Frozen in time

Chapter eight

Alice.

- Dad, Joe chose me to be the girl in the Christmas edition of Vogue magazine in New York. - Sophie says.

- And when would you tell me this?

- After my birthday. So you wouldn't do anything about it.

- How many times do I have to tell you that even if you're fifty years old, I'll never stop being your father?

- But like that, you look like you own me.

- He arrives! - Mr. Albert shouts. - I don't want to discuss this subject in front of your friends.

- They won't leave here!

- Honey... calm down. - Aunt Sam says, taking the arm of the furious Mr. Albert. - Joe assured me it's a safe edition.

- And you also knew about this antics, and you didn't tell me?! - He pulled away from Aunt Sam, like a hurricane. - What else has to happen in this house? Nobody respects me anymore!

- Dad, I respect you enough to understand that you are worried. - Sophie says, with an attitude I've never seen her have. - But I won't miss a chance like that even if you lock me in a well!

- You're my daughter, and I want you to be a respectable woman. And I won't let you come out on any magazine cover like a cheap w***e!

- Albert! - Aunt Sam says, indignant.

- I can't believe you said that! - Sophie screams, and I see the tears falling from her red eyes, as she runs across the room, and runs up the stairs.

Mr. Albert just snorted towards his office. No remorse, no guilt in his eyes.

- Girls, I'm going after Sophie. If you want...

- We're leaving now. - I say. - Tell Sophie I'm sorry I screwed up.

- She knows it wasn't her fault Alice.

I press my lips together. My God. What a strain.

- Tell Sophie I want to talk to her later. - Eliza says.

- All right. I say.

Aunt Sam kisses me and Eliza's cheeks and walks up the stairs, after Sophie.

- I'll accompany you to the exit. - Enika says, giving me a scare. Where did she come from?

It was late when Eliza and I left Sophie's house. I called my mom to come pick us up because I didn't know the number of any taxis. And besides, I wasn't going to have the money to pay it myself.

After my mom dropped Eliza off at her house, we both went home. The car was silent. After what happened, I don't even think I have the courage to say anything. Why did I have to screw it up? What was I thinking? Of course Sophie hadn't told Mr. Albert about that magazine yet, otherwise he would have managed to get Sophie out of the agency or something... my friend must be devastated. And I don't even have the guts to text her.

- How was it at the Castrynes house, daughter?

- Mom, I don't want to talk about it right now. OK?

- All right.

After taking a shower, I went to check my messages on the notebook. But my thoughts were still on my poor friend. Will Mr. Albert pack his bags and move in today? Would he be able to? But I said so many things...and he was about to go soft...why do I have to be so detached?!

***

Sophie.

I just don't believe what he said. He compared me to a p********e, and that no father should tell his daughter. I'm so mad at him I can barely think about him right now. I'm shedding these tears on my pillow because I know my dream is definitely over. After what happened, I'll bet my dad is finding a way to get me out of the agency.

Someone knocks on the door, then enters. I don't make a point of getting up, because I know it's Enika's stranger, wanting to ask me to dinner. And sure enough, after what happened, I'm never going to eat again.

- Daughter?

My mom runs to my bed, and she sits beside me.

- Do not worry. It's gonna be okay. - She strokes my hair, and I let the tears fall freely.

- He wants to end my life. - I mumble, between the sobs.

- No. He would never want that. He is your father. - my mother says, in her calm, and gentle tone of voice. - Look... I promise you that you will go to your graduation party.

- But I don't want to leave. And I want to appear on the cover of Vogue...

- Daughter, we all know that you can already make decisions like this, alone. It's just that all children need their father's blessing to do something, or it's going to go wrong. You have my ban for sure," she laughs. - And I wanted to congratulate you for being chosen. I knew you had potential.

- Thanks. - I smile, still a little confused. But my mom is one of the only people who can get a smile out of me, even when I'm not happy.

- But you need your father's blessing.

- He'll never let me do that.

-Look... today I saw Alice face her father... so nothing is impossible.

I laughed with my mom. And I remember that Alice must be blaming herself.

