His H(a)unted Mate

07. Finding out about you

CHRISTINE

“What happened, Christine?” Dr Marie adjusted the glasses on her nose. I noticed she did it whenever I caved in and refused to talk. As if she wanted to take a better look at me, although her enhanced sense of sight did not need it at all.

“Nothing.” I murmured.

After Hannah’s visit, I felt as if time rewound and brought me back right at the beginning. All the healing I had achieved before was erased with a single finger snap. The person I liked wasn’t good for me. He was the worst nightmare of a mate I could have ever imagined.

The old demons crawled back into my dreams and feasted on my poor existence. On my sanity and the desire to be loved. I was on the cold wet ground again, surrounded by many feral wolves. Their sharp teeth were tearing my flesh and I could hear the cracking sound of my bones. The agony took over and switched off the consciousness. But not for long. A male figure was on top of me, taking my innocent body in the most nasty way. Ruthlessly. Like a beastly animal. As if I was a piece of insignificant nothing and not a living being. Loud breathing, harsh thrusting into my motionless corpse. I woke up screaming, feeling dirty. Nurses had to sedate me to calm me down.

Was he… was Garrett like the rogue who raped me? Did he also do such ugliness to any woman?

I thought our kiss was the most romantic experience, the beautiful fantasy coming true. The tenderness did not correspond with his evil reputation. It confused me. It made me miserable.

Astra was in denial. She said we shouldn’t make assumptions unless he explained to us himself. But Hannah was my best friend, and she had no reason to lie. She tried to defend him afterwards, but I couldn’t think of any excuse that would make me trust Garrett Amar.

I was upset and I shut myself down. I had no motivation for anything. And I thought about all the negative things I could possibly think of.

The weight of depression hurt so much, and it was entirely unexplainable. It shredded my insides apart and left me bloodied and bruised. So broken that I didn’t know if I would ever be whole again. And no one on earth could see it or feel it except for me, and even when the pain dispersed, the numbness that remained was somehow painful too.

“You are wrapped in your blanket although it’s just the two of us. Why?” That was right. My shield protected me from head to my hips.

“I don’t feel safe,” I replied.

“But you are safe. No one here wants to hurt you.”

“I know. It’s my dreams.”

“I see. The nightmares are back. What do you think is the trigger?” The trigger was my mate and his past. But I didn’t want to tell that to Dr Marie.

“It’s my best friend's coronation today and I cancelled on her. She wanted me to be there with her, yet I was afraid to go.”

“Because of too many people attending the occasion? Because your handicap would be exposed in public?” Partially. The other reason was that he was supposed to be there. And I just couldn’t face him. I didn’t answer her question, just nodded my head.

“I have an idea, Christine. I would like to take you to the human clinic where I used to work before I turned into a werewolf. Would you be open to something like that?”

“Why?” It was a very strange proposal. I wondered what Dr Marie's goal was? I tried group therapy a few days ago and it wasn’t much of a help. I wasn’t really keen on talking with others.

“I’d like you to meet my former patient. She was also dealing with trauma in the past. I think talking to someone who has a similar experience like you, someone who can truly understand what you’re dealing with, could actually help.” She explained. On second thought, it was worth consideration. I could listen to a stranger who went through the same pile of s**t as me. At least I wouldn't have to think of him.

~*~

GARRETT

“Why are you sad, honey?” Shane asked Hannah when she came back to the table. Her phone had rung earlier, and she disappeared for a moment. It was morning and we were just having breakfast. Me, my brother Shane and his mate, the future Queen. The coronation was planned for today afternoon.

“It’s Christine. She won’t come today.” Usually, Hannah was a very cheerful person and hearing her voice this sad was definitely uncommon. Did something bad happen? Maybe there was some bad news from her home in the Yukon. I didn’t pay attention to her words because I was lost in my own thoughts. I had the interviews with potential Alphas yesterday. There were four candidates, and I could choose only two of them. The decision wasn’t easy because all of them had certain qualities which would make them great leaders.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure she will visit you when she’s feeling better,” Christine. They were talking about some girl.

“Who’s Christine?” I asked, although I wasn’t very interested in that topic. My mouth was full of French toast.

“My best friend. This is her.” She showed me the screen on her cellphone. There was a picture of Hannah and…my mate!

