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He Dared Me to Kneel, I Hit Him With Law

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I was born a hopelessly literal legal nerd. I simply couldn't understand flirty sarcasm, suggestive jokes, or playful double meanings.

When my mom once said my dad had made her so angry she wanted to die, I immediately called 911 and reported my father for attempted murder.

When my desk mate confessed that he was willing to give me his heart, I bought a rib spreader on the spot, pressed it against his chest, and asked him when he planned to fulfill the gift contract.

Over time, no one dared to misuse figurative language in front of me anymore.

Whenever I was around, everyone obeyed the law and chose their words carefully.

Until the day of my engagement party, when my fiancé brought along an adopted sister who had no blood relation to him.

They thought this was the most important day of my life, so no matter how literal-minded I was, I would never dare ruin my own event.

She gave me a provocative smile.

"Lydia, you know, he's such a bad boy behind closed doors. He 'had his way with me' all last night in his room. That's why my voice is gone. With that flat little body of yours, I doubt you could even last three minutes."

The whole room burst into laughter.

Only my gaze turned cold.

The next second, I slammed Caden down onto the coffee table.

Then I pulled out my pepper spray and pressed it right against his eye.

"Hands on your head! Don't move! I've already called the police! You just publicly admitted to unlawful detention, violence, and s****l assault. That's at least ten years! No one leaves before the police arrive!"

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Chapter 1
"Who called this in?" the lead officer asked. "I did." I produced my ID. "The suspect, Caden Harlow, male, twenty-six years of age, publicly admitted moments ago to committing an act of s****l violence against his adopted sister, Gemma York, last night, resulting in damage to the victim's vocal cords. All twenty-four witnesses on the premises can testify." Gemma was sitting on the sofa with half a glass of red wine in her hand, frozen solid, her mouth hanging open in a perfect O. Caden was fighting like hell to break free. "What the f**k! Touch me and see what happens!" he snarled. "Lydia, are you out of your goddamn mind? This was consensual roleplay! Do you even know what that means?" I pressed my knee in harder. He let out a howl. "Officer, the suspect is agitated and showing signs of violent behavior. Requesting the use of handcuffs." The officers exchanged glances. Rex Brown finally snapped to his senses and lunged toward me. " "Lydia Sutton, what the hell is wrong with you? Gemma was joking! Everyone knows how close those two are. So what if she said something a little racy?" I sidestepped his reach and pointed a finger at his face. "You want to come along too? Obstruction of justice carries up to three years." Rex pulled his hand back. Gemma came to her senses and threw herself at the officers in tears. "Officers, it's a misunderstanding, I swear! We were just messing around. My voice is hoarse because I was singing, not because anyone hurt me!" I pressed play on my phone. Gemma's voice came through the speaker: "He's such a bad boy behind closed doors. He 'had his way with me' all last night in his room. That's why my voice is gone." I hit pause. "Under the criminal statutes, the phrase 'had his way with me,' used in this specific context, constitutes a description of non-consensual s****l conduct. She named the time, the location, and the resulting injury. That is a textbook self-reported account of an offense." I turned to the officers. "I am requesting that the victim, Gemma, be taken to the hospital immediately for a gynecological examination and medical examination, and that any biological evidence be collected." The color drained from Gemma's face. "There's nothing to collect!" Caden roared. "I didn't touch her! We were up all night gaming!" I let out a cold laugh. "A moment ago it was consensual roleplay. Now it's gaming. The suspect's account is inconsistent, which constitutes grounds for serious suspicion. Officer, I'd say that's a problem worth looking into. Please take everyone in for questioning." Caden was put in handcuffs. As he passed me, he fixed me with a stare that could have drawn blood. "Lydia, you are going to pay for this. You just blew up our engagement party. You better get on your knees and lick my shoes clean, or this wedding is never happening." I straightened my collar. "Threatening and intimidating a witness is a misdemeanor. Five days and a fine — you all heard that. Five days' detention plus a fine. Officers, you all heard that." Caden was escorted to the police car. Gemma was sobbing so hard she nearly fainted, supported by a female officer as she was led to another vehicle. Before she disappeared, she turned and fixed me with a look of pure venom. The remaining guests in the private dining room stared at one another. No one dared say a word. I picked up my bag and swept the room with my gaze. "Public facilitation of s****l activity is also a crime. I suggest everyone here think carefully about their next move." I walked out. Behind me came the sound of Rex smashing his glass.

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