Prank Me Love

Even Superman Has A Weakness, And So Does Achilles, Too

"... round the decay,

of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,

the lone and level sands stretch far away."

-lines from the poem "Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley

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CHAPTER ELEVEN:

By the time I had come out of the mausoleum, James has been nowhere to be found. I walk towards the place where we had parked Belle. But he was not also there. I already got a feeling that he had taken my rejection and words seriously. Yet, I still tried to wait inside the passenger's seat, hoping he still hasn't left me. Though, I already saw the car keys dangling by the ignition when I get in the truck.

It took a little while when finally I saw him appearing from behind the big trees by the side of the gravel pathway, behind other mausoleums. He had his head slung down between his shoulders, his hands on his pockets, and wasn't really looking at where he's going. I suddenly felt guilty about what I did and said to him a while ago. It wasn't really a nice thing to do to him, considering that he doesn't really have anything to do with my past and he was just concerned.

I get out of the truck, my heart beating faster, as I meet him halfway. He notices me and hesitates for a second but I was already approaching him, my persistence giving me enough courage. I just quietly hugged him tightly, my arms around his waist, my head on his shoulders. I hugged him like I never did before... Like he's the air I need to breathe.

He hug me back after a few seconds and rests his head above mine, I felt his lips touching my hair. He exhales loudly and pulls me closer. We hugged for a few more minutes before I pulled away and looked up to him.

He had the saddest expression in his eyes as if he had just cried.

"I'm sorry," he says to me.

"No," I tell him, cupping his cheeks. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's me and my past."

He nods silently and kisses my forehead. He hugs me again, sighing.

I let him cage me in his arms for another while before I tell him that we have to go home.

The drive was silent and dreading. I wish we could go back again and refresh. I hate things like this with James... I can't bear the sadness of not seeing him smiling back at me.

"Did something happen?" Beth gives me a worried look when we met the next day in Chemistry class. I knew she already knew what day was yesterday. She is looking at me as if she's scared I would break any minute. I gave him a small smile as I sat on the chair beside her.

"It still isn't easy for me," I reply to her softly and I knew she already understands. She gave me a look that says she knows what I feel and her eyes began to sparkle. Unshed tears appearing, mirroring mine.

"Let's just get through the day again like before," she pats me on the back, smiling back at me. Our sad smiles reflecting the loss of one another.

"Yeah," I say, sighing. "I'd like that."

After classes, we met Evan at lunch. And just like the two of us, Evan had the same sad expression on his face. Even when he tried to hide it beneath his lame pathetic jokes, I knew he was in pain. Our loss is still fresh and we can't go on not until we find a way to.

"How's James?" Beth asks me from behind her book, trying to bring up a much lighter conversation. Though, somehow, her topic seems not a light one for me as of now.

After what happened at the cemetery with James yesterday, we never really got to talk again after the drive back home. James didn't even sleep in my room last night. I wonder where he did end up sleeping. My confusion and worry mangled together as I think about it.

"Shai?" Beth calls out, waking me out from my reverie. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine," I replied hastily, standing up, "I need to go to the comfort room." I excused myself, ignoring the worried looks from Evan and Beth as I dash my way towards the women's comfort room.

The moment I got in, I went in on one of the cubicles, sat down, and counted to ten. I tried to breathe slowly as I gather my thoughts. My heart was pounding so hard, both with pain and anxiety... I love Peter, but what about James? Am I really sure about him?

After a few minutes, when I finally went calm, I got out only to see Miranda standing by the sink, her eyes meeting mine on the huge mirror.

She was the first one to break our eye contact, smirking. I went to the sink, washing my hands as she puts on some lipstick. She looks at me for a second and smirked again.

"You look like you're doing fine, huh?" she tells me, smacking her lips as she checks her look in the mirror. I didn't reply to her, I continued running the water.

"You know, I hate to say this," she speaks again, turning to her side to look at me, "But, I already know that you know that we're not going back to the way we used to be before..."

She had been my best friend.

"So, I think it's really sad though that we've lost a very important person in our lives, but seeing you getting all too happy all of a sudden makes me hate you even more."

I remained silent.

"You have no right to be happy," she says in disgust, glaring at me. "It should have been you not him."

I still remained silent.

"I hate you," she tells me, "I hate that he loved you so much. I hate that he loved you until the very end. I hate that you're now forgetting all about him. I hate that you've replaced him so fast you couldn't even wait for a year."

And with that, she left me. My tears silently flowing down on their own like the water running down on the sink in front of me, so fast... So much. Unending.

"Hey," James greets me as he gets out of the truck, his easy smile bringing me to silent depression as I recall my moment with Miranda back at the comfort room hours ago.

Beth had been very worried when she saw me walking as I got back to our table at the cafeteria. I knew she saw Miranda coming out before me. But she didn't say anything, instead, she just constantly asked me if I was alright.

"Hey," I smiled back to James, kissing his cheek, and quickly walk to the passenger side.

James notices my indifference but ignores it as he got into the truck. He watches me for a moment and quietly starts the car. We drove in silence again, trying not to notice the heavy feeling hovering around us.

