A Thousand Wishes.

when we saw each other

 walked into the coffee shop I haven't been in a month. While I was ordering I heard the bell someone coming in. 

I took my coffee turned around and suddenly you were standing there. Our eyes met and my heart dropped. 

You looked good. 

I noticed that you had cut your hair and you were wearing that blue sweater. I remember how you once told me this one was your favorite. 

You just smiled and I smiled back and then I walked past you. It was just a couple of seconds but it felt so much longer. 

Why didn't I say something? Why didn't you say something?

I don't know what to feel anymore. 

Yes, I try to work on myself but I feel like everything I do leads nowhere.

I can meet my friend and try to have a good time or paint to distract myself but at the end of the day I'm still depressed. 

I still have these thoughts and I'm not strong anymore. This happiness is temporary and it hurts when sadness takes over again.

I hate how I still get butterflies when I hear your voice and I hate how I smile when I see your face. 

I hate that I'm still sad over you and I hate that I still hide my love for you.

I hate how you are my first thought when I feel lonely and I hate how I wish I could be in your arms. 

I hate how little things still remind me of you and I hate that it's so hard to let you go.