Manner Of Death English Translation

Chapter 10

I have been living a lie for over ten years. I have always hidden who I really am. For a very long time, I didn't allow myself to be myself once. My s****l orientation, my voice, my vulnerability, all of this, I haven't disclosed to anyone except this man.

I am able to express myself freely when I am with him. I can be angry and scared and let my weaknesses show in front of him. I never told anyone, not even Pert, and now I'm about to tell him another secret that I've been keeping for a long time.

Why do I want Tann to know so much about me?

"I dated a man once..."

Tann's reaction is exactly what I had imagined. He looks stunned. He unconsciously drops the pen on the coffee table. A leaden silence falls around us.

"You..." He finally said, "Are you gay?"

"Now do you know why I was angry when you teased me?" I stress trying to calm myself down. "See, if you were straight it would mean you were trying to make fun of me. But if you were gay it would mean you have a crush on me." I quickly changed the subject. "But that's not the problem. What I'm trying to say is I was dating a guy in high school. I'm the one who broke up with him. He was very angry with me and said that I won't be able to hide from the world that I'm gay. I didn't see him again after that. About a month ago my ex-girlfriend let me down because someone told her that I was gay. I wondered what had become of him. " I look at Tann who continues to stare at me. "Hey, are you listening to me?"

Tann nods slowly, so I continue, "That's absurd. He can't blame me so much for doing such a thing. It was so long ago. But since you wanted to know, I'll tell you just in case."

"I didn't do this to make fun of you..." Tann said suddenly. I didn't see the connection to what I had just said. "I'm sorry if that's what you felt."

"I told you that was no longer a problem. You're not gay. You don't have to worry about me." I'm about to continue my story with Tarr, but Tann gets up, walks over to me and sits in the chair I was in. I move away quickly; but he grabs my arm to prevent me from going any further. "Tann, what are you doing?"

"Jane was like my sister. We've known each other since Jane's school hired me to tutor a sixth grade class," Tann speaks in a low voice. His gaze was fixed on me. "Time passed and we got close. One day Jane told me that she was in love with me. I told her that I was sorry but I loved men. She looked shocked then she laughed, telling me that I could be her little brother. We were close, and often went on dates. Everyone thought we were a couple."

What did he just say...?

"I continued like this because I didn't want to hurt her. I loved her. I worried about her, I tried to protect her like a friend. I knew Jane was still hoping that I would love her the way she loved me. Until one day I asked her to let me go. I wanted her to find someone good, you know what I mean? After that it all got worse, her depression got worse. She looked devastated..." Tann breathes, "She tried to kill herself several times. The day I discovered her body, I didn't even think that she could have been killed. I felt sorry, but a part of me felt so relieved for her, that she was able to free herself from the hell of her mind. "

That's why Tann didn't seem downcast over Janejira's death.

I try to push Tann's hand back off of my arm with a shaking hand. "Why... why are you telling me this now? Why have you been lying to me?"

Tann smiles weakly. "For the same reason you just told me about your ex just now."

Here is what happens next: an electrifying sensation filled my chest and spread throughout my body, my heart began to beat very hard. My breath stops, I'm hot. It is a feeling that I have never felt in my life.

"I knew there had to be a reason I wanted to hold your hand, hug you or take care of you. My gut told me you were like me." Tann raises his hand and takes my chin then slowly descends to the curve of my neck. I am unable to move as if my brain and my spirit had been sabotaged.

As if the chains that had imprisoned my identity until now had anticipated this moment, my hands reach Tann's neck and pull him closer so that I can kiss him.

...

"Today I'm going to talk to the people we spoke to last night," Tann told me, pulling the car to a stop in front of the emergency room.

"Tonight we will discuss what we have found."

"Hmph," I responded while getting out of the car.

Tann moves forward to take my hand in his firmly, stopping me from leaving. "Take care of yourself. I'm coming back for you tonight."

I turn to face him. "You too. Don't do anything if you think it's dangerous. If it goes wrong, run away. We don't necessarily have to have all the information at once."

He still won't let go of my hand. "I don't want you to go."

I grab his hand and push it away. "I have to go to work," I quickly open the door and get out of the car before he can hold me any longer.

"Bunn!" Tann calls me back before I close the door. "If something happens you call me immediately ok?"

I breathe, grab the top of the door, and poke my head into the car. "I don't need your worry. And don't put any label on the two of us. We had s*x once, but don't think that we're together. We'll talk about that later." And I slam the door in Tann's face.

