Hate or Love

Fears and Realizations

Estelle ran her hands through her messy hair in frustration, letting out a sigh. She hadn't gotten out of bed this morning. Simply because she knew if she did, she would run into him. And running into him meant facing him. And facing him meant she had to deal with what had happened two days ago.

She had kissed him in front of everyone. Estelle could try to convince herself all she wanted that it was for the good of saving a life, she knew the truth inside her heart; that kiss had turned her world upside down.

And Victor had claimed her in front of so many of his people. Now the word had reached the court too and everybody knew what had happened that day in Lord Walton's residence.

She was the center of the gossips now. Some were waiting for them to get married, some others were judging her way too much. And Estelle was damn frightened.

"Are you even listening to me?" Edith, the old maid asked, bringing her back to reality.

Estelle shook her head, admitting she actually wasn't listening. Thinking of Victor took all her concentration and energy these days.

"For how long are you planning on hiding inside this room?" The maid questioned this time. It was something about her that Estelle loved. A motherly figure she had missed for years now, since her mother had died, and Estelle had tried taking that position for her younger brothers.

"Until his coronation?" Estelle tried smiling lamely. "It would make everything much easier."

"Hiding won't make anything easier, you'll have to face him sooner or later," Edith pointed out the truth Estelle already knew. For some reason, her new friend, that was probably in the age of her grandmother, was always pushing her to Victor.

Once again, Estelle shook her head. "He scares me." Her voice was just a whisper, and all the time she looked out of the window as she spoke.

"No, he doesn't."

"He does," she insisted, weakly. "He was about to kill that Lord with his eyes only. He's mad... he- he scares me."

Edith's chuckle made her narrow her eyes. What was there to laugh? 

"You know what I think?" She took Estelle hand on her in a motherly gesture, however, her eyes glinted a bit with what looked like satisfaction. "What scares you is that he doesn't really scare you, when actually he should."

Estelle blinked several times in confusion. "You aren't making any sense," she said.

"I am." Edith smiled. "You witnessed Victor almost brutally killing a man and that, instead of terrifying you, excites you. Because he did it for you. To show that he would murder to have you, that you are his, admit it or not. And that's what really scares you. Not Victor. You're scared of yourself and the feelings he can bring out of you."

Swallowing hard, she let Edith's words sink in as she stood silent a few seconds, maybe even minutes.

Was it true? Was what the old elf had just said, true? Was Estelle, deep down, such a twisted woman to enjoy her mate killing people just to prove he had her? When in fact this side of him should have been the thing she hated the most.

Victor had killed her father just like that, too. When he was completely out of control. Had his eyes turned white that night as well? Had the deadly eyes scared her father, the one man that scared the whole world?

"That isn't true. That cannot be true." Estelle refused to admit it.

"It can," Edith insisted, however. "We can feel and do things we had never imagined we could for the men we are destined to be with."

Estelle tried to read the look in her face. It looked like the elf was no longer talking about her, she was talking about herself. There was no doubt a past about her that Estelle could bet hadn't ended up the way Edith had wanted to.

Maybe that was the reason Edith kept insisting that Estelle should give Victor a chance?

                                       ***

Victor kept pacing around his room like never before, far away from being his usual calm and collected self. "If she really goes away after my coronation, I will go insane," he finally admitted the truth that had been eating him inside since they had came back from Lord Walton's house, after the incidents that had happened. "I will go bloody insane."

For his complete displeasure, Arthmael chuckled. "I know you will," he said. "You are going insane now, let alone if my sister decided to leave you."

Just the way Arthmael said 'leave you' made Victor snap his head at him, suddenly angry. "She won't leave me. I won't allow her to."

Arthmael crossed his arms on his chest, leaning back on the wall with a smile on his face. "It's not like you can keep her a prisoner here, she's a Princess," he pointed out, his voice humorous. But the look on Victor's face after the idea that crossed his mind made Arthmael believe he was actually considering this one opportunity too. "Victor, it was a joke."

