Blessed & Broken

Chapter 4

 3 Years Later

Since graduating high school, my life had turned into a whirlwind of adult busyness. I was entering my senior year of college, studying early education and I loved everything about it. Excitement filled my being as I was able to start student teaching this year. For as far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to teach. Now my dreams that I worked so hard for were finally coming true.  I also kept my waitressing job for extra income.  I was still living at home with my mom which just worked out well for both of us. Basically, had the house to myself most of the time.

My mom started dating about a year back and now was seeing a man named George. He was a semi-retired entrepreneur who had never been married or had any kids. I had mixed emotions about their relationship. It hurt me to see her with another man who was not my father, but it felt good to see her so happy. I had to put aside any negative thoughts I had about it and give her encouragement. I needed to make her believe that I was absolutely ok with it. Besides, he treated her so well and was very kind to me. It was great to see the way that George was able to fulfill my mom’s dreams of traveling; hence why I had the house to myself a lot.

I haven’t seen Gemma since she left a few weeks after graduation. We talk on the phone whenever she gets the chance to call. I can’t call her because she never settles in one place for long.  Our talks are very short, with little substance to them. She really doesn't sound the best. The last time she called, she said that she was somewhere on the West Coast. I miss her. I miss her a lot actually. I can tell in her voice that she has changed. The spark that she once had, has now seemed to fade away. I keep asking her when she is coming back home. All she says is, “Whenever Logan is ready.” I got so tired of hearing that. It was if Logan was running her life. I miss my friend. I think of her often.

As far as Luke goes, I don’t think of that asshat at all. He also left a few weeks after graduation. He never tried to contact me again after I broke up with him. From what I heard, he took our breakup and milked all of the sympathy he could from all of the available girls in town. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if he did that while we were still dating.

One evening, I was sitting on my bed, finishing up some last-minute touches to a presentation that I had to give the following day. I leaned my body back on my oversized pillow and let out a tired sigh of relief that my project was put together and ready to be shown. I was blankly looking around as I was thinking of what else I needed to get finished, when something caught my eye on the book shelf across the room. A small gasp escaped my mouth when I saw that it was the book that Luna, the Medium, let me borrow a few years back. “Oh no”, I groaned. “I never gave this back to her.” I crossed the room and grabbed the book off of the shelf. I took it with me and sat back on the bed. 

After all of this time, I never did get a chance to read it. I had put in on my book shelf and told myself that I would get to it later. All of a sudden, memories of the man’s voice that kept telling me to “sleep”, the voice I haven’t heard in a while, came to mind. I got a little scared for a second remembering and knowing that I was all alone in this house. I would just s**t myself if I heard a voice now. Then I recalled Luna telling me that it was my Guide. 

“What is a ‘Guide?”, I wondered to myself. I started to run my hand slowly around the cover of the black leather book, feeling the texture. I was becoming more and more intrigued with what was contained under the cover. I opened it up, scanning though the pages to somewhat get the CliffsNotes on the literature.  However, I found myself going back to the beginning of the book to read it the whole way through. I must say, the material was very interesting. 

It talked about how we have these spiritual beings called “Spirit Guides”. That they are with us from the time we enter upon this Earth until the time that we depart. It stated that they are here to make sure that we stay on the right path that we have chosen for ourselves before being born. So, for lack of a better term, they Guide us. Kind of like a wingman. The book also stated that Guides can communicate with us through little signs.

I’m not saying that I believed some of what it said, or even all of it. However, I like to think of myself as an open-minded person and, well, I did hear a man’s voice. Which frankly, was a little too much of a sign. The book gave some ways to communicate with a Spirit Guide. Like I said, I was skeptical, but I thought, “What the hell? I’ll give it a try.” 

I wasn’t sure on how to really do this, so I just made it up as I went along. I got down on my knees on the floor beside my bed. I folded my hands together and started out, “Dear Guide...” I felt so silly doing this but no one was around, so I continued. “Dear Guide. If that, was you who spoke to me a few years back, then please give me a sign? I’m not sure what kind of sign”, I said out loud. “Just please don’t scare me, like jump out at me or anything.” I didn’t know what else to say. “Um...amen.”

I cleared my presentation off of my bed, turned off the light, and slid underneath the covers. I thought to myself, “Maybe that was a bad idea.” I flipped my light back on and stated out loud again for him not to scare me. Funny enough, just a few minutes later, my eye lids got very heavy and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

The next morning, I was awoken to my alarm clock radio. I didn’t remember turning it on the night before. For the last few months, I had been using the alarm on my new cell phone. As the sleepy fog cleared from my head, tears came to my eyes as I listened to the song that played. It was my dad’s favorite song. Every time it would come on, he would take my hands and we would dance together wherever we were. It didn’t matter where we were at, he would sing it at the top of his lungs. Those are memories that I will never forget. That is a memory that I will hold dear to me forever.

