Second Chance Lover

I stared at the screen in shock, unable to move. The name flashing on the screen. How could it be so crippling? It was just a name. It had taken me a long six months to not flinch whenever the name was mentioned and now…now it was haunting me. I looked at my phone screen once again to make sure I wasn’t dreaming and all I saw was the name Rix Cross flashing on the screen. I pinched myself to double check. Ouch that hurt, so no, not a dream. I had not been brave enough to open the message and read it. Rix and I were a couple for a year and then one day he just ended it all. I hadn’t taken it so well, and now, after nearly 9 months, I was finally starting to be me, to be happy with the new way of life. So why….why now, 9 months later, does he have something to say? He has blocked me on all forms of social media; he doesn’t make eye contact or turns and walks the other way when we see each other in public…. This doesn’t make sense. I take a deep, steady breath and control my shaking. Should I read it or should I just delete it? I push my phone aside and sit on the end of my bed with a million things rushing through my mind. I contemplate ringing my best friend, Emma Roberts or Em as she prefers to be called, but she is busy studying for mid-terms. It’s at that moment I make my decision. I have to read the message, of course, or I will never be able to concentrate on studying, which I had been procrastinating about. My hand starts to tremble as I reach for my phone. I’m hoping again that this is all a dream and the message has disappeared. I grab my phone, take a deep breath and look at the screen. Here goes nothing. I click on the name and up pops the message. Three words, 8 letters, leave me an emotional wreck. What the heck do I do now? I can’t fight it anymore, I need my life support. I bring up my contact list, plug in the name and press call. 6 very long rings later they pick up and the voice that greets me is my saviour. Em knows straight away that something isn’t right; she has a weird sixth sense. “Danni, what’s wrong? What’s happen? Take a deep breath and start at the beginning”. I never understood how she does it but I did what she said. I took a deep breath then slowly started telling her the event that had occurred. Silence…I had finished the story and all I got from the end of my phone was silence. I pulled it away from my ear and checked the screen to make sure I hadn’t accidentally hung up on her… Nope, she was still there, although if it wasn’t for the call info displayed on the screen I wouldn’t have known. “Em, are you still there? Earth to Em”. Still no answer, I knew at that moment she was in shock like I had been moments ago. “Did you reply Danni?” she said. “I rang you straight away Em, I don’t even know how to reply to that , like wtf, so much stuff is going on in my head right now” was my reply. “I’m coming over, give me 30 minutes. Don’t say anything till we have talked this through” Em said. “ OK, see you soon” was my reply as Em hung up the phone. I place my phone on my bed and sit down by my open book from my earlier attempts at studying. I may as well take my mind off this situation and study till Em gets here. Ten minutes passed and I had read the same paragraph about five times. Heaven help me, this is a nightmare and clearly wasn’t working. All my mind wants to do is wander to that day. August 1st, 2019, started like all normal days. I woke up, checked my phone and saw I had my daily wake up text from my boyfriend. Morning babe, c u soon ILY I sent my reply text Morning babe, ilyt c u soon xox. After that comes your typical morning routine: dress, eat, teeth, pack lunch and get ready for school. Em walks to school with me most days and today was one of those days. She knocked on my door at the normal time and I yelled a quick good bye to mum on my way out. Em and I wait at the gate for our friends to arrive at school. My boyfriend arrives first, this is a little odd for Rixon as he prefers to sleep in for as long as possible and normally only just makes the first bell. He has a big smile on his face and sweeps me up in a big hug then kisses me on the forehead. Poor Em, standing beside me, looks away down the street looking for a friend to save her from this cringe fest. I smile back at Rixon, give him a peck on the cheek and ask him why he is so happy today. “It’s just going to be a great day” was his reply. Well I couldn’t argue with that as my morning was perfect so far. Slowly all our friends gather and we catch up on all the drama that had happened in our lives. We are cut short by the bell. Rixon sweeps me up in one big hug and says “see you later baby” then let’s me go and runs off to class. I stand there for a moment taking in the hug. I can still feel him. I head to class. I’m sitting in class watching two seniors arm wrestling when my phone vibrates. It’s from Rixon. I open it and read. The tears instantly roll down my face. One of the guys arm wrestling instantly stops and stares at me, then I feel every pair of eyes doing the same. Someone asks “who died?” and another asks “What’s happened, you look like you seen a ghost”. I couldn’t reply, it hadn’t even registered people were talking. I just keep reading the text over and over in my head. Hey DJ, I need some space, time to think, it’s not you it’s me. I’m sorry. The rest of the day I walked through my classes like a zombie. Every corner I walked around Rixon was there; he just looked at the ground and turned around walking the other way. My friend told me he saw Rixon leave school at recess and looked very