- And the girls?

- They left. Alice said she's sorry, and Eliza wants to talk to you later.

- Alice must be thinking I'm mad at her. But I knew hiding from my dad wasn't a good idea. She just postponed what was going to happen sooner or later.

- I told her you're not blaming her. I know you, and I know you're too smart to do such nonsense.

- Mom, what will become of me away from my friends?

She smiles, and looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes that I didn't inherit.

- You'll never stay away from them. Not if you don't want to.

- Promise?

She takes my face in her hands, and kisses my forehead.

- I promise.

I know I shouldn't, as my father's voice is the one that reigns in this house, but I'm safer now that my mother has promised me I won't leave. For a while.

- Now, what do you want to eat for dinner?

- Can I eat in the bedroom?

- Of course. So what do you want?

- Hmm... brown rice, spinach and lentil salad...

"No," she interrupted me. - What do you want to eat, really?

- Serious?

She smiled.

- Okay... hmm... - I think. - Could it be... lasagna bolognese?

- My daughter, you can think louder.

- Pizza? - I try. - My God, I haven't had pizza for a long time!

- Pizza then. - She laughs. - But... your father can't even dream of it. I'm going to ask Enika to order and bring it here to the room.

She leaves, but first I run and give her a hug.

- Thanks Mom.

- Don't get used to it. And don't eat too much so you don't get sick.

- It can leave.

And I watch as my mom closes the door on four behind her. I can't believe that after years... I'm going to eat pizza! My happiness is such that I almost forget that my career is on the verge.

Wow. I had already forgotten that pizzas were so tasty!

After eating four whole pieces of pizza, drinking two full glasses of Coke, and having a bowl of custard ice cream, I sit on my bed, very satisfied, to share the news.

- Hi girls. I say, looking at Alice and Eliza, sharing my laptop screen.

- Hi. - Eliza says, and frowns. - Are you happy? But... wait. What happened?

Alice is also openmouthed, looking at me. But I just smile.

- My mother let me have pizza, cola and ice cream for dinner.

- Oh! - Alice says. - It's explained.

- I never imagined it would be so easy. - Eliza says.

- Hey, girls! - I say, annoyed. - Do you think I forgot what happened just because of some pampering? So they are very wrong. I know damn well my dad won't let it go... and I won't talk to him for the rest of my life!

- It looks like you can do it! - Alice laughs. - But... I'm sorry I ruined everything...

- No. You didn't do anything wrong Alice. I knew sooner or later my dad was going to have to know.

- But I feel bad about everything. What's up? I messed up. Is your father already packing his bags?

- No. I mean... I don't know. After what he said... I think my mom will talk to him for me. Not that I think it will make any difference. Only one thing I'm sure of, I won't miss my graduation party!

- He can't take that away from you. - Eliza says. - It's a unique moment. I know it's not a big deal... but it's to be remembered. The three of us don't know what happens next. And I think I'm not knowing much... time passed so quickly...

The three of us were quiet for a second.

Now, what Eliza said. I'm touching myself that the same way, if I go to Milan, or stay in Brazil, I don't know if I'm going to see my friends for a long time. Because Alice has already signed up to study Literature at a college in another state, she will only see us on weekends, and Eliza will study medicine at the college in this city. Except she's going to be busy most of the time - it's not like she has much time now - Come to think of it... I think everything is going as it should be. Everything has to be this way.

- What happened to your patient, Carol? - I ask Eliza. Trying to change the subject.

- She is fine. - she smile. - I think that from now on, she will start taking the medicine. Only I still don't know if I shouldn't tell the nurse about it. I think it could be dangerous if they don't do something.

- But you applied the medicine to her, and said she is fine. - Alice says. - If you tell someone, they might fire you.

- I don't know... - Eliza looked thoughtful. - I think a person's life is more important than my job.

I was silent. I don't understand a lot about hospitals. I only know what Eliza tells me. And just thinking about someone with a whole life ahead of them, having to lie in a bed without being able to do anything... it makes me very sad.

