FORGOTTEN - Book 1 (Despising Love)

{Song - Warrior by Demi Lovato} "......But fake happiness is still the worst sadness." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YEAR 2036 Dear Diary, Today I turned forty and damn, I feel really old. I miss writing to you, and I do have a lot to tell you; but what can I say, it's been a busy and hectic life. My two lovely children have been growing up and if you ask about my husband, well, let's just say it is sometimes hard for him to keep up with them. My family and friends are doing good as well; the whole lot flourishing with wealth and happiness. But today I am writing not to share about myself, you already know more than enough, more than anyone else, I should say; so, in this moment, I want to thank you for that. Thank you for being my friend from the beginning, even when the world was against me. Thank you for keeping my secrets hidden; thank you for letting me bleed ink on your blank pages; thank you for letting me cry my emotions on your shoulders that held the weight of my messed-up world. I never thought that anyone would ever like to hear my story but let me fill you in on a surprise – it was a billion-dollar journey. Writing from the start, unconsciously, had been my hidden talent but publishing my life story as a book was a whole new deal. Although I never revealed it to my readers who the story was about, I felt a sense of satisfaction and ecstasy that people were keen enough to read my stories and actually love them whole-heartedly. And for this, I want to thank you. If it weren't for you, writing my life story would never have been an easy feat for me. So, all I can do is be grateful to you and those blank pages that filled a part of my heart with unshed tears and real smiles. Love, Jennifer. I close my diary and place the pen back in the stand. Looking straight outside the window, I sigh, as the heaviness in my heart seems to lighten up a bit. I was in grade 9 when I wrote a suicide note. I am glad I never acted upon it. I was a mess back then, I still am; possibly a bigger one, but who isn't? But now, I am a mess with a lot more appreciation in life and love and colours and flowers and beautiful people around me. I did pull through everything I thought I couldn't. Maybe we all should pause once in a while, thank ourselves and pat our backs for the fact that we are alive and breathing, because though life is challenging, it holds many promises. So, Pause. Love Yourself. Go. Remembering the words that I completed my book with two years ago, brings a smile to my lips. ....You know that feeling? Where you feel like you are finally in a better place in your life, doing what you love and having better relationships with everyone? Where everything around you is peaceful yet so chaotic that it terrifies you to the core and that's when the panic slowly creeps up on you? That what if all this is too good to be true? What if you fall back into the place where you were before and nothing, not even your self – made – sense could bring you back? What if one day it all comes crashing down on you, leaving you with a sense of hollowness? What if you came this far only to fall back worse than before and that it will leave you with a void nothing can fill? Yes, I speak of that feeling. That feeling is so petrifying, so petrifying that it sometimes leaves you awake at night thinking of all these possibilities and then you wake up the next day, fighting the same demons you fought a day before, trying to motivate yourself that you won't know anything until you find out yourself; and that is when you try to remind yourself about your beliefs, about how far you have come and why you are doing whatever you are doing, that is when you have to try and remind yourself to stay in the present because at that moment you are right there – where you are destined to be. That is the moment when you try to convince your heart and mind to set themselves free, so that you can bloom into a beautiful flower and conquer it all; that is the moment where you remind yourself that beauty lies in courage and self – love. It is in that moment you come to know that you will be able to fly again, even if you fall down countless times and that broken crayons still colour.... "Hey babe, I hope you are thinking about me?" an all too familiar voice whispers in my ears as two arms find their way on my shoulders, applying enough pressure to make me feel relaxed. I stand up and turn around to face my handsome husband. Even after all these years and all the things we have been through, our love never faded, if anything, it only grew stronger. We had our own share of arguments and fights but in the end, I still felt those butterflies parading my stomach, like it was when we were both just eighteen. Some good and interesting days, they were! He is magic to me; He is all of my disasters as one. And he makes me ponder how ugly magic can be, and though devastating, how beautiful disasters can be. And this disaster entered my life first, back in 2013, having effects like that of an alcoholic drink – I felt too drunk to understand anything else around me yet too sober to be wanting for more of him. And it all went down like this......