MY TWO FACED GIRLFRIEND

Chapter 7 -Parang Hindi Ko Kaya

After what Ivan did to help me with my torned assignment na kagagawan ni Trina ay mas napalapit na ang loob ko sa kanya. We became close in a short span of time. Sa tuwing I am at the university at ako ang pumapasok in behalf ng twin sister ko, laging siya ang kasama ko when he has a vacant time. Siya at ang mga friends niya. I became their muse who according to his buddy Silver ay deserved ko naman daw. And since I became part of their group, no one ever dares to bully me kapag kasama ko sila. It made me feel special, something that I often experience except from my dad and sometimes from my twin.

The day when Ivan rescued me from Trina ay nagsimula rin ang kakaibang feelings ko for him. My admiration for him, not just for his looks but for the kindest of his heart, made me realize that I am starting to like him. But of course I didn’t let him notice it dahil nakakahiya and at the same, I am not as fashionable and well-groomed as Selena who I knew Ivan had a crush on since time immemorial. I kept in myself the blossoming feelings I started to feel for him.

Masaya na ako na kasama ko siya whenever I am at the campus. Masaya na ako sa time that he spent with me and the laughter he shared with me. Hindi na ako naghahangad ng more pa doon, I just settled on what he can give me and didn’t expect more from him. Sa itsura kasi at sa popularity ni Ivan sa campus ay para akong isang nobody who has a crush on a famous celebrity. Ganun ka-distant ang estado namin socially kaya malabo talagang masuklian niya ang nararamdaman ko.

Isa pa sa naisip ko ay hindi kami bagay. Kung pagdikitin nga kami ay mukha akong alalay niya or his personal assistant. I am so plain for him, so naive and unsophisticated. Kung hindi nga ako tinuruan ni Rose to wear contact lenses, I will be wearing my eyeglasses na mas nagmukha akong nerd and unpleasant. Hindi kagaya si Selena or my twin sister na fashionable kung manamit and speaks with great confidence, ako kasi hindi. Although my dad always tells me na I am pretty just like Rose and I have my own beautiful side in me, pero hindi ko ganun tingnan ang self ko. Mababa ang self-confidence ko and even my self-esteem, maybe because most of my life I was inside the four corners of our home and I seldom get out. Unlike my sister na hindi mapakali sa bahay namin kaya siguro naging ganito na lang kung tingnan ko ang sarili ko.

Kaya nga this opportunity I have now, this freedom I have of going to campus which was my first time ever, ay isang malaking blessing na sa akin. Although I need to hide my true identity to everyone and pretend to be Mystique Rose in public, ayos na rin sa akin dahil at least makakalabas ako. Kahit pa sabihin na hindi tama because I am depriving myself for being known by many, wala na sa akin yun. Basta ang mahalaga, I get to see the beauty outside our home.

“Pauwi ka na, Rose?” I shake my head in response to Ivan. Wala ang dalawang professors namin kaya wala na akong class. Ayoko ko pang umuwi dahil ang alam ko ay wala na rin class sila Ivan. “Want to go to the mall with us? May bibilhin kasi sila Silver and since maaga pa naman ay sasamahan ko sila. You want to join us?”

“Hindi ba nakakahiya, Ivan?” I asked sheepishly.

“Bakit naman nakakahiya eh they are your friend as well. Sama ka na. Stroll na lang tayo if talagang nahihiya ka sa kanila.” I smile timidly before nodding. His lips widens and his eyes sparkle.

Ang gwapo talaga niya. Napaka-expressive ng mga eyes niya and everytime he smiles, I can’t help my heart to somersault several times because of extreme admiration. Napakaswerte ng girl who will capture his heart. Whoever it will be ay siguradong maraming maiinggit sa kanya at isa na ako doon.

Minsan tuloy hindi ko maiwasan na mag-daydream about me and him. Iniisip ko na naging kami at naging boyfriend ko siya. Na ang saya-saya namin palagi at magkasama kami sa bawat oras. Na wala kaming dull moments together at ang dami daw na naiinggit sa akin even my sister Rose. Kung pwede lang mabuhay na lang sa dream world ay ginawa ko na. Ang saya ko siguro if my dream will come to past. Ang saya ko for sure kung maging boyfriend ko si Ivan and eventually be his lawfully wedded wife. Pero sa tuwing nagbabalik ang isip ko sa reality, I just always shake my head because I knew that those dreams will never come to past.