- Guys, I'll talk to you later. - Eliza says, suddenly. - Someone's calling me. And it could be from the hospital... bye girls, and tell me the news Sophie.

- It can leave! - I say, laughing at Eliza, because she's in such a hurry. - Bye.

- Bye friend! - Alice says.

Eliza disconnects the video call.

- Who will be...?

-For the face she made when she looked at her cell phone. Sure enough... it's the cat doctor! - I say. And just then, a new call appears on the screen, with a picture of Enrique kissing me on the cheek. And I get it.

Rick appears on the screen, taking Eliza's place. He's very sweaty, and he's shirtless. And I look behind him, it looks like he's at a party, because of the loud electronic music, and the lights flashing through the c***k in the door.

- Hi kittens... - he says in a slurred voice, opening a huge smile. - Is everything okay around here?

- Hi Rick. - Alice says, laughing at his situation.

- Enrique... are you drinking?

- No! - he says, suddenly angry. - I would never be drinking! I just wanted to see how beautiful my girlfriend is...

He is... most certainly... very drunk! He has a slurred voice and his hair is messy. And I haven't seen him drinking since the high school charity party four months ago, where he took off his shirt and started dancing with his friends on the floor. I left early because he had been drinking too much and was making me feel very embarrassed in front of my friends, saying he wanted me to kiss his breasts. But that wasn't even the worst part... when I was trying to have fun, he came up to me saying he wanted a kiss, - and I didn't want to kiss a drunk guy - Then he threw up on me. REALLY! He ended up with the red Channel dress I'd bought just to go to this party.

- Where are you exactly? - I scream, very angry for the loud music.

I know I seem to be being very rude. Only he promised me he would never drink again. And besides, if my dad finds out he's back to drinking... he might even send Rick to prison, just so I don't see him again.

- Hmm... guys, I'll let you two talk. - Alice says. - See you tomorrow.

- Bye Alice! - he says, waving like a six year old boy.

- Bye friend. - I say. And Alice hangs up. And when Rick's image expands across my screen, I get even angrier. - Enrique, where are you?

- At Ricardo's house... - he says, as he swings the cell phone screen around. - He called the guys for a little meeting.

- Small meeting?! Like this?

- He caught his girlfriend making out in the college bathroom with Frank.

- Frank, that high school bouncer?

- This one! So Ricardo broke up with her, and when he went to punch Frank, he defended himself with another punch, which left Ricardo's eye black.

- Wow! - I say, and I'm really impressed. - Is he celebrating for getting a black eye?

- No. He's celebrating being single!

At this moment, the bedroom door opens, and two boys enter the room where Rick is. I recognize Rick's two friends, Ricardo, a short guy, but with very big arm muscles, and Rafa, who is thinner, and tanned, both holding beer bottles in his hand, sweaty, and completely drunks. They hang onto Rick, and look at the cell phone screen. Ricardo is so drunk he hardly sees me.

- Oh! Is this your girl...? - He says, his voice wavering. - Hi Sophie!

- Hmm... Hi boys.

- Hi - Ralph replies, and he looks tired.

- Rick's a*s couldn't take it because he missed you so much and decided to... run away from the party... just to see you!

- And even? I don't want to get in the way... you can go back to the party boys.

- No! - Enrique shouts, opening and closing his eyes slowly. - I... I... have something to tell you!

-So he speaks soon. I have to turn off.

- It's man... speak soon! - Ricardo hits the back of Rick's head, and he hesitates with his cell phone. - You don't want to keep her waiting!

- Oh no... no. I would never do that! Sophie... - Rick lowers his voice, but even so I can barely see him because of the poor lighting, and because he doesn't stop moving the screen. - I wanted... to let you know... that... umm... that I love you so much.

- What a beautiful thing! - Rafa says, and Ricardo laughs loudly, and drinks some of the beer.

- I think I'll cry! - he says, and Enrique also starts laughing.

- OK. - I say, without patience. - All right... what else?

- I love you so much. - Rick continues, pointing to the screen. - Guy! I love her! Did you know that I love this girl?