As the song came to an end, I opened my bedroom blinds and made my way to the bathroom. I turned on the light and something shiny caught my drowsy peripheral vision. There were three pennies laying on the floor. Without giving them a second thought, I picked them up and put them on the bathroom counter and continued to get ready for school. I gathered everything I needed for my presentation and headed down the stairs.

I walked to the kitchen and started the coffee pot. I was idly looking out the sliding glass door, waiting for my coffee to finish percolating, when a cardinal landed on the back of one of the patio chairs. It sat so still, staring right at me. Its fiery red feathers were strikingly beautiful in the bright morning sun. It was as if time stood still while we looked at each other. I took a moment to take in all of its beauty before the coffee machine beeped to let me know that it was done brewing the smooth dark liquid of the Gods. I poured myself a cup and took that first glorious sip. “Mmm, taste like Heaven”, I softly spoke to myself. 

I glanced up at the clock. “Oh! I have to go.” I grabbed my things, locked up the house, and went to my car. As I opened the driver’s door to get in, there were three more pennies sitting right there on my seat. I grabbed them in my hand to examine them. “I must have a hole in one of my pockets”, I said as I went to sit in my car. “I’ll have to check my pants when I get back home”. I threw the coins into the cupholder and drove off to school.

My presentation went fabulous. I felt as if I kept my audience captivated the whole time. So that was a big score for me. It was funny though. As I was giving my speech, I glanced behind my fellow classmates, out the windows, and saw a flock of Cardinals gathering and playing in the bushes. Once again, they all seemed so unusually colorful and bright, that it made me lose my train of thought for a split second. However, I picked back up where I left off without a hitch, making a flawless recovery.

After school was complete, I walked out to my car. The sky was a deep shade of blue today and the air seemed so clean. It was far too nice of a day to spend it inside. I decided to go see my dad. 

Sitting on the cool soft grass, I glided my hand over the cold, hard grave stone that scrolled my father’s name, date of birth, and the date of his death. As I talked to the ground, I would aimlessly pick some weeds that surrounded the head stone. “Hey, Dad. My presentation went well. I’m really excited to start student teaching. I have my first job coming up.” 

I took a pause between my words as if he were actually talking back to me. “Mom is good. She and George went to St. Barts. She says that it is really nice there.” I knew it was not going to take long, but here came the water works. “Oh, Dad”, I said as the tears started to roll. “It just isn’t right that a 21-year-old has to have a conversation with her dad this way. It’s not fair and to be honest, I’m a little pissed about it, too” I said in a hasty voice. I sat there for a moment letting the tears out. “I miss you”, I whispered. Before when I came here to the cemetery, I wasn’t even able to speak. Now, even though I still cry, I can talk to my dad a little easier.

As I was calming down, a sassy little squirrel came into view. A smile came to my face as I watched him prance and happily play. I watched as he frolicked closer and closer to me. I got a tad nervous when he got close enough to me that I could reach my arm out and touch him. “Do these things have rabies?”, I asked myself. I began to wonder if it was going to attack me. The squirrel stopped where he was and just sat there looking at me. Then something incredible happened. He rolled around in the grass and then laid on his belly, the way a dog would sit by his owner. He sprawled out by my side as if he were my companion. 

“Are you seeing this?”, I asked my dad as if he were really here. I sat in awe looking at this furry little creature, but still ready to run if I had to if he started to foam at the mouth and chase me. We sat still looking at each other for minutes. It was really an unbelievable moment.  The scurry of another squirrel then caught this little guy’s attention and he decided to go play with his other friend. “That was crazy”, I spoke to my dad in disbelief. “I can’t believe how close he got to me.”

 The sun started to get lower and the breeze started to pick up, making the air cooler. I sighed, “It’s getting chilly and I’m getting tired and hungry.” I took another long at the tombstone that laid before me and said, “Well, I’m going to go home. I’ll see you soon.” I kissed my hand and placed it on the lifeless granite. “I love you, Dad”, I whispered. It always bothered me leaving him. I know that he wasn’t really there, but the cemetery seemed such a lonely place.

