Free Falling

17|Dark Side of Love

Pure shock flashed across his face. His jaw dropped and eyes blinked as he tried to process my words. It was funny because Skylar had reacted the same way when I told her, and after the initial blow subsided, she grew angry. But Eli simply heaved air through his nose and closed his eyes momentarily before looking at me.

"What happened?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and clasped my hands together in a futile attempt to keep myself from breaking apart. Confessing what Brent had tried and failed to do wasn't the hard part; reliving it was. Every time I told this story, it was like I was sucked into a warm hole where I had to relive the entire incident repeatedly, even in my sleep.

I wondered if I told it for the last time if the nightmares would truly end, but I knew that the mental and emotional scars Brent gave me were going to follow me throughout the rest of my life.

With a shaky breath, I continued. "After a couple of months of dating, Brent introduced me to his world, a world filled with an abundance of drugs and alcohol. First, it was weed, and then every day it got progressively worse as if he wanted me to spiral out of control. And I did."

"He was addicted to every amphetamine under the sun. Anything to boost his adrenaline and make him feel like he