When I Look At You

Mission: Stalking Xiao Zhan

Its already midnight and I just got back from my skateboard training from downtown but my eyes still wide awake so I busied myself by scrolling social media flatforms.

Its been almost three weeks since the guesting of Xiao Zhan's band X NINE on DDU but it's still fresh in my memory how his compliment has affected me until now.

I've got a very busy schedule as usual and so is Xiao Zhan. I'm informed a bit because of the updates Xiao Zhan is posting onhis social media accounts.

I remembered how I keep on bothering Wang Han and the rest just to get his official social media accounts.

A day after the guesting:

"Wang Han, did Xiao Zhan really left his weibo account?" asking about this will surely gave him the permission to make fun of me. I'm sure of it but I have to acquire Xiao Zhan's account details.

He looked at me and started grinning from ear to ear. "What? You want it?" When I nodded his face brightened and smiled like a devil. "I thought you're not interested. You left immediately yesterday."

"I have to do something important." I had to attend the weekly round abouts on motorcycle racing from the Yamaha Club but mostly just running away from their prying eyes.

"Like shaking hands with handsome Xiao Zhan?" those words from him caused me a momentary shocked. I'm sure there's no one around during that time because they're all busy talking with the other guest.

I stared at him with doubt. "You saw us? I mean what did you see really.'' I sound nervous for whatever reason though still not believing that Wang Han really saw me with Xiao Zhan.

"Well, its an accident. You see, I need to remind Xiao Zhan about his name on weibo but I saw him running after you so I have to follow him. That's when I saw Xiao Zhan talking and shaking hands with you." A lengthy explaination from Wang Han made me believe he really saw us yesterday.

"Hmmnn!" I responded with a shrug. Its no big deal if he saw me with Xiao Zhan. We're not doing anything indecent.

"I'm shocked, really. When did you start holding hands with a stranger, Yibo?. Not to mention you only met for a few hours." he stated with curiousity.

"For the record, big brother its not holding hands. We only shook hands." I explained.

"Yeah. A shake hands which lasted a minute." He continued arguing about that holding hands he's implementing. "For years i've known you I already know you're not that enthusiastic in meeting people aside from work."

"Well, we knew each other through Director TanQi. I told you already." Wang Han is my closest among others even Yuno and I considered him my father figure so I tend to talk to him most of the time about everything.

"So what's with getting his Weibo account? You even dared to wait for an hour just for it." He's currently filming a movie right now and I waited nearly an hour for his break.

He sipped his cup of tea while his eyes are still on me. "You're very eager to have it that Da Zhangwei and Qian Feng even have to hide their phones just to annoy you even more."

"They said to come get it from you." Asking Qian Feng And Da Zhangwei was troublesome they even asked for a hug just to annoy me. I refused so they hid their phones.

"Don't tell me you like Xiao Zhan and decided to befriend him?." Wang Han smiled with amusement.

"Yeah. And what's wrong with liking him to be my friend?" I nag him. There's nothing wrong with liking someone, is it?!

He snapped his fingers like he discovered an unbelievable fact. "I knew it. I really knew it." he exclaimed excitedly. When you started loosing the games against Xiao Zhan we started to suspect you of liking him."

"We?! Who's we?" Am I that obvious? Nah, I don't think so.

"Who else if not everyone on DDU Family. We know you're a very competitive person and hates loosing the most thats why we're surprised by your behaviour. And that, my friend caused us to believe you like Xiao Zhan's band." He continued blabbering.

Its true. I don't like loosing and if i'm gonna loose I made sure its from a good fight. And I myself don't understand why I don't mind loosing against Xiao Zhan.

"Bo, tell me? Were you pretending the whole time that you don't know X NINE?'' He asked facing me with accusation.

"You know me. I don't have time listening to music if it is not for my groove." I reminded him. "You did see my phone and I only have few songs in it."

"Stop the pretentions, Bo. Don't worry i'll keep it a secret though from yesterday's event im sure the others already know it." he said with a mysterious tone.

"What do you mean? What secret?" I have no idea what's he talking about.

"That you're a fan of X NINE. That you are fanboying over their lead vocalist secretly. That's why you let him win and even took the chance to shake hands privately with him." Wang Han said with matching slap on my shoulder while chuckling merrily.

"What nonsense are you talking about now, Big Bro?". im confused. Xiao Zhan and I really had a brief encounter yesterday but he's the one who initiated it. Though I like that little conversation we had.

He glared at me. "Don't deny anymore. We knew already. You even forgot that you are not engaging to people you just met when you let him touch you." He nagged.

"Ok! Ok! Stop overthinking." There's no use arguing with Wang Han.

"So you are really a fan of X NINE. Wow! That's a first. You fanboying over someone." he continued with his nonsense.

"Yes! Now where's that Weibo account i'm asking for." Reminding him should stop the long talk before more nonsense will come out Wang Han's mouth. I really wanted Xiao Zhan's social media account.

"Hmmph! Grumpy. Here just copy from my phone." Handling me his handphone after pressing his password. "He gave us all his social media accounts including their official promotional page. If you want copy that too."