"Where did you sleep last night?" I ask right after James turns off the engine. We are now on our driveway.

"I found a space on your couch," he replies.

"Dad knows?" My heavy question hangs between us.

"Yes," he says softly. I got out of the car after that and walk my way into the house, ignoring James calling me from behind.

When I got into my room, he spun me around, holding my shoulders with his both hands. His eyes staring right through mine.

"Shane, what's wrong?" he asks me, "What is happening? Why are you acting like this?"

"I can't talk right now," I say trying to free myself from his grasp.

"No," he held me tighter but not that too tight to hurt me. "Look at me," he says, and I hesitantly did.

"Shane, tell me. What's bothering you? You can tell me anything." his eyes pleaded.

I closed my eyes, feeling the tears starting to come out again. "Not now, James."

"Not now," I whispered again, pleading. I open my eyes and saw him looking down on the floor. His face distorted into a very sad expression. The picture nearly broke my heart.

"Okay," he finally says after a moment and frees me. He glances up at me, his eyes looking so torn as he reluctantly backs away. He walks off, closing the door behind him. The room suddenly felt too big.

I sat down on my bed, still staring at the door where James had just walked out. He left. And I was alone again, feeling more pained and anxious. What am I doing here? What am I doing to us?

When the night came, I was still lying down on my bed, just staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts keep going back to what happened with James this afternoon. I felt the tears flowing down on my cheeks but I didn't wipe them.

After a while, I hear a knock on my glass door by the balcony. I sat up and saw a disheveled James standing behind it. He was looking at me with those pitiful eyes, his hair sticking up in all directions and his shirt wrinkled.

I slowly got out of the bed and opened the door for him. As soon as I let him in, he envelops me in a tight hug, his breathing gets louder.

"Tell me, Shane," he lets go and looks at me, "What's wrong? What's bothering you?"

I stare up at him, reluctant to speak. I push him away gently, turning around.

"You won't understand, James," I say, my voice coming out croaked, "This is really hard for me."

"What's hard for you? Why won't you just tell me?" He demands, his voice begging.

"I can't!" I turn to him, tears still flowing down my face. "This isn't about you, it's me!"

"No!" he counters, stepping closer as I back away, "You don't get to say that, I'm going to stay with you until you finally let me in. Shane, you hear me? I'm not going away!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I cried out, "You're making it harder for me!"

"Harder?" he glares, "What do you mean by that? What makes you feel that way? Shane, just tell me!"

"I still love Peter!"

The silence crashed down. The crickets sang, the wind whispers... James froze. I exhaled and silently cried.

"Now, you know," I whisper, looking down to the floor, unable to look at his face because I'm suddenly feeling scared of what I would see there. "Do you already understand?"

"No, I don't," James replies stubbornly, "He's gone, Shane. You need to move on."

"I can't!" I shout back, irritated that he's pushing it.

"You need to move on!"

"Stop saying that!" I glare at him, my vision blurring because of too many tears, "Stop saying like it's something so easy!"

"I love you!"

My heart stopped. My tears too. My eyes widened as I slowly look up to stare at James. His eyes were also sparkling... A single tear flowing down his cheek.

"I know you love me too," he softly says to me as he moves closer, "Tell me you feel the same way, Shane." his eyes turning sad and doubtful as he looks at me.

"Tell me," he whispers as he cups my cheek. "Please."

"You can't feel that way for me that fast, James," I tell him instead, "We just met."

"I love you, Shane," He ignores my words.

"James..."

"Tell me you feel the same way..." He cuts me off. "Shane, tell me please." He gently presses his forehead against mine. His nose touching my cheek. His tears dropping on my skin. His breath hot on my neck. He was weeping. He sounded so hopeful yet unsure at the same time.

I let my tears mixed with his.

"I can't..." I whispered back. My heart broke apart.

"No..." He shakes his head. "Don't say that. Please."

"I can't, James," my voice breaking, my tears kept on pouring. "I can't love you."

And as quick as that, James left. His soft sobs didn't leave unheard to me. I tried to lean at the wall behind me, gravity shook my balance as I slide down on the ground. James had walked out of the balcony in a haste. And he never looked back. Not even a slight hesitation.

"I love you," Peter tells me, his smile melting my insides. His face so radiant and so angelic, I knew I would never get used to staring at it. He leans his face towards me, our lips just mere inches apart.

"Tell me," he says softly, "Tell me you feel the same way..."

"I love you," I whispered to the thin air, my eyes felt heavy. The memory of that first kiss, the memory of his first I-love-you... Peter.

"I still love you..." I say to no one, but my heart was weeping. Oh, Peter, I really do still love you.

"Damn it," I say to myself as I broke down into sobs. Why can't I just let go of it!? Why?! Why do I have to be such a coward?

"I love you," Peter tells me.

I cried. The sudden feeling of disarray and loss when I watched James walked away moments ago, shattered me. I feel broken. Half of my heart went away.

Oh, Peter, please just... Just let me go now. I can't do this anymore.

"I love you," Peter tells me.

"Tell me you feel the same way," James's voice whispered.

And I cried louder, hating myself instantly.

I'm such a bad person.