Sumama ako sa kanila. Dahil nga sa ang alam ng driver ko ay mamaya pa ang labas ko sa class ay wala pa ito ng lumabas kami ng campus. Ivan and I have agreed to just stroll around the mall at hindi na kami makiki-tag along kila Silver pagdating sa mall. We also agreed to return at the university after 3 hours dahil siguradong darating na ang driver ko by that time.

Once inside the mall ay naglalakad-lakad muna kami ni Ivan. He treat me to an ice cream stall at sabay kaming kumain ng favorite flavor namin. While slowly walking and eating our ice creams ay nagkukwentuhan kami. Masaya na ako na ganito basta I am with him. Every minute I spent with him brings happiness inside my heart na alam kong hindi mabubura sa memory ko. After we are done eating ay pumasok kami sa isang bookstore dahil may naalala siyang bibilhin daw niya. Habang hinahanap niya ang item that he will buy ay tumingin na muna ako sa novels section. A certain book captured my attention kaya naisip ko to buy it. Pagdating namin sa counter ay pinasabay na niya sa akin ang hawak ko. Once in front of the cashier ay inabot ko sa kanya ang payment ko for the book but he didn’t accept my money.

“Take my money, Ivan. The book is mine so I should be the one paying for it.” pilit kong inaabot sa cashier ang payment ko but Ivan keeps on pushing my hand away.

“It’s on me, Rose. Magkano lang naman yan. It doesn’t cost a million so it’s fine.”

“Pero…”

“Pero ano? Nakakahiya na naman?” tinitigan niya ako kaya mapatulala ako sa harap niya. Paano niya nagagawang maging ganito ka-normal sa akin kung ako ay hindi na mapakali ang loob ko. I can feel my heart throbbing fast kaya nagbaba ako ng tingin. I am scorched by his stares. I heard his chuckled kaya mas lalo kong naramdaman ang pagba-blush ng mga cheeks ko. “You are so beautiful when your cheeks are flushed, Rose.” nag-iwas ako ng tingin because I felt uneasy. “Here you go.”

“Thank you. You shouldn’t have paid for it dahil sa akin yun.”

“Hayaan mo na. I enjoyed treating you, Rose.” He said, smiling widely kaya bigla na naman akong natulala sa kanya. “Hey, something is wrong?” I quickly blinked my eyes and removed my gaze at him. Pinilit kong ngumiti ng normal to hide the uneasiness I am feeling.

“Nothing.”

Nag-ikot pa kami hanggang umabot kami sa last floor where the movie house is located. I have never been inside a movie house although I knew what it looked like. Lumaki ako ng ganito pero kahit kailan ay hindi pa ako nakapasok sa loob ng isang real theater.

“Maaga pa naman. You want to watch a movie?” mabilis pa sa isang segundo na tumango ako that made him laugh. “What do you want to watch?”

“Kahit ano na lang. You choose what we will watch.”

“Naku kapag ako ang pinapili mo, I would choose an action movie.”

“Eh di yun na lang. I watch action movies sometimes basta maganda ang story.”

“You sure?” I hastily nod again. “Let’s look for the screenings first then we choose after.” mabilis niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at muling bumalik ang kakaibang pakiramdam sa heart ko. Hindi ko na lang ito pinansin dahil parang wala naman ito sa kanya at normal pa rin ang kilos niya. I tried to act normal na lang rin para hindi niya na lang mahalata na nako-conscious ako sa kanya.

We settled for a comedy movie. There is this movie na maraming nakapila sa ticket booth kaya doon na lang rin kami pumila. As expected, siya ang nagbayad sa tickets namin at hindi niya rin ako hinayaan na bumili ng food and drinks namin. Siya lahat ang gumastos. We are at the upper part where I immediately see couples being clingy to each other. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanila and followed Ivan as he walk to where we will be sitting. We watched the movie silently unlike sa unahan namin na parang pumasok lang sa theater to make out.

