Prank Me Love

When You Don't Play By The Rules

"We've got to have rules and obey them. After all, we're not savages."

-lines from the novel "Lord Of The Flies" by William Golding

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN:

I couldn't speak for quite a while as I watch the streets pass by in a blur through the fogged window of the passenger seat. There's a lot of questions racing inside my head but I couldn't dare to ask them out loud. I could feel the burning curiosity filling my chest yet I still try to ignore it. For some reason, I know James has been keeping something from me. And for all I know, it is something, that once he finally gets the courage to tell me about, would change things between us.

I suddenly recall the day when Peter had confessed to me something about his family. He had given me this sad sad face and went on saying how he found out that his dad had been seeing another woman behind his mother's back. Back then, I was just too stunned to process it all after learning that truth because I never expected it. Everybody thought their family was perfect.

Peter took two weeks before he told me everything about it. We've fought countless times before that because I have been feeling he was keeping something from me--I even thought he was cheating on me. He had been quite distant to me the previous weeks when we started having arguments about things I don't remember now. But when he told me the truth, I realized that all those suspicions I had of him were very much stupid and entirely false. Then I just felt remorseful for even thinking he would have done something terrible. 

But you couldn't possibly blame yourself for ever thinking that way. Trust must always go both ways, right? 

If you trust someone, then that someone should also trust you back. Even if it means, telling them the painful truth about yourself.

Yet with James, it is a different matter. I trust him, that's a given. But somehow, he won't trust me enough to tell me the things that I still don't know. And that goes beyond without ever talking about it. He knows that I deeply suspect something but he keeps on brushing all my attempts to question them further. I wish he would just tell me now. Because, how could I really love him if things between us are already filled with doubts?

"Shai..." he calls me for a second, shaking me out of my thoughts as I slowly turned to look at him. He glances at me from the windshield, just a barely meeting of our eyes with a strange look on his face. I waited for him to say something more. Something that would make me feel relieved. Something that could explain everything that is bothering me. But he didn't.

"You could say it to me," I tell him after a moment of silence. "I won't be mad. I promise. I don't want to be mad at you."

"I..." James hesitates then takes a deep shaky breath. He goes on. "Miranda and I... It's something that had happened in the past."

Past. That word is a painful straight punch into the gut. Past weighs a lot more than it actually bears, and it creates ripples of regrets and secrets that anyone would find so hard to share with someone. I understand if he can't tell me for now. I understand if things work less bad that way.

"If you're not ready to tell me now," I finally offered, "There's always tomorrow and the day after that to do it."

James quietly nods at this and slowly sighs in shy relief. His frown smooths away, being replaced by a small smile as he silently reaches out for my hand to hold it beneath his free one.

"I love you," he tells me suddenly and I inhaled sharply. Hearing those words just added a deeper cut right into my heart. 

"I love you, Shai. Always."

"Always," I say back with a blank expression, trying to hold on to that word filled with silent promises. I moved to put my other hand over his that has been holding mine.

"I love you," he repeats again as he glances at our linked hands, and I looked up to his eyes.

"I know," I tell him with a smile, thinking that the rest of my confusion could wait. At this moment, I just wanted to pretend everything is alright and there's nothing wrong between us.

I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to risk it. I don't want to rush it, I could certainly, wait. No matter how long it takes.

The night after that afternoon talk, I dreamed of something strange yet unforgettable. 

With James' strong arms keeping me warm and safe on my bed while we slept, I dreamed about the two of us. We were standing on the back open trunk of my truck. It was parked on our secret place by the side of the highway near the cliff. We were watching the sunset while we admire the wonderful view of the whole town below us. James was shouting something that I couldn't remember now what was, but I could still feel the warmth of his hand gripping mine as we laughed about it. Then after shouting, he looked down at me, his eyes were still smiling even when his lips weren't. He tucked some hair behind my ear, keeping them away from my cheek. Then I nervously gulped as I gave him a small smile, peering up at him. 

He leaned down, whispered something... Something that made me smile wider and he chuckled. But I can't recall what it was that he told me. I can't make out the words that played on his lips when I watched it moved. Then he suddenly kissed me... He kissed me hard. Intense, amazing, exhilarating. It felt so real. He kissed me as if he can't get enough of me. He kissed me on that dream as if it felt like it already happened before. It felt like that moment was very true, very real. Very familiar.

