Graceless

Prologue

The wind cut through his jacket where he stood on the edge of the cliff, overlooking the ocean. The water angrily lapped against the rock face, sending spray into the air that clung viciously to his hair like parasites.  It was dark and the air smelled of salt water and ozone from the oncoming rain. He looked at the sky, his gaze pausing on the mass of black clouds gathering overhead . The sky suddenly rumbled, sending a shiver down his spine. It wasn't the oncoming storm that bothered him, but rather the thoughts of her that kept assaulting his senses when he least expected them to. He knew she was terrified of thunder storms and recalled the way that she coiled herself in his lap, seeking him out for protection against her fears. If only she had known and if only he hadn't fooled himself into believing that he could have her and be for her what she thought he was.

Another massive breaking wave sent water splashing over his feet and he turned away from the tide. He could no longer stall what needed to be done; it was only a matter of time before they found him. For now, he had the upper hand, but that wouldn't last very long if he couldn't keep his focus. Static filled the air as the sky broke and thundered. Rain poured down so loudly that he could no longer distinguish between the sounds of the ocean and the clattering of the drops as they hit the rocky surface. He should have told her the truth from the start, maybe things would have been different then. Maybe if he had told her who he was, what he was, then he wouldn't have had a reason to abandon her so abruptly. He thought of her so often these days that he could sometimes imagine the smell of her skin lingering on whatever motel pillow he was sleeping on that night. Little traces of her were still visible in his belongings even in the months after he had left. First he had found an old t-s**t of his that she used to sleep in and the only thing that he could think to do before it drove him completely insane, was to burn it to erase her. His small victory over the shirt had been short lived when he unpacked his backpack only to find her favorite hair tie in the very bottom- dirty and crusted with bits of things left behind in the bag over a period of time, but it was still hers. He could see her wearing it as she bounced down the street on their way to the carnival he originally protested going to, but she wore him down. The smell of her vanilla shampoo was still faintly there and he recalled the way she held his hand when they went up the Ferris-wheel and how gently he had kissed her that night, not wanting to break the first good thing he had in his life. `

The wind whipped his hair into his eyes and the storm tore at his clothes, but all he could see was the image of her bronze hair against golden skin and brown eyes so gentle and soft that you could see right into her very soul and not help but love her. By now he was soaked, water streaming steadily over his arms and down his fingertips, but he didn't feel the bone chilling cold or the ravaging wind; he didn't feel much of anything anymore.

He glanced over his shoulder at the ocean and walked away. It was time; he could no longer dwell on the past for it haunted him enough in his sleep. He pushed the sound of her laughter into the back of his mind and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked to keep them from shaking. By now Cas would be waiting for him and she wasn't the type of person who should be left alone for too long- destruction usually followed in her wake. He didn't mean to enlist her help, but somehow she had found him in a bar, busted up from his last encounter with the Link and assigned herself as his partner. He knew that her willingness to help didn't stem from the love of an old friend, but from her pure hatred of the Link. She had always been more willing than the rest of them to get herself killed; throwing herself in the path of the Link at every given opportunity. Cas knew she needed him for his ability to plan and predict and he knew he needed Cas for her equivalent skills as a fighter. Over the centuries they had fought many battles together, sometimes alongside their brothers and sisters, sometimes against them. There was no one who could match his skill or his even temper. Out of them all, he had always been the one who was the least likely to act on emotion and Cas the most likely.

When the faction broke apart it nearly killed Cas to choose and at the end of the day it was her decision that lead to her downfall. He didn't bother himself with choosing, deciding to rather go off on his own and not get involved in the war that was bound to break out between the two halves of the split faction and he was right. It didn't take long for them to find a reason to fight. Everyone was grappling to be the firsts to find the Sacred Ground and was each was more willing than the next to lay blame for casualties and obstacles on the other. Equally divided they stood as matched strengths, knowing the cards their opponents had before the hand was even dealt, and because of that, Cas lost more than she had bargained for; completely destroying her solid resolution to the cause.  She broke away, but unlike him, she had no in between ground to stand on- she was utterly alone.

The only thing he had ever been concerned with was his own selfish desire to love. All he ever wanted to do was find Odelle.

Hubris, Ferryn though, and she was his Icarus.

He climbed into the sleek black car just as the lightning struck the edge of the cliff where he stood moments ago and he drove off slowly, still catching whiffs of vanilla and sun-kissed skin.