“Ano ba yan.” mahinang bulong ko when I saw the man kissing the woman he is with carelessly.

“Just don’t mind them, Rose.” biglang tumayo ang mga body hair ko the minute I felt Ivan’s breath in my ear. “Ganyan talaga ang ibang movie goers. They don’t go to theaters to watch.” natatawa pa niyang dugtong. I just shook my head and focused on the screen. When the movie ended ay lumabas na kami. We still got less than an hour before returning to the campus. He led me to a fastfood chain where he ordered a take out. “I wanted sana for us to dine, Rose, but due to time restriction eh next time na lang.”

“Take out will be fine.”

As we drove off back to the campus ay kinain namin ang inorder niya. Nang makarating kami sa campus ground ay wala pa ang sundo ko so I just waited na lang sa waiting shed, of course with him. He didn’t leave my side. Nakaupo lang rin siya and waited with me.

“I had fun, Rose. Thank you for spending time with me. I enjoyed being with you kahit pa maikling oras lang.”

“I had fun as well. Thank you also for inviting me to come with you. Nakakahiya lang kila Silver na hindi natin sila sinamahan at the mall. Baka magalit pa sila sayo for choosing to accompany me rather than them.”

“Malabo na magalit ang mga yun. Besides, alam naman ni Silver na ikaw ang mas pipiliin ko na kasama kaysa sa kanila.” My forehead creased at what I heard.

“Anong alam ni Silver na ako ang mas pipiliin mo? Why?” I ask dumbfoundedly.

“Ahh, wala yun.” He answered and suddenly removed his stares at me na para bang sadyang iniwasan niya akong sagutin sa question ko.

Hindi na lang ako nangulit pa sa kanya. Mukha naman hindi niya rin sasabihin sa akin kung ano man yun so I decided not to ask him again. The minute na dumating na ang service ko ay nagpaalam na ako sa kanya.

“Thank you again for the treats, Ivan. Ang dami ko ng utang sayo. Next time ako naman ang mag-treat sayo so we can be even.”

“I will not let you do that, Rose. Not a chance.” I glance again at him before standing up and start walking.

“I’ll go ahead, Ivan.”

“Ingat ka, Rose, bye.” He said before waving back.

Habang sakay ng car ay hindi mawala sa mind ko ang nangyari sa buong araw ko ngayon. Yet again, I experienced another first from Ivan. My first ever watching inside a real movie house. Mag-isa akong napapangiti habang nakatingin lang sa labas. Ang gaan sa pakiramdam ng mga nangyayari ngayon sa akin. I feel blessed to have met someone like Ivan. He is fun to be with and easy to get along.

Nakangiti akong pumasok sa room ko kaya ganun na lang ang pagkagulat ng twin sister ko ng makita niya ako. I smiled widely at her before placing my bag on top of my dresser.

“You looked happy. May I know why?” She asked curiously.

“It’s nothing.” hindi mawala-wala ang smile sa lips ko as I change my clothes.

“How come nothing eh kung makangiti ka it seems you have won a lottery.” She said sarcastically. “Ano nga, Hyacinth? You looked extremely happy and I wonder why.” I heaved a deep sigh. Knowing my sister, hindi niya ako titigilan not until I disclose to her what she is asking of me.

“Ivan asked me to join him at the mall a while ago. Wala kasi yung last two professors sa two subjects mo kaya wala ng pasok. Eh since it is still early, sumama na ako sa kanila.” I said, explaining. Her eyebrow arched as she stared intently at me.

“You went out with that guy?” The way she said it ay parang during-diri siya at ang laki ng pagkakamali na nagawa ko.

“Yes. He asked me politely and he was kind so I joined him and his friends.”

“Do you like that Ivan guy, Hyacinth?”

“No, Rose. He is just being friendly to me kaya sinusuklian ko lang ang friendliness niya sa akin. There is nothing going on with us.”

“Na dapat lang, Hyacinth! Remember, ang alam nila ay ikaw si Mystique Rose and not Mystique Hyacinth. Mabuti nga hindi sila nagtataka why we have different personalities.”

