Breaking Barriers

Insecurity

I woke up happy every morning because of John. We have a scheduled meet up today at the nearest mall at 2pm. I made sure that I’ve done everything. It might be a bit hard because I need to leave my siblings for a few hours. It is already 1:30 in the afternoon. I am all set and ready to go. I just wear jeans and a plain shirt I tell Anne that I am going now and she needs to look after Love which is currently taking an afternoon nap. I am so excited to meet up John today. It is the first time that I will meet him on a day time. A few minutes later I already reach my destination. John is already waiting inside the mall. “Babe I am at the second floor at the coffee shop.” John texted me. When I get off from the tricycle I really felt my heart beats so fast and it seems like I will faint. I really need to calm myself because I may look stupid in John’s eyes if I will act nervous. I already enter the mall and ride an escalator going to the second floor. When I almost reach the second floor there I saw him already. Our eyes meet that makes my world stops for a minute. He is so handsome and I can’t even take my eyes on him. He is smiling at me right now and wave his hands. I also smiling back at him and walk near him. He pull the chair and let me sit he ask me what I want to order I just ask him to just order an ice coffee for me because the truth is I really don’t know what should I order. Sounds funny but being from a poor family is normal that we are not going to a coffee shop just to have coffee. I also doubt if I order because I only have a 100 pesos in my wallet. John go to the counter and ordered a drink for me and a cake. I really felt nervous because I don’t have money. John put the ice coffee and the cake in front of me because I really feel nervous if he will let me pay it I ask him first if how much all of it. “I don’t let girls pay on a date”. John said. I feel relieved when he said that but I am pretending that I don’t like idea. Are you sure about this? “Don’t think about it Babe” I am serious. John said. We drink our coffee and talk. We laugh at our small talks and enjoy each others company. After that we go to a mini amusement at the Mall and play games. At 4:30 I told John that I need to go home because I need to cook dinner. He understand and offered to take me to the terminal. While we are walking he is holding my hand I am really so amazed on how romantic and sweet he is. Some girls are looking at him. They even flirting at him and I get insecure because they are pretty and you can tell that they are rich. While I am so simple and my skin is brown. I already got irritated good thing John make me feel that I don’t have to feel insecure. He is holding my hand while about to exit the mall a group of girls called John. When we turn to check who is calling John suddenly remove his hand from holding mine and seems like John look scared. What’s wrong with him? I feel confused I am looking at the girls now and I can see that they are from a wealthy family. John just say hi and bid goodbye. All the girls are looking at me I felt so small on how they look at me. Seems like something is not right. One of them caught my attention she seems like have a teary eye. John walk fast to the exit so I follow him. I really don’t understand what’s going on. It seems like I wanted to cry but I just stop myself from crying. When we reach to the terminal John open the door for me. He look me in the eye but I look away. “Babe are you okay?” I just nod and bid goodbye. I did not look at him because my tears are about to fall. While riding the tricycle my tears are falling the driver is looking worriedly at me. After a few minutes I force myself to calm down because I almost arrive home.

I already arrive home and pretending nothings happen. I cook dinner right away and after the dinner and cleaning the kitchen I go straight to my room. I locked the door and lay down. I am so sensitive so I cry hard to lighten my emotion a bit. I check my phone and received multiple text from John. I did not read his messages because I was hurt. I did not notice that I already fall asleep.