If He Wanted To, He Would
1186 Words
Chapter 9
Janessa's POV
Dinner was loud.
Laughter bouncing around the table, Alesha chattering a mile a minute.
Mum trying to make us pose mid-bite, and Jordan laughing too hard at every joke I barely found funny.
I smiled when I needed to. I held Jordan’s hand when he reached for it. But my eyes? They kept finding him.
Mr. Caldwell. Graham. Whatever.
Sitted two seats away. Across from me. Quiet, polite, his jaw tight every time Jordan touched me.
Yeah, Jordan. My “boyfriend.”
If I was being honest, he wasn’t really my boyfriend. Not anymore.
Before I came home, we were already on a break. But he came begging, promising, with long paragraphs and gifts. Just days after Mr. Caldwell cut me off.
And I thought, why not? A distraction. Something to keep me from going insane over a man I shouldn’t even want.
So I said maybe.
Probation.
That’s what he was on. Testing.
I was watching to see if he could really win me back. If he was worth it.
But I wasn’t expecting him at graduation.
When he showed up, suited, grinning like a rom-com hero, I’d forgotten about our break.
My heart jumped, and I let him kiss me before my brain caught up. It felt…. Familiar. Safe.
But now? Sitting here across from Mr. Caldwell, Jordan’s laugh grating in my ear, his hand too hot and too heavy on mine?
All I could think was: I didn’t feel it anymore. Not like before.
Not compared to Graham.
“Janessa, you’ve outdone yourself,” Mum gushed, raising her glass.
“Top of your class, a booming digital business and plans for a new business- our little girl’s all grown up.”
Alesha clapped dramatically. “She’s not just grown up, Auntie! She’s a boss now. Just wait until she’s rolling in billions.”
“Billions?” Jordan cut in, squeezing my hand.
“Try Trillions. She’s too smart not to succeed.” He grinned at me like he invented the words.
Then leaned close enough that I felt his breath on my ear. “And I’ll be right there, backing you up, babe.”
Babe.
I forced a laugh, my cheeks burning for all the wrong reasons.
Across the table, Mr. Caldwell shifted.
His hand clenched around his fork like it was a lifeline. Then, almost too casually, he tugged at his collar, loosening it like the air had grown too thin.
I saw a vein pop.
“She’s always been independent,” he said suddenly, voice low, controlled.
“Doesn’t need anyone backing her up to succeed.”
The table went quiet for a beat. His words hung heavy, sharp enough to slice.
Mum laughed it off, nudging him. “Spoken like a proud and protective dad.”
Alesha giggled. “Seriously. Dad’s her biggest fan.”
But when I looked at him, he wasn’t smiling.
His gaze locked on mine. Hard and fleeting. Like a warning and a plea tangled in one. ‘Don’t do this. Don’t make me watch this.’
Jordan smirked, oblivious. “Well, I don’t mind being a backup. Power couple, right, Ness?”
He kissed my cheek, lingering like he wanted to prove something.
Heat shot through me. Not from Jordan’s lips. But the way Mr. Caldwell's jaw locked.
His eyes darted to mine again. Then away. His knuckles bone-white against the tablecloth.
I bit back a smile.
Dangerous, reckless satisfaction curled in me. If I was this restless, this wet under the table just watching him, then he had to be worse.
“Ness,” Jordan teased, dragging my hand up to his lips, “I’ve missed you.”
Alesha squealed. “Ooooh, PDA alert!”
“Kids,” Monique sighed, waving her camera. “At least let me get a picture first.”
I laughed softly, playing along, but my eyes flicked to Mr. Caldwell again. He wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t even breathing.
He looked like a man on the edge.
And it thrilled me.
He had to be burning alive in that nice pressed shirt, pretending he was only my best friend’s dad, my father figure.
The thought made me squeeze my thighs together.
Damn him.
I’d never beg a man. Never chase. If he wanted me, he’d do what it took. If he didn’t, that was his loss.
Just then he dropped his fork quietly. Then gulped his drink. His chair scraped back as he stood.
“Excuse me,” he muttered, voice rough.
Nobody noticed. Except me.
I watched him walk away, broad shoulders tense, steps clipped, and my smile was real.
Because I knew.
He was breaking. Breaking beautifully.
The celebration was finally over. Mr. Caldwell didn't come back to dinner either. Mum said he had some business calls.
Everyone had gone to bed and I had to assert myself repeatedly to get Jordan to go away. He wanted to spend the night for some reason?
“I can't believe you're gonna send me back this late, Ness,” Jordan said.
“When you planned to come here, you didn't plan all the way to the end?” I asked.
“This isn’t the way to treat your boyfriend, your guest. I miss you. Let’s talk things out.”
“You’re not mine. You could’ve spoken when I was willing- when I needed you to communicate and show up. But you didn’t.”
I sighed, tired of repeating myself.
“You were always MIA, wanting me to pour into you while you gave nothing back. I’m not about that, and I’m not obligated to accept you. Goodnight.”
He blinked, stunned. “I messed up. I'm sorry. I got too comfortable, I let you carry the whole relationship. I’ll do better.”
“If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I’d be a f*****g billionaire, Jordan. Go home. We’re done. You can text me, not camp in my hotel room.”
“Ness-”
“Ness, nothing. I’m not doing this.”
I shut the door on his face before he could argue again.
Silence.
Relief.
But also… ache. Not for him. For someone else.
I went to soak in the jacuzzi, enjoying coloured lights and music. Deep in thoughts. Making sure my graduation night wasn't going to end sadly.
Then I heard a soft knock on the door. At first I didn't think it was from my door. Till it sounded again, and again, more urgent.
I reluctantly pulled myself from the water, wrapped myself in a towel and walked to the door.
“Who's it?” I asked.
No answer.
“Who is it?” I repeated. I could hear movement on the other end but no answer.
I should have turned away and gone back to the jacuzzi, it was the safe thing to do. But I didn't.
I unlatched the locks and cracked the door open.
He was there.
Mr. Caldwell- Graham.
Breath uneven, hands bracing the door frame, towering over me.
He whispered in a cracked voice. Head bowed, eyes dark.
“I can't do this anymore.”
- Writer
