The Subtle Way of Letting Go

Chapter 9

After that day Ethan was back to being worse. I thought he was becoming okay because he’s going to his classes. I though he’s slowly accepting it. But I thought wrong. I badly wanted to help him but he is not letting me. He wants to fight the battle alone.

It’s been a month and a half after they broke up but nothing changed. Ethan was still a mess. We finished our finals and Ethan did not take his. I heard from his professor that he dropped his subjects. He’s parents are so worried about him but he’s not talking to them as well.

“Andi, can you please talk to Ethan? We tried to talk to him but he won’t let us. We are so worried about him.” Her mother talked to me while sobbing. She went to me that day because no matter how hard they try Ethan just won’t talk to them. They don’t know what’s going on with him.

“I’ll try my best tita. He’s not talking to me either. He’s not replying to my texts and he’s not answering my calls. But I won’t stop until he talks to me.” I told her.

“Thank you, Andi. Thank you.” she hugged me before leaving.

I went to Ethan’s house again. I promise to never give up on him. I promised that I’ll be right here. That I’ll never leave him. I know he needs help. He just doesn’t know how to get help. I know he’s lost and he needs to be found. I’ll help him find himself.

I was in front of his room and was contemplating on whether to knock or not. Will he open the door this time? Or will he not let me in again?

I was about to knock when the door suddenly opened. I was shocked with what I saw. He’s not the same Ethan I knew. He looks so different. He looked like someone who doesn’t take a bath. His hair is so long. His eyes are so swollen.

“Hey.” He said to me. Even his voice sounds so tired.

“Hey!” I said. “I just wanted to check on you.”

He didn’t say anything. Must’ve been lost for words just like me.

He led me inside his room. I was even more shocked to see his room. It was a mess. Beer cans scattered on the floor. He noticed my reaction at and immediately picked them up.

He sat down his bed and grabbed his hair backwards.

“I’m sorry, Andi. I know I have said a lot of awful things to you. I don’t know why I said those words to you. My minds a mess. I am a mess.” He said to me. He looked so frustrated.

“Hey, It’s okay.” I went near him. Trying to calm him down. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean what you said. I know that it wasn’t you who’s talking that time.” I tried to comfort him.

He began crying again as soon as I said that. “I begged her. I begged her Andi. I told her to tell me the things that she doesn’t like and I’ll change. If she just needs time, I’m willing to wait. I knelt in front of her. I was hoping that I could change her mind.” He was sobbing. I can feel his pain. If only I could get even half of the pain he’s feeling. “But a man showed up. It turned out that his ex-boyfriend returned. Maybe that’s the reason why she left me. She still loves him. She apologized to me.”

I felt so much pity for Ethan. But I didn’t let him see that. To be pitied is the last thing he wants now. Why does love have to so complicated? Why does it have to be so painful?

“Dammit Andi. She made me look like a fool. She made me feel that she loves me but the moment that jerk returned she just let go of me. She can easily let go of me because of him. Andi it hurts. It fuckin’ hurts.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just cried with him.

“I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Andi help me. I don’t want to drown anymore.” He looked at me while he pleaded me. His are eyes are begging me. You can see how exhausted he is and he wants to let go of all the things that’s weighing him down.

“I’m here. I won’t leave.” I assured him. I held his hand. “When you feel weak, I’ll be strong for you. If you want to escape the world, tell me, I’ll come with you. If you need to let everything out, I’ll listen. I can’t feel even half of what you’re feeling right now but I still want to let you know that I’m willing to be with you in this battle. Just don’t let go of my hand.” I tapped his back. He cried his heart out that day. I just let him.

It was still our vacation and I wanted Ethan to enjoy it that’s why I kept dragging him anywhere I could think of.

“Wake up sleepy head. We’re going somewhere.” I kept on waking him up but he won’t budge.

“Andi it’s too early.” He covered his face with a pillow.

“Ethan come on. We have to go somewhere.” I still did not give up on waking him up. It was just 6am. He covered his entire body with the blanket.

“Still wouldn’t wake up eh? Hold on.” I tickled his feet since I know it’s a sensitive part for him. He’s very ticklish there.