agitated. I broke down to Em and my group; I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was in shock and felt like I was actually dying. How could life change so much in such a short period of time. One moment we were each other’s world and now, now my life had fallen apart. I didn’t know how to be me without Rixon. Neither one of us were overly popular; and we had our own friend groups, but we were each other’s light. It had taken Em and the others a while to warm up to him in the early stages and like all young love, they didn’t see it lasting. But after a year of having someone around he became like family to them, and of course he was mine and they liked him because I did. Ever since that day though his friend, Cole, had always kept in touch either via i********: or Snap chat. I think I had become family to his friends as well. Present Day – A suddenly fast jolt on my bedroom door snaps me out of my day dream as I see Em rushing into my room. “Thank you Mrs Burrows, yes I will tell Dannielle and my mum”. She yells back through the doorway. I look at her with a puzzling look. It is not often Em will call me by my first name; it is an unwritten rule between us. Nicknames only, but full names came out either when we were in trouble or speaking to parents. “Your mum invited me to stay if it was ok with you and my mum” Em said. “I hope you have messaged you mum then” I replied. “Already done” Em said as she sat down beside me. She looks at the open book and instantly closes it and puts it aside. She knows too well no work will get done tonight. Em stares at me for a moment and then embraces me in a tight suffocating bear hug. At that very moment my phone dings and we both jump. We simutanously look at each other, then the phone, then at each other, then the phone again. I reach for it but my hand is beaten to it by Em. She reads the screen and then looks at me with a puzzled look....uh oh. I hadn't told her what the three words were he said to me. I couldn't, it hadn't registered at the time in my mind what I was reading. But the look she gave me now, this was something else. “OK Danni, so he has requested to follow you on insta, what you think?” What did I think. “I don't know Em, I'm in two minds right now. You still follow him though right?” “ yes I do, and do you know how hard it is not to hit him up right now” Em said abuptly. “I know, I know it's hard Em, you saw the effect the break up had on me and how he effects me, I'm sorry.” “Danielle Burrows, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for, we are best friends, have been for how long now. It is what I do and as I said then and I'll say it now..something happened to that boy for him to go cold just like that. I don't know what he messaged you or what he's playing at but we will get to the bottom of this.” I couldn't say anything in reply so I just hugged her and suggested we did some investigating. We had both decided I will follow him on Insta. Then we saw his stories. All of them were indirectly aimed at me. Lyrics from popular songs like “When I was your man” by Bruno Mars, which was a favourite of mine and he knew it. “Em, the text, those three words, they were I.....” I didn't get to finish, mum called us for dinner. We both started laughing as we made our way to dinner. Sitting at the table, I look around at my famiy. My younger brother Jonathan James , mainly known as JJ, he is 10 years old and drives me crazy with his attitude, but I got to love him. Next to JJ is mum, she is handing out the plates and organising us all. As an events cooridnator she's always organising and bossing someone around her, kids or colleagues. My step dad Nolan, joins the table, he is JJ's real dad. Next to him is the sister I choose, Em. Nolan picks up the roast lamb and offers it to Em with a smirk on his face. He knows full well that Em is a vegetarian. Em has a disgusted look on her face and laughs hitting Nolan lightly on his arm. Those two get on well and joke all the time. I heard him once tell his friend he had two daughters. Danni and Em. She truly is part of this family. We all talk about our day and our plans for the weekend. It's my turn now and I skim over the weirdness that was today and keep to the normal stuff. Em places a comforting arm on me and leans in for a side hug. Mum and Nolan aren't suspicious as it is us. We do stuff like that all the time. Once we finish eating JJ, Em and I do paper ,scissors, rock to see who washes, dries and puts away the dishes. JJ wins and chooses to put away, I come second and knowing Em likes to wash I choose to dry. We get this done at lightening fast pace. We have stuff to do. Back in the sanctuary of my bedroom, Em and I get comfy on the bed and pull out my laptop. Em looks at me when I'm turning it on. “So , come on tell me, I've been waiting all dinner to hear the words.” I gulp, she's right, I was going to tell her what the text said. I mean I can tell her, the words don't mean anything right? I take a big breath and exhale “I miss you.” There it's said. That wasn't that hard now was it. “Excuse me, Danni, what did you say?” comes Em's reply. “I miss you. That is what the text said”. Ems face is full of thought. I blurt out a chain of questions at lightening speed. “It means nothing aye”; “he obviously texted the wrong person”; “why does he still have my number”; “does he think of me still.” So many questions and no answers to any. “Woah, back up the bus girl. Let's just stop and think for a minute.” That's my Em, the method to my madness. “To answer your questions yes it means something, I think he messaged