Prank Me Love

THE CHAPTER OF JAMES: Journal Entries

JOURNAL ENTRY #509

Please don't let this moment get away again. 

When I can hold her tight. 

When I can already see her face, from afar, with that smile... 

So enchanting. 

So beautiful, so captivating. 

I nearly went spiral seeing her for the first time. 

On that driveway. 

Like a dream, I thought she was an angel and I was in heaven... 

But she spoke, her eyes gave more than what she wanted to say. 

She was weird but cute. 

She was perfectly imperfect and amazingly flawed. 

Even when she tries to be funny or mean, 

Even when she wants me to go away and leave her, 

I couldn't make myself leave her there. 

I couldn't. 

I can't. 

I won't. 

I didn't.

Why would I keep on asking questions about our tragedy when I still got a chance to fix us? 

There's so much more to life than scrutiny aside from having to hate what fate had brought to us. I want to be with her, that's all I needed to know. I love seeing her, talking to her, hearing her voice, and that damn breathtaking gaze that could easily get past through my walls. She's exactly what I'm searching for... Looking for. 

Needed... Wanted... And ever loved in my whole existence.

But f**k, she asked me today if we ever have really met before... And only God knows so much how that question scared the hell out of me the minute she said it. 

Maybe, she did recall. 

Maybe, she can already remember some of it now but every time she mentions the word "familiarity" to me, it makes me weak... As if I'm already seeing the end of this... over and over again. I keep repeating the last time she did have me smiling down to her up on the cliff, over the trunk of her truck. I told her we'd always have forever. I'd whispered about how I'd always love her until the end... And as soon as the memory came into reality... The moment was quickly over.

She'd forgotten... She never did see it again. We never went to that place again after a long time. She asked questions that make me nervous. She looks at me with suspicious eyes that make my heart beat erratically. She held my hand with determination and not anymore... Not anymore did she look at me as if she knew me very well. There was a stranger I see when I look at the mirror. Even, I, myself, don't know who I am anymore. And no matter how many forget-me-nots's I've already planted back at our own backyard, hoping, wishing, believing that she'd one day soon remember those times, I couldn't really see it happening.

I let myself give in to the hopelessness of this deep-hollowed darkness of sadness that swallows me whole. I wanted to keep on reaching out to that last inch of faith but the time had already judged what tomorrow would give me. I wanted to be an optimist, pushing negative thoughts away from my own mind that is now going insane with all the work I'm doing to get her back again but all I know now is that reality could really be such a b***h.

And this time, I needed to be mightier than Hercules and Achilles to save my beautiful princess from the sinking ship drowning down in a sea of oblivion. I need her out of that place... 

Before she permanently deletes everything from her entire past.  Including me... 

Including US.

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FORGET ME... FORGET ME NOT

I don't want to blame you,

Baby, it's all my fault.

Now you've forgotten me,

So I also try to forget it all.

But my heart won't let you go,

We're too fragile, too vulnerable,

It's a sick story about two lost souls,

where we try to be more than invincible.

You lived a life full of failures...

I lived a life filled with lies...

We're two nicely written poems,

Built of hatred and desire.

I was struck by your innocent knowledge,

I was captivated by your beauty and smile,

Since this world's a place for fool lovers,

Only fooled with selfish words and smiles.

Our story that went worse as it gets better,

Drowned the two of us through time,

When the writer puts his pen on the paper,

Only the right things would end up in a rhyme.

But we're two opposites,

And the world doesn't believe in free versing,

I see you in my head, still smiling,

I see you in that place,

Now crying, I'm mourning.

I love you,

And you did what you think is best,

I understand it,

The stanzas may not be all written too well.

But I get what you're meaning,

Though it's filled with twists and clever sentences,

Yes, this written thing is full of mindless nonsense,

But it's all for you, my only princess.

You're the only one who knows what this all really meant,

You're the only one who deserves to have what you can get.

I love you, 

And I won't ever leave you,

Even if you forget me...

I will never forget you.

-A LOST ENTRY FROM JAMES' SECRET JOURNAL