I wished

3

“Moooom!” Me and dad calls and yells. We check the house, in every dark corner, outside behind every tree, but we don’t find her. A spooky thrill reaches my insides, making goosebumps appear on my clammy skin.  Something is not right.  Something serious.  I try to contain myself, hoping everything with Blake/Tobias and the pack is okay.  No one has come here and I’ve been trying to gather courage to tell him what happened.  He hasn’t noticed my bruised eye yet, or he hasn’t said anything about it yet.  He’s mind is on another place, trying to find mom.  I have to tell him eventually.  My nails dig deep in my arms as stress inflates in me.  Blood starts to drip.  1, 2, 3.  It splashed to the ground and I stared at it, thinking about Harris’s bloodied face and Blake’s/Tobias’s bruised knuckles, smeared with dark redness.

“Dad.” I say, feeling shaky all over.  I don’t feel equipped for this mess.  Everything turns into flops when I’m around.  Am I a life spoiler. Do I have an evil vibe that makes people hate me. That’s maybe why mom sometimes lash at me with anger.  Because she hates me.  Harris most definitely hates me.  I imagine his hatred filled eyes in front of me and feel nausea build in my stomach.

“Dad!” I say again, finally getting his attention.

“What?” He lashes out, not having time to hear me out, but when he finally looks at me his face turns into knotted thoughts. “What happened?”

He walks to me and takes strands of her out of my face and looks at my eye from the side.

He stares at me, waiting for an answer.

“There was an incident.” I look down, not knowing how to tell him.

“What Rose?” His voice is laced with irritation.

“You better come with me.” I say, breathing long and hard.

Dad grits his teeth, scans the area for a sigh of mom, and starts to follow me.  He’s unusually quiet.  Usually he would’ve asked more questions to get every last bit of information out of me.

I walk through the cottage, towards the front door, double checking to see if I can see mom.  It’s strange.  She’s gone. Where could she be?  I keep in my mind how she was acting so strange, the last time,making me wear this dress that's covered in dirt and some blood splashes. I lick my lips, feeling them cracked and dry and I notice how my throat craves for water.  I swallow, feeding my throat with nothing but torturing it with the lump in my throat.  I start to bite my finger nails when I see the pack ahead, circling something that is probably Harris.

“What are they doing?” Dad asks, starting to walk with a vicious speed, sensing something is wrong. I don’t say anything as he walks ahead.  I slow down. I don't want to be near. I don’t want to know what state Harris is in because in the end when something is seriously wrong with me it would be all because of me. I sigh and try to find Blake/Tobias in the circle but my eyes don’t find him.  I scan more and also count the bodies of the pack to find one missing.  Where could he be? Did the pack do something with him.

I don’t know how many times today that my blood have run cold today or how many times I’ve wasted adrenaline. I just want to scream into nothingness.  I can’t take this stress anymore.  I can’t.

For a moment I feel like falling to my knees, and cry out ‘why’ but I hold my posture as I see that kneel in front of Harris’s body.  I try to see if his body is moving but I don’t even see a slow breathing. No.  No,no,no,no.  Please don’t be dead.  I can’t be killing two pack members already.  I know if Harris is dead, I didn’t kill him but it would be because of me and if Blake/Tobias didn’t step in, it would’ve been me who killed him.   I scratch my head in frustration.  What am I going to do? I feel like I’m in some kind of war that I’m not ready for.

My eyes widen and a frightening sensation engulfs my fragile soul and I find when dad starts to yell and scream his name. Veins bulge at the side of his head and spit shoots out of his mouth as his emotions  take over.  Oh no.  

I rush towards him, “I can heal him.I can heal him.” I say speeding with my words,trying to calm him down.  I feel self conscious with the pack looking from me to dad. I feel self conscious for knowing that I have fright in my expression and tears in my eyes. I feel humiliated, knowing that they all hate me. I feel scared, not knowing what’s happening at this moment. I almost fall backward in fright when dad hits his fists on the ground. He doesn’t answer me but tears stream down his face.  Are they tears from anger?  Are they tears of sadness?  Are they tears of regret?  I can’t tell, but  I feel scared.

“Let me heal him.” I say my voice soft. I don't want to intrude on anything that dad is going through. I just want to try and make things better.  But like always, I make everything worse.

Dad starts to whine and whimper, making me step back.  I’ve never seen dad this upset before.  I bite my lips, tasting the stale of rushing blood.

“It’s too late!” He cries.

Oh no. No!  I take another step back when dad continues to scream and cry.

“Who did this?” He yells, looking each of us in the eyes.  What are they going to say, knowing that they hate me,  And then not knowing that Blake is Tobias, I think they will rather stand up for him than for me.  I take another step back, when no one answers, but eyes land on me, making me the obvious victim.  I fumble with my hands as I almost fall over my own shakey feet.

“Who did this!” Dad screams again, wanting to hear the name come out of our mouths.  I swear the way he’s looking at us, he wants to crush us with his bare hands.

