Invisible Alpha

11

Emmi

Mac and I stare at each other and I jump as I hear a wolf howling outside. Mac doesn't even flinch. "Was that him?" I ask . He wipes the sweat beads from his brow and exhales loudly. "Yes, that was him" he says and it looks as though he's run a marathon. "You have the best influence on him, I've never seen him control his anger like that in all the years I've been at his side, and considering what he's learned today... that was almlost impressive for his standards. Putting my hands over my face I groan. "I've noticed how different he is..." my words trail off. "Mac, why didn't the mate pull work when he met me? Why didn't I calm him or change him or help him on that day and the weeks after?" Mac rubs his eyes "The rage and evil had already taken over, he wasn't able to feel anything other than rage Luna, Seth planned it all in that exact way, knowing that it would change him forever." His words are heavy and I see that this day has been hard on him. Without giving him an answer I put my head in my hands. And ask "He'll come back right?"Mac doesn't answer but gets up to leave, then says "We'll have to wait and see,Luna. He took in a lot he might need a while to clear his head and decide on a plan of action. Suddenly I feel very tired. It's already close to noon and I yawn. I flop my head back onto the feathered bed and close my eyes. Images of Eric on top of me flood my head and I get goosebumps all over. Turning on my side I clutch one of the pillows to my chest and wish it's Eric. With tears streaming down my face I fall asleep.

****

I'm dreaming of laying in Eric's arms, he's holding me tight. I feel safe, happy and aroused. Moments later I open my eyes. It's already dark and it takes awhile for my eyes to adjust. I'm in the tent alone . On the feathered bed alone no Eric in sight. I've missed lunch and I smell dinner. Burger night if I'm not mistaken. I grab a sweater from my bag pull it on and make my way out the tent. Everyone seems to be celebrating something. I can't help but feel empty and sad some how. Everything is uncertain. My feelings are very mixed I'd like to go home, my family must be worried sick and searching for me. Yet something in me never wants to be away from Eric. It's only been a few hours since he's left and I find myself missing his touch already. Around me pack members drink beer and I hear howling. They seem to be very happy about something. In the tent I grab a plate and stand in line. Rosie is there again she smiles at me like she always does with warm eyes and I feel it is with genuine affection. "Luna, I was about to send the girls to go check on you" she sniffs the air and her smile widens "Oh, you've accepted our Alpha?! What wonderful news that you are united now!" I'm confused, did he tell them that we... or was it Johnny, he always has a big mouth and after his comments this morning ... She interrupts my train of thought "Oh, Luna I keep forgetting that you don't know about half the things we talk about" she leans into me looks me dead in the eyes and says "I can smell that you've been intimate with our Alpha, his smell is all over you". My eyes shoot open wide "What?" Is all I manage. She nods her head and giggles "it must be hard for you to adjust to our culture,  you've got much to learn about being a Luna and one of us". She's not being rude or mean just matter a fact. I sigh and give her a stern look "So Rosie can all of them uhm smell that we've ... that uhm ..you know?" My cheeks burn red and I'm thankful that I'm the last one in the line. She looks at me very curiously raising an eyebrow "They can. Our Alpha has a very strong smell. We know when he's been with a woman.  That's normal for all Alpha's" she looks around as if she's about to tell me a secret but instead asks "Luna, I get the feeling you are ashamed of this? " she seems almost offended. This old woman has lived her life in this pack how can I ever explain to her that what Eric did was wrong in my culture and that any other girl would never have slept with him after all of that. How do I explain to her that I'm split in half and that I don't trust my own instincts any more. I swallow and take the easy way out "I'm not ashamed, I just didn't know that you had wolf senses when you're in your human form". She must know that I'm lying because she takes my hand and says, you have to make a decision Luna, it's been three months and that is already a life time for a wolf to know who his mate is and not be able to mark her, it will drive his aggression and soon we'll be back to where we were the day he met you, and we don't want that now do we?" She wants to blame his behaviour on me... that's it, I smile sweetly and put down my plate. "Rosie, you've been born into this life, right" I give her no chance to answer, this rant has been a long time coming "You've been here in this pack on these lands for most of your life, you've learned about vampires and witches and I'm pretty sure all the werewolf secrets. This is the life you know, the people you know. If I pushed you in the back of a car tomorrow and took you to my life as a human and forced you to live that life, and to simply forget all that you've been before, I'm not sure you be able to. I mean you're Rosie you'll find a way to survive, you're strong you'll be able to make it but it won't happen in a week or two,it will take time". She's looking at me with big eyes and I don't know if she understands a word I'm saying but it needs to be said. "I'm still shaken to my core every time I see one of you shift. I'm scared all the time, I don't know how all of this works. This is like a whole new world for me, and I'm confused and still learning. I can't just commit to a life and a person that I don't really know anything about". I teared up and couldn't look at her. Keeping my gaze down I take my plate and walk out of the tent swiftly hearing her call after me. I just want out of the conversation and I keep walking faster until I reach the tent. I'm very happy for the silence once I get there. Eating my food fast so I can plop back on the bed. Snuggling into the feathered bed my thoughts start to get tangled, there are just unanswered questions floating around in my head. Rosies words standing out "You have to make a decision Luna" You have to make a decision...." I turn and scream into my pillow, again and again until tears stream down my face in frustration. How will I ever be ok after this. I long to have my normal boring life back. It would take a lot but I could put all of this behind me, I'll get therapy and try to be in a semi-normal relationship. This could be my chance to escape... for the first time in months no one is guarding my door. I can sort of remember the way Alex took two days ago when we went to the doctor's.  I'll just defenitly need to steal a car, on foot they'll find me way to quickly with all their wolf senses. I feel a pang of sadness shoot through me causing more tears to run down my face as I'm planning on running away from him. The last two days have been confusing, I've never felt so connected to a person and at the same time scared to death of them. He can't control his anger. He just wants to use this mate thing to help him with his anger issues. It's got nothing to do with me or WANTING to be with me. How could it be, he's only really known me for two days. I take a deep breath, I have no business being here playing this Luna role that I've been forced into. This isn't were I'm meant to be. kidn*pped, kept prisoner and then forced to be some Luna and even though I more than enjoyed the s*x and the general closeness and pull that he has on me, I'm still scared of him. In that I've made my desicion,  I'm going to run. Tonight