"Sir, call time." Wang Han's assistant came.

I briskly saved all of Xiao Zhan's account and gave back Wang Han's phone. "Thank you, Big Brother. I owe it to you."

"No problem, Young one. I'm just happy that finally you're beggining to open up yourself to others." I can see from his face that he's really happy for me. "As a matter of fact, your willingness to get in touch with Xiao Zhan is a good sign. Goodluck, Yibo."

"Thank you." I followed my eyes to Wang Han until he disappeared when he entered his tent.

Usually, I don't have any patience if not related to my line of work but my perseverance and handwork never run out as I dig into Xiao Zhan's account. Even his oldest post did not escape my attention.



I spend a lot of time during a break and before going to bed on stalking him on all social media flatforms. i********:, Douyin, Weibo, Oasis name it as long as there's Xiao Zhan in it i'm there browsing patiently. In the span of three weeks I already acquired Xiao Zhan's few personal details and i'm very proud of myself for that.

He was born in Chongqing and it's his birthday next week, October 05 according to his bio on Weibo.

He is a Libra which corresponds to a goat in Chinese Zodiac. I read this on their promotional page. It's kinda weird of me for thinking wether a Leo and a libra has a high compatibility percentage. But it just came to mind while browsing.

I concluded that he is an animal lover, thanks to my amazing detective skills. I saw lots of pictures of cats and other animals on his timeline and mostly pictures of the same cat which suggested he owns a cat.

He likes to have a Shiba Inu breed of dog. And I have a dog. So maybe we matched?. I shook my head. I'm thinking some nonsense again. It often occured to me thoughts like these for the past few days particularly eversince I met Xiao Zhan.

I also found a hilarious old video of him drunk. He was with his friends in a drinking session but he got drunk with only two shots of wine. I mean who got drunk with little alcohol. He has a low alcohol tolerance.

But he's cute though with all that pinkish cheeks and tantalizing eyes.

Call me creepy but I even searched the web for his old interviews or anything with Xiao Zhan in it. So I found out he likes photography though he don't like taking a picture of himself.

Me, too like taking pictures and I would love to take his pictures and post it on social media of given the chance.

I really admire his business mind. I learned from his very first interview after his debut on X NINE that he partnered with his friends and founded Yiguang Film Media and photography studio and NED Design company. He turned his passion on graphic design and photography into business.

Maybe director TanQi knew about Xiao Zhan's artistic capability so he personally picked him for that kind of job.

There's this very old highschool yearbook shared by one of his batchmates where I read few interesting facts about him.

His hobby is drawing, reading and watching movies. In fact, these hobbies made Xiao Zhan a Home body or buddy of some sort according to what i've read.

Practically a nerd. So him becoming an idol is unlikely but then again if looks is the main basis and his singing he has the qualifications.

Zhou Xun and Stefanie Sun were his idols. He attended every fansigns and fanmeetings of each of them. Maybe it's these two who influenced Xiao Zhan's dreams on becoming an idol himself.

I came to know many things about him but what caught my attention is his idea of a relationship.

It says in a gossip column that he certainly prefers someone who is a fun person with gentle and interesting soul.

But in another interview, he stated that he would preferably like someone he can get along with instead of finding a specific individual who meet a certain standard or criteria. According to him standards are just a basis for finding someone so who you like to be with at the end of the day is certainly not based on your criteria but of how you really feel towards that person.

I snickered thinking how fast my mind responded with agreement. I myself hasn't set any criteria for finding that special someone. Besides setting standards will end up in disappointment so why bother.

While being in a relationship he prefers to maintain a weaker contact and be more independent instead of constantly chatting with each other.

Isn't it better if constant communication is present in a relationship? I believe in constant communication so I love to bother those who hold a part of my heart.

He can accept a long-distance relationship because the distance creates the beauty of treasuring each other and understanding happiness when being together.

Distance makes the heart fonder but not to me. I believe that too much longing makes the heart forget.

He says he’s not a brave person that's why he is not good in expressing love with words.

This is the part we both share. I cannot express myself in any way properly. Be it emotion or in action. I lack the will in expressions because i'm afraid people would take advantage of my vulnerability. And i'm done with that.

He thinks when being in a relationship it’s cute to have nicknames for each other.

It's not cute at all. Its corny. I shook my head heavily as I imagine myself saying sweetheart. Its cringey because its not my thing.

I ended up sleeping almost dawn due to these informations. But this doesn't matter because i'm enjoying what i'm doing.

I stalk him constantly but I never had the courage to engage in a chat with him though he accepted my request on weibo.

Let me tell you a secret: I enabled my notification bell solely for him and I get excited each time it beep. I even saved a few pictures of Xiao Zhan in a folder on my phone from different media accounts.

I know what i'm doing is weird and unnatural but I have this satisfied feeling everytime I did something that has to do with Xiao Zhan. Maybe what Wang Han said that day was true. I am starting to get out of my comfort zone.

