My family's choice

"I love you." There I said it . Well not me, it's the Vodhka. I seriously shouldn't have that much alcohol. On a normal day I don't but hey, it's my graduation day after all. I can have a little fun. Didn't know that that fun will have any sort of consequences. "You do?" His voice comes out in a raspy whisper. I nod looking directly in his eyes so he can see the truth in my eyes. "And not in a platonic way," I add quickly. Nate has been my best friend since diaper days and I've been in love with him since when I knew what falling in love is. I've tried killing my feelings for him but failed everytime. Instead my feelings for him grew more and more. You know the kind of best you've lived with in the same neighborhood, having lunch, sleepovers, basically living with you? That's who Nate has always been. Ever since we were born, we were inseparable. Even when we were about to start college, we stuck to our plan from right when we were in high and moved in together. To make matters worst, I started to notice him more. They way he looks without a t-shirt, how his tanned skin looked. Imaging my hands on his naked chest. I had to make him start wearing shirts in the house. Luckily we had separate rooms, but even at that. One of the reasons that makes me still cling toy feelings for him is the fact that our parents see the probability of seeing their future grandchildren. My parents didn't get to see my 'friendship' with Nate. I was four when they died. They got into a car accident and lost their lives. My uncle James lived in the neighborhood, so I didn't have to stay away from nate when I moved in with them. Eve, my cousin knew about my feelings towards nate. She's been nagging me to just tell him how I feel or just make a move for so long. But you know, the same old fear of spoiling the friendship kept stopping me. I probably should've said something to cover this mess. I was frantically thinking if what to say when Nate spoke up. "I love you, ana, and also not in platonic way!" I barely heard over the sound loud music but when I did smashed my lips with his taking him off guard. He stood still for a few seconds before responding, slowly easing himself and starts kissing me back. The sweet and gentle kiss turned into a rough and passionate kiss demanding more and more. All I think of was 'i did it' I finally did it, I was the happiest person at that moment in time. He finally pulls away, both of us out breath just staring at each other for about two minutes, the world not important at the time. Just us. "Let's take the celebration home" he whispers in a husky voice. I haven't seen this side of Nate before and I was loving it. And I was surely going to learn more about it. Fuck yeah!! I said happily while nodding at the same time. He let me go and I suddenly miss his warmth but I remind my self that I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with him in his arms. Nate and I were at the parking lot we were both laughing. We were both drink and it was probably the best cause I would have been freaking out by now. He steadies himself and was about to start the car when I picked and wanted to text my cousin. She might be my cousin but we're closer than siblings. I'm already too dizzy to type. I only managed to type a word when I heard a loud horn followed by a thud. My eyes snapped open to meet with my ceiling. The last thing I could remember was……. Blood. My eyes remained opened and my mind went blank for a minute, I laid there for good ten minutes before sitting up. Still out of breath. "Another day another night mare" I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom, did my morning business and came out to dress. It has been five years since my graduation day. Three years since I lost my best friend. Three years since I lost the love of my life. I have been having those nightmares ever since that day and I don't want the memories of my best friend to be so… tainted. Today is Eva's wedding, she is starting a chapter of her life. I'm so her happy for her. Although I'm happy for her, I just don't see my self getting married, ever. This is something I've dreamt to do with nate, not anymore. When I lost my best friend that day, I was shattered, I could not focus on anything. Not that I'm fixed now, but I have learned to carry my burden and broken pieces alone. I barely did anything, I had to tell me my self that I had to fulfill the dreams nate had to do with me. That's when I started working and I opened a pet rescue store. He wanted to keep a cat as a pet when we moved into a more spacious apartment. That didn't happen but I found and rescued a cat and brought it home. I glanced at the time and it was 4:00 in the morning, I remove the covers and went to the kitchen. I poured my self a glass of cold water and chugged it down. I arranged my couch and laid down, facing the ceiling, letting go of the tears I let my mind wonder what if the night of the graduation did not happen, would he still be alive? Will I still have Nate beside me? Unable to hold back my tears, I sob and hold my chest, it hurts me so much thinking about it cause I can't help but think it's my fault. If I had not told him I love him and if had not agreed to leave with in a drunken state, he would still be alive with me. ••• My phone ringing wakes me up. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I followed the sound of my phone ringing and went to the room. My screen showed aunt (Eva's mum) Calling me. "Hello auntie".... "Anastasia, where are you!" She sounds pissed. I removed the phone from my ear to check the time, oh my God! It's already 8. "Don't tell me you are not dressed and your way here" she said in a low threatening voice. I was quiet for a second, I didn't know what to say, "better get yourself down here in 30 minute, do I make myself clear!" she yelled. "Yes auntie", she hang up the call and I quickly took a shower, dressed up. My neighbor helps me look after my cat patty, so I dropped her off there and I was off to the venue. I arrived there right on time cause it's my turn for the hair and makeup. An hour later I was done with my hair and makeup, I told the makeup artist that I wanted a natural look and she did not disappoint one but. I looked at the mirror after fitting into my clothes for the wedding "perfect" and I'm off looking for the bride. I was not able to see her when I came in. I searched and could not find her, "where is the bride's room" I asked a butler passing by, "the third room by your right", I thanked him and went to check. Opening the door to the brides I expected to the bride but she was not there. I went to ask auntie if she knew where she was "auntie, where is Eva?" I asked when I saw her by the lobby, "check the fitting room, she must be there and tell her to be quick the groom is waiting". I rushed into the fitting room and found her staring at herself in the mirror she didn't hear me come in, I also noticed she was a bit sad and lost in thought. It could just be the wedding nerves and all that stuff. I went up to her and hugged her from the back bringing her back to earth "are you thinking of how your wedding night is going to be?" I teased. With a smile she turned to face me, "of course not" she blushed. We started at each for a while and then spoke up "you look beautiful Eva" "Thank you" she replied "but I need something to eat before I go, something to eat" She smiled sheepishly. I rolled my eyes "you and food…um…let me get you something light and we'll go, no more excuses," I said as I hurriedly went to look for some snacks for her. Finally found some chips and hurriedly went back to give her so we can leave, auntie has called me at least ten times now on the phone. I came back and Eva is not there "Eva!" I checked the bathroom and she isn't there. I then went to her bedroom I looked and she was not there. I scan around only to see the bride's wedding gown on the floor and a note beside it. I picked the note and instantly froze with the content inside.