Captive

Chapter 8

Rebel's POV

Tahimik na nakatingin ako sa langit. Gabi na ngunit mas gusto kong makita ang kalangitan. Like I've been doing that before, like I've been doing that my whole life. Nakahiga ako sa damuhan. I closed my eyes and try to feel something. I tried to feel something in my heart or brain.

Until now, my mind can't remember anything from the past. Even just a glimpse.

I badly want to remember something. Kahit konti lang sana. So, I can sleep at night thinking about it. I'm so tired of being alone with my thoughts. It's too quiet, walang laman ang utak ko. Kahit sana maaari ay gusto kong punuin ang utak ko ng magandang ala-ala.

Ngumiti ako.

But it looks like I will think about Sin's face again tonight. Lagi kong iniisip ang mukha nito, every time that I will feel lonely or alone. There's something in him that gives me comfort.

He's cold yet he can give me warmth.

"Why are you still here?"

Lumiwanag ang mukha ko at saka mabilis na tumayo.

"Sin!"

"Tsk, I'm asking you, woman. Why are you still up at this hour?"

Ngumiti ako.

"I slept for three days, I don't think I can sleep tonight. B-but why are you still up?" I asked.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa hawak nitong beer.

Hindi siguro ito makatulog katulad ko. I know Sin is thinking a lot of things too.

"Go to your room and try to sleep," akmang tatalikod na ito nang mabilis akong tumayo at hinabol ito.

"A-ahm, Sin?"

"What?"

"A-ah, n-nagugutom kasi ako pero ayoko nang gisingin sila, Selena at Manang. S-sanay ka bang magluto?"

I looked at him full of hope. Please say yes, please?

"Wake them up, I'm not going to cook." He said at naglakad ng muli.

Sumimangot ako.

"B-but Sin,"

I sighed dahil tuloy-tuloy lang ito sa pagpasok sa bahay. What did I expect from Sin? Ang totoo ay hindi naman ako nagugutom, I just want to be with him. He's my husband after all. I just want to start a conversation with him. I-i wants to get to know him. Ngunit mukhang malabo pa 'yon sa ngayon.

Maybe soon.

Akmang babalik ako sa pagkakahiga sa damuhan ng magsalita ito.

"Fine, but after this, you will go to your room and sleep."

Eh?

Nanlaki ang mata ko at mabilis na tumango.

"Promise!"

He rolled his eyes at saka pumasok na sa bahay. Masayang sumunod ako rito, yes!

Finally, a moment with Sin!

Masayang tiningnan ko lang si Sin habang nagluluto ito. It's a pack of ramen. That ramen is my favorite one, Selena always makes that for me, and now, Sin.

This night is perfect, yey!

Excited na tiningnan ko ang ramen nang maluto na ito sa wakas.

"Tsk, you're that happy?" He asked.

"It's delicious and warm, I feel happy eating that. Can you eat with me?"

It's lonely eating alone.

Inabot nito sa akin ang ramen.

"No, I'll go now."

Sumimangot ako.

"P-pero, Sin." Hinawakan ko ang braso nito. " Eat with me, please?"

Nagbaba ito ng tingin sa kamay ko na nakahawak sa kanya. When I realized that ay mabilis ko itong inalis.

"S-sorry, s-sige pahinga ka na. Thank you for making me this ramen!"

Maybe next time.

I hope next time, I can finally share food with him and laugh with him.

Maybe next time...

"Sorry po, Aling Rosie. May nangyari po kasi kaya di ako nakapasok."

Kinuha ko ang mop sa matanda at ako na ang gumawa ng mga ito.

He's too old to do this.

"Nako, iha wala 'yon. Nag-alala nga kami sayo, bigla ka nalang daw nawala."

Karina and Daniel probably wonder why I suddenly left them in the restaurant. How can I explain that Sin got mad and wants to crash the whole restaurant that night? And how can I talk to Daniel again? Sin and I have already talked about it. If I get caught, Sin will never allow me to go here anymore.

This is frustrating.

I sighed.

I'm doomed.

"Bakit iha? May problema ka ba?" Aling Rosie asked habang nagwawalis.

Umiling ako.

"Wala po, siguro napagod kayo noong wala ako." Sagot ko at kinuha sa bulsa ko ang isang chocolate.

Selena always packs me a lot of chocolates. She said that it will help me boost my energy.

And she's right.

"Nako, salamat, iha."

Ngumiti ako saka tumango.

"Rebel girl!"

Nilingon ko ang tumatawag sa pangalan ko at masaya akong ngumiti. It's Karina and Daniel...

