When I Look At You

Wang Yibo In Xiao Zhan's Absence

"I called to deliver the news to you. The shoot for mega magazine will resume but you have to work with ShiQi." my assistant called while i'm in the middle of eating my breakfast.

"No problem with me. We are cool with it." ShiQi and I can work harmoniously though we never work together before in a photoshoot.

There's a momentary silence on the other side of the phone before I heard a long sigh. "I know that but the thing is Xiao Zhan can't make it. He won't be joining the team."

"What?! I thought he was incharge with the graphics and costume design." Unbelievable. "What happened?"

I can't believe this. I'm looking forward for this gig hoping to interact with Xiao Zhan more. I cleared my schedule for this week just so I can work without anything on my plate.

"Relax, boss. I'm shocked you are not updated with this." Disbelief can be heard in his voice. "I mean, with you being the main cover and all. I thought director's team would email you or something."

I'm not notified by any sort. "Woudn't bother if it's just for trivial matters."

I'm alerted on all Xiao Zhan's activities on his accounts and he hasn't posted anything regarding this. But come to think of it he hasn't posted for the last three days. I didn't find that weird thinking its just normal when an artist is busy. Just like when I can't take a hold of my phone during a hectic schedule.

I thought hard. What if I missed some important details regarding this?

But Its my daily routine to browse Xiao Zhan's social media accounts so missing any update is imposible. And I haven't heard any gossip about Xiao Zhan to think Qian Feng And Da Zhangwei were with me most of the time. They're like paparazzis always updated on the latest celebrity gossips.

I sighed to calm myself from the frustrations that's starting to build inside me. I tried to listen on what my assistant has to say.

"He took a leave to go home in Chongqing. His P.A. said he has to attend an emergency." Since when did assistant YanYan become acquainted with Xiao Zhan's P.A?.

"Has Wajijiwa approved of this? How 'bout Yehua?" There's this sudden panic on my system knowing Xiao Zhan has left.

"Yes. They took into consideration that X NINE was on temporary break and no important engagement of Xiao Zhan is going to be abandoned. Given that his collaboration with Yehua is not anything major so they approved of his vacation." He said in a very platonic voice. "Anyway, even the director of the magazine photohoot let him go stating that he'd just hire another to replace Xiao Zhan." He added maybe to reassure that everying's okay.

"Ok." Putting off the call I sighed for the hundreth time.

My energy when I woke up this morning vanished and all I want to do is to just lay around with my phone. I wanted to message Xiao Zhan but I know its none of my business wether he works or not. I'm not in the right place to demand explanations and whatnots.

Even I, myself cannot comprehend what was going on with me these past few weeks. The feeling of being satisfied everytime I got any update from Xiao Zhan through the status on his social media accounts is one. Another is the nagging feeling that I need to take care of him each chance I got.

I know its weird but I can't help it.

I mean, what man in his sound mind would stalk a fellow guy even requesting from his bodyguard to locate this man's address and whereabouts?

Where can you find a man sending snacks and meals just because that other person posted he's craving this and that on his Weibo account?

I must be crazy to do all that for Xiao Zhan but i'm happy if I did so, too. Whatever is happening to me i'm hoping I can put a name on it sooner or later.

My phone rang for the second time. "Oh?"

"So cold, Yibo. Even I can feel from my distance." The caller ignored my rudeness and said those words in a very sarcastic manner.

"What now?" I'm not in the mood for conversations right now.

The caller sighed before talking. "I called to. . "

"ShiQi, I don't have time for this. If you don't have anything important to say might as well end this nonsense." I cut her from blabbering any more nonsensical words. I don't have the energy to deal with her nagging today.

"Hey! Don't you dare cut me off. What the hell?!" ShiQi shouted on the other line with her irritated tone. "I called to say pick me up at the cafe, later. We would be together in that magazine shot so come pick me up, you grumpy old man." She demanded before hanging up the phone.

That girl is annoying. We seldom get along because most of the time we bicker and fight with almost everything. Only Yuno and Chen can bear to be with her.

I showered and got ready. I drove at the cafe where that annoying creature is waiting.

"Get in." I park my car in front of the cafe and motioned her to get in without opening the car door. Why bother when she herself said she's not the weak type of woman to let a man do things for her. I just have to be patient enough not to kick her out of my car before the venue.

She entered and shut the door loudly. "What's with that face? Are you not happy to see me?". There's mockery laced in her voice.

"None of your business." Snarling should shut her noisy mouth. I like silence so much I hate noisy people.

"Hey, i'm still your girlfriend. You're extra today. Extra annoying old man." While i'm a monotone ShiQi is pitchy which is irritating to the ears.

"Watch it. Where's your ugly motorcycle anyway?"

She usually drive her motorcycle around so what's with the 'pick me up' drama. Maybe she got into trouble again and now she's bothering me. What a waste of time.

"Chen has it." Her voice suddenly melowed down indicating she's not happy about Chen having her most love ride.

I'm not a nosy person so I let her be.

When we're done with our work we went our separate ways and continue minding our own business.

???

