My love is an ice block

Noticed

Five years ago, Tessah Miller walked into my office carrying a folder against her chest as if she had not just arrived three minutes early to an interview she had no business being nervous about.

"Good day sir, I'm Tessah Miller, your secretary" she introduced herself after dropping the neatly arranged documents on my desk. She revealed a smile, too bright maybe but it wasn't particularly dazzling, nor was it the kind that demanded attention, almost instinctive.

She wore a pair of round glasses that sat delicately against the bridge of her nose, framing an oval-shaped face that was softer than the rest of her appearance suggested.

Her hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail exposing the graceful curve of her neck and the small earrings tucked beneath the strands that had escaped near her temples.

The black suit fitted her body perfectly all with her heels.

"Miss Miller?"

"Yes sir?" she answered with a smile.

A smile? I was aware that one would smile when happy or excited. Was she happy to work with me or just professional?

I didn't like the smile nor did I hate it.

It was simply something I found myself noticing.

Especially because of what happened to her face whenever I spoke.

"Have these reports completed before noon"

Her smile disappeared, not dramatically, she simply pressed her lips flat and gave a small nod, her eyes dropping briefly to the document

"Understood"

I noticed.

The days ahead, I would say something deliberately curt and her eyebrows drew together.

When she got complimented for the organization of a report she had prepared, the corner of her mouth lifted before she seemed to realize she was smiling.

It became an unconscious habit.

Her face wasn't the type to hide any emotion, no matter how she tried to hide it.

A slight tilt of her head when she was confused.

A faint narrowing of her eyes when she disagreed with my sayings but was too professional to say so.

The almost imperceptible tightening of her jaw when irritated.

The way her shoulders relaxed when a difficult task was finally finished accompanied with her smile.

I began to recognize it's different versions.

There was the polite smile she gave clients. The tired smile she wore after particularly long days.

Then there was the genuine one, the rare smile that reached her eyes and made her forget for a brief moment, I was her employer.

I didn't quite understand why I remembered and recognized all of them cause I naturally couldn't but I'd notice things that should have been insignificant.

The faint tapping of her fingers against a folder while she waited for me to finish a phone call.

The way she would stand perfectly straight whenever she entered my office even after working for hours.

I knew the sound of her heels before I saw her.There was a particular rhythm to them against the polished floor of the corridor.

Her footsteps sharper and more impatient when she was busy.

when she was tired, they became slower. When she was carrying too many files, the rhythm became uneven.

Sometimes, I would unconsciously look up from hearing those familiar footsteps and she would appear moments later.

Tessah was indeed efficient, reliable and meticulous to an extent.

She never forgot an appointment.

Never arrived unprepared.

If there was a change in a schedule without warning, she'd adjust it without complaint.

she deserved a holiday, a break. true, but I'm too greedy to let her out of my sight.

Saturday was remarkable. She had no glasses, no ponytail. just her shaking the burdens away on the dance floor.

The drunk Tessah was talkative and brutally honest.

Bringing the Saturday events was indeed interesting to watch unfold from her point of view. Her reactions were vivid to the point where I almost smiled, almost. Especially after the mentioning of a kiss that never happened.

We never kissed but I said we did proving to myself how messed up I am.

so maybe I did have my eyes on Tessah Miller.

****

My morning has already begun to feel like a punishment and so was my day.

The living room's bulb blew up while I was doing some cleaning, getting them fixed had taken too much of my time and I had a meeting to attend this morning. I had to be there an hour before Karl and prepare the car to take us.

I dressed up in a hurry taking whatever shoe came into my hand. The shoes were the second offense of the day. They were beautiful and fitted perfectly in the morning but later in the day, the narrow heels pressed against my feet with every step.

squeezing my toes until even standing still for a second became an exercise in endurance.

I had considered taking them off twice this morning but still had to move around here and there.

The cramps didn't help either being that time of the month.

A dull ache had settled low in my abdomen since morning, the kind that came in waves and tightened without warning. I had learned to ignore it cause there was no room in my schedule for pain.

So I endured it or so I thought.

The meeting came to an end by 4pm and we rode back to JS with me at the front seat, chen the driver and Karl who sat at the back.

Back at the company, I followed him, trying to keep up with his pace as usual with my eyes on my shoes. Could not wait to get to my desk, take these shoes off and put on my slippers.

I didn't notice Karl ahead who had stopped leading to me colliding into Karl Abit too hard.

"oh..." my words died when I instinctively stepped backwards and my heel caught beneath me.

For one horrying second, I felt my left ankle twist sideways beneath the restrictive shoe. A sharp, viscous pain shot through my feet.

Immediately, my other hand reached desperately for the nearest support which was Karl with his already extended hand which caught me by my arm before I could fall.

"Are you alright, miss Miller?"

I barely heard him.

The pain had become everything.

Then the cramps struck again. Hard.

My abdomen clenched so violently that I instinctively folded slightly forward clutching his sleeves. It was almost unbearable, the throbbing pain in my ankle colliding with the deep, twisting cramps in my stomach.

(Not now God, please not now. not in front of people, especially him) I thought with my eyes closed.