The world was silent when we died

Destiny

“Hey babe”

“Hey”

“You good?”

“Yh, yh”

“ what do you think we should have for dinner?”

“ salad”

“ why? Just salad?”

“ for you?! Yh”

I’m smart enough to know this is his own way of telling me I’m way over my BMI and need to cut down on some calories. He has never told me I’m fat or overweight or ugly, Atleast directly, he always says it figuratively.

Him saying that to me today, not knowing i already had a mental breakdown yesterday because of my weight, really broke me, well, i ended up cooking pasta for him but i was too sad to eat anything.

For some reason i have thoughts that he has another girl and he’s just with me out of pity; who would want to date a fat girl. I wasn’t bothered about it in a way, although sometimes it just hits me, boom, and i would feel bad about it but quickly get myself back, i would never be the girl to cry over a cheating man, but let’s not conclude yet.

I would give listening ears to other guys , if there is any, but there is none, i even make myself think i like girls and would date any girl if anyone is interested in me but there is none, it’s like nobody wants to be seen with a fat girl, so i thought, but I’ve seen fat girls who has it all, the real friends, the money and everything, and I’m not all that ugly so i don’t get why people stay away.

“I told you i would do the calling, do you want to get in trouble?”

I heard Destiny saying over the phone so i leaned closer to hear better, call it eavesdropping or whatever.

“ why are you so stubborn? We would let her know the right time” he said this walking towards my direction but i was too focused on listening to his conversation that i didn’t notice. “ i can’t break her heart like that…..” he stopped a little shocked when he saw me there and i jumped because he caught me eavesdropping. “You are eavesdropping?”

“Whose heart don’t you want to break?” “ why are you listening to my phone conversation?” That’s the highest level of gaslighting and i won’t have that today, “Don’t even try to turn this convo around, it’s hat would you let who know at the right time and whose heart don’t you want to break?” “ I’m not having this conversation with you because it’s wrong to eavesdrop “ he walked out and alwalked back in to take his car keys, “ that’s a work call just for clarity sake” WHOAH, a work call?????! At this point I’m too stunned to speak, are people’s heart broken at their jobs or I’m i going crazy, he must really have it in his head that ‘oh she’s just a fat, black fool and she’s too stupid to be wise’

I waited hours for him to come back that night and finally slept off.

“Hey babe” i sat up at the sound of his voice “it’s past 1am, a call to say you would stay out late won’t hurt “ “well i was too upset to call” At this point i didn’t see any reason to argue with him anymore because it’s certain he wants to play the pity role and i wasn’t going to stand there and watch him speak to me like I’m a fool, so i just went into my room and shut the door.

I woke up the next morning and didn’t find Destiny in the house, i decided not to call to know of his sudden disappearance because if he respected me he would have dropped a note. I started the first five minutes of my morning staring into space, mind blank, i was supposed to go to work that morning but i needed to prepare my mind and wear confidence because i know it’s another day to be addressed as fat or black or big by anyone who sees me, so i just sat on my bed staring blankly.

I heard the door open and Destiny walked in with flowers in his hand. “You went out this early to get flowers?” “ I’m sorry for my wrong response yesterday” I smiled sheepishly and took the flowers, oh how i love the scent of roses, “it smells nice, i wasn’t eavesdropping anyway you were just loud enough for me to hear you clearly “ “Babe let’s forget about yesterday okay?! Btw i made breakfast before i left, i would set the table while you get ready for work, why are you still sitting there anyway” “i don’t know, maybe I’m just tired today “ “you would be extremely late if you don’t start getting ready now”

That’s the thing about Destiny, he has a way of not making me stay mad at him for long, he’s so sweet and knows how to apologize and f he wants to. On third thought, that’s the thing with players, they know how to cover their tracks and make you feel like the insecure one, hmmm, I’m i overthinking or nah??!