"Fix your lipstick. It's making you ugly." I remarked looking at the girl who just finished dancing.

Its been two weeks five days already since Xiao Zhan took his vacation.

"Grandma can dance better than that. You need to give more." Another lady showcased her dance routine.

In those weeks no updates had been made in any of his social media accounts and that made me anxious. Even Wajijiwa hasn't said anything.

"You are not sexy enough for that routine." Who would choose a sexy routine when your body cannot keep up with the beat. Its like wasting a good music.

Everyday in the first few days of no Xiao Zhan I would stalk his accounts and had set the notification alert to the loudest volume. I would end up looking at his old photos while his solo songs is playing at the background.

"You're not organize with your steps. Don't dance if you're not ready. You're wasting good sounds." I bet even my co- mentors became dizzy watching this girl dance. She's like a worm sprinkled with salt.

As days goes by, I grew tired of constant waiting from unsure hopes. I did everything just to keep Xiao Zhan out of my mind. I did skateboarding and racing exercises on extended hours after my usual workload just to keep myself busy. I even joined an out of town motocross exhibition with a famous motocross rider to be occupied and forget about him.

I silenced my alert notification on him and hid the folder of his pictures so that I can't be tempted to open it.

I did all of that to forget about a man named Xiao Zhan but at the end of the day no matter how exhausted I get he never failed to occupy my entire system and sometimes even in my dreams.

"When dancing i'm not that flirty." Boy group performed this time. They are in their motorcycle outfits. They danced well but their like flirting with every girl watching them.

I really like to understand these certain emotions that has been bugging me eversince Xiao Zhan happened.

Just like when I felt a huge gap in my soul when Xiao Zhan decided to go AWOL. Its like half of my life was stolen so I felt incomplete and its only Xiao Zhan who could fill that hole.

To sum up how I feel this past weeks without Zhiao Zhan no matter how i'm trying to avoid it: I'm lost.

"Ok thats all for today, people. Contestants please prepare for next week's elimination. Thank you for your hardwork." Jackson Wang dismissed the Produce 101 contestants.

Everyone left except for a boy silently sitting at the corner. I should've ask what's the matter but I don't really care so I walk towards the other mentors.

"What's the matter, big bro? Are you still not ok?" Jackson Wang seriously inquired. He's like a little brother to me.

Jackson Wang is a Hong Kong rapper, singer and dancer based here in China though he is a member of GOT7 in South Korea. He is the founder of record label Team Wang, and is the creative director and lead designer for fashion brand Team Wang Design. Just like me he is as a solo artist and television host. We're both 'Wang' so we're both good looking and successful as well as our big brother Wang Han.

"Why? I'm ok." I frowned at his question.

"You're upset over something, I can tell." still eyeing me up and down. "You're pretty savage. The contestants were solid scared of you."

"I'm always like this." I retorted. I like direct to the point instead of sugarcoating everything. They needed rough encouragement to improve.

He shook his head. "Nope." popping the 'p' at the end. "You're strict, tough and all but these past weeks you are becoming more coldhearted and like a madman." He said in a gentle but scolding tone.

"Hey! Watch it. I'm still older than you." I scolded back.

"Yes, grandpa." He joked and we burst into laughter. "If you needed someone to talk about anything we're here. Just call us." he reminded before turning his back to leave.

I sighed. I got earfuls by Wang Han one too many times already. Even Yuno said something but I can't get back to my usual self when i'm this rude already. What's there to change?.

While walking away from Produce 101 set I got a weird realization that maybe Xiao Zhan's absence made me more savage and unbecoming.

When are you coming back? Please be back the soonest.

? ? ?

"You have no business going there, Wang Yibo. And you have to record a segment for DDU." A frowning manager said. She spared me a brisk glance before typing on her laptop.

"We're done recording that." We finished shooting that segment earlier due to Qian Feng and Yu Haoming's Beijing tour.

"Do you have to be there? Is it that urgent?." Miss Yi continued on what she's doing without another look towards me.

"Yes. So please allow me to travel to Chongqing. Consider this my personal travel." pleading is not my style but this time I can take a risk.

"How many days?" that being ask means she is giving it a thought. "You cannot stay there for more than two days, Yibo. You know how packed our schedule is."

"Two days is more than enough for me." I am not signed to any exclusive manager but I am bugging Miss Yi today for my trip. She is acting as my manager recently due to Yehua's arrangement. Beside, miss Yi is also the sister of the CEO.

"When are you planning to go?" meaning she's granting me permission already.

"Tomorrow at dawn. I'll be with Yuno." Yuno will be taking a break so he insisted on coming upon knowing of my travel plan.

"Ok. Make sure your phone is always available for communication, ok?." She reminded finally giving in.

"Ok. Thanks!"

I exited the building with high spirits. My things were packed already. I'll just have to deal with the last minute music video for Chen who asked for my help in choreography and finalization.

Almost a month of Xiao Zhan's break, his agency announced that he will be doing a promotional video in Chongqing. He will stay there for a month more for this said project.

