Chapter 3-1
1566 Words
3
“You’re twenty minutes late,” I grump at Kai. That he had me wait for him in the lobby is more than nerve-wracking. People kept staring at me as if I were some type of alien come to take over their hotel. Kai sits down opposite of me and offers me a slight head bow. He’s dressed more comfortably than he was yesterday. Today, he’s wearing white jeans and a mint green sweater. It makes him look unnaturally pale with his black hair and dark brown eyes. There is even a slight tint to his cheeks. His hair is messy, and it looks like maybe he was in a rush or possibly irritated at something.
“I’m sorry. My family is overbearing. I didn’t have a way of contacting you. My mother is meddlesome.”
Why am I annoyed?
“You’re right. I apologize. I guess I’m in a mood today. I hope everything is okay with your family.”
“Everything is fine. They just meddle.”
“Oh, that’s every family. If you met mine, you’d have them all committed.”
My comment makes Kai smile. “We still have time to grab something to eat.”
“Okay.”
“Great, I’m starved. Shall we go?” Kai stands and I follow him outside to the curb to catch a cab. “I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable in the lobby.”
“You could tell?”
Kai nods. “Yes, and not that anyone had anything against you, it’s just that there aren’t many foreigners of African descent that come to the hotel. We are not in Seoul or any of the other bigger cities in South Korea.”
“Oh, so I was kind of like a novelty.”
“Yes.”
Makes sense, I guess.
“I promised the twins we’d be back before dinner.”
“Not a problem. I have dinner plans as well. I know a place that has great meat to grill.”
“Sounds good.”
Kai flags down a taxi. “It’s a drive, but this gives us a chance to talk.”
“All right.”
He doesn’t allow for awkward silence. He fills our time in the cab with questions.
“Do you have siblings?”
“Yes, a twin sister. Her name is Chantelle. We call her Chanty.”
“Your parents?”
“Crazy,” I respond honestly.
Kai smiles, and the warmth of his smile reaches his eyes. His entire face lights up, giving him a boyish look.
“Aren’t all parents?”
“Depends.”
“Tell me about a time your parents were crazy.”
“They call my dad Tiny, but he’s really a giant. He works at a bar in Beauville. That’s the name of the town I live in. He’s a bouncer in the bar. One time my sister and I went there with our mom for drinks and these guys were trying to talk to my mom and my dad lost it. He’s not old by any standards, but he’s not young either. Mom wasn’t any help because she basically did it on purpose, so my dad would notice her. They flip each other off and call each other names like it’s a thing to do. And growing up in a house like that there was and still is all kinds of drama.”
“Wow. Your parents sound amazing.”
“You think so?”
Kai smiles again and this time when he does, I can’t help but smile back.
“Do you and your sister get along?”
“Huh?” I asked, spaced out.
“Do you and your sister get along?”
“Mostly. We are thick as thieves.”
“Thick as thieves?”
“Yeah, we are tight. Close. Willing to protect the other no matter what kind of dirt we get into.”
Kai tilts his head and watches me closely. “I’ve not heard of thieves being thick or tight. Don’t they usually turn on one another?”
I think about it for a moment and shrug. “Well, I said mostly. We have our moments where we will turn on the other, but it’s never over anything serious. It’s always petty stuff. But I get your point.” I tilt my head in his direction and notice that we’ve somehow gotten closer in the taxi. We’re both leaning toward one another. It’s not like we’re whispering. We can hear each other well enough. But just in case he notices, I sit back in my seat.
He doesn’t seem to notice and keeps asking questions.
“What do you do for a living?”
“I run an event planning business with my cousin, Anna, who is a photographer.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“It can be. Last year we did Willow Summer’s birthday.”
“Who’s that?”
“She’s the famous actress that starred as the robot of In the End.”
“Oh, the zombie movie?” Kai sounds interested.
“That’s the one.”
“Daebak.”
“Huh?”
Kai chuckles before responding. “It’s a Korean term for wow, or amazing.”
