Before I Let You Go

It hasn't rain in Thailand for three weeks since May started, but today is not one of those days. The heavy sound of rain is faintly heard inside the coffee shop, overpowered by the jazz music playing. The drops of rain against the huge glass windows are continuous, but Off paid no mind. He's still at the coffe shop he always loved. With the sweet smell of pastries and the aroma of coffee mixing together as soon as he enters the store, he relaxes. He always appreciated how this place is not packed with busy adults or noisy teenagers, but with people who doesn't give a damn. They're quiet, busy, and clean. And although they never talked to each other, they were enough to keep him from feeling lonely. Off takes the final sip from his coffee cup that he brought from this shop a few months ago. The cup looks old with coffee stains around it, but it looks gorgeous still. "Off," The shorter one calls him. He doesn't want to respond. "Off, please." Off finally lifts his head up, looking at g*n. g*n cracks a smile and Off, the moment he met his eyes, starts to hate himself for knowing it was fake. If only he could turn back time to when they were doing this for the first time, maybe he wouldn't know g*n enough to break his heart this much. "Off, listen to me, please." g*n begs when Off looks away from his eyes once again. He sighs. "I don't want to do this." "Then, why are you?" Off finally speaks. Gun purses his lips, not knowing what to say. Off knees shake as his lips tremble. His eyes switching between the floor and his shoes. He feels a sense of odd familiarity in the pain he's feeling. As if he's been here before. Everything inside this coffee shop feels the same. The old records and books displayed along the blank walls begging to be colored, Chimon at the counter taking orders with a smile, the jazz beat he loves to listen to, and of course, the same boy sitting in front of him, g*n. g*n who is yet again saying goodbye. It happens so often, Off familiarized himself to the feeling of being left behind. Everything feels the same. Everything feels the same, except that this time, Off knows why he wants to leave. And this time, he doesn't want to let him go.