Frozen in time

Chapter seven

Eliza.

I run to Carol's bed, desperate, and grab her hands.

- What is happening? Carol, can you breathe?

She shakes her head as she coughs and tries to breathe.

- Don't worry, I'll call Nurse Silveria...

I try to leave, but she grabs my wrist, and looks at me steadily, her eyes wide and desperate. And then she looks at the little table beside the bed, where she has a syringe filled with dark red liquid. It's her cough medicine. Immediately I run to the table, and pick up the syringe. But when I come back, I hesitate to give her the injection. I'm still not a professional, I can miss the right vein. My God... my God... what do I do?!

Carol coughs and pleads with her eyes. So, I immediately squeeze her arm with one of my hands, and with the other I give the injection into the popped vein. I get fast breathing and anxious to see if I did everything right. But when she stops squirming and returns to normal breathing in less than seconds, I breathe a sigh of relief. She falls back onto the pillow, a little weak.

- Thanks. - She says, still pale, but looks fine.

- I could have been wrong. - I sit in the armchair.

- But he didn't miss. It's all right... you were great.

- Almost. But why didn't you let me call the nurse?

- They can't know that I don't take the medications. This has to be our secret.

- No. I won't lie about it to anyone. You need to take the medicine.

- I know. I promise I will take it from now on. Only if you tell me what I did, you could lose your job and I could lose dessert. - She laughs.

I'm not ready to laugh at this point, so I just close my eyes, and discard the medicine syringe in the trash.

- My job is not more important than your life.

- But it's mine. - She says, but without arrogance. - And it's not your life. You have to stop wanting to take care of things that aren't yours to rethink yours. That's the way things are. They always will be.

- Look... I don't know. But I can't let you kill yourself anymore.

- That's not your choice. - she tells me, and before I can deny it, the nurse Silveria enters the room, bringing a cart with juice, some toast, and Carol's medicine.

- I came to bring your afternoon snack, I hope you like it. - she says, and looks at Carol. - Are you okay? She looks pale.

- No... I'm fine. It must be... the air.

- Do you want me to regulate the air for you? - I say, entering the scene.

"No." She shakes her head. - It's okay like that.

"Well," the nurse looks at me, still suspicious. - Eliza, the children in wing nine are waiting for their snacks.

- Oh, of course. I'm already going there.

Before I open the door to leave, I give Carol a look, saying, ''Take all that medicine!'' She presses her lips together, as if she understands, and sits cross-legged on the bed so she can eat while buns her long, red hair in a messy bun.

After that, I leave and go to wing nine.

It's pretty easy to work with some kids. Some of them don't even seem to have any illnesses, they play, they run through the hospital corridors when the nurses aren't looking, and they eat everything they see in front of them. But these are just the first days of children with cancer, because after the second stage of the disease, they start to get more discouraged, tired, they lose their appetite, and after they have to shave their hair, they get worse. There are few, those who still have happiness stamped on their faces. Others are missing the encouragement they need.

As soon as I leave the hospital at four. I run to the station, which is where I'm going to get into an overcrowded subway, and go to my house.

Today, Alice and I agreed to go to Sophie's house to talk to her parents. I think it's the best idea. Everything is resolved in understanding, and in conversation. If everyone talked more, we would have fewer fights, disagreements, and confusions. Even less wars. I think that way. I know Alice is afraid to face Mr. Albert, and I even confess that I shake my knees a little...but just a little. He shouldn't be that bad...I think.

Since my dad is at work, and Alice's mom is too, we both had to take a bus that gets close to the Craistryne house. Do you believe that no bus goes to that neighborhood? I know it's a chic neighborhood with beautiful squares, huge houses, and full of very rich and snobby people who have cars and drivers at their disposal all the time... but so what? How are the friends of the entrepreneurs' daughters? Alice and I had to walk four blocks because of that. I was already dying of tired because of work... imagine now?

'Okay...' I breathe, stopping with my hands on my knees. - I never came here on foot. And look... I don't want to do this anymore. We've been walking for twenty minutes, and I can't even remember where Sophie's house is.