exactly who he wanted to and I believe he kept your number for the same reason you still have his.” Em replied while pulling up every social media site we had between us. The reason why I still had his number was for those moments where I wanted to talk to him but couldn't. Those moments where I would type a big long paragraph, expressing every feeling I had then delete it all because I couldn't send it. “What are you doing?” I asked Em as she was switchinng between screens. “Investigating Rixon” was her reply. After a half hour of stalking Rixon online and not coming up with much Em couldn't hold back anymore. As I scrolled Spotify for the perfect song she typed a message. “Done” she said “and now we wait.” The look on my face must have been one of horror because Em replied “I'm talking to him from my account, I couldn't hold it in anymore”. A sharp notification shocked me to the core and I jumped. Then she whispered “he replied”. Em let out a very loud awww sound. Oh no what had he said. Em turned the screen towards me, indictating that I had to read it. Did I want to though, was my heart going to be torn in half again. I shook my head and glanced away. “Danni, it's ok I promise, as your best friend I don't want to see you hurt.” Em knew exactly my deepest fear and how to comfort me. I took a deep breath and started to read. Em's message to him made me grin little. Hey Rix, WTH game are you playing at. Who the lucky lady all your insta stories are for or do I have to guess. If it is for who i'm thinking of, why now ...why not ages ago . She can be so direct sometimes maybe that what I loved about her. I braced for his reply Hey Em, Oh you saw those huh? You can guess who it's about and you would be right. It is about the most prefect girl in the world. Stuff happened, I made a huge mistake and I have lived with my stupid decision ever since. It's been 9 long months. I'm soooo sorry Danni, I know you are with Em, and I know you don't want to hear from me but please can we talk. My jaw drops open and I just sit there staring at the screen. My eyes start to sting and next thing I know my whole body starts sobbing. I feel the warm embrace but do not register what has happened. My heart is racing a million miles a hour and my brain hurts from trying to process all the information in the one sentence. My whole body betrays me. I have flashbacks to when we were together. All the things we had gone through. Most of them good , and when my life turned to custard he was there. We knew each other. Like he knew I would be with Em. I snap out of it and I'm drawn back to the now. Em is shaking me saying my name soft but sharp. I open my eyes and meet hers. She raises a hand to wipe away a tear “We will work this out together.” I just nod. I knew she was right, we always work through things. I had survived worst. “Em, I have an idea, he knows I'm with you because we always were. However, he doesn't know one of his friends got closer to me when we broke up.” I spoke in a whisper. Em knew a little about Cole but not everything. I had to reveal our friendship in order to solve this. Em gave me a perplexed look “Cole, I need to call him.” This earnt another perplexed look so I started at the beginning. That day, the one were my heart was completely torn in two, something weird happened. I gained an unusual friend. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that it happened but I'm pretty sure you normally lose friends, or “their” friends during a break up. Cole was Rix best friend and we had gotten on and talked for the fact I was dating Rixon. So when I got a message on i********: at lunch asking if Rix was with me I knew something was up. My friend had said they saw Rix leave at recess but I couldn't confirm. When Em was filling everyone in on the details of the morning events I sent back a message to Cole. “Umm yeah.....no he not with me and never will be, so maybe you should message him, apparently he left at recess.” “Danni, where are you? WTF is happening? We need to talk” I didn't respond, I couldn't. We didn't have any classes together for the rest of the day so I didn't see him. The next day was different. Physical Education with Rix and Cole then Science with Cole. PE was torture. Rix had some excuse and got out of class and Cole kept looking at me. It's like he was checking I was ok but from afar. Science is when Cole spoke. “Is this seat taken?“ he asked, placing his hand on the seat beside me. “Even if I say yes you are going to sit anyway” was my snappy reply. I knew it was harsher then intended but he was just going to defend his friends actions right? “I will leave if you want Danni, I know you probably want space and I'm the last person you want to talk to.” Cole wasn't a hundred percent correct with his reply as I really didn't know what I wanted and spent most of my day in a trance. “No it's fine, you can sit there” I responded nicer this time. “Thanks, and Jett told me what happened, I....” The look I gave him stopped him from finishing his sentence. Jett was in my friend group. Why did he only find out from my friend and not Rix. We sat together in comfortable silence. He knew I wasn't in any frame of mind to talk. Since that day we have talked via social media and in class. It started out with him checking I was ok and to tell me how much of a d**k Rix was, then we could talk about anything. We slowly became close friends. I now consider Cole my best guy mate, although only one other person knew, Ems, and she was only finding out the full story now. I picked up my phone and went to i********:. I sent a message