"I know." Victor ran his hand through his hair, that for the first time, were not styled perfectly. "I know but she cannot leave me. I will..." he paused, closing his eyes almost as though it pained him. "God, Evelyn was right. This was a grave mistake, I should have never brought her here and start this stupid game. I should have found another way." He rubbed his face with his hands. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I am. So much," he teased, but when he didn't see a trace of laughter in the elf's face, he stopped. "You have fallen for her." Suddenly the look on Arthmael's face was serious, almost worried. "You have fallen for Estelle for real, you love her."

"I do?" He asked stupidly, then decided to answer his own question, "No I don't, it's been only one week."

"And she's your mate."

Victor sighed. "And I almost exploded someone's organs just because he wanted to take her away from me," he admitted, defeated. "Now Estelle hasn't stepped out of her chambers for two days. If she's afraid of me, I don't know what I will do to make this right again."

"Estelle kissed you to stop you. I don't think that's the way to stop someone from murdering someone else if you're really afraid of them."

That did make a lot of sense. However, killing wasn't what Victor would choose to do in front of her, with the past they had. No matter the bond, he knew it had pushed her a few more miles away from him.

Arthmael suddenly threw his head back and laughed. "Oh God, look at you. Who could have thought my little sister would be the one to make you this helpless. You're so gone for her."

"Shut the hell up, wolf," Victor snapped. "You're the one to talk, you're so whipped for my little sister."

"Did I ever say I wasn't?" He shrugged casually, causing his muscles to lift upwards.

Victor snapped his mouth shout. Nope, he hadn't. Arthmael had actually gone through hell to be with Evelyn and he was proud to admit he would do it all over again just to have her. He had gone against what he called family, against his father, his country and most importantly his morals, to be with the woman he loved, and everything had worked out in the end. They had their own happily ever after now, and Victor was more than happy for them.

But would he ever have that? Of course he wasn't the romantic soul his wolf friend and brother-in-law was, but some part of him wished he could have that. With Estelle. He couldn't imagine wanting to have that with anyone else but her.

"The self-pity in your face isn't even funny anymore." Arthmael's tone of voice turned to serious once more. "The last thing I expected from you was to be a coward for feeling for your own mate. You want her? Go there and tell her. Stop with the games. Tell her the truth, tell her that the idea of her marrying another man made you realize your own feelings for her."

"And that would make things better?" The question was obviously sarcastic. "Estelle would run for her life. She would never accept to be with me, not when she still hates me for killing Robert."

"Yet, staying inside your room won't help you, Victor. You need to make her understand and accept the truth the way it was. And you have a week left for that, so I suggest you to start moving." Arthmael walked out of the room without adding anything more, letting Victor to make sense of his words.

He was right to say Victor had one week left. And one week was too short for him to spend the time cowardly waiting inside his chambers for some miracle to happen and Estelle to fall in his arms. When had he even been afraid of anything in his life, anyway?

Determined, he decided to go to Estelle's room and make a few things clearer for her. Time for games was over, his little wolf had to know how he really felt. Not because of the bond, not to prove her anything, but only the truth. If only she would give them a chance to get to know each other for real, without anything standing in between, he knew she would eventually feel the same.

If she didn't already.

"Do you know where Princess Estelle is?" He asked one of the servants on the hallway, who immediately bowed down to him.

"I-I saw her walk out in the courtyard, but I'm not sure if she's still there now," she answered, hesitantly.

Without losing more time, Victor walked in the closest tower so he could have a better view to where she was. However, his view became darker when his eyes went to her.

Them, he corrected himself. Estelle wasn't alone, David was with her.

Victor watched her cup his face with one of her hands.

Anger and betrayal bubbled inside him, entirely clouding the logic.

Almost as if she felt his eyes on her even from where she was standing, Estelle turned her head and her eyes met his. She removed her hand from David's face immediately, as if it had burned her skin, but it was too late for that now.

Victor had seen them.