Hate or Love

Complicated

Estelle decided to finally walk out of her room and take some fresh air. Maybe even take the courage to finally go and speak to Victor about what had happened. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was scared of him.

But she was also planning on letting Victor know that she wasn't okay with him killing people off every time he got out of control. Even if those people where as ugly and manipulative as Lord Walton. Even if the sight of him dominating the room was sexy as hell.

The last one, she wasn't going to tell him anytime soon, of course.

Estelle walked out on the courtyard, that was surprisingly empty at this time of the day. No servants or ladies around. Which made her happy, the last thing she wanted was to hear other rumors of her running away on vacations with Victor to be together. What she hated the most was that a part of them were true; she had run away to be with him that day.

And they had slept on the same bed. The memories of his arms around her body as he kept her on his chest protectively caused a smile to instinctively found a way on her face. It had felt warm there. For a moment it had felt like everything was normal. Just two mated people from different kinds, sleeping peacefully on each other's arms. Whoever could have seen them in that right moment, would have thought they were most definitely the happiest couple.

"Do you usually smile to yourself when you have walks around your courtyard too?"

The voice, coming from behind her back, caused her to stop on her feet. Estelle knew that voice quite well; just a few days ago she had thought it belonged to her newest friend. Now, it made her feel nothing but betrayal.

"Go away, David," she said without turning to look at him, already planning on not wasting her breath with him. He didn't deserve her time and energy at all.

"Your Grace, listen to me," David said in a pleading tone, but she still decided to keep walking away. "Estelle, please, just give me a chance to explain."

"There's nothing to explain!" Estelle snapped, turning to him furiously. "Absolutely nothing. You knew your father was planning on marrying us and you told me nothing..." Just as she said the words, realization sank in, hard. "But of course you didn't, that was the real reason to approach me in the first place, wasn't it?" A part of her waited for David to deny it, to convince her that part wasn't true, but the helpless look on his face made it obvious she was right. "I was so naïve I really thought you wanted to be my friend. I thought you really enjoyed my company, that you had no ulterior motive, when in fact all you were after were titles only a marriage with a princess could give you."

"Estelle, no―"

"No?!" She chuckled bitterly. "So that wasn't your intention?"

David sighed, defeated. "Alright, it was at first," he finally admitted. "It was. My father wanted me to find a way to get closer to you so you wouldn't find it so terrible to wed me, so I did. But then I really liked you. I swear."

"Oh, please, don't make me laugh." Estelle rolled her eyes, annoyed, but hurt too. "You don't have to lie, I get it. There are many people that have ambitions and what better than royal marriages to achieve them?"

"No, I mean it." David had the courage to make a step forward. "I started to really like you since the very first moment I saw you. Suddenly the idea of an arranged marriage didn't look that terrible if it meant I would marry you."

Her eyes widened in surprise. She tried to detect any lie on his face but she could see none. He looked sincere. "You knew I would never like you that way," she said in a softer voice.

David shook his head, clearly hurt by how straightforward she came. "I didn't. I knew you wouldn't fall in love with me right away, of course, but I also knew you claimed to hate Victor."

Once again she studied his face, and once again David looked sincere. "Yet, that didn't give you any right to assume I would want to marry you, and take me for granted," she demanded, letting her voice raise so he could understand the mistake he had made, and how angry she was about it.

"You're right," he admitted, his head hung low almost as if he couldn't look her in the face. "You're so right about everything, what I did was terrible and there's no excuse for that. I really want to apologize, even if you won't forgive me. I should have never let my father say the things he did, and I should have never went with his plan no matter how much I liked you," he confessed, all the while playing with his fingers like a little boy caught in big trouble. "The truth was, I... I wanted to please my father. All my life all I have done was tried and failed to please him. Nothing I do is enough for him. So I thought if maybe I gave him royal heirs... It's stupid, I know." David shook his head, embarrassed. "I am a fool. I'm so ashamed, I can't even see you in the face now. I swear as soon as I finish rambling I will go away and never face you ever again―"

"David, I understand." 

Her words caused him to look up at her in shock. "You do?!" He asked in shock.