Ricardo and Rafa don't stop laughing.

- OK. Look, I'm going to hang up...

- No! Don't hang up yet Sophie! And I know you... don't love me. I always knew that.

- She doesn't love you man! - Ricardo shouts, grabbing Rick's neck. - She will kiss the security inside the bathroom! She does not love you.

I ignore Ricardo.

- What are you talking about? It's... of course I... love you. Why do you think no?

- You know you don't love me. You don't give a damn...

- Rick, don't talk nonsense. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't try to climb over the wall just to go see you!

- I know... but you do it because you think it's an obligation...

- That's right! - Rafa interrupts. - She doesn't love you! Let's drink until we drop to the ground!

- Rick... Rick? - I call him. Only he's pretending he's crying on Ralph's shoulder. - Enrique!

He looks at the screen again.

- I do like you. Why do you want to say this just now? Look... you're drunk. We better talk about it another day.

- But you never have another day for me! - he says.

- Look... let's make an appointment to meet at your apartment tomorrow. Come to my house to pick me up at seven o'clock.

- Will her father let her, eh? - Ricardo says. - The last time we tried to take Sophie to a party... Mr. Albert searched my entire car.

- He didn't do it. - I say.

- No. - He laughs. - He had his bodyguard search.

The three boys start laughing. And I felt a little... humiliated?

- He just did it to protect me. And we all know you don't have a Ricardo driver's license!

- He has it now! - Rafa says, protecting his friend.

- That's right princess! - Ricardo says, drinking a big swig of beer afterwards. - Your father can't arrest me now!

- OK. Look... forget it! I'm going to turn it off. But is there anyone at this party who isn't drinking like you? Who will take you home Enrique?

- Oh, don't worry about it. He's going to sleep right here... - Ricardo takes the camera from his cell phone and turns it around, walking around the room, where I can see a very large double bed. - In this bed. Coladinho with the kittens.

- Hey! - Rafa slaps Ricardo. - Shut the hell up!

- Oh, it was bad... I mean... gluey with the pillows!

Enrique nods and sweeps his hair with his free hand, then he looks at me.

- Can I pick you up at seven then?

- Hmm... yes. - I say. - Bye boys. And have a good party.

- Tchal hot! - Ricardo shouts, and at this moment, Rick slaps him on the head.

- Bye Sophie. - Rafa answers.

- Sophie? - Rick looks at me seriously.

- What?

- I love you.

- I... - I breathe, - I love you... too Rick. - and hang up.

Ufa! What the HELL just happened here?

I close the notebook and lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

What's wrong with Rick? Does he really love me? Do I love him? I think I will have the answers tomorrow. That's if my dad lets me go to his apartment.

***

Eliza.

This morning, when I woke up, my mother runs into my room, holding a letter in her hand. At this point, my heart nearly leapt into my mouth. I swear. And because of her excitement, I was able to draw my conclusions. And when she finished reading the letter that said I was accepted to the medical school in town, I hugged her, and skipped around the room with the letter in my hand. REALLY.

Well, everyone was already saying that they were sure I would pass. But that doubt always arises, which makes us think more about the capacity for intelligence, of ourselves. Anyway, even with my double job, even with the recent news that Edu's trip was postponed, and he's going to travel this Saturday, even though he doesn't want me to work in his place, even though Alice and I screwed up - in fact, Alice ruined -, the only chance that Sophie had to stay. Even though I know today is Carol's surgery day. Even though I know all this... I can't even try to... take away the smile that's been insisting on appearing on my face. The old man from the newspaper who sits next to me in the subway, lowered the tip of the newspaper to see if I had some kind of problem, because he was smiling, when everyone around me was fighting for space on the subway, very serious.

But even with that, my smile wanted to disappear.

And when I entered the hospital, I was received by Ms. G, who said I was twelve minutes late, and she gave me a file with the names and times of the new patients. But even that doesn't take away my happiness.

- I know you'll do fine. And it's not a risky surgery. - I say to Carol. Who's already sitting on the gurney, dressed in a light blue sweater, and with her red surgery bracelet, just waiting for Dr. Philipi, he's going to replace Dr. Roberto today.