“Andi what the heck. Stop it. Come on, stop it. I’ll wake up just stop it.” He kept on begging me to stop. Huh, I guess I won (insert victory laugh). He was glaring at me. I know I cut short his sleep. But he’ll thank me later.

“Wear comfortable clothes. Wear robber shoes.” I shouted because he was taking a shower. I went down and decided to wait for him there. I had a small talk with tita Mean and she keeps on thanking me because she can see Ethan slowly getting back to normal.

He quickly showered and changed. He wore a white shirt and a jogging pants and like I ordered him to do he was wearing robber shoes. We bid our goodbye to tita Mean and quickly went into the car. I put the address on Waze and then he drove to the destination.

“What is it this time? Where are we going?” He still can’t get over the fact that he was disturbed in his slumber.

“Don’t ask. It’s a surprise. You’ll love it I promise.”

We’ve been traveling for hours. This grumpy guy right here keeps on complaining. We had to stop a fast food because our tummies are grumbling. We hadn’t eaten breakfast yet.

“The next time you’ll drag me into this, you drive.” He was still pissed off because it’s been hours but we’re not yet there. “You woke me up so early in the morning and let me drive for hours, you pay for this.” He still kept on blabbering. I can’t help but laugh at his reaction.

“Hahahaha. Your face says it all. Can’t move on yet? Trust me you’ll thank me later.” I was laughing so hard because of how annoyed his face is.

“Go on. Continue laughing. You’re enjoying this don’t you? I’ll have my revenge. Be prepared.” Then he laughed like a maniac in a movie. I was savoring the moment. This feels great.

We finally reached our destination. I pulled him to register ourselves.

“You woke me up so early and let me drive this far to climb a mountain?” I was grinning at him.

We rented a tour guide because we might get lost in the trail. We bought gloves and hat at the store since we did not bring any. We also bought water.

The tour guide guided us up. This is so exhausting. Why did I even think of this? The trail is so steep.

“Hold on for a minute. I can’t breathe. Let’s rest for a bit. 5 minutes.” I was catching my breath while talking.

We stopped by a big rock. There’s a big tree above it so there’s a shade.

“You want to give up? You signed up for this?” Ethan was laughing at me now. I will never let him win. I still have the last laugh. (Insert Evil Laugh)

“I’m just recharging myself. I still have a lot of energy left. Let’s go. Lead the way.” With matching hand gestures. I was referring to the tour guide.

It took us three hours to finally reach the top. It’s not really a joke to climb a mountain. Why did I even think of this? I felt like my body is going to be sore after this.

We finally reached the top and after we saw the view all the hard work climbing up was worth it. The tour guide offered to take photos of us. We posed for a wacky picture. Then just a simple thumbs up. We asked for a photo that’s showing our back. It’s like we’re both looking at the scenery. For our last photo, Ethan put his arms around me and I looked at his smiling face. It warms my heart to see that his smiles are genuine now. I can see sunshine on his face again.

There’s tree branch that’s bended near the cliff. We decided to stay for a few more minutes and admire the view. We helped ourselves with how amazing the scenery was. The tour guide left us for a bit so that we can enjoy our privacy, he said. He might have thought we were a couple. Oh, how I hope.

“You can shout now.” I said. Ethan looked at me confused after I said that. I looked at him.

“you can let out the things that are weighing you down. They say that if you shout it all out, it somehow lessens the pain.” I smiled at him. He looked at me one more time and then nodded at me. He walked near the cliff and the shouted it all out.

“ONE DAY I’LL FORGET ABOUT YOU JILL!! THIS PAIN I’M FEELING WILL BE GONE. I WILL LEARN TO BE HAPPY AGAIN WITHOUT YOU. I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE.” Ethan shouted with all his might.

“how are you feeling?” I asked him after. Then he hugged me.

“Thank you, Andi. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for not giving up on me even when I was on the verge of giving up on myself. I don’t know what could’ve happened to me if you weren’t there.” He hugged me so tight.

“I told you before and I’m telling you again now. I’ll never leave you. Even if the whole world gave up on you, I’ll never let you go. You have me. You’ll always have me.” As I hugged him back.