A Thousand Wishes.

it hurts.

I knew it. I knew it from the moment we stayed up past 4 am talking all night about anything and everything. 

I knew it then. 

It always hurts in the end.

I think I fell a little too hard for you. and now I'm scared of my future without you. I'm scared you'll move on with your life and that you'll forget about me and what we had.

I'm scared there will come a day where I have to watch as you love someone else.

Every time I think of you, I see the person I fell for from the start. I feel how I felt when I first started talking to you. 

And I just can't see you differently no matter what.

The fact that I can't be with you and I have to tell myself to be okay with it is so cruel. So deeply cruel and sad.

You told me you were glad that I'm doing better. I just smiled. Little do you know I got better at hiding not doing.

The pain is different when you were really trying but still failed. And it's hard to get up again and to fake a smile.

It's exhausting.

I learned that some people who meant the most to me, the one I thought I can't live without just poison to my soul.

Sometimes it's about letting go instead of trying to hold on.