She is more agitated than usual, and looks nervous. Of course I don't blame her...it's not every day a surgeon makes a small cut on you with a scalpel. But as I love medicine, I know... that every detail, and every effort that the patient receives from the doctor, is for his own good. Even if it's something that seems useless, like taking sleeping pills or getting injections every week.

- I know. It's just... it's my first time in an operating room. - Carol says, clasping her hands in her lap. - And my mother is not here with me. Does she tell me something to stop shivering?

-Look... her mother called, and said she'll come see you later. But... I don't know what I can say to calm you down... - I think. Come on Eliza, you can do it! - Could it be a joke? It's just that I'm not good at telling stories.

- I do not know. Don't you do this every day?

- I already know! Think of a moment you like a lot, and tell me about it.

- Any time I like a lot? She stopped, and bit her bottom lip as she thought. - Hmm... could it be Christmas with my little sisters?

- It is clear.

"Okay then..." She closes her eyes for a few seconds, and after it opens, I notice a different glint in her brown eyes. As if she's already forgotten that she's about to undergo surgery. - I loved the moments, after midnight, and supper with the family... when I, Aninha, and Agata, got together on the living room rug with my mother. Near the Christmas tree...

As Carol speaks, she stares at nothing. As if the two of us had traveled to that moment. And I can almost imagine being with them.

- The three of us in star-matched pajamas, socks and... Christmas caps. My mother who invented this. - She laughs, - And then, we listened to her singing Christmas carols, while we had hot chocolate and ate cookies with drops... - She takes a deep breath to continue, and I notice a glimmer of sadness in her eyes.

''My mom isn't usually so thoughtful all year, she knows... after my dad died, when I was ten... she changed the way she was completely. She didn't tell stories anymore...or sing a song before putting me to sleep...she was always focused on work more than anything. Only she was my mother again when Christmas Eve came around. I really don't know why...I think she must have some fond memories of when my dad was still alive.''

After a long pause, she looks at me.

- Then came the big news... and I couldn't be with my sisters last Christmas, because I had an asthma attack, and I was hospitalized until New Year's Eve.

- I'm very sorry.

- No need to feel. - She opens a weak smile. - Things have to be the way they are. Ever. No matter how bad it looks. I don't know where I'll be this Christmas... I can be in the room with my sisters... or here in this hospital with Nurse Silvéria. Who knows anyway? All that matters... is that we make the most of every second of our lives. And do the things our crazy hearts tell us to do.

I laugh. I just don't feel happy about it.

- Is that you? - she asks. Taking me by surprise.

- Me what?

- How is your Christmas usually?

- Ah, I... I do the same things that any common person does. I sit at the table to have dinner with my family and relatives, you know? There's turkey, there's ham and sometimes... my uncle George brings a lamb...

She laughs. And I'm glad I'm making her laugh.

- Everyone says the things they're grateful for... and after gorging themselves on candy and wine, they reveal their secret friend. There's nothing special...

- How do you say that? - She interrupts me, annoyed, and I'm speechless. - What do you mean there's nothing special? Of course it's special Eliza... you guys do it every year... every Christmas. It means it's a tradition. And you should know that family traditions are one of the most important things in life.

- I know... - I say, embarrassed. - You are right. My family is the most important thing to me. It's just... sometimes... I don't know if I'm giving them all the attention they deserve.

After a while Carol looks at me and takes my hand.

- Let's make a Deal?

- What agreement?

- If I do well in this surgery... you'll have to promise me that you'll take me to eat a burger and fries at the McDonalds in the square.

- But I don't know if it will be a good idea for you to leave the hospital... after what happened...

- Rest assured that I'm already full of medication. Oh come on Eliza... no one will know.

I look at her, and she looks at me persistently. MY GOD this girl could be a realtor, or a lawyer!

- Oh, all right. I promise.

She purses her lips, hiding a smile, like she's planning something. And I do not like this. Because I'm pretty sure she's going to do well in this surgery.