Torin started to run in the circles in my head, he was desperately trying to come to the surface. I stared at the screen in disbelief. My mate was Hannah’s best friend. The toast immediately fell off my hand and back onto the plate. I just couldn’t take my eyes off that picture. She was smiling. She looked happy. Full of life. But the girl I met was different. My mate carried some heavy burden on her shoulders.

Christine. Her name was Christine.

Hannah locked her screen and put her phone on the table. I wanted to growl at her, but that would be plainly stupid. My brother wouldn’t be happy with such behavior towards his mate. And it wasn't my intention to piss him off.

“What’s wrong with her? Why is she not coming?” The sentences rushed from my mouth. I was worried she was hurt. Torin urged me to shift and run to Yukon. The journey would take a good three days to get there, but he kept banging his head against all the walls of our shared mind, baring his teeth. He wasn’t patient. He never really was.

“She’s dealing with a trauma. She was attacked by rogues in the past and that left some scars on her soul.” Hannah explained, although I sensed she didn’t like all that prying. My heart hammered in my chest, I was afraid it would soon smash the ribcage, tear the flesh and skin and jump out.

Rogues. Fvcking plague! They harmed my mate. MY MATE! How dare they?! It was hard to say who was more pissed at that moment – me or my wolf. Torin barked aggressively, he wanted to crush skulls.

“What scar? What trauma?” I was afraid to raise such questions. Only recently had I the opportunity to see the outcome of their c.arnage. The corpses of poor civilians were unrecognizable. I always considered myself someone with a strong personality. But when I saw pictures of rogue attacks, I ran outside and vomited. Horrible, horrible. Beyond horrible. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to imagine what horrors my sweet mate must have been through.

“She was violated very badly, Garrett. But I don’t want to talk about it.” Violated by rogues. I knew what it meant. The pain in my heart couldn't be described. It pained more than wolfsbane eating my skin. It pained even more than my mother betraying me.

Soon the pain was replaced by uncontrollable rage. The glass in my hand broke, the shattered pieces cut me and made my palm bleed severely. I hadn’t noticed though. All I could think of was that she was so far away from me and there was no chance to comfort her. I needed to hug her. Protect her. Guard her with my life.

Torin howled painfully in my mind. He was devastated and desperate.

“What the fvck, Garrett?” Shane groaned at me, pulling his mate into his embrace. I made quite a mess around myself and scared Hannah.

“I’m sorry. It was an accident. I need to clean myself.” I excused myself quickly and stormed out of the dining room. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the first clean towel to wrap it around my bleeding hand. It was nothing serious. It would heal anytime soon.

“Garrett.” Shane knocked on the door. He must have followed me straight away.

“What?!” I snapped. I shouldn’t have done it. It was disrespectful because he was my King. Nevertheless, he didn’t take it personally. Instead, he entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

“Care to tell me what happened in the dining room?” He crossed his arms on his chest, his brow arched high, expecting an explanation.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized for my outburst. But it wasn’t enough. A brother knew when something was off with his sibling. Ever since mother’s betrayal, our relationship has been stronger. After all, we had only each other and no one else.

“Talk to me. Or should I use my Alpha King’s voice on you?”

“No.” I shook my head and turned around to face him. “I know her. Christine.”

“I figured that part out. Now tell me why you are so upset?”

“She… she is my mate. I didn’t know she was a rape victim.” I sighed heavily, my hand running through my hair. And then I turned around and punched the wall. It cracked, the white paint and plaster falling down. A guttural scream escaped my throat and I punched the wall again. And again. And again. My fists were bleeding and maybe I even broke a couple of bones. I stopped only when Shane’s hands landed on my shoulders, pulling me away from the wall.

“Aggression is not the solution.” What a paradox. A younger brother sharing some wisdom, giving me a teachable moment. Though he was right. All that hitting didn’t help much.

“I know. But I’m angry that it happened to her. It explains a lot about her personality and how she behaves around me. I thought she was hesitant about me because I am scarred physically, while in fact she is the scarred one. Her soul is bruised permanently. And I don’t know how to deal with that, Shane. I don’t know how to treat her. What if I do something stupid and scare her off for good?”

“She is your mate. You will find a way to heal her soul. Just be patient with her. I heard she’s very insecure because of her missing arm.” My brother gave me a sympathetic look. But my body froze completely, and it was only my eyelashes which kept moving, blinking rapidly.

What was Shane talking about? Christine didn’t have an arm?! But how… How could I have failed to notice that?