When I arrived home, I walked into the house and turned on some lights to illuminate the darkness. I took some left-over pizza from the fridge, put it on a baking sheet, and tossed it in the oven. I went to hop in the shower to wash away the day. When I was finished, I went downstairs and took the scrumptious looking pizza out of the oven and plated it. I sat at the counter to start eating when right into my first bite, the phone started to ring.

“Every time I sit down”, I groaned to myself. “Hello?”, I answered. “Hey, Hun”, my mom chimed. “Hey, Mama”, I said excitedly. “How’s your trip going”, I asked. Mom continued to tell me how beautiful St. Bart’s was and how she never thought she could meet such a wonderful man after my father. I was so happy for her. I sat and ate my dinner as she asked me about school, the house, and everything else under the sun.

She was still chatting along as I cleaned up from dinner and went to sit on the couch. My eyes scanned the room, listening to her talk, when I noticed that smack dap right in the middle of the floor, were three shiny pennies. I interrupted her when I said, “Man, I must have had a massive hole in one of my pockets.” “Why?”, she asked inquisitively.  “I keep finding pennies everywhere today. But the weird thing is, I hardly ever carry change on me,” I babbled. “Hmm, maybe they fell out of your purse”, she stated. “I don’t know”, I said. “I’ll have to check.”

We said our goodnights to each other and I hung up the phone. I went upstairs to bed and crashed. It was such a mentally long day and sleep felt incredible. Have you ever had the feeling that someone is standing right next to you as you slept, only to open your eyes and no one is there? I had one of those feelings tonight. The only difference was, when I opened my eyes, someone was standing there. 

The moonlight softly glowed upon a silhouette of a man standing by my bedroom window. My brain went from peaceful dreams to panic in about two seconds. My heart started to pound out of my throat and adrenaline raced through my body. I wanted to scream, run, and fight all at the same time, but I couldn’t.  My body was absolutely paralyzed. I felt like I was finally going crazy. Then the man spoke. “Don’t be afraid.” His voice was calm. “I can feel that you are not ready”, he continued. 

I didn’t think that it was possible, but my heart raced even faster. The man’s voice softly spoke, “Sleep.” Within that moment, my whole body relaxed and sleep quickly took over me again.

When the morning sun draped across my face, all of my senses started to arise. I took a deep breath and stretched as much as my muscles and tendons could go. The man’s words from the night before crept back into my mind. My eyes shot open and I jumped up into a sitting position, as a gasp escaped my mouth. I feverishly started looking around the room as I was trying to find some sort of remnant of what happened last night. “Was that him? Was that my Guide?”, I asked myself. The thoughts in my brain raced a million miles a second. I didn’t have any more time to think about it as I just happened to look at the clock to see that it was time to get ready for work.

The tips that I accumulated today waitressing, made up for my body feeling like it was beat up. Although my day was exhaustingly busy, I still had time to think about what happened last night. “Was that real?” The thought really consumed my head all day. The conclusion that I came to was that I wanted to see him again. Only this time, I was going to be brave.

After I arrived home and got ready for the night, I went to the side of my bed, got down on my knees and clasp my hands together. I began to pray, “Dear, Guide. If that was you, I want you to know that I am ready now.” I was trying to hide the apprehension in my voice. “I am ready to meet you and this time; I won’t be afraid. Amen.”

I crawled up into bed, propped myself up on my pillows and waited. I waited for this person to show himself again. I waited. I was bracing myself and nothing was happening. “I’m ready”, I said out loud. I looked away to the window and whispered, “Anytime now.” Yet, I still continued to wait. I must have fallen asleep while waiting for the mystery man to appear because the next thing I knew, daylight was upon me.

 My nights went on like this for the next two weeks. I was starting to get irritated because I really was starting to doubt myself now. Maybe I truly had gone mad. “No”, I told myself. I know what I heard and I know what I saw.

Tomorrow was the first day for me to start student teaching. I was feeling quite nervous about it. I just wanted to be the very best that I could be. I was also very excited to get to be able to work with all of those little kids. It just meant that I was closer than ever to finishing school and having a class of my very own. 

I was having such a difficult time trying to fall asleep that night. I was meticulously planning the next day over and over in my head. The moon seemed much brighter tonight than usual as it swept across my bedroom. Finally, the night began to sink in and my eye lids grew heavy. I felt so relaxed. Once again, a strong feeling came over me that someone was in my room.

“Hello, Kalia”, the voice spoke. My heart started to beat fast. “No!”, I shouted sternly to myself in my head. “I’m not going to get scared.” My eyes were fully open now and my sight was getting accustomed to the darkness. I could see the silhouette of a man standing in the corner of my room.  I waited for my heart to calm some before slowly sitting up in bed. “Don’t be afraid”, he said gently. “I’m not here to harm you.” There was a moment of silence between us. “I’m not”, I said as my voice broke a bit. I could hear him make an unsure noise from across the room.