This time we’re both smiling. Before I can panic, the taxi stops, and Kai looks up. “We’re here.”
The restaurant looks like a little hole-in-the-wall spot. There isn’t much lighting except for what the window allows. There are eight round tables with grills in the middle and exhaust fans for the smoke, I’m guessing so that you’re not choking. There are only two tables left, and Kai and I take the one closest to the window. There is music playing in the background. The male’s voice is deep and expresses a certain longing that bleeds into the music.
“Who is this?” I ask.
“Who is who?” Kai asks in return.
“The music playing, who sings this song?”
“Oh, this is from one member of EXO.”
“Never heard of them.”
“My sister loves them. It’s Chanyeol’s SSFW,”
“You a fan as well?”
“Not like my sister. I like some of their music, not all.”
I smile at Kai and continue listening to the song. There are some English words, but it’s mostly in Korean.
“This is Korean barbecue.”
“It smells amazing.” Everyone who occupies a table is chatting as one person cuts meat and tosses it on the grill.
“We’re going to eat pork belly, beef short ribs, bulgogi, and some boneless chicken.”
“It all sounds good.”
“Ajumma,” Kai calls out and says something to a woman in Korean. The woman yells back before disappearing into the kitchen. “She’s gonna bring out some side dishes, water, and the meat for us.”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure,” Kai responds.
“Does the pain ever go away?” It’s a quick change of subject. But I’m curious. We’ve both experienced the loss of a child, but Kai has it worse than I do. He lost his wife as well. It’s a serious question. In the taxi, he didn’t allow me time to think. He fired off questions to fill the time and I wonder if it wasn’t only for my benefit but for his as well. Kai gives me a serious look and I can see that he’s working his back molars. The light shining from his eyes dims for a moment, allowing me insight into his pain. The answer is there behind his eyes. The pain never goes away. Kai has no problem letting his guard down. When I’m with the twins, I’m not able to see their suffering. Nor can I feel it.
I wonder if it’s because it’s too fresh of a wound for me, or is it they are better at hiding their agony than I am. For me, losing Zoe is a constant ache. A forever moment that surfaces every hour, every minute, and every second of the day. My smiles and my conversation are merely a mask I wear so others won’t pry behind my thinly placed veil of bullshit. But with Kai, I don’t have to hide. Even if he attempts to fill the emptiness with distractions. I’m not afraid to show him the darkest part of me. The side of me that doesn’t want to go on. If it’s a good thing, I still don’t know. I’ve fallen and I don’t want to get up. Not really. But to honor Zoe’s memory, I’m willing to try.
“I want to answer your question truthfully, India. The wound is always there, and it will never go away. Sometimes it may feel as if the pain is dull, but only for a moment. What I try to do is honor my family by living an honorable life. I try to think if the situation were reversed, how would I want my wife and child to live.”
That he’s being so honest cuts through me deeply and pokes at my already open wound.
“You’re right. If the tables were turned and somehow Zoe was here, and I wasn’t. I would want her to go on living. I’d want her to be happy.”
“And that’s what I am aiming to do.” Kai’s voice is serious. “India, my wish for you is to be happy.”
Wait, did he say he wanted to make me happy? Or did I misunderstand his meaning? My heart stalls for a moment, and I can hear that last sound echo in my ears. It’s a muffled sound that gains strength as I continue to stare at this man sitting across from me. I shake my head and clear my throat. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea, or for him to get the wrong idea about me. The last thing on my mind is starting a new relationship. I’ve read about this kind of attachment. Where the patient falls for the doctor, or vice versa. Isn’t that like transference or something? I don’t ponder it further. I can’t.
“I hope I can find happiness that is worthy of what Zoe would want for me.”
“I’m sure she wants you to have nothing but the best in this life and the next.”
After lunch, Kai explains the way our first session will work. We are going to a nearby park. He warns there may or may not be children there.
“I only expect truth from you, India. I’ll be honest with you always.”
“Fair enough.”
- Writer