DDU family is currently greeting each birthday celebrant today who previously guested here. My face is devoid of any expression but deep inside I feel anxious while waiting for a certain celebrant to appear on that giant screen.

"The next celebrant is Xiao Zhan of X NINE." There via live broadcast is a smiling Xiao Zhan in a black suit. He looks formal today like that of a korean hearthrob portraying a business tycon in a movie.

I can't help looking at his face. Has he been dieting? He lost weight a bit.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday happy birthday! Happy birthday, Xiao Zhan!" Everyone here is cheering and singing for him.

"Thank you, everyone. I'm so happy today." He's waving at the camera excitedly which he appeared childish in doing so.

"Its your day, so have you receive any presents so far?" Nosy Wang Han inquired.

"I have. In fact eversince last week greeting cards and birthday gifts flooded the studio and i'm overwhelmed by their support. Judging by amount of greetings i've received many people remembered my special day." he said with grateful tone.

"Wow! Many fans huh?! I wish I can receive gifts on my birthday also." Eddy Ou exclaimed.

"Why? Are you not receiving any?" Qian Feng playfully hit Eddy's back.

"Only the bills greet me everyday!" And we all laugh at his silly joke.

"Don't worry i'll give you a present on your birthday, Bro." Xiao Zhan butted in.

"You know, Xiao Zhan, someone here became your avid fan." Informed Da Zhangwei and everyone side- eyed me with their teasing gazes.

I quickly looked at the grinning Wang Han but he just shrugged his shoulders innocently. But I have a hint that this was what he meant when he said 'we' in our last conversation.

"Really?! Wow! Thank you!" He seems to be taken aback by that information. Like he's not expecting someone to admire him from the same circle he's in. "I'm flattered. It's the first time someone famous like you guys have become my fan."

"Who hasn't? You look awesome, man." Qian Feng declared his fanboy side by that statement.

"Thank you, guys."

"By the way, is that your dog by your side? What a cutie." everybody complimented the dog sitting by Xiao Zhan's side.

I smiled inwardly and shifted my gaze towards the owner. If i'm to ask Xiao Zhan is the cutest.

Xiao Zhan carressed the dog's head. "Yes. I just got him yesterday." He pets the dog while talking.

"You bought it as a present to yourself, right?" Yu Haoming curiously ask.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Funny thing is, I did not buy him."

"You adopted him or you just happen to pick it up on the road?" EunSung Kim has numerous adopted pets no wonder he thinks that way.

"No. Actually I received it as a birthday present." Xiao Zhan's smile never ceased to amaze me. "Its from an anonymous fan, I pressumed."

"Wow! How did that big cutie fitted in the delivery box?" Qian Feng said out of the blue.

"Well, it's in a costumized cage." He said gigling and slowly I felt my lips curve upward into a smile. "I'm taking a shower yesterday morning when my doorbell rang for a couple of times. But when I got there I saw nobody but a big golden castle shaped cage with a dog in it." He continued.

"Must be a super fan. How lucky you are."

"Yes. I've been wanting to have a dog for a long time but I had no time to buy or adopt one. So when I saw this handsome boy at my door its a dream come true." Xiao Zhan said with a grateful look on his face.

"Animals are stress reliever. Yibo here has a little dog. So feel free to ask advice from him regarding animal care." Da Zhangwei informed to the now staring Xiao Zhan.

I nodded in agreement to what Da Zhangwei have said.

"Kindly guide me, Teacher Wang." he winked then boyishly smiled towards me.

"No problem. Do you really like the dog?" I needed confirmation yet i'm nervous.

"Yes."

"Have you named him already?" I earned a lot of disbelieving gasps.

I shot them an annoyed look before returning my attention to the big screen.

"Little Zhan. His name is little Zhan though he's bigger than a baby." stroking gently the dog's head, Xiao Zhan explained.

"Ok. Nice name." I complimented and he nodded.

"Ok. So once again happy birthday, Xiao Zhan." Wang Han butted in. "We have to say goodbye already or else everyone of the birthday celebrants would complain. We conversed longer than them." He laugh with amusement.

"Any message before we end?"

"I'll take this chance to express my gratitude to the person who gifted Zhan Zhan. Whoever you are, thank you for making my day the best birthday ever." Genuine happiness is mirrored on his face. "Thank you DDU for the greetings. You made me happy. Good bye. See you soon." He said, waved his hands and the screen turned black.

"That's all for today, folks. Have a good day!" and the program ended.

I felt longing in my heart all of a sudden. Its as if I don't want him to go. I look at the now black screen for the last time.

'You're welcome. Anything for you as long as you're happy.' I whispered.

I bought that Shiba Innu with the help of my bodyguard last week after me, Qian feng and Wang Han finished recording a DDU episode. Lucky me my bodyguard knew an accessible pet shop whose specialty are imported breeds of dogs. Then we went to a nearby customizing iron works shop and have them build a custumized cage fit for the dog.

However, the delivery was the real challege but we got by so now Xiao Zhan is happy with the dog.

All is well.