Suddenly I feel big hands shake my shoulders "Luna, Luna what happened, are you hurt? Who was here?" I lift my head wanting it to be Eric, for this to be a sign for me to stay but it's Mac he looks at me with worried eyes. Wiping my tears away I turn to him "I-I I'm ok. What's going on?"I ask confused. He looks around the tent and squints his eyes at me "We heard you scream out in pain, and well I ..." he doesn't finish his sentence as Alex and Johnny enters the tent. f*****g great.  I forgot that they could all hear me and sense what sounds mean. A girl can't even have a little meltdown in peace. Putting my hands over my eyes I sigh then look at the three of them embarrassed  and attempt to smile "Sorry guys, I was just having a little meltdown,  I keep forgetting that you can hear me. At all times. Always."Alex looks annoyed as he always does "Why?". What does he mean why? I'm taken aback and not really sure where to start. "It's all a bit much, and now that Eric's gone again , I just feel confused and I miss my family." Alex turns to Mac and askes " Did he say anything about the Luna in his plan?". Mac shakes his head no. "Plan, what plan? I ask almost offended that nobody has spoken to me about this. Alex shruggs and turns to leave saying over his shoulder "Try to get a hold of your emotions, Luna. We're in difficult and trying times as it is. We need our men to focus and not to be running after crying females." And then he disappears. Mac scratches the back of his head and looks at me worryingly "You'll figure it all out Luna, I know it's hard and you've been treated badly but it'll all work out the way it should." Johnny hasn't said a word and and starts to follow Mac out of the tent. "Wait, Johnny... what plan are they talking about?" He looks down "I guess Alpha was here, and spoke to Mac about a few things ... helping the doctor that treated him at the hospital you were at yesterday and I guess he is trying to fix a few of the mistakes he's made in the last weeks," My disappointment must be very apparent because he quickly adds, "He was here for only a few minutes, not in human form and he just spoke to Mac." He takes two fingers and makes a salute gesture while leaving the tent and is gone in seconds. After hearing this I know I have to leave. I would always be the cause of him becoming evil and killing his brother, and I will always remember how he has mistreated me, his amnesia brought out his better side but it doesn't erase what he's done. He doesn't trust himself around me that's why he went to Mac because Mac is the only one that could actually take him in a fight. Going away from here is the best thing I can do. I'll be safe with my brothers.They won't risk turning into wolves infront of other humans, they bearly did it infront of me. I get up and start to pack my belongings. I don't have much so it doesn't take long. In my bag I take out a pen and an old receipt. I write : Eric, please let me go. I hope you'll heal and find your peace. You'll always be a part of me xxx Emmi

One tear runs down my cheek, and I have to fight another meltdown. This is much harder than I thought. But who knows how he'll come back, what if he gets his memory back and is "evil" again. I have to take this chance to run. What if he keeps me locked up again. I exhale, put the note in the middle of the feathered bed, give one last look around the tent and the place where I had the best s*x of my life. "Goodbye" I whisper. On my way out of the tent I grab a flash light and step into the night. All the cars are parked to the left of the camp site a mile or so away, I saw that Alex often leaves his car keys on the dashboard, crossing my fingers I hope that's the case tonight. The first 3 cars are locked. Fourth car, yes! Open but no keys. Ok I have to try and remember what my brothers taught me about hot-wiring a car.  After breaking open the front box and trying all the cables... for a good 25 minutes it finally works, "Thank you brothers, who knew I would ever need this skill". Dimming the lights I start down the path, it's straight mostly but a dirt road none the less so I can't go as fast as I'd like. Checking the rear view mirror every other second I try to concentrate on the road. After another 20minutes I reach a paved road and see a sign Statford 55miles "What"! I've been 55miles from my home town all this time?! No one seems to be following me. I sigh out in relief. I'm going to hug every one of their smelly butts so damn tight! There are not many cars on the road and I'm thankful not to have any added stress. I'm free. Free from crazy mythical things that only exist in fairytales. On the I drive up to my childhood home I see a very large poster hanging from the second storey put of my window it has my picture on it and the words missing printed in big bold black letters. Another tear rolls down my cheek for the hundredth time today, they've been looking for me. They are looking for me. I park the car and practically run to the front door, I don't have my key so I can't make some big entrance. I ring the bell and wait. I hear my dad's footsteps and I can't wait to hug him tight. He opens the door, he looks tired and worn out,  he blinks and just stares at me. "Hi dad,,,you should get some sleep old man, looks like you've been having a few rough nights." I smile before tears start running down my cheeks and he takes me into his arms.  "Emmi, my darling girl you're alive" he says and I feel his tears dripping on my head, I break down and sob in his arms. I haven't felt this safe in months. "Come, come in my Emmi-girl, your brothers will be so glad to see you, we've just ordered a pizza,too." He says tears rolling down his face, too. As I walk into the house I feel an old familiar and welcome feeling and I can finally breathe for the first time in months, at the same time I feel a terrible pang of sadness, I miss him already and my heart is heavy. I wipe the tears and open the living room door, my brothers sprawled out on sofa's, my mom sitting in her chair looking out of the window, sadly. I walk in and say "Well, isn't this a sorry sight?"