to get stressed by anything. “I’ll go to my room ahead. I’m quite tired for the day.”

“Sure,” Mom replied. “By the way, dad can’t come tomorrow. He had a meeting overseas. But don’t worry, he will be here as soon as he has finished his commitments abroad. You will have a memorable summer with him,” Mom added.

But I was so anxious about the handkerchief I lost that mom’s bad news about my dad didn’t bother me at all. Before, when I was still at my grade school, I would throw a pit every time dad missed his trip to our place. No matter how valid his excuses were, as a child I became possessive of his time. I felt like since I didn’t get to spend another season with him and it was only one month every year, he should be there as early as possible and his full time should only be with us. I became selfish. But when I grew up, I slowly lost my grip on my dad, especially after that day when his legitimate son came to confront me about something. I was too ashamed to defend myself. After that day, I realized I was too pathetic to think that I had a happy and complete family. Those short summers I spent with my dad are just borrowed moments and were not meant to last for long. And after that day, I slowly release my hopes and expectations of my dad. Missed summer with him became as typical as breathing. Although there are times I caught myself waiting for him, now, I easily accepted all his delays for us.

On the next day, I went to the sea where the handkerchief fell. I tried to search for it. But, it was gone. I guess it was already carried by the waves into a very far place. I was very disappointed in myself. “How come I lost something special that easily?” I murmured while her memory splashes on my mind. "Gosh! How annoying! Why does she happen to pass by on the bridge on that very day? Why, of all people, was it the girl who was busy sticking her nose into other people’s business? Was she stupid? How come she would grab my hands like that, thinking I would jump off the bridge and kill myself? How would I tell my mom about it? For sure, it would break her heart?” I continued talking to myself while walking home feeling disappointed.

But while I was still a distance away, I saw someone in the same position as I was yesterday. I stopped for a while and observed her closely.

“Hey! Don’t get too nosy about other people’s lives, okay? Don’t make the same mistake, just like that girl from yesterday. Plus, why would someone kill herself in daylight? That just doesn’t make sense at all. Just ignore her, okay? You have other problems to fix. So, just focus on that, okay?” I added.

But a part of me doesn’t want to leave yet. Something is bothering me. Something pulled me closer to the girl I saw sitting on the edge of the bridge. “Just go!” I told myself. But my feet won’t listen. My thoughts and my actions were battling inside. And in the end, I was walking closer to her. Well, thank goodness my feet didn’t listen to my mind this time as I was able to pull her and save her right on time.

“Ouch!’ She grumbled.

“Hey! Are you dumb? Why are you trying to end your life in this beautiful spot?” I shouted in despair.

But she just looked at me with a total surprise on her face. Our eyes met and everything froze for a moment, not until she shouted.

“You?” She asked.

“Why? Why, me?” I asked, feeling flustered.

But instead of giving me a thorough explanation, she just laughed like some crazy woman on the street. She was laughing to the point that she couldn’t breathe and was coughing. “Hey!” She added. “You don’t remember me? You didn’t recognize me at all? And, what about the situation we are in right now? Like this?”

“Oh!” I thought came to mind. “It’s you. The crazy woman who drags me suddenly.” I added after recollecting all my thoughts.

“Right! She was the girl who dragged me off of the bridge, leaving my handkerchief to get lost. No wonder, looking at her, it looks familiar.” I told myself. “Crazy!” I silently murmured. But I guess it wasn’t silent enough as she responded to it immediately.

“Hey! I’m not just a crazy woman. I’m your savior, remember?” She strongly uttered. “I just saved you from taking your own life. Have you forgotten?” She explained further.

“What? Me? Taking my own life?” I sounded as if she was telling a bluff and making up stories. “I’m not ending my life or something. I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I proudly added.

“And now, your making me look like I made up stories,” She commented. “I’m not lying. I did see you here. Right on this spot. You were trying to jump off of the bridge. I don’t know what your deal is or what’s going on with your life. But, if I hadn’t arrived, you'd be dead now? And the least you can do is to say thank you. But instead, you pushed and ranted at me. How ungrateful!” She added.

“You’re that girl?” I curiously asked. “You’re the one who suddenly pulled me up?”

“Yes! I’m the one. Your savior.” She proudly commented.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” I laughed endlessly. She misunderstood the whole situation.

“Uh!” She felt flabbergasted. “Hey!” She complained.

“I’m not trying to end my life on that day, okay? I was just trying to keep my handkerchief from getting stuck on the railing.” I added while pointing out the top-most spot of the bridge.

“For real?” She asked.

I nodded. “Yes! Of course! Plus, why would I end my life then? For what reason? I mean, why would someone want to end his life just because life is hard? That person must be crazy!” I smirked. “Life is too good to waste on thinking about taking your own life easily.”

“Hey!” She protested. “How could you say that? You have no right to judge someone’s life. You don’t know what they’re going through.”

“Hey! I’m not judging anyone, okay? And, why are you so defensive, then?” I asked. “Are you not the one who was trying to end her life on this spot? Why are you sitting here as if this is not a dangerous place or something? Are you not the one trying to end her life?” I threw the bait at her.

“No. Of course not.” She quickly replied. “I don’t have any reason to end my life or whatever. I was just following the sun while it was setting. It was very calming to watch so I wanted to witness it up to the last moment. But, I slipped out of my grip and almost fell.”

“Me, neither.” I reiterated.

And we both laughed after realizing how pathetic we were. Just like how kids were, they fight about simple and random things and the following day, they make up as if nothing happened. And after that day, we became friends and each other’s confidants and protectors, although I failed to protect her in the end. And the rest was history.

But, I didn’t expect that a simple encounter brought by a simple misunderstanding would open up a new chapter in my life. A chapter that brought the happiest days of my life. I was happy when I finally met my dad, but meeting her on that day painted the happiest day of my life I never did imagine. Even if it was purely all happiness and good moments, if given the chance, I would still go back on that day—on that day when she used to be mine.