*************

I sat close to the transparent glass in a restaurant staring blankly and i heard ‘back to the earth coming in faintly repeatedly until it was clear enough for me to regain consciousness, i stared at the handsome face standing right in front of me, i think i stared for few seconds before i responded to his repeated ‘Hello’

“Oh hi, hi, sorry” I accepted his extended hand calling for an introductory handshake

“Hi, do i know you “ “you will in few minutes “ he smiled, damn that’s the brightest smile i saw that day, infact that week, he’s teeth was sparkling white, he’s smile made me blush “oh is that so?” I asked. “ I came here for lunch and i noticed you had no company and i need a company, so i decided to join your table” “ and you are….?” “ Destiny, Call me Destiny even tho i prefer DY” “oh” i sipped from my juice, “what’s your name?” “Kaima” “that’s a unique name” “yes it is” “i……” he started but i cut him short “ i actually observe table etiquettes so let’s talk when we are done eating” “okay kaima” he chuckled and we ate in silence for about 15mins.

He cleaned his mouth with the salvet and said “ i would love to have lunch or dinner with you again”, “soon” he added, i smiled and he gave me his phone to put my contact number, of course i did, I meannn he’s a fine ass man and I’m not letting this once in a life time experience of a fine, neat man chyking a fat girl like me pass.

I went home that day waiting for a text from him or a call but got none, a week passed and still no call so i assumed he realized that i was too ugly for him and decided to not reach out. I was in a tricycle going to the market on a Sunday afternoon when a text entered my phone, i opened the message and it was him, the message “Hello beautiful, how is your Sunday going?” I smiled at the message but didn’t reply because i wanted to reply when i was home and relaxed. “ I thought you would never text” I replied when i got home, “well….what do you say about dinner Thursday evening” “ straight to the point it is” i replied with a laugh emoji “i would check my schedule and get back to you” Truth is i knew i would be free Thursday evening because i have nowhere or nothing to do after work but a girl has to have small Shakara na but not too much tho, I’m not that pretty to have too much shakara. When i didn’t get back to him few hours later he texted asking if i have checked my schedule and i told him i would be free and accepted to have dinner with him. That was the beginning of my love story with destiny.

****************************

“Kaima come down for breakfast na, or don’t you want to go to work today this girl?!”

I ignored and continued applying my lipgloss, i wasn’t up for work today to be honest, i just wanted to stay home alone and maybe watch a movie but i had no choice than to go to work.

Vrmmmmmmmm

I turned back and saw Destiny’s phone on the bed, i sat still contemplating if i should check the message that just entered or i should mind my business and continue getting ready for work. ‘Pssst’ i was walked to the bed and looked over the phone for a second and took it, tried unlocking the phone but i discovered he changed the password to the phone so i just read the message through the Lock Screen ‘you should come over when she leaves for work to…’ i couldn’t read the full message because the phone was locked and the full message couldn’t appear on the Lock Screen. Why when i leave for work? Who is Dr? (That’s the name of the person that sent the message), to do what? Why did he change his password? Come over where? These questions kept swarming in my head as i stared at the phone screen, just then he walked in but i didn’t even bother to act like i wasn’t looking at his phone, his eyes went from my face to his phone and he finally took the phone and asked “don’t you feel like going to work today?” I stood up and went to the other side of the bed to put on my shoes “ I’m almost set” “well the tea is getting cold” “okay”

At this point i wanted to go to work quickly to get away from him, i was so mad but i didn’t want to show it, so i skipped breakfast and went to work without saying anything to DY, i saw him through my side eye, staring at me through the window, ‘ he’s definitely happy I’ve finally left for work so he can go see his lover’ I thought. I wanted to wait a little longer at a corner so i would see when he would leave the house and maybe follow him, i stood still at the gate for about 2 minutes hesitating if i should do it or not. ‘ what is wrong with you kaima, why worry about a man that has clearly fallen out of love with you, don’t add him to your already truckload of problems’ ‘well he’s part of my problems so technically I’m not adding him, he’s already there’ it’s past 8am already, do you want to add joblessness to your problems?or have you forgotten you need this job ’ s**t! I said out loud as i looked at my watch, coming out from my world of thoughts. I stopped the taxi coming and finally was on my way to my workplace.I am wise enough to know i shouldn’t sit at the front seat if i wouldn’t pay for two spaces and i did not want to pay for two spaces even if i have the money so i joined the three people at the back seat to manage the already tight seat space, well i have no choice though, i can’t complain out loud because i would be told to get my own car or pay for double space if i want to enjoy a free ride. Ksst. To think they would collect big amounts of money after compressing the passengers like sandwich. Mtcheew. This thought occupied my mind as the taxi drove towards my work place direction.