If you are looking for the definition of "runaway", you don't need to go far. I am the perfect example. The incident last night proves it. I have released the demon that resided in me with my subconscious and let it consume me, to satisfy my needs and desires. I ended up having an intimate time with the owner of the house where I live on the living room sofa. I rub my face thinking about it. What did I do? Just learning that Tann had the same desires as me made me lose control and forget everything.

Complications will surely happen. Tann isn't the only one who could get attached, my mind is in a dangerous state of confusion.

...

Today I am called to visit the body of a woman in her thirties who swallowed a large amount of insecticide before dying. Because I still owe Boem, the young intern, a course, I informed the staff of the emergency department to let him accompany me in the field. On our way in the van, the young intern is rather calm.

"Is there something you want to ask before you get there?" I ask the dark-skinned man in front of me.

"No sir," is his response. I feel like he wants to ignore me.

"If you have any questions, you can ask me on site. I want you to know the correct post-mortem procedures to be performed in the field as well as the sanitary procedures." Boem doesn't seem to be interested in my instructions. I blow. "Are you still angry about Fai?"

Surprised Boem turns to me. Anun, my assistant turns his full attention to our conversation.

"I want you to know that I don't like her the way you think. Fai and I are close because we work together, that's all. I don't want to take her from you. Don't mind the gossip from the nurses. "

"I get it." He answers me without adding anything more.

...

After finishing the day's autopsy, I hurry to the ER in the evening to talk to Fai about her brother. I go to see her directly, she writes, her patient's file. She looks up at me with a beaming smile.

"Hello Bunn!"

I grab a chair to sit next to her. "Fai, can I ask you something about your brother?"

A look of surprise appears on her face. "Ask what ?" She asked me, calmed down.

"I want to talk to him. Can you give me his number?"

"Why do you want to talk to my brother?"

"This is about the pawnshop; I want to know who he owes money to ASAP." I avoid giving her more reasons. Fai hesitates before taking out her phone.

"My brother is difficult to contact. Most of the time he calls me; he rarely answers his phone. But you can take his number." Fai gives me his number. I'm about to press the button to save it when I feel someone hit me on the back and honestly that stings a little. All the nurses laugh. I turn to see Tik with his hands on my hips behind me.

"I can't believe you forced me to do this, Dr. Bunn," Tik reproaches me, "Back off from Dr. Fai and return to your real boyfriend. He's waiting for you in the examination room."

I'm shocked. Who can it be? My 'real boyfriend'? And why, for god's sake, is Tann the first person I thought of?

When I open the door to the examination room, I see Sorrawit swinging his legs sitting on the chair waiting for me.

He turns to me and smiles at me. "Hi, Doctor."

"What, hi?" I go to my chair. "What brings you here today?"

"I have something to tell you. You asked me for some information on offenders that day."

...

I am sitting at the scene: it is neither the scene of a crime nor of a suicide. It is 'the place' where I surrendered to Tann. We're back on the same sofa to discuss the matter. The only difference from yesterday is that today Tann is sitting next to me. He brought the sheet of paper filled with his handwriting.

"I got some information today," Tann points to the first name. "Let's start with Hong, he said that the money for every debt owed to him doesn't reach a million baht with interest. And he's a reliable person—I trust him. There is no way. that he can do such a thing."

Tann moves his finger to the next name. "The car salesman, Mr. Sanith: I'll go see this one later because his store was closed today. And we have the DA's relative—Pert. The source says we owe some money to his family absolutely everywhere in town and beyond. They are pretty brutal, charge high interest rates and certainly use a more brutal way to get their money back." Tann draws a circle red around Pert's name. "I think the DA is the scariest of all."

I frown. "There are a lot of people in his family. Why are you only targeting the one who is missing?"

"I doubt him precisely because of his disappearance—that's why."

Tann slides his finger at the fourth name. "Kopku is still in this province; but he became a monk last year. Now he is the Deputy Abbot from a monastery in another district. Tomorrow I'll go there to confirm." Tann turns to me. "What did you get today?"

I told him what Sorawit had reported and that I was able to get Fai's brother's number. "I tried to call him, but his phone was turned off. Do you want to try calling him until he answers? You might be lucky. "I write the number down on the paper.

Tann rubs his chin, that's what he does when he thinks. "Mr. Black must be the key to all of this."

"I think so too. The police may know him. But if we ask them and Mr. Black is the murderer, they might understand."

"Even if the police know his name, they won't tell us anything anyway? And then that might cause this guy to hurt you again." Tann seems to remember something. "Let's stick to the original plan: You ask the police. They may or may not answer you—that's okay, but we'll get him out of hiding and this time I'll catch him."

"I can't. He won't come for me; he will hurt another person." I stretch out on the sofa, raising my hand to massage my temples. "Let's focus on Mr. Black. It could be his real name or a code name. I'll let you ask around if anyone knows him."