"K-karina! D-daniel,"

"Grabe, bakit ka naman biglang nawala noong isang gabi. Bale limang araw ka nawala, nag-alala kami sayo."

Isang tipid na ngiti lang ang ginawa ko ka'y Karina.

"Oo nga, saan ka ba nagpunta?" Daniel asked.

"Ah, may nangyari kasi pero ayos na ngayon. Sorry at iniwan ko kayo, sorry talaga."

"Ano ka ba, next time mag-paalam ka ha! Pinakaba mo kami, we thought something bad had already happened to you." Daniel said.

Tumango ako.

Nagi-guilty ako but it's my fault. Dapat hindi ako sumama sa kanila, Sin also gets mad at me.

I was about to speak when someone called my name.

"Rebellious!"

"Huh?" Hinanap ko ang pinanggalingan ng boses at ganon na lamang ang panlalaki ng mata ko nang makilala kung sino ito.

"Rouxe!" I called him back.

Napasinghap ang mga tao sa paligid ko including Karina, Daniel, and Aling Rosie.

Eh?

Why do they look surprised?

Kumaway ito sa akin at mabilis na lumapit sa amin. Ngunit kumunot ang noo nito dahil sa suot kong damit.

Ngumiti ako rito.

"Rouxe, anong ginagawa mo rito?" I asked.

"Why are you wearing that uniform?"

"Huh?" Nagbaba ako ng tingin at tiningnan ang suot ko. "Anong mali rito?"

Sumimangot ito.

"Damn that fool, he made you do this?"

Lumunok ako dahil tila galit ito. Nilingon ko rin ang mga kaibigan ko na tila gulat na nakatingin sa amin ni Rouxe.

Lumunok ako nang maalala ang sinabi ni Sin sa akin. Hinawakan ko ang braso nito at saka hinila palayo sa mga kaibigan ko.

"A-ah, Rouxe kasi ganito 'yon, wag ka maingay. Sin said to me na dapat hindi nila malaman na mag-asawa kami." Bulong ko rito.

Or else, I'm dead again.

Sumimangot ito habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Tsk, and you even agreed to him to make you a freaking janitress?"

Ngumuso ako.

"Minamaliit mo ba ang mga janitress, huh, Rouxe?" Naningkit ang mata ko rito.

Nanlaki ang mata nito at saka tumikhim.

"Geez, you're scary, Rebellious. Of course not but what I mean is, you don't have to do this. Look at you, puro sugat na ang kamay mo." He said at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"Eh? May pasa nga!"

Ngayon ko lang napansin na may sugat na pala ako. Am I being dumb?

"Damn, see, you're so careless. At kagagaling mo lang sa sakit, that assh*le is heartless."

Hindi ko na iniintindi ang sinasabi nito when I saw a little kid on a couch doing something.

What is that?

Kinalabit ko si Rouxe na busy pa rin sa pagtalak.

"Huh? What?"

Tinuro ko ang hawak ng bata.

"I also want one,"

Kumunot ang noo nito at tiningnan ang hawak ng bata.

"W-what? It's a coloring book and a color, Rebellious."

C-coloring book?

It looks fun.

Masayang tumango ako.

"I also want a coloring book, Rouxe!"

Nanlaki ang mata nito ngunit kalaunan at tumawa.

"You want me to get you some coloring books?"

I nodded cutely.

Yes, please!

-----

Masayang nakatingin ako sa mga coloring books at color na binili sa akin ni Rouxe. After I said that ay tumawa ito at tumango. And then ta-da! He already gets me one, no not one but a lot! Mayaman talaga si Rouxe, ano kaya ang trabaho n'ya?

Binuksan ko ang pintuan sa hagdanan ngunit nanlaki ang mata ko sa nakita.

I-it's Daniel and he's kissing a b-boy?

W-what is happening?

"A-ah," lumunok ako dahil nakita ako ni Daniel.

His eyes also widened at ganoon din ang kasama nito na mabilis na tumakbo paalis.

"R-rebel,"

Lumunok ako.

"D-daniel,"

"Tsk, you're so careless, Daniel. Let's tell Rebel your real identity." Karina said.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"R-real identity? Y-you mean, Daniel is a girl?"

What's with Daniel?

Tumawa si Karina habang si Daniel ay ngumuso.

"How I wish, psh." He said.

"How innocent, what I mean is, Daniel, is a gay."

G-gay?

What is that?

"W-what is gay?"

Parehas napa facepalm ang mga ito dahil sa tinanong ko. Umubo si Karina at siniko si Daniel.

"Explain to her, tsk. Sasakit ang ulo ko sa babaeng 'yan. First, he knows Rouxe Gun Vergara, and then she doesn't know what gay is."