I think fate or destiny sided with me. Two weeks after that announcement my schedules were freed one by one And it so happen that my last schedule would be the recording of a DDU segment and at that moment Haoming and Qian Feng's Beijing tour moved to an earlier date. So at the 3rd week since Wajijiwa's announcement i'm ready to go.

"Are you finish with your business?" Yuno called just I am just about to exit Chen's MV location.

"Yes. Why?" Seing that there's still plenty if time so i'm thinking of charging my power bank just in case I ran out of battery along the way.

"Good! I already registered at a hotel and the plane, too." He happily informed. Yuno is a well known travel Vlogger aside from being an actor and a model. "Oh! I rescheduled our flight 23:01." I suddenly cursed at him on what he said.

"Its 9 now, damn you. Why would you choose a time that early?" rushing to the parking lot I scolded him repeatedly amidst his laughter.

"That, my friend, is for your fans not to see us taking a flight. Or would you rather want them to flock at you." Chuckling Yuno is irritating made me want to whack his head right now but he has a good point. I don't want to waste time avoiding crowds.

"Yes. But isn't 4:30 am good enough to avoid them?." I started the car engine and motioned my bodyguard to just follow me.

"But you said you got two days only, right?". I remembered telling him that. But what's that gotta do with us having a flight too early. "If we follow the time of your choice then we'll only have one and a half day only to spend. Even lesser if we have to rest and dine out. Remember your bodyguard and assistant were to be left here."

"Right! Forgot 'bout that." Maneuvering the car away from where i'm from my hand calculated the time we're supposed to be arriving at our destination and Yuno's right. "Ok! I got your point."

"Told you so. Just drive your car at the airport. We'll just use their pay parking service." He instructed.

"Ok." I hang up the phone and drove back at my condo unit to get my luggage.

Bodyguard LeLe carried them to the car and woudn't let me drive on my own. He insisted on bringing me to the airport and will drive back with the car. For safety purposes as he had said. Works well with me as he knows very well what to do.

Few hours later, here we are settled in a three star hotel located few kilometers from the heart of the city. This hotel may not as grand and classy as those in five stars but it has its own diffinition of class and uniqueness. I like its homey ambiance and welcoming charm.

I know why Yuno chose it here. Aside from being lowkey as he said, its because we're located near restaurants and food stalls that's offering high quality and tasty native ChongQing receipes at an affordable price. He wanted to splurge in ChongQing's well-known biteworthy foods. But i'm a bit hesitant with trying them because of their spicy menus. I'm not so good with strong tastes.

"I cannot sleep, like at all." For the ninth time Yuno barged in my room complaining.

"So? What now?" in fact me too, im not sleepy at all. Maybe we slept well while we're on the plane. We spend four hours dozing off through out the flight.

"How 'bout we try those noodle shops in the neighborhood. I heard they're delicious but afordable." Maybe he's just excited to take a taste of those so he can't sleep.

"Its only 3.30 am. Are they open for service at this hour?" not to mention its cold outside.

"Are you kidding? Its the perfect time for a good noodle. And I heard they're opening stalls here at 3 am so we're good to go." He Exited my room to get ready.

I agreed with his suggestion because i'm hungry as well. I didn't eat during the flight as I originally planned because tiredness caught up with my body so I fell asleep first thing my butt touched the seats.

We came across a shop with a very mouthwatering aroma of noodle soup that's being cooked. There were already few people seated while enjoying their bowl of noodles.

"Here's your Mala with hard noodle. Enjoy!" The server left us with the serving of Mala, ChongQing special.

As soon as the soup touches my tongue, I felt my tongue being burned due to how spicy this Mala noodle was. I am never a fan of chili flavored foods as they upset my stomach. I scoop a little portion for the second time and blew it gently to get rid some of its hotness. It's still burning my tongue but I endured. I'm still getting over the burning sensation by drinking the cold glass of water but I choked as I saw tears running down Yuno's eyes.

"Don't laugh. Look at your face." I know im not in any better shape but can't help it. I chuckled and stop eating. Any unpleasant taste on my mouth was long forgotten as I saw Yuno's pitiful but laughworthy condition.

"Why are you crying? Are you sad eating noodles?" A fat man near our table who seemed to have been observing our situation said while laughing. "You're from another district aren't you. No wonder you can't stand Chongqing's Mala."

We look at him but said nothing.

"You should've ordered something that'll suit your tastebud first." He suggested. "We have plain egg noodle. Just ask the server."

"Thank you, uncle. We'll do that." Yuno answered respectfully. We watch him leave with his cab.

We did as he suggested and ate to our hearts' content. We paid our bill which was suprisingly cheaper than we expected so we left a bigger amount of tip to the server.

'I'm at your hometown now, Xiao Zhan. Will I see you?'

My last thought when we're back at the hotel.

~~

Mala is a spicy and numbing seasoning made from Sichuan peppercorn and chili pepper. Most commonly, mala is made into a sauce (*** málàjiàng) by simmering it in oil and other spices. Characteristic of Sichuan cuisine, particularly Chongqing cuisine, it has become one of the most popular ingredients in Chinese cuisine and spawned many regional variants.

credits to google