to Cole hoping he would help us answer some questions. While we waited for the reply Ems did some more investigating. A new post popped up on her screen. She looked at it, then looked at me. Oh god, what now? Ems must of seen what I was thinking because she acted like nothing happened and kept scrolling. After another 5 long minutes my phone beeped, giving us a heart attack once again. “Ems it's Cole” I said . I gave her that you sure we should do this look. “We need answers Danni” was Ems reply. I sent a another text to Cole. “Hey Cole, I'm sorry to disturb you, Ems and I need your help with a situation are you able to come over?” A few moments later his reply “Umm i'm not sure D, I have a friend over at the moment. They surprised me with a visit so I feel rude asking them to leave.” That was a weird text from Cole. Why? Because Cole would normally reply with the name of his friend and he never calls me D. I read Cole's reply to Ems. She didn't think anything of it, just that he was busy. We still didn't have answers and I desperately needed some . The main one was why? I took a look through my i********: and went to Rix profile, seems we decided to follow him. That's when I saw the post Em saw before. The post was him apologising to the love of his life, the one that got away. He was saying how he had to make amends for hurting people in the past. There were photos of people he had hurt. At the start were a couple of friends, and then I saw a photo of Cole and Rixon – it was time stamped with today's date. No way, is that why Cole couldn't help, it not possible is it? I looked at Ems, we both looked at each other. What the hell was going on. I kept flicking through the photos till I stopped frozen staring at the screen. Ems noticed the tears falling from my eyes instantly. It couldn't be.....But.....I was staring at a picture of Rix and I dressed up for a party from when we were dating. He had altered it to have hearts on the picture. My poor heart. FLASHBACK I was getting ready for Molly McKenna's party. Mols was a good friend of Ems and mine. I was putting my hair in curls while singing and dancing like a lunatic to Shawn Mendez. I think my family thought I was crazy. My phone rings and I answered to hear my bestie “I'm leaving in 10 minutes Danni, I'll see you soon. I bet you look amazing. Rix is a lucky man” Ems said. I rolled my eyes and said “see you soon”. I continued to do my hair and makeup. This party was going to be the first one I have been to where Rix and I were official and it was a formal one so I wanted to impress. My door opened swiftly and in danced Ems. She always has this aura about her. I laughed at her as she took my hand and spun me. I finished up and turn to her and said “so how I look?” That earnt me a eye roll. “If Rix doesn't give you your first kiss tonight then I will” “Umm ok haha” I said blushing bright red. My little brother came in and said I was a princess and then gave me a big hug and kiss then we left. Mum stopped us and gave the usual speech “look after each other, dont get into trouble and message me when you get there etc” We run to the car giggling, we were so excited for tonight. On the way to the party we were taking photos and talking about the night ahead, we were meeting Rixon and some of our other friends at the party. Em made me laugh by acting out how she saw Rix reaction to seeing me all dressed up. I was thankful for the distraction from the butterflies in my stomach. We arrive at the party, and my heart is beating out of my chest. I am a little socially awkward at parties and there were already a few people here. We get out of the car and Em takes my hand trying to calm my nerves. We walk towards the back yard, where the music is bumping and lots of laughing and talking comes from. As we get closer we see eyes looking at us, everyone knew we had arrived. Then we see one person standing completey still, mouth open and staring straight at us. Em giggled “I didn't predict that reaction, it's even better than what I thought.” Rixon then snaps out of his shock and approaches slowly. “Omg Danni, you look amazing, I am so lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend.” He then kisses my forehead and places a arm around my waist. OML this boy will be the death of me. Em, Rixon and I then continue to mingle with the rest of the party goers and surprisingly enjoy the night. The end of the night was the part to remember. We were starting to leave saying goodnight to Mols and thanking her for having us. Rixon walks us to the car but stops me and pulls me aside. Em kept walking she knew what was happening but I didn't. Rixon whispered to me how he had a great night, how amazing I looked and how he will message me to make sure I get home safely. Then he learnt in and gave me the most amazing first kiss a girl could have. I was floating on air. Did that actually jus t happened. It took me ages to register that I had just been kissed. As I touched my lips with my fingers I remember how this picture had so many memories, did he have more from when we were together. Em was staring at me, she could see on my face how much that night meant to me. Is this why he posted that picture. “I didn't want to say anything before Danni, because I knew it would bring back memories” Em said. “It ok Em, I'll be ok, I just need answers.” It was time to hatch a plan and to get answers. Em and I thought for the rest of the night on how we were going to get the answers and I slowly realised I will have to face Rixon. The next morning felt normally, like the events of the past day didn't happen.