"Alright" Tann writes my orders down on the paper. What a perfect student, I'm having fun. It doesn't surprise me that Tann was a brilliant student. "For Tarr, your ex, I'm afraid that being able to contact him is beyond my ability. I need you to be the one to find a way to contact him. Let me know if you need help." Tann puts his pen on the table and turns to face me. His long arms stretch out and reach out on the back of the sofa behind my head and bring his face closer. "Let's sleep in my room again tonight,"

I watch him out of the corner of my eye and answer. "No."

Tann sighs, "Now that we have come to this, don't be mean to me Bunn."

I get up to avoid it. "Tonight I will contact my old classmates to ask them about Tarr. Then I will complete Janejira's autopsy report for submission to the police tomorrow." I look at Tann who looks disappointed. "I have a lot of work to do. If you want to sleep then go for it. If you're horny, go jerk off on your own."

"Naughty..." Tann answers stunned. I go up the stairs without paying attention to him.

I lock the door as soon as I enter the room to prevent any attempted intrusion by the owner. For unknown reasons—my heart beats faster when I talk to Tann. I lean on the door for a moment. Frequent palpitations of the heart could indicate a sign of impending senility or a lack of sleep. Once calmed down, I go to the cupboard where I keep my laptop and take it out. I put it on the bed to open the most popular social network of modern times: f*******:. My profile is not very active; I'm not the type of person who updates their status or posts photos at random. I don't even use my own photo on my profile. Instead of me, it's a photo of a ginger cat that I think is cute.

For me f*******: is just a platform that I use to keep in touch with my friends from the university and tag the photos of the possible gatherings I could have gone to.

I opened the list of my f*******: friends, in which almost all of them were in medical school. I'm trying to scroll down to find the ones from high school. It seems to me that a few of them sent me an invitation

I have one. Namfon. She was the beautiful class president and my potential academic rival. Her ranking was better than mine since she had had a higher score on her aptitude test. However, my grades have always been much better than hers. According to her profile picture, she looks even prettier. I decide to send him a message.

[Hello Namfon. It's me Bunn, we weren't in high school together. You remember me ?]

It doesn't take much time; I see a 'seen', telling me that Narmfon has read my message.

[Ah Bunnakit. Of course I remember you.]

I quickly sent her another message. [You're okay ? What are you doing?] Asking for Tarr's f*******: might seem a little too sudden, so I'm trying to drown it all in a regular conversation so as not to sound suspicious. She replies that she is a flight attendant which surprises me a lot.

[Well... it's a surprise! Is there anything I can do for you?] As she asks, I decide to stop going around in circles.

[Look, Narmfon, do you know a guy named Tarr, in grade 6/3? I would like his f*******:. His number would be even better.] At this point, I realize that trying to find someone I haven't seen in a decade is a daunting task. Narmfon tells me she doesn't know Tarr but that she has a friend who could have been in class 6/3. When she gave me that person's f*******: and he accepted my friend request, it turned out that he was never in class 6/3. He gave someone else's name. I'm so absorbed in trying to get Tarr's contact information that almost an hour passed without having found either his f*******: or his number.

I am about to give up when I get a new message from Narmfon.

[Is the guy you're looking for Tarr Nutdanai? I actually have it on the friend list. I just saw him a moment ago. We never spoke, so I never really knew him.]

I feel my heart stop beating. Narmfon sends me a name.

[Tarr Danai]

Tarr is still as handsome as before looking at his profile picture. He is dressed in a brown trench coat, a scarf around his neck and trendy glasses on his nose. He stands in the midst of colorful lights—in what looks like Times Square. I take a glance at his personal information which announces that he is now working in New York. I scroll through his wall where everything is written in English and where all the people with whom he talks to are foreigners.

Tarr is not in Thailand.

But he could still be behind all of this. I keep scrolling and see a picture of him holding a huge glass of beer with two strangers. This status is dated December 10 and the next day he was somewhere in Manhattan.

There is no evidence to suggest that Tarr returned to Thailand on the day of the incident.

I lean on the headboard, a part of me worried that I had excluded him from the suspect list. However, another part felt relieved that he had nothing to do all of that. Who could have told Prae's friend that I was gay and pretended to be my ex?

My brain stops working momentarily when I see a selfie of Tarr and an Asian man with the inscription: [Five years with you; I don't need anything more.]

I let out a smile. Revenge in the name of love, you said? What a stupid idea. He's done with me, and started a new life. He has finally found someone who really loves him. I'm about to send him a friend request but when I think about it Tarr is part of my past. It's better to leave it there. I closed the site and shut down the computer.