Assassin X

Raven

As she had planned, the moment Raven stepped into her apartment she stripped off her uniform and tossed her clothes into the hamper, reminding herself that she would need to do laundry. She slipped into a pair of leggings and oversized soft t-shirt that always slid off of her shoulders. The neck was stretched and tattered but she’d found it in a thrift store when she had lived on the streets and it had been her favorite ever since.

The couch looked warm and inviting and Raven grabbed a large, puffy blanket from her hallway closet and took a book from off of her bookshelf. When she settled in, Raven checked her phone and saw that she still had not heard from Papa. She didn’t know how she felt about that; she knew how she was supposed to feel, and that would be uneasy, worried. Raven hadn’t had another mission since the night she’d lost her target. When she thought about it, she really hadn’t even heard from Papa much at all.

That thought she be terrifying her all on its own. Papa was the one keeping her off of the streets, keeping her protected, and hiding her biggest most dangerous secret. If she’d crossed him or if he no longer needed or wanted her in his makeshift family, where would that leave her? Of course, there was the chance that she was over dramatizing his silence, but considering he was going forward with his plan of city-wide takeover, she should have been hearing from him. She imagined every other one of the assassins had been hard at work.

Even knowing all of that, knowing that his silence could be detrimental to her, Raven still felt relief that her phone was silent. Her mind was seeing too many shades of grey to be of any use to Papa anyway.

Maybe it was her confused mind that had caused her to lose her target that night. Maybe she hadn’t really wanted to catch him. Could it be that she’d sabotaged her own mission without even realizing it? Raven pulled the blanket up over her head. That thought had sent her mind reeling. She knew she’d been lost in the grey are for a while, though she wasn’t sure for exactly how long. There was no way she could pinpoint the moment, though it was long enough to make this sabotage idea possible.

But if she’d sabotaged her last mission then that most likely meant that she’d been impacted by her confusion longer than she realized. But it was likely that Papa already knew that. And if Papa knew she was confused and teetering on her choice to work for Papa, or rather his choice at bringing her into his world; she couldn’t imagine that was a good thing.

Trying to clear her mind, Raven picked up her book and made an attempt to get lost in the characters. Before she was able to get too far into her story, Raven’s eyes began to feel heavy.

A loud thump made her jump and Raven’s eyes darted wildly around her apartment which was dim, the daytime light having started to fade into a purple sunset. Raven rubbed her eyes, heart beating quickly from being startled awake. She heard the thump again and that time she realized it was knocking that was coming from her front door.

Someone was outside waiting for her.

Quickly she checked her phone but there was still no message from Papa. But someone was knocking at her front door and there was only one person who’d ever been to her apartment other than a delivery person and she was sure she hadn’t ordered Chinese food in her sleep.

Papa had never come over without letting her know first. Briefly she considered hiding under the blankets and pretending that she wasn’t there, but she had a feeling that wouldn’t be a good idea. Raven stood from the couch, already missing the warmth of the blanket, but she righted her t-shirt and swiped under her eyes, removing any makeup that may have been smudged during her impromptu nap.

With a deep breath at the door, Raven twisted the knob and pulled it open. Her breath left in a whoosh when she saw who was standing there in the place she had expected to see Papa.

“Alex, what are you doing here?”

Raven was in disbelief at the sight of him at her door. His cheeks were red and it looked like he was cold and windblown. Immediately she realized that she liked his pinked cheeks, it made him look more handsome somehow.

“Mind if I come in?” He asked.

Raven hesitated. She had never had anyone in her apartment, in her sanctuary, and she didn’t know what she should say. If Pap ever knew that someone was in her apartment that wasn’t on his staff then he would be furious with her.

“I..I..”

She should tell him no, she should tell him to go home. She should be kicking herself for letting him walk her home because now he knew where she lived. In just two days she was revealing far too much about herself and it was going to catch up with her. If it wasn’t already.

“I just wanted to see you,” Alex told her. “You have me so confused, I just want to unravel you.”

Alex was looking into her eyes and it was hard to look away from him, he was so hypnotizing. Instead of shutting the door on him and telling him he needed to leave, she pushed in the opposite direction.

“Why? Why me?” she asked.

There was something in Raven that just needed to know why he was picking her. Why he was so interested in her when no one else ever had been. Not even Papa, because when she really broke it down he only wanted her for her keen ability to fight.