“Your heartbeat says otherwise”, he spoke. I noticed that my heart rate had picked up. I cleared my throat, sat even taller, and took a deep breath. I concentrated on breathing slowly so that the fluttering would reduce. “Who are you?”, I asked in a low voice. Another moment of quietness filled the room. He softly spoke, “I am your Guardian.”

I contemplated on what the man just said. “Do you mean, my Guide?” With wonder in his tone he said, “Your kind has many different names for one object. It’s really quite strange.” I saw his head tilt as he said, “None the less, I am your Guardian.”  I was trying really hard to wrap my head around everything happening. I was apprehensive to say what I was about to say but I was intrigued by him. With reluctancy in my voice, I asked, “Will you please come closer so that I can see you?” I could see his shadow straighten up and I think I possibly saw him puff out his chest a bit. It took a while for him to make a decision.

My stomach started to tumble as he took his first step forward. Then another. Followed by another. I could feel my heart skip as he got closer. Part of his arm came into the light first. The circumference of it was on the larger side. “Is that a tattoo?”, I asked myself. Next, his chest followed into the moonlight. The plate that guarded his torso shined of polished metal. Part of his hair and face emerged into the glow of the moon, until finally, he was fully bathed in the light.

I could feel my lip's part and my breath catch as my eyes soaked in the man who stood before me. The sight of him left me simply in awe. He had dark golden hair that hung past his shoulders. His face adorned a nicely groomed beard. Well defined muscles supported the frame of his built body. “Tattoo’s?”, I kept questioning to myself. Yes, those were definitely tattoos. He wore an outfit of what looked to me as white leather with incitant gold and silver pieces of armor. 

There was no word to describe him other than beautiful. He looked human like to me, however you could tell that he was different just by looking into his eyes. There was something so angelic about him. His look was so innocent, yet so fierce at the same time. He stared at me intensely, as I did him. I wondered to myself, “How could I have been scared of someone like him?” I instantly felt safe and protected in his presence.

I broke the thick aroma of silence when I said, “When I asked for a sign, I wasn’t sure that I was going to get one. This is so much more than I would have ever imagined.” He looked at me with kind eyes and said, “You weren’t paying any mind to my other signs, so figured this would catch your attention more.” I looked at him with confusion written all over my face. “You heard me?”, I asked. “Well, yes. I am showing you me right now, aren’t I?”, he replied. “Duh, Kal”, I thought to myself. I guess my brain was fogged over from this magnificently strange occurrence. 

I looked down at my bed, lost in thought. “Wait!”, I exclaimed as my head shot up. “You sent me signs?” He nodded. “Are you sure that you didn’t send them to the wrong person or something. Because I am pretty sure I didn’t get any signs” I said with doubt. “No, I sent them all to you”, he reassured me. “Your father’s favorite song, the birds, the coins, even the little squirrel that had the attention span of, well, a squirrel. That one was difficult”, he said in slight frustration.

“Those were signs?”, I asked perplex. He nodded his head again. “Wow. I guess I never would have thought that things I see every day, could be signs” He had a look of disappointment. “Anything can be a sign,” he stated. “It’s just that, your kind is always going so fast. Too fast sometimes to see what is really going on in the world around them.” He seemed deep in thought from his observation. “As soon as you are finished with one thing or multiple tasks at the same time, then you are off doing another.” He looked over at me. “It’s a travesty really. Your kind only uses a small portion of what was given to you all. You all mainly rely on what you see or hear, but never really tap into your true abilities to connect to home. The majority have seemed to forget how to truly live and experience your gift of life.”

I sat there listening to my Guardian’s message to me. I tried to absorb it all, but somehow it seemed cryptic in nature. As I went to say something, he held up a finger to stop me and said, “That is all for now. You must rest your body and mind for what lies ahead of you tomorrow.” 

Suddenly, my first day of student teaching flashed in my head. I didn’t want this moment to end. I didn’t want to see him go. “Lay back”, he gently instructed me. I did as he said. “Now, I want you to know that what you are doing on your path is so important in helping others on their journeys. Be kind to yourself, Kalia.” His words filled me with such peace. He leaned over my bed and softly said, “It’s time to sle...” I panicked. I didn’t want him to leave. I raised my head and asked, “Will I ever see you again?” With such gentle eyes he looked at me and said, “sleep.”