My eyes land on Bulky’s widened ones.  He’s on the brink of crying.  His face is confused and when he looks at me he starts to mouth words at me.  I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes, trying to make out his words.  I frown.  He’s mouthing ‘run’ to me.  Did things turn so ugly for me to run.  Now I feel stressed and seeing him urging me I take a step back and start to run away from the pack.  Hopefully dad will think that it’s got to do with mom.  That I heard her or something.

Feeling so scared I don’t even turn or look back.  Another dose of adrenaline rushes through my body and I even start shaking whenI open the front door of the cottage.

“Mom.” I wish she was here.  I go to her room and fall down on her bed and start to let all my tears out.  Where the hell is she?

“Mom.” I call again through crying gasps, wishing she was here,combing and braiding my hair. Maybe I’m too emotional. This is not the time and place to be emotional. And besides this isn’t me. 

I sigh. I don’t know what to do. Am I in danger? Bulky mouthing the words ‘run’ makes it feel as if I’m in serious danger and here I am, crying on mom’s bed.

I lay my heavy head on my arms, feeling vulnerable and not like myself.  What am I going to do.

I try to find a decent spot in my mind but everything is knotted and rotted.  I sigh. 

Okay, Get a grip Rose.  I pull myself from the bed.

Should I run?  Should I hide?  What should I do?

My mind feels fuzzy and unknown until I hear my name in whispers.

I lift my head, trying to hear if I’m hearing correctly.

“Rose.” The whisper comes again.  Louder.

I stalk out of the room, feeling afraid and unsure.

“Rose.” I get pushed against the wall and I fear for my life, until I se Tobias face.  Not Blake’s.  Not anyone else’s, but Blake’s.

“What-” I want to say but he presses his hand to my mouth

“Shhh.” He says, looking down at me with a strong gaze.  I notice the nearness of his body and get a tingling sensation from my waist down.

I swallow, trying to look away from his intense stare.

“Come with me.” His voice is soft but serious and this is the least I expected. I breathe deeply.

“What do you mean?”  I swipe my tongue over my teeth and then over my lips.

“Come with me.” He says again ,jerking his head from left to right in alarm.  Is someone coming? I hitch a breath before I ask, “To where?”

“Just trust me.  We’re both in danger here, right now.” He says, gritting his teeth and I can see his mind wandering for a split second.  HIs green eyes spark.

Without saying anything I nod.  I nod at him and he loosens his grip with me against the wall.

“You trust me?” I nod again and he gives me a small smile, making my heart leap out of my throat.

Now I don’t know what to do further, so I look at him questionly. 

“Get stuff, I’ll watch out.  Remember the book.” He says, his eyes already elsewhere.

I nod and turn towards my room.  I take the wool bag mom made for me and throw some clothes in with the book that’s still on the ground.  I don’t bother to turn it invisible.  Something moves outside my window and I almost yell in fright.  It’s dad. He’s face is filled with hatred and angr it scares me.  I’ve never seen him like this.  It feels like my whole body is spamming.  I swallow feeling I’m stuck to the ground like a statue.

“Rose.” Once again Tobias comes to my rescue.  He notice my state of mind and grab me around my waist and lightly pulls me out of the room.  I try to gain control of myself when I hear the front door rattling heavly and dad, making strange grumpy noises.

“Run.” Tobias instructs and we start running, towards the back door.  I follow him but turn to look back to see dad following us.

“Dad.” I call, trying to get him out of his engulfed rage.

He doesn’t budge. I turn back around to not trip over something.  Oh no.  He’s seeing that the guy beside me isn’t Blake.

I can explain everything.

“Dad!” I call again making Tobias grab me on my arm.

“It’s not going to work.” He says and I believe him.  Dad’s face expression doesn’t change one bit.

Knowing that we won’t be able to outrun dad I without power, I make us invisible when we’re behind a tree.  I can’t see Tobias, which is good.  I try not to breath to hard when dad stops right next to us, looking around confused. He’s eyes lands directly on mine. Oh no.  I forgot he can smell. I clasps on Tobias hand, frightened and not knowing what to do.  He just clasps his hand tightly around my arms, ensuring that everything will be okay.

When dad’s eyes shifts passed me, they widen. I feel thanful that his eyes isn’t sidening for me.  He stalks passed me, missing me and Tobias with a small inch.  I wish I could see Tobias face right now.  His face always calms me down and I need it urgently right now.

“Ahhhh!”  I jerk, when I hear dad’s scream.  For a split second our bodies became visible but thankfully dad isn’t looking.

I gasp when I see why he screamed. What the. What the hell.  I shake my head trying to comprehend what I’m seeing. No.  This can’t be true.  I step forward, jerking my arm out of Tobias grip.  I can feel that he’s in shock as well.

In front of us is mom.  Hanging from a tree, the rope tightly wrapped her neck.