Awaken

Mom, there’s nothing in the fridge.” I kept opening and closing the refrigerator door, waiting for something to magically appear. “What did I tell you about doing that to the door? You’re letting all the cold out.” Mom scolded, standing at the end of the counter drinking coffee and reading this morning’s newspaper. “I didn’t spend so much money only for you to break it.” “Well, I am hungry and there’s no food.” “So, you keep saying, but I know I made a sandwich. Check in the bottom drawer.” I opened the fridge back up and looked where mom said. Sure enough, a turkey sandwich was inside a baggie. I took it out and smiled, turning to see mom reach for her phone that kept going off. My smile quickly faded as it continued to ring. It was the third call within the past five minutes. “You can go ahead and answer the phone, mom. They won’t stop calling.” She sighed and kissed me on the forehead. Immediately she flipped her phone opened and said hello before leaving the kitchen. I made my way back to the counter to finish homework when there was a knock at the door. I didn’t have the chance to get up before Charles walked into the kitchen. Immediately, I was in his arms. Charles was an old acquaintance of moms. I never knew from where but I did know that they knew each other for a long time. He was part of the family, the closest thing to a dad I had. The only thing I could claim as a dad, now. I didn’t have a father figure past the age of three, and I was never given a reason why. Mom always told me he had his reasons for leaving but that was all. Charles has always been there in his place. I remember being 13 and overhearing mom and Charles get into an argument about him. Turns out mom knew why he left but refused to talk to us about it. Charles always worried that I would need my dad but mom has been doing great at both parts. Even at the age of 17, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I didn’t know any different after all, I had no memories of my father. Mom came back into the kitchen and Charles walked to her immediately. She had on a face that I knew all too well. She looked at me and I lowered my eyes, staring at the floor. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around my mother. Her heart was beating softly and her breathing was calm. Her breathing matched with mine and I felt the tear slightly fall from my eyes. This feeling is nothing new and gets worse every time. However, there was a new feeling deep down that I couldn’t understand. Charles was the first of us to say anything. “I wanted to ask you myself, Em.” That was moms nickname. “Turns out they need you more than we both thought.” Here we go. The secret people who needed my mom to drop everything at a moment’s notice and, in return, could possibly be gone for weeks at a time. I should have known this was coming the moment Charles arrived. We saw less of him these days, which should have been a sign. Mom stepped back and reached her hand up to push my auburn hair behind my ear. I looked up and saw a tear fall down her face. I didn’t know why but I felt like this mission run was going to be different than all the others. “I’ll be okay, I promise.” I forced a smile for her sake. She nodded once and looked at Charles. “Alex will need to come get her. Mallory will not stay here alone.” Mom’s tone was cold and demanding. Sensing her anger, Charles immediately took out his phone and began dialing his son’s phone number. He turned away from us and I raised an eyebrow at my mother, waiting for her to explain. Every other trip she took I could stay home, this one shouldn’t be so different. She looked at Charles and took a step away, pulling me with her. She opened my hand and put a piece of paper inside it, then folded my hand closed very gently. “There is a number on here that you will not call unless it is an emergency. Do you understand?” I opened my hand but she pushed it back closed. “Mallory, I mean it.” “What’s going on, mom?” I asked. “I don’t know how long I am going to be gone this time. If, for any reason, you don’t hear from me within a few days, call this number. I will talk to you every single day but if you miss my call more than two days in a row, dial this number. Promise?” Her voice shook as she spoke. I had a huge lump in my throat. No words would come out so all I could do is nod. I was beginning to worry. Mom had never acted like this when she would leave. What was going on? Charles walked back into the room and mom smiled that fake smile. Charles reached into his pocket and handed mom a folded piece of paper. I never had anything explained to me on how mom’s job works but I knew this was part of the routine. Charles comes and tells her that she is being called on to do something and he hands her a piece of paper. Sometimes it is a name and other times it is an address or a small town. Within a few hours, she would be packed and gone. So, of course, when I saw the paper mom looked my way. I turned and made my way to the stairs. I heard mom call my name but I ignored her. She wasn’t the only one who had to pack after all. . . . . Mom had everything packed in the taxi. I hated seeing her leave all the time but I knew this was her job. It had its perks, money was the main one. The job also had problems. Mom missed my 16th birthday because she had been on a call. I spent the day at home by myself. Mom didn’t forget about me, though. She sent someone to deliver a cake with 16 candles. On top of the cake box was a letter mom wrote me, saying she was attending a dinner with the president from a foreign country. She was sorry for being gone but she made it up to me. Mom saved postcards from every country she went to and put them in a memory book. Each card had a memory of hers written on it. She described everything so I could live it through words. She was a traveler of sorts when it came to work. I always wanted to go with her but the answer was no. I never know what could happen when she’s gone. All I can ever think about is when she is going to come back. I didn’t realize how close she was to leaving until the car door was slammed shut, pulling me out of my thoughts. “All I need is a few minutes with her.” Mom said to Charles. I walked away from the taxi and she followed. I rolled my eyes and stared at my mother. “Mallory, I am sorry. We both know that my job is unpredictable. However, you and I made a pact. I need you to be the strong girl I know you are.” “They called on you two months ago, mom. Why did they call you back now?” “The same reason I was called then. Honey I can’t talk about it. I am so sorry.” “You’re always sorry mom. You always can’t talk about how you have to go and how long you’re going to be away. I need my mom. I never know how long I have with you.” The tears fell easily at this point. Mom wiped one away as her’s fell as well. “Honey, I know you need me and I need you, too. You’ve got to remember that we are a team. Mal, I love you, I know that it’s hard but I am doing this because it is my job. You and I are a different kind of special. I would do something different but I don’t belong in an office. You won’t either, love.” I shook my head. I was never the daughter that argued. I started to think about all the things mom missed in my life; my birthdays, my school concerts. All the things a mother should be a part of was taken because of this job. “This job has taken you away, mom.” The words came out before I could stop them. Moms eyes widened and she took a step back. “Mallory Nicole, you don’t mean that. You just don’t understand.” “I understand more than you know, Mom. Maybe that’s why dad left.” My words hit her hard. I was so mad but I still felt bad for saying it. Mom looked at the ground for a few moments and looked at me. She smiled her fake smile and crossed her arms. “Your father left for his own reasons and it wasn’t because of you or me. He loved both of us, things just became…complicated” That was the most she said about him. “I will call you as soon as I can.” She gave me a loveless hug and got into the taxi. Mom didn’t look out the window to wave goodbye. Tears of anger fell as the car pulled away and I made my way to the house. Mom never gave me answers to anything when it came to what she does for a living. She isn’t here to stop me from getting them.