Huh? What's with Rouxe?

Daniel sighed.

"I will try," he answered at tumingin sa akin. "W-well, ahem, I'm gay. It means I don't like women and I like men."

H-he likes men? That's why he's kissing another man kanina?

"In short, he loves hot dogs!" Karina said.

Hotdog?

"Yeah, I also love gay porn." Natatawang usal ni Daniel.

Nagtataka pa rin ako but they both laughed.

"Gaga ka! Stop tainting her,"

"She's so funny,"

Tumikhim ako.

"B-but I love hotdogs too, does it mean, I'm gay too?"

Isang mahabang katahimikan ang namayani bago humalakhak ang mga ito ng tawa.

"Damn, she will be the reason for my death."

"S-saan ka ba ipinanganak, babae ka."

Sumimangot ako.

"Why are you laughing?" Nalilitong tanong ko.

"S-sorry," they both said.

I pouted.

"And what is gay porn? Is that food?" Tanong ko.

This time they both rolled their eyes at me.

"Listen, Daniel is gay, which means he doesn't love girls, he wants to marry a boy. And gay porn is like a movie, tama, movie." Karina explained to me.

M-movie?

What? Does Daniel want to marry a boy? P-pero, bakit?

"Tss, sasabog ang brain cells ko sayo babae ka," Karina whispered.

"She's like a child, damn."

Ngumuso ako.

How should I know those things when I don't know who I am?

Lumunok ako at huminga ng malalim.

I can do this. I'm here in front of Sin's office. I want to ask him for something, I'm really confused and I need to know the answer.

Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pintuan at doon ko nakita ang nakasimangot na si Sin. He's busy reading some papers.

Tumikhim ako at saka ngumiti.

"A-ahm, Sin?"

Nag-angat ito ng tingin at saka tumingin sa akin.

"What? Don't peep and come here, woman."

Masayang tumango ako at saka pumasok sa loob. I close the door at saka lumapit dito.

"Ahm, I want to ask some questions. Daniel made my headache," ungot ko.

Sumama ang timpla ng mukha nito.

"I told you to stop talking to him, right, woman? Are you disobeying me again?"

Lumunok ako.

Eh?

"B-but it just happened by accident!" Mabilis kong sagot.

Ah, I should watch my words.

"What do you mean, huh? Tell me a good reason or you're dead again."

What? I just want a clear answer and I can't believe that I will get punished again because of that.

I gulped.

"A-ah, it started when I saw Daniel kissing a boy. I asked him and Karina said that he's gay. But I don't know what's gay is and Karina said it means, Daniel loves hotdogs and gay porn." I explained. "And I also tell them that I love hotdogs but I still don't get it what gay is. Can you explain to me?"

Kunot ang noo nito.

"What?"

I pouted.

"I don't know what gay is, he just said that he wants to marry a boy. But I'm still confused."

He sighed at pinitik ang noo ko.

"Damn, never mind. Don't even try to know what gay is and like what I've said, stay away from him. Even if he's a gay, he's still a man." Seryosong pahayag nito.

Sumimangot ako.

"But I'm curious,"

Naningkit ang mata nito.

"Do you love to go back in the house and roam around there all day?"

Ha?

Mabilis na umiling ako.

"No! S-sorry," I whispered.

Tumango ito.

"Good, and now, stay there on the couch and don't leave. We will go home after this." He said at tinuro ang couch sa gilid.

Tahimik na tumango ako at walang nagawa. Hmp, maybe I will ask Rouxe next time.

Rouxe will surely tell me the answer.

Huminto ako nang may maalala.

"By the way, Sin?" Tawag ko rito.

"What again?"

I smiled.

"Can we watch gay porn? I wonder why Daniel loves that."

It must be a good movie.

Natigilan ito at maya-maya ay sunod-sunod na mura na ang binitawan.

"Fudge, what? I'll kill that guy!"

Nanlaki ang mata ko.

"S-sin naman."

Sinamaan ako nito ng tingin kaya tahimik na umupo nalang ako. Inilabas ko nalang ang mga coloring book na binigay sa akin ni Rouxe.

Napangiti ako nang makita ang isang sunflower. I happily pick the colors and started to color the drawing. Habang nag-cocolor ay napatingin ako sa gawi ni Sin. He's also looking at me and right there, I wonder if I can also give color to his life.

I wonder if I can also paint some colors yellow, purple, green, pink in his life. So he can smile and laugh too, so he can express himself and not hide with those cold eyes.

I want to see his smile so badly.

If only I could. I will do it every day and put a smile on that lips.

If only I could.