I look around and see some mansions and big houses with their manicured gardens, an old lady walking a white chihuahua as if in heaven, a little boy playing alone with one of those inflatable balls, on the lawn of a beautiful glass-fronted house. . Seriously, I can see the entire room through the c***k in the open curtain. I wouldn't have the courage to live in a house like that... what if I decide to sing and dance while I vacuum the sofa? People would walk down the street saying I'm crazy and would probably kick me out of the condo.

- Calm down, we're already here. - Alice says, putting her hands over her eyes to protect herself from the sun. - We had to come and catch Sophie by surprise, or else she would let her parents know, and they would probably move to Africa, just so she wouldn't have to talk to us.

- I don't know... I'm thirsty. It's been a long time since I've been in this neighborhood... and when I came, it was by car.

- Let's go. We have to keep walking, otherwise we'll get more thirsty.

Alice continues walking down the street, and I follow her, looking at all the houses and streets. I should have brought water to drink, and prepared to take a long walk. But my head is already so full of thoughts, after I found out that Carol doesn't drink her meds and that this could be the end of my job, that when I realized, I was already with Alice in the lobby swearing, that we two were on Sophie's free pass list. Speaks seriously? Does that doorman think we're spies sent to steal one of those rich, retired old ladies, or what? We had to give our full names, age, and address. My God!

When the two of us finally managed to find Sophie's house, one with a very high wall, - like a prison, only a lot prettier - and tall trees too. We called the house and a certain Enika answered the phone. It took her about ten minutes just to ''call'' the owners of the house. What an exaggeration!

As soon as I entered, I came across a different house from the last year I was here (we don't have much time to see each other anyway). I think they like to change things very often. The two of us walked a long way through the gardens until we reached the entrance of the house with a white facade, but with lots of green plants.

- Mr. Albert, Mrs. Samantha, and Miss. Sophie, is already waiting for you both in the living room. -the blonde woman, and a little too serious, dressed in a nicely pressed uniform, she says. While she invites us inside.

I get a little shy all of a sudden. It's like I've never been here before. But the living room is familiar...with huge sofas, a gorgeous white crystal chandelier, Aunt Sam's arrangements...and oh, the huge black-and-white photo of Sophie hanging overhead, dressed in her pretty pink dress- debutante shocking.

- Alice! Eliza!

I look to the side, and see Sophie coming running towards me. She's dressed in cute panda bear pajamas, which is a jumpsuit with a cap, and matching slippers. I don't know whether to laugh with happiness to see my friend, or laugh at her outfit. But anyway, I don't have much of a choice as she grabs Alice and me tightly in a bone-crushing hug. I know she looks fragile just because she's so thin, but I must confess...she's pretty strong.

- Why didn't you tell them you were coming? - She lets go of me, with a huge smile on her face. - I would have taken those clothes off!

- Oh, I'm glad we didn't warn you... - Alice says, laughing. - I have to have a picture like that. - and saying that, she takes her cell phone out of her pocket and takes a picture of Sophie, without even letting her pose.

- Alice! - she complains, but then laughs. - Come on... my parents are in the living room. But I wanted to know why you want to talk to them...

Alice and I followed her into the living room, and we saw her parents sitting on the couch like those health insurance advertising families, where they pose with their columns straight, and sit like royalty. Serious. If it was my house they would find my brother on the living room couch playing video games, or my dad with a can of beer in his hand, watching the Sunday game.

As soon as they saw us, they rose to shake our hands.

- Alice... Maria Eliza. -Aunt Sam says, as she kisses my cheek and Alice's, like we're both ten years old. - It's been so long since we've seen each other? You've grown so much... look at you!

She looked smug as she pulled back to look me over from head to toe, with a really big smile on her face, like we were both family. Sophie looks like her in many ways, from her contagious smile, her vanity, - except for her freshly pinched blond hair -, to the striking personality of a person you know and don't want to leave anymore. She's wearing one of those knee-length dress skirts with a high waist, a neutral-colored blouse, and wearing very high pumps on her feet. She is truly an example of female beauty to be followed.

