The 1st - Daughter

What would be in it for me? Living in a shady part of my father's world. He's the only person I admire, after my mother left and my brother died. No one was ever going to be there for my father. I saw how broken he was when my brother got shot, he was scared just even looking at me. He never look at me after what happened, he may have believed that I am like a fragile porcelain doll that even a slight touch would break me and that I will be exiled from this world if he gets close to me but I was never close to that, I heared a knock on the door and it opened. "Harper, your father wants to see you." I looked at my father's consoliegne and closed the book I was reading, I am disassociating myself again from the reality of my father's life. The incident happened 2 years ago and since then I never saw my father in his physical form only his sillouhette and his disappaering scent. I followed Matt in my father's study, straightening up my dress and taking a lot of deep breaths. After 730 days of not seeing my father, a thought came into my mind that he may not recognize me or I may not recognize him or worst, I may not feel anything even the memories I had with him as a child, but Matt had a different thought as he look at me when we stopped in front of an old oak double door, I remember how I would rush into this room when I was still little even when my father had visitors. He would let me sit on the chair beside him and he let me listen. I was no ordinary child he said, I always hear him say to his brothers, as I hear him mention each person's name in the room. It amazes me each time he was with his brothers and I am there with him, how close the bond was. They look scary for a normal 7years old child, but growing up with them, they are family. Like Matt for instance, he's been with us ever since my father was still a college boy, then they laugh. "Your father may see you now, Harper." I heared the door opened from the inside and saw two guys standing in each side of the door, they smiled at me so I smiled back at them, they are Carlito and Camillo, twins if my memory serves me right, they were grandpa's nephews, Uncle Pueblo would be so happy if he sees them with us. I roam my eyes around every corner of the room, everything changed. It had a comforting aura before, but now it's different, lights became dimmed and the windows are closed shut with only a little amount of sunlight can penetrate inside. The door closes as I approach closer to my father's chair, he is not here. Only his disappearing scent again, smells like sandalwood, my mother's favorite scent when she was pregnant with my brother, as they would say. "You may take a sit, Harper." Those words, that voice, that silk raspy voice of my father, it has been a while since I heared that again, it was different because his voice too had changed. The sweetness has worn out and only the firm and commanding ringing of sound is all I can hear from his voice, I feel like my father died with my brother that day. I brought my eyes to meet his and there I saw the father I always wanted to have time with. He looks pale but strong, those sharp eyes and a firm looks, gives me the chills, maybe he's not my father anymore, he looks lost. "You summoned me, Papa." I took the sit at the front of his desk while he stand back again facing his back at me while looking out the windowm, arms crossed behind his back. "It's your cousin's wedding, Milla, I want you to help her with the preparation and everything she needs." "Of course, papa." Facing me with worried look, I gave him a small smile. Have you been in that room full of strangers? Where you just wanna run away because it is so awkward, that's how our conversation is happening right now. Full of brittle cold tone as he approached closer to me and kiss me on top of my head. "I miss you, Cara Mia." He whispered. The difference between the strength of my father and the strength of my uncles is that my father's strength comes from his family. He was never too shy to tell it to us and be seen in the public. Family is family. "I miss you too, Papa." I hugged him tight and just smelled the aroma I grew up with, he caress my back and he held me tight before he let go with a sigh. "I am deeply sorry for not being a father to you for all these time, Cara Mia." He looked at me in the eyes and gave me a sad smile. I was once a craving full of tantrum little kid but when everything happened, I had fully understand the situation. And matt? He never left me out of the business, he always talked to me about the situation and I understood my father. "It's okay papa, you are here now." I also give my father a kiss on the cheeks as I stood up, today made me realized a lot of things, if I choose to be with my mother, I wouldn't have had understood the situation my father is in. I wanted to help him so bad of what is bothering him. I walk out of the room and as the door closes I took the breath I was holding in, I never expected it to be that short but sweet conversation to happen. I smiled to myself, maybe it's another day to start a new with my father.