I woken up, shaken and disoriented as I turned to look back to the reality-James who has been sleeping soundly behind me. He had his arms around my body, one slung across my waist and the other under my head. I hear his soft snores, as I try to snuggle closer to him. I turned and changed my position. Facing him this time, I ran my fingers through the side of his face. His brow, his ear, his cheek, his jaw... His lips. A sensation of both soft and hard whenever it touches mine. He is truly beautiful and I can't imagine myself losing this kind of beauty that had come into my life. I can't imagine my life without his face in the picture.

I wonder if what he is dreaming as of this moment. I wonder if he dreams about me too. I wonder what it felt like to do that dream for real. Would he kiss me like the way he'd kissed me there? Would he never get enough of me? And what will he shout from the top of the truck if ever it really happens? What will he say that would make us laugh? What would he whisper to me that would make my heart beat fast? That would make me want to kiss him back as hard as he did to me?

I wonder... And that... That is what I could only possibly do for now. 

I wish I knew... 

I wish it could come true. 

I wish it could be.

The next days became a series of Evan and Beth's growing tension. And it isn't just getting uncomfortable for the both of them, it also makes me feel queasy and awkward whenever we get to meet up together at lunch. Of course, Evan's got to be with us at lunch since he's had given a statement to the whole campus that he doesn't want to sit with the popular group and he doesn't want to be groped by teenage divas and cheerleaders. So I've got to give him the credit for staying with us and enduring the thick silence at our table...

Guess, I need to learn how to be a good mediator for the two of them now.

"What time do you think scrappy's mom gonna get home today, Shai?" Beth asks me from behind her book while we're sitting at our table at the cafeteria. I stop eating for a second to give her a look then at Evan. Evan was silent but is also obviously listening to her as I darted my eyes between the both of them. 

"I need to ask her about my application for the summer job," Beth explains to me, still not tearing her eyes away from whatever she's reading.

"Uhm..." I turn to glance at Evan who has been staring at me with a blank face while he goes on picking up some of my fries again. "Eve, Beth wants to know what time--"

"She'll be at home sevenish," Evan answers me right away, sounding so very casual. Then I look back to Beth again who senses my gaze as she sighs.

"Fine," Beth says, "Then I'll be at their mansion before eight." She puts down her book, still not daring to look in Evan's direction as she picks on her salad. I watch her silently, wondering if how long will this awkwardness going to take before they finally make up. And when I get no expression from Beth after a minute, I turn to Evan who just gives me a shrug, smiling sheepishly, and went on to finish the last remains of my fries. I somehow lost the mood to eat now.

I really need to do something to fix whatever this is that is going on between them.

The rest of that lunch went on just like that. No talking, no laughing, no more bickering... And it left me feeling sad and a bit annoyed with the two of them.

I don't know where to start, honestly. I want to ask what is wrong but I don't know who will I approach first. Seems like, both of them are still not ready to tell me anything. So, I had no other choice but to wait. And waiting for feels like a burden already.

"So here's the deal," Beth tells me one time when she called me over the phone, Friday evening. "I really need your help with something."

"Okay," I say, feeling curious about what she wanted me to do, "What is it?"

"I'm a bit of short with help for my little sister's birthday," she tells me, "Remember Sally?"

Sally is her cousin, the 'ever-slutty Sally' (Beth used to call her that) that one time had flirted with Evan back when we all gathered for Beth's fifteenth birthday party three years ago. So now, I know that hearing her name was again, a big emergency alarm for Beth. So I needed to be there. 

Sally... It really is not a good sign at all.

"Yeah. I'm in," I quickly tell Beth, my attention already focused on what she will going to say, "What's the plan?"

"Well, you know that it's going to be Maggie's birthday one week from now, right?" Beth asks me. Maggie is her little sister, five years younger than her. 

I nod then when I realize she was actually on the phone, I say, "Yeah, I know. What help do you want?"

"I want you to assist me with the party. Mom's trying to insist that I need an assistant for planning Maggie's big day and she thinks Sally could help. And you know I can't deal with that slutty-Sally. I've already had enough of her every year of my birthday and now is surely not the time too," she rambles on me and I sigh.

"I understand," I tell her then, "Well, then count me in. But please, Beth..." I added, "Stop calling her that name, she isn't really bad."

"Oh, she is bad, Shai!" she hisses back at me, "You know how she is! She tried to have s*x with Ev--" she stops when she processed the words she was going to say.

I sensed the awkward silence and I finally tried to break it. "Beth?"

"Right," Beth answers quickly, her breath sounding heavy from the other line. "Well, you know the story already and you know what happened. And you know that I can't deal with her... Ever."

