Still Love You

I had one hand inside the freezer when Liam asked me to lie. "Just tell Mae the feeding chart was missing," he said. "If she asks." I looked over my shoulder. He stood in the open doorway of the snake room, still wearing his rain jacket, water darkening the shoulders. Behind him, the hallway of Bellwether Wildlife House stretched toward the visitor entrance. A school group was due in twenty minutes. I could hear their voices through the glass doors, bright and impatient. "I'm not lying to Mae," I said. "Then don't." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Just don't say anything until I've had a chance to explain." "That's different from what you asked." "I know." He sounded tired. He looked tired, too. That was the problem with Liam. Even when he was asking me to do something I shouldn't, I could still see the boy who'd once waited with me on a cold dock until my father's boat came home. I turned back to the freezer. "You said Elise left instructions." "She did." "Where are they?" He glanced toward the counter. A clipboard lay there, its top sheet blank. "Maybe she took them with her," he said. I opened the freezer drawer. "What does Juniper usually eat?" "Pinkies. One, twice a week." "Pinkies are newborn mice?" "Right." I'd worked at Bellwether for six years. I knew the difference between a pinkie and a juvenile rat. I also knew Juniper, a pale-gold glass snake, had been refusing food for more than a month. She'd come to us underweight, with a scar around her middle and a bad habit of striking the glass whenever a visitor leaned too close. She had stopped striking last week. She had also stopped moving. "Liam, she's too thin for a fast." "She's been checked." "By who?" "Elise." I stared at him. He opened his hands. "I'm not a veterinarian, Mara." "No, but you're the one who keeps telling me you know the feeding schedule." "Because I do." "Then you know she shouldn't be down to skin and scales." He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. "Elise has been trying to handle it. She's been worried about her. If you change the diet now, you'll undo the conditioning." "What conditioning?" He didn't answer. On the counter, beside the blank clipboard, I found a paper folder with Elise's name written on the tab. The label beneath it read TRANSFER REVIEW. There was no feeding chart. There was, however, a printed note from the visiting specialist: Juniper's weight had fallen below the minimum range. A handwritten line at the bottom said, "Recommend gradual increase. No live prey." I lifted the page. "You said she'd been checked." "She has." "And this says increase her food." "It says gradual." I pulled out a thawed juvenile rat. "This is the only thing in the freezer that's the right size." "It's too big." "It's not." "Mara, please." His voice changed on my name. Softer. Familiar. It landed like a hand against my back. I held still for a moment. Then I shut the freezer drawer. "I'll call the vet." "Don't." "Why?" "Because the review's tomorrow. If we make a change now, Elise will get blamed." "So we should leave Juniper hungry?" "No. I didn't say that." I watched him look past me at the snake's glass enclosure. Juniper lay in a tight coil on the warm stone. Her scales had lost their shine. The soft curve of her spine showed beneath them. "Then tell me what you want me to do," I said. He took a breath. "Feed her what the chart says." "There is no chart." "Then use your judgment." I'd been told those words before. They always arrived after somebody had made the decision and before somebody needed a name to attach to the consequences. I set the rat on a tray. "I'm using it." Liam's jaw tightened. For a second, he looked like he might stop me. Then his phone buzzed. He checked the screen. "Elise is on her way," he said. "Please don't make this worse." I picked up the feeding tongs. Juniper didn't strike. She lifted her head slowly, as if the movement cost her. I held the rat still until she could smell it. When she took it, the grab was gentle. Her coils tightened around the prey, and I felt something in my own chest unclench. Liam watched without speaking. "She needed food," I said. "She needed the right food." "I'll write down what I gave her." He turned toward the door. "Do that." He had almost made it out when Juniper's body shifted. A pale ripple moved under her scales. Her mouth opened, and the rat dropped onto the bedding. I put the tongs down. A thin red line had appeared across her neck. It was too straight to be a scratch. It looked like a mark left by wire. "Liam," I said. He'd stopped in the doorway. "Do you know what this is?" He looked at the snake. The color had left his face. The visitor bell chimed in the front hall. Someone called for him. Liam stayed where he was. A moment later, Elise hurried in, her damp hair pulled into a knot. She was twenty-two, bright-eyed, and new enough to Bellwether that most people still softened their voices around her. "What happened?" she asked. I pointed at Juniper. Elise moved to the glass. "You fed her?" "Yes." "With what?" "A juvenile rat." Elise's hand flew to her mouth. "That's not what she eats." I glanced at the blank clipboard. "Your chart wasn't here." "You were supposed to give her a pinkie." "She needs more than a pinkie." "Who told you that?" "The specialist's note is right there." Elise looked at the folder, then at Liam. He didn't meet her eyes. Juniper lifted her head again. The mark on her neck glowed faintly, a thin line of cold blue beneath her scales. The bell rang again. At the far end of the hallway, the elevator opened. I heard Mae's cane strike the tile, once, then again. Liam closed the door.