Alex raked his fingers through his hair, finally breaking eye contact with her and letting his gaze travel behind her. She was aware of him looking inside of her apartment, looking at her things, and without realizing her own actions, she opened the door a little wider so that he could see a little better.

When his eyes finally were done roaming and met hers again, he seemed to look just as confused as she felt.

He let out a puff of air.

“I don’t know why you Raven. You’re just so stuck in my mind. And I know you shouldn’t be, you’ve expressed it enough that you’re not interested in a relationship, but for some reason I just need to figure you out. I want to.”

Raven had never had anyone tell her something like that before.

No one had ever made her feel like she was someone worth knowing like Alex was making her feel like.

Someone worth abusing? Yes

Someone worth using? Yes

Someone worth getting to know? Never

That feeling brought a lightheadedness and warmth to Raven and she knew the feeling that was spreading through her was something she didn’t want to let go of. If she were to shut the door on Alex and not let him in, she was sure to lose that feeling.

Raven closed her eyes tightly, sure that for the second time in two days she was crossing a major line in her life, one she shouldn’t even think of crossing if she knew what was best for her. As if her body made the decision for her, taking all responsibility away from her mind, Raven stepped aside and let Alex inside.

She shut and locked the door behind him. Absently she rubbed at her arms, just having him there was causing her body to quake. Once inside Alex took in the sight of her home again, not saying anything, just observing where she lived.

Raven watched him look at everything and she wondered what he was seeing when he looked closer at her life in her home. What was he thinking of her? If she saw things through his eyes he would probably think she was a rather lonely and dull person. There were no personal pictures of her hung on the walls or lining the surfaces of things. Bland, basic decorations were lightly scattered but nothing to reflect any of her personal taste. Then again, she wasn’t even sure what her personal taste was, she’d never really thought much about it.

Realizing how little there was in her apartment, how sad and dreary her apartment looked, she felt suddenly embarrassed. But Alex just looked at her and gave her one of his charming half smiles that she was getting far too used to.

“So, you like to read?”

Raven turned to look at her bookshelf which was admittedly overflowing.

“Yea, it’s kind of nerdy I guess,” she answered sheepishly.

“It’s not nerdy, it’s intelligent. What’s your favorite genre?”

Such a simple question seemed very complex. Maybe it was because she’d never thought about it before, maybe it was because no one had ever asked before.

“I guess it depends on my mood,” she finally answered. “It depends on the story I want to get lost in.”

“Get lost in?”

Raven took the few steps to her bookshelf and started to finger the cracked and creased spines of her books. Each one of those stories had given her the power to take her away from her life. They were her escape.

“It’s like, when you want to get away for a while and relax, you might call a friend right? Grab a beer?”

Alex nodded, encouraging her to keep talking.

“Well, when I want that kind of escape, when I need to get away or clear my mind, I open a book.” Her eyes were staring at her books and she could feel her cheeks flame at her confession. “Pretty lame huh?”

Risking a glance, she looked up at Alex, wondering what his expression would be. Would he think she was a sad lonely person like she felt like inside?

But he was smiling. Jerking his head in her direction toward the bookcase he asked another question.

“Which was the first book you read?”

Raven knew what the first book she read was, it was her favorite book, but she didn’t have a copy of it.

The only one she’d had was long gone.

“I had a copy once of To Kill a Mockingbird once, when I was living on the streets. It was the first book I ever read, first real book that is. I had gotten it for only $1 at a library sale. I didn’t buy it because of the story, I bought it because there was an inscription inside.”

In her mind Raven could see the curly-q letters inked in the yellowed cover.

“To my daughter. Love always mom.”

She opened her eyes but her mind was still a million miles away.

“It was generic but I bought it, pretending that it was my mom who had given it to me. I read it every night, finding any bit of streetlight I could to read the pages. And once I finished it, I started it again.”

“What happened to the book?”

“There was a big rain storm, I dropped it in a puddle and it fell apart right there. I never bought another copy.”

Even more than she hated telling that sad story, she hated hearing it out loud. Though she realized she’d never heard her own words talk about that book before. It had been something special to her, something priceless, that she never could have replaced. At that point, Raven knew that Alex had to be thinking that she was pathetic. How could he not?

She couldn’t take it, she didn’t want people’s pity, and she didn’t want to think about her past. Just as Raven was about to open her mouth to tell Alex to go, he opened his mouth.

“Are you hungry?” he asked with a smile.