“Hindi ko naman nakakalimutan yun every time I am at the campus, Rose.” My mood suddenly turned sour. Kahit kailan talaga ay magaling ang kapatid ko na baguhin in an instant ang mood ko. Huminga na lang ako ng malalim before putting the uniform I wore beside her.

“One more thing, Rose. Pwede ba ay huwag kang makipag-lapit sa Ivan na yun? One time when I was at the cafeteria at nakasalubong ko siya, he said something to me. Hello?” She acted annoyed. Her face is filled with annoyance as one of her hands is at her waist. “I seldom mingled nga at the campus tapos basta na lang niya akong lalapitan as if we are close.” She continued irritatedly. Napayuko na lang ako. “Stay the hell away from him para naman kapag ako ang nasa campus ay hindi siya dikit ng dikit sa akin. I don’t want others to think that we are close or something. Pwede ba, Hyacinth? Pwede mo bang gawin yun?” I looked at her disbelievingly.

Paano ko naman gagawin ang sinabi niya kung close na kami ni Ivan ngayon? Ano yun? Basta ko na lang siyang hindi papansinin kapag nakita ko siya or kausapin niya ako? Parang hindi naman yata tama na gawin ko yun kay Ivan when he is so kind to me.

“But Rose, wala naman ginagawang masama si Ivan. He is just being friendly to me.”

“For you, my dear twin, ay wala. But what about me?” nanahimik ako sa sinabi niya. “You are at the university because of me, Hyacinth, bear that in mind. I was the one who was enrolled there and not you. Ako, Hyacinth, and not you. So don’t dare decide and do anything without my consent. That’s all I am asking of you. Ikaw na nga ang mas madalas na nasa campus than me tapos yung gusto mo pa at sariling interest mo pa ang ginagawa mo? Don’t you think that’s too much, twin?” mas lalo akong nanahimik and just listened to her rants. “It’s my name and face who is at stake here. Paano kung may maling nangyari sayo or you got into trouble because of sticking up with that guy? Sinong mapapahiya? Is it you? Hell no, girl. Ako at ang name ko ang mapapahiya sa campus because you are carrying my name. It is not your name who will be dragged in shame but mine, Hyacinth. Yan lang naman ang condition na hinihingi ko sayo, twin. Don’t mingle with others when you are at the university because that is what I did when I was there.”

“Alright.” I answered lifelessly. Umoo na lang ako para matigil na ang panenermon na naman niya. Mabilis siyang lumapit sa akin ang hugged me tight.

“I am so thankful for helping me out at school, twin. I am saying these things to you para makaiwas tayo na mabuko tayo ni Daddy. Can you imagine what Dad will do to us the minute he learned about what we were doing? I will be grounded and you will be held in prison again in this mansion. Dito ka na lang ulit at hindi ka na makakalabas ng madalas. Gusto mo ba yun? Do you like that to happen to us?” I shook my head with defeat.

Sabagay ay may point naman si Rose. Paano nga naman kung may masamang mangyari sa akin sa campus or worse ay mapaaway ako? It is not my name who will be dragged in shame and humiliation, but hers. What’s worse ay napahamak ko ang sister ko and even worst ay natuklasan ni daddy ang little secret namin magkapatid. Kapag nangyari yun, kapag nalaman ni daddy ang little secret namin ni Rose, mawawala ang lahat ng ine-enjoy ko ngayon. Lalong hindi ko na makikita pa si Ivan at mas lalong hindi ko na siya makakasama pa. I don’t want that to happen. Maybe my twin is right again. Siguro nga ay dapat dumintasya ako sa karamihan dahil ganun ang ginagawa niya everytime she was at school. Dapat pareho kami dahil ang alam ng lahat ay iisa lang kami.

I tried to insert that thought inside my head pero ayaw pumayag ng heart ko. Parang hindi ko kaya na iwasan si Ivan, not now that we are so close to each other. Hindi ko yata magagawa ang gusto ni Rose na iwasan ko siya, especially now that I am starting to treasure him inside my heart.

—--’--,-’-{@