Estelle shrugged, forcing a smile on her face. "I happen to know a thing or two about wanting to be enough for your father..." she trailed off, but it was enough to let David understand she could relate to some points. "Which doesn't make what you did right, but I understand. Sometimes we base all our self-worth on what our parents see on us and that is toxic."

"Yet, there's no way to get out of that loophole," David admitted, finally taking some deep breaths. "So, you forgive me?" He smiled a bit hopefully.

"I do." Estelle returned the smile. Most of the people she had known thought she was too kind for her own good, but this was who she was and she wasn't about to change it. "As long as you don't claim to marry me again, and especially not in front of Victor." She said it as a joke but the way David's shoulders tensed caused the smile to leave her face.

"So, you and him, huh?" David tried to make the question casual, but somehow Estelle got the bitterness in the tone of his voice, which she acted like she didn't.

"Me and him are... complicated." She made herself smile again just for the sake of not letting him know how much only mentioning Victor affected her.

David stopped her from making slow steps. "Estelle, are we still friends?" He asked all of the sudden.

She furrowed her brows questioningly. "If you want to be my friend despite what happened, then yes, we are."

"Then you won't get mad at me if I tell you he doesn't deserve you?"

Her eyes widened. "What makes you think that? You don't know me well enough and you definitely don't know him." It came so natural the way she was so protective of Victor.

"For someone you claim to hate, you speak and act differently," David pointed out.

She took a deep breath, looking away. "It's just the bond."

"Which makes me think that you realize that except the bond, you have nothing in common with him." The honesty made Estelle narrow her eyes at him. "Estelle, I mean it when I say you deserve better than him," David added, braver this time. "You're kind, and funny, and smart, and brilliant. You're beautiful. You're full of life. And Victor's the complete opposite. He's arrogant, cold, heartless... murderous even."

Shock had invaded her features, and for the first seconds she didn't speak, making sense of his words.

Then suddenly, for some reason, she felt both sad and upset. Because at the same time David was right and he wasn't.

"You have no right to talk about him that way," she said, raising her chin defiantly. "That's what Victor let people think of him, but he's much more than that. If he was only what you claimed he is than hating him would be... so much easier." Estelle closed her eyes as if it pained her to admit this out loud.

"You have feelings for him," David stated, a bit bitter.

Shrugging, she still looked away. "I don't know what I feel for him. I told you, it's complicated."

"Things wouldn't be complicated with me," he told her, and Estelle froze for a second at his confession. "The bond wouldn't be there, of course, but we'd get to know each other for who we are, and I could get to love you for who you are. You'd be happier with me." His voice was soft the whole time as he spoke. If it was someone else, Estelle would probably be angry, but she wasn't. David sounded sincere and kind. Like he really believed they would be happy together, which she couldn't even wrap her mind around.

"David, you're a good man," Estelle said with a small sad smile on her face. "I just can't think of you or anyone else like that, but..."

"But him," he ended the sentence for her.

"He's my mate," she admitted helplessly. "But I think you should stop letting your father tell you you're not enough, and you definitely shouldn't settle for women that aren't emotionally available for you," Estelle advised, raising her hand and cupping his cheek softly. "What I think is that you should wait for your mate. When she walks inside the room, you'll understand why you waited."

He smiled a bit sadly at her, but Estelle felt a shiver run down her spine. She didn't know how she felt some eyes on her, but she did. Instinctively, she turned her head at one of the towers of the palace, and immediately the first thing she saw was her mate.

He was far away, but somehow his eyes could still make guilt take its shape inside her chest. She withdrew her hand from David's face immediately, almost as if it had burned her palm, however, Victor made a few steps back and got inside, not sparing her another look.

"He shouldn't have seen that, right?" David asked. Estelle had thought he would be happy, but actually he looked sad for her.

"He definitely shouldn't have, not after what happened that day."

"Then what are you waiting for?" The question made her blink in confusion. "If he's important to you then go tell him the truth. That you were actually talking to me about him."

She smiled a bit, grabbing handfuls of her long skirt and running inside the palace.

The only thing she hoped was to make all this right.

When in fact, she had no idea what this was at all.