Free Falling

16|Brent Carter

    I only felt one kind of spark and that was when I was with Brent. Kissing Brent had sent waves of pleasure coiling down my spine like a snake, heat rushing to every skin on my body, and I craved it. I craved him. The way he handled me, gripped me, showed me he knew how I liked it. He made love to me like no other; slow, sweet, and soft.

    That was not what I was aiming for when I kissed Eli.

    I shoved him back into the apartment and tossed my skateboard on the couch, using my foot to shut the door behind me. Eli used those brief seconds to bombard me with questions.

    "Cathy, what the hell is going on?"

     I grabbed his hand and marched to his bedrooms. There was a single door open to the right. "Is this your room?" I asked, getting my answer when I pushed the door open and stepped inside, tugging a confused Eli behind me. 

    I shut the door behind him and roughly shoved Eli against it. What came out my mouth next surprised the both of us, but I was already on a roll. 

    "f**k me."

    Eli coughed out, "What?"

    "You heard me." Latching myself on to him, I went to kiss him but this time it was Eli drawing back. A look of concern plastered across his face. 

    "Tell me what the problem is and I'll fix it."

    I growled in frustration and swung away from him, fisting my hair. "My problem is that you keep talking when I clearly need one thing!"

     I plopped down on the edge of his bed and leaned forward on my elbows and cupped my chin in my palms, letting my hair fall loosely around me to block Eli's gaze. The bed dipped as he sat beside me, and silence wrapped around us.

   Eli's disheveled hair fell over his eyes, and he swung them back with a quick run-through with his fingers. His shorts were ruffled with a slight bulge peeking through the fabric because of me rubbing myself against him. It was the reaction that I wanted, but now I felt like a cheap prostitute.

    There was no denying that I wanted to know what Eli would feel pressed up against me, and in me, but I wasn't going to force myself on him. I hadn't even considered the possibility of him declining because once I had made myself clear of what I wanted, I thought he would go along with it.

    Instead, he was a gentleman.

    Just my luck.

    A clearing of a throat snapped me from my thoughts, but I didn't dare make eye contact with Eli. Now that the dust had settled and I had time to evaluate what just happened, I wanted to rewind all the way to when I thought this was a good idea and smack myself silly.

    "You, uh, want something to drink?"

    "No."

    He shifted and the bed creaked. I wondered if the bed would creak when we-

    "Want something to eat?"

    I was hungry, but not for food, but I couldn't say that, so I shook my head.

    "Want to tell me what's wrong?"

    "I'm sorry," I whispered, wiping my eyes. "I didn't--I just..."

    He rubbed my back and my nerves instantly calmed. Eli scooted closer, his leg bumping against mine and breathing fanning the side of my face. "Look at me."

    When I did, my stomach pinched. He was so handsome with the moonlight pouring down on his face, his beautiful brown irises staring down at me with concern laced in them, and his lips set into a frown. All I wanted to do was lean forward and steal another kiss from him, but instead, I shook my head again.

    "I'm sorry if I came off a little...crazy, desperate? Whatever you want to call it." I sighed and looked ahead at the pictures of random objects scattering the wall. "I'm not good at dealing with my issues like normal people. The only thing I know how to do is, well, what I was trying to do with you."

    "You mean when you told me to f**k you?" His voice was laced with amusement, and I laughed gently, not completely embarrassed by my actions because that was exactly what I wanted him to do. What I still wanted him to do.

    I shifted awkwardly and cleared my throat, glancing briefly at his naked torso. "Can you, uh, put a shirt on, please? It's distracting me."

    He chuckled and walked over to his dresser, pulled out a plain T-shirt, and tugged it over his head. Then, he sat back down beside me.

    "So, are you going to tell me what made you come here at three o'clock in the morning and why you stink of cigarettes?"

    "I-"

    My throat swelled up and my hands shook. I knew I could trust Eli with my life, so trusting him with this secret should've been easy. But nothing was ever easy when it came to my life. 

    "Promise me you won't judge or look at me any differently." 

    He paused, staring at me inquisitively, then nodded. "Nothing you can say or do will change how I view you. I promise."

    I rubbed my palms together. My body was shaking and so was my voice as I began telling the story. My story. 

    "Believe it or not, but I used to be like Carrie, Drew, and the rest of those selfish, gossiping vultures. I used to be the one everyone talked about, which I still am, but back then I wanted the attention."

    "I got involved in plenty of fights and lost almost all of them because I was too drunk and high to even think straight, but I caused that all on my own. My life was already s**t before he came into the picture."

    My eyes zoned in on an empty spot in the corner of the room as the memories came rushing back to me. They began to well up but I refused to cry. I refused to show any signs of weakness because that was what he wanted. To hell if I gave him the satisfaction whether he was here or not. 

    I continued, "Then I met him. Brent Carter. I had only seen him around school a couple of times but I never really paid attention until that one night at a party. He told me he'd seen me around but was too shy to talk to me because I was out of his league. Said that I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on, and I believed it. After that night, everything he said was law to me. Everything he did was righteous. He could say or do no wrong."

    I was a f*****g i***t. 

     I tucked my leg underneath me and forced down the lump in my throat. Brent was a sore subject for me, and Eli must've noticed because he placed a comforting hand on my back. 

    "What happened?"

    I laughed humorlessly, feeling the tears slip from my eyes and run down my face in like a river stream. 

    I looked at Eli who was already staring at me, listening vigorously. The words were stuck on the tip of my tongue. I was afraid that my world would come crashing down if I said it because then it would make it true. I didn't want it to be true.

    However, it was. So I said it. 

    "He tried to kill me."