I told her yes and that I understood. And I felt suddenly bothered that even saying Evan's name makes Beth hesitate. When she ended the call after telling me some of the brief details of the party, I came up with the decision that I really need to find a way to fix their problem. I'm their best friend and I'm already getting extremely worried that they won't even manage to talk with each other or even discuss the other with me... 

For some reason though, I feel like I'm going to get a lot of hassle planning a way to fix it.

"Find it hard to believe she already got a boyfriend," Beth mutters to me when we set the tables for the party the night before Maggie's birthday. Six days had passed, and after long nights of planning the perfect way to surprise her young sister, we finally had it all laid out and finished. It was exasperating enough to deal with a lot of stuff and designs and lots of arguments of what color is the best to use or what kind of theme will be suited for Maggie and all these and that... 

But it was way more exasperating for me that I didn't even get to talk about Evan with Beth throughout the whole time. I was already wasting one week off for letting them get on with the whole "silent-treatment" issue and "who-gets-to-talk-first" game. Evan ignores the awkwardness, Beth tries to dodge my questions and both of them is already making me lose all of my patience. Even James started to feel worried about my frequent grumpiness and frustration over my two best friends.

Now, Beth was talking about Sally again, for the nth time this day, because she just found out that Sally's in a relationship. And the guy was older. And Beth couldn't let go of the truth that for some weird reason, Sally had managed to land on some serious guy when the fact is, she was even less likely to commit in a serious monogamous relationship. But what really bothered me more is the fact that Beth's so mad at Sally that she doesn't even want her to be happy. 

I knew Sally did a wrong move three years ago when she gave her virginity to Evan on the night of Beth's fifteenth birthday. And Beth had found them all n***d above the sheets in her own room. Note this, they did it in Beth's bedroom. But could we really blame them? I mean, we were all pretty drunk and wasted because we get to have a night just to ourselves since Beth's parents had been generous enough to leave the house for her because she had very much wished for an all-free birthday house party. And so... that had cost her too... Vomiting the rest of her stomach after finding Evan and Sally on her bed. She had gone through a bad phase after that. But luckily for Evan, he was forgiven after a week but as for Sally... Seems it wouldn't be too soon or possible.

"Maybe she must really like him if it's that serious," I tell Beth, as I glued more balloons on the walls of the event hall where we had set up everything. Tomorrow, Maggie's going to receive a call where she would be instructed to go at this place and all of the closest people in her life would be here too... Surprising her for her big day and she'll be going to be very happy.

"She can't be," Beth disagrees, glancing at me from where she was fixing the tables, "She's too preoccupied with her other needs to be that serious."

"What do you mean?"

"Pfft," Beth dodges my question again, "Nah, never mind," she says.

I ignore her brush-off statement and went back to business. But after a moment she speaks again.

"I didn't invite Evan to the party, in case you try to look for him there."

"What?" I frown at her, "But why? He's very close to Maggie, Beth."

"I know that," Beth drops the mantel she was holding as she turns to me, "But I can't deal with him right now."

"But your problem with him doesn't have anything to do with Maggie," I tried to give some sense to her because this fight with Evan seems to get more awful and stupid for the two of them. "This isn't right, keeping yourself away from him. You two are friends. Damn it. We are all best of friends."

"Yes, but still..."

"Still what?" I snap at her, forgetting all of my patience, "Beth, whatever this is that puts you in a tight situation with him, you should know that you don't get to eliminate Evan in your life that way. Maybe I don't know what it is that made you mad at him but I know that you two shouldn't be acting like this. This is ridiculous! You're not just hurting him in the process, you're also hurting me! And so is Maggie, our friends, and the rest who are close to the both of you! We're best friends! We've made a pact with Peter, remember?! We made a pact forever!" I knew I was already hurling out all the words, my angry face turning much uglier the more I speak. But I couldn't get away without saying all of these... My mind was controlling me over.

"You don't play by the rules, Beth," I finally told her after breathing deeply, "And you know that by doing this, you'll just end up losing me, Evan... And worst, you're going to lose yourself too. You're being unreasonable and stupid. And I'm sick of watching you do this to our friendship."

Beth was silent after this. I had few tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to wait if she was going to say anything. But when she never did, I quietly went off to leave. I knew I wasn't still finished with the balloons but I couldn't just stand there after saying all of that... I need to give the tension a release...

And most of all, I need to give Beth more time to think. She needs that... We all need that.