- Enika, ask Olga to prepare something for the girls to eat, please... do you want anything in particular girls?

- Hmm... very cold water please. - I say, without hesitation.

- Can I order those chocolate chip cookies that I ate every time I came here? - Alice says, very comfortable.

- Of course Alice.

I shoot Alice a look that says, ''We've just walked a half mile, and is it cookie you want?'' But she just shrugs and ignores my gaze.

- Excuse.

I watch as Enika leaves the room quickly, in her British soldier posture, and disappears down the marble staircase.

- Come girls, sit down. And please... make yourself comfortable.

Sophie's mom sits with her husband back on the couch, and Alice and I sit on another couch. I hadn't realized before that Sophie had left the room, and gone upstairs to change her clothes. Now, she came down wearing a pair of high-waisted denim shorts so small I can barely see them under her big, white, chic sports shirt.

- And then? What's new girls? - Aunt Sam continues. While Mr. Albert watches, silent.

The expression on his face is completely unreadable. But I'm not even sure, because anyway, I'm avoiding looking at him too much so I don't start shaking my legs.

While only Alice and I ate cookies, and drank freshly made chocolates, we shared all the funny, sad, and new things to Sophie's parents. And they listened carefully, but only Aunt Sam who commented sometimes, because Mr. Albert looked tirelessly at his wristwatch, he acted like he was late for a meeting with the President of the United States.

- And what is the mega important subject you had to talk to my parents, eh? - Sophie interrupted.

Alice and I looked at each other, almost forgetting our real reason for coming here. I even decide to leave my half-bitten cookie aside so I can talk, before Alice has a fit, and passes out.

- It's... hmm, - I stammer. -Me and Alice... hmm, we came to talk about... you moving to Italy.

Now that I've said it, I feel a lot more relieved. Only it doesn't last long, because I feel Mr. Albert's hard gaze and frowning down on me like a hurricane, a storm at sea...or an earthquake.

God help me!

***

Sophie.

What the hell do Eliza and Alice think they're doing...?

I look closely at Eliza as she tries to convince my parents that I deserve to live here, and that I'm important to a lot of people... and a lot of flattery. I know she thinks everything works out with a good conversation, but really, I don't think that's the case with my parents.

I feel that something is going to go wrong. It's not enough that since yesterday, Enrique doesn't even want to return my calls, and he doesn't send me any more messages. I honestly don't know what's going on with him. I'm already full of problems, and he still wants to give me one more? It's pretty selfish of him. I still don't know if he wants to break up with me or not. If he wants to, why doesn't he just tell me? I know I won't like it, it's just that this pain will be less than the pain of leaving forever and never seeing my friends again. And if these girls continue this conversation, I end up going to Milan sooner than expected.

- I mean... - Eliza continues. - She wants to stay, and all her friends want her to stay. Isn't it Sophie?

Everyone in the room looks at me. And it's weird that, as much as this conversation is about me, it's the first time in ten minutes they've asked for my opinion.

- Oh, yeah... of course I did. I say, distracted at being taken by surprise. - What I most want is to be close to my friends.

- And Rick's. - my father reinforces, giving me ''that look''.

- Of course it's Rick's. Dad, he's my boyfriend, why wouldn't I want to be around him?

- The point is that you have no limits in relation to it.

- Limits? What almost eighteen year old wants their parents to put limits on their dating?!

- My daughter, your father is right... - my mother says, with the understanding tone of voice that I hate. - You've done so many risky things just to see Rick.

- Are you talking about me jumping over the wall? Mom, it was just a few scratches... it's not like I've broken an arm...

- But that could have happened. - my father interrupts.

- But it won't happen.

- My daughter, do you remember when you went to meet Enrique's family?

Ah, she had to speak on this day. But I remember it very well. It was the first time I was going with Rick, to his parents' house, which is on a very large farm, far from town. It was really fun meeting his family, mainly because they are normal, not security freaks like my parents. We had a party, complete with old farm stories around a big fire at night, and music played on the guitar by Rick's uncle. After all, the farm wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be.

I didn't want to leave there so soon. But the next day, Rick and I walked a very long trail to reach the waterfall on the farm next door. He said that the owner was called João das canas - and I didn't even want to ask if that name was really on the man's birth certificate - and that he always let everyone dive into the river.

- Rick, are you sure the owner of this farm lets us in? - I asked, while trying to get the dry branches out of the way to pass.

- Of course, leave my love, stay calm.

That day, I had put on Rick's mom's riding boots, because they said my heels might break, or sink in the mud. It was very kind of his mother to lend me the boots. But she wore about three more sizes than me, and I was walking like a dog wearing flippers. And I am NOT exaggerating.

When the two of us got close to a fence, Rick jumped first, then helped me jump. That was the first time I jumped a fence, - and I think I liked it, because since then, I've jumped a lot of other things. - This was the first time too, that I was doing something without my parents being around, or a babysitter. And on this day, I felt really free. This was also the first time Rick screamed that he loved me. But not in the usual way...he REALLY screamed that he loved me in the river. And maybe if he hadn't, I wouldn't have been permanently banned from going to his parents' farm.

We both found the river and the waterfall after walking a lot along the forest trail. The water was so clear that I could see the little fish swimming at the very bottom. The place was beautiful. I went into the water in my panties and b*a, and Rick came in just in his boxers because he didn't want his parents to know what we both had done. Anyway, we had a lot of fun that day. We were alone in the middle of the clearing, and it felt to me like it was the first time we had even been alone for over an hour.

- You are the most beautiful girlfriend in the whole world. - He said, with his wet face, inches from mine.

- And you are the most fun and cutest in the universe. I said, and then he pressed his icy lips to mine and kissed me.

I remember perfectly how I was in love with that kiss. Rick has always been so kind, and sweet. He kissed me like I was going to break or something... Seriously! The way he held me... with so much love... and affection. And that was also the first time a boy had kissed me in a river. Because the only rivers I entered were from some risort, which my parents stayed when we went on family vacations.

Rick released me after a long, wonderful kiss. But our bodies were still close together. I was so close, I could hear his cold, ragged breath, it must have been the icy water.

- I love you.

- I love you too. - I smiled.

- I love you and I want everyone to know.

I threw my arms around his neck and laughed.

- I'll scream.

- Rick... it's just the two of us here...

- But if I don't do it today, I may not have that chance again.

- Okay. Then you can scream. - I laughed.

Then he smiled, and walked away from me. I just laughed as he climbed onto the high rock near the waterfall and opened his arms wide.

- Sophie... I... love... you! - He shouted loudly.

I couldn't stop laughing about it. It was just the craziest thing anyone had ever done for me.

But our happiness didn't last long, because a few seconds later, an old man, dressed as a top, with a hat and riding boots, and looking tough, appeared in the clearing holding a shotgun. He yelled at us and asked what we were doing on his property. He must have been around when Rick yelled that he loved me.

I was AWESOME of fear and shame at the same time.

Rick tried to explain that he didn't know that João das Canas had sold the farm to a new owner, but the man didn't want to talk. He yelled for both of us to get out of there as soon as possible, otherwise he would kick us out himself. Rick ran in his underwear to get our clothes - and that would be really funny if I wasn't too scared that that man would shoot us - and I immediately swam to the shore to get my dress.

I don't know which was more embarrassing: me running around in my panties and b*a in front of an unknown farmer, over fifty, or having to explain to Rick's parents what had happened. Because of COURSE, the farmer didn't let it go. He had to go complain to Rick's parents, who told my parents.

And that's how I was banned from going to my boyfriend's parents' farm.

- Of course I remember, Mom. - I say. - But that was four months ago. It is past. I changed.

- Are you sure you've changed? - my father says.

I swear if he wasn't my dad, and he wasn't a six-foot-tall man, and a lawyer. I would tie him up in a room, and gag him, just so he would stop talking at the wrong time. Deep down, I know I wouldn't do that anyway. Even because I couldn't.

'She's really changed Mr Albert,' Alice says. - Her grades are much better. And there are only two weeks left for the year.

- Well, that's true. - my mother says.

- What does it have to do? - my father says, at a bad time, as always. - I can negotiate with the director, and she can get her diploma sooner.

- That's not fair! - I say. - I can't miss the graduation party!

- My daughter, calm down... - My mother takes my arm. - Otherwise, it will get even worse.

- One day you will thank us for all this Sophie. And don't worry girls - my dad looks at Alice and Eliza. - I send plane tickets once a year.

The girls are silent. And I know exactly what they're going through right now.

- Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to the office...

My dad gets to his feet, and leaves the room.

- Mr. Albert!

Alice gets up too, and goes after him. Everyone in the room looks at her. My father too.

My God! What did Alice drink today? She was always scared to death of my father. Why the HELL did she do this?

***

Alice.

Why am I doing this? Oh my God.

I swallow dry, under Mr. Albert's hard, killer gaze. The look that gets the truth out of people... the look that makes you stutter before lying. The look that has won thousands of judgments.

- Mr. Albert... - I start, my knees are bumping into each other, but I continue. - I know you're Sophie's father. And who just wants her well...

- Exactly. - he says, coldly.

- But be serious... she's already turned eighteen. She... she knows how to take care of herself. If she climbed over the wall to go see her boyfriend... it's because she was f*******n to do that. And it doesn't matter where in the world you take her... to Alaska, to Russia, or even to Japan. Sophie is a girl... she'll always have a boyfriend, and she'll always want to see- it.

I'm aware that everyone is looking at me, and thinking, ''What does she think she's doing?'' But I ignore it, and also ignore my cell phone vibrating in my hand. I know the messages are from Sophie, wanting to stop me from continuing, because I'm seeing, out of the corner of my eye, her desperately typing on the living room sofa. But I continue:

- She is not a rag doll, which you can keep in a box. She's human, and she'll want to make a mistake... she'll want to get kicked out of an old farmer's waterfall... she'll want to run away to watch her favorite singer's show... she'll want to fake a fever just so she doesn't have to go to school. - I say, mentally listing some of the things Sophie has done. Just this year. - And nothing you do will change that.

I look directly at Mr. Albert. Don't look away Alice, don't look away Alice... - my subconscious says, over and over. And finally, I realize he's listening to me. REALLY. Mr Albert is listening to me!

- She loves you. And that, we all know. She respects you, because if she didn't, she wouldn't follow every one of her rules even though she wasn't in her presence. All her friends can confirm what I say... during breaks at school, she just watches as Eliza and I eat chicken drumsticks, and drink sodas. While she only drinks water or eats sugarless cereal bars.

- It is true. - Eliza says, back there. And I know it was hard for her to say that.

- Only she has a life. She needs to live. And it's not moving from country to country that you're going to take her out of this life. She carries everything within herself.

I stop. Mr. Albert lets out his breath, and relents. WHAT?! he gave in! He really seems to understand. I need to continue. It's working. It's working!

-Sophie... is a smart, cool girl, is very popular... and she has dreams. And her dreams are beginning to come true... do you have to take this dream away from her? She's a very talented model... and I don't understand this modeling stuff, but I've never seen Sophie as happy as yesterday when she got the news that she's going to be on the cover of that magazine... what's it like even her name... Vogue.

I looked at Sophie, smiling. Only I was rewarded by a pale, expressionless face. Aunt Sam and Eliza are also looking at Mr Albert with the same face. And when I look back at him, I realize I've said a lot more than I should have.

- What did you say?

- Did I... did I say something wrong?

'Sophie,' he looks at Sophie. - Can you explain to me what Alice just said?

- Dad... calm down. - she runs to her father. And then Aunt Sam and Eliza approach too.

- I'm very calm. - he crosses his arms over his chest. - Now, I demand an explanation.