Her Only Dream

Chapter Ten

***Chapter Ten***

    That night started the best section of my life that I had ever known, Jake was amazing, and while he went home that night, stating that he wanted to take things slow to start with, it was still amazing.  He'd keep coming by the shop and talking with me when he could, though my manager still tried to flirt with him in front of me, even knowing he was in a relationship with me, he brushed it off or ignored her where he could.

    I brought him around to meet my mom and Lily, and Lily seemed to love him, while my mom was just happy to see me happy.  It was an amazing time, with him spending the night occasionally, or even a few nights, he'd bring me coffee in the morning if I didn't have to work the next morning, and even once left me the sweetest note that I must have reread a dozen times in only a few minutes.  He'd go out with my friends and I, or spend time at their house or my house with them.  Everything seemed to be going perfectly, my nightmares were slowly going away, and I was almost always happy.

    One day, I started getting sick though, and no one said anything really until I had gone about a week without getting better, I knew that Jake was concerned, but he didn't push me to do anything I didn't want to, and I had always hated going to see a doctor, but after a week, I still felt like I wasn't getting any better, and I finally gave in, going to urgent care.  

    Jake was waiting in the room with me keeping Lily occupied while I was getting checked out, the doctor looking between the two of us, asking questions that made no sense considering the symptoms I was dealing with.  When Jake took Lily to get a drink the doctor asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test, and let me know what she was prescribing for me would be fine for me if I was pregnant.  I'd been on the pill and didn't know why she would even think about that, but thanked her, finding out that I had a case of acute bronchitis and sinusitis at the same time, but her words kept echoing in my head, making me wonder what it would be like if Jake and I had a child, he did so amazing with Lily, but that wasn't a full time thing.

    I'd have to keep thinking about it, but took the medicine without worries, glad that I was finally starting to feel better.  I still couldn't shake the doctor's words though, and was still feeling tired all the time, but it was when my pants stopped fitting the way they did before that I finally realized that there may have been something else going on.  I went to a*****e and got the test, taking it as soon as I was home, and couldn't help but cry and panic when I saw the positive symbol on the test.  I'd done the exact same thing with Lily, spotting here an there through the first trimester, with no signs or symptoms that I could see to show that I was pregnant.  Right there I felt everything that I thought was my world was shattering in front of my eyes, and I didn't know how to tell Jake, since I knew it couldn't be his, the test wouldn't have been able to show as positive this late in the day unless I was further along, and we hadn't been a couple that long.  I knew that we had stated that we loved each other already, but I kept seeing images in my head of how I would screw things up with him worse or how he would eventually start to hate me for staying with him while carrying my ex's child.  

    Texting Jill I told her before I told anyone else, so that she could help me figure out how to tell the others.  I ended up telling my mom next, and she took it in stride pretty well, but the next one was the one that had me shaking with fear.  I looked at my phone, Jake's name staring back at me as I tried to get myself to send the message that was typed there. 

:Are you free to talk?:

:For you, always beautiful.:

:Can I call?:

:Yeah, is everything okay? :

:I'll explain in a minute.:  I sent the last text and took a deep breath, my heart pounding and my head screaming at me about how bad this was going to be.  The phone only rang one time before I heard his voice coming on the line, the concern was clear in his voice.

    "What's going on beautiful, you never ask to call, and I know you would rather text."

    "I have to tell you...I took a test and...I..."  My voice was shaking and I had to stop to get myself back under control.

    "Take your time, it's alright, I'll wait till you are ready."  His voice was soothing, but I knew it wasn't going to be alright, I was terrified, but the sooner I got this out, the sooner I could deal with the pain.

    "I'm pregnant."  I finally spit it out and stood there, eyes shut, tears streaming down my face waiting for him to say something, anything.

    "I see....and based on the time we've been together and how you sound, I can take it that it isn't mine."  his voice was still that same soothing tone that he had used before, and I was dreading that I was going to have to answer that, a thousand different thoughts running through my head as I thought of how he would respond to the next statement.

    "No, it isn't yours.  I promise I didn't know that I was until today or I would have told you."  My legs had started to give out on me, and I had to sit down, waiting for anything...I just needed to hear something so I wouldn't be stuck in this limbo anymore.

    "Okay."

    "Okay?"

    "Yeah, okay, I mean, I can't say I don't wish it was mine, but at the same time, I love you and I want to be with you."

    I felt a weight lifted of my chest for the moment, and of all the responses that I had expected that was the last one that I ever imagined being said.  I just wished that I could have remembered that moment when things got worse.

    Working full time and being so tired, I'd asked for a little time to myself, I felt like I was destroying everything in the relationship because I'd lost who I was at the beginning of the relationship, and while I was depressed, missing him like crazy, I hadn't heard from him since I had asked for a little space, but I would look at his myspace every day.  It had been a week or so, and my depression was spiraling worse as I struggled to deal with the hormones and missing him so much, until I saw the post from one of his female friends about how much fun the night before had been, and how happy they were to see him out.  I felt my heart shatter, knowing that I had been hurting him, and seeing in that moment that of depression, that maybe I could help him, maybe I could give him some sort of happiness, but it would mean breaking my heart in the process.  Taking a deep breath, I picked a fight to push him out of my life, to drive him away, hoping that he would hate me and move on with his life to find someone to be happy with.  I wanted him to be happy again, and I didn't want him to miss out because he was saddled with me.  I sat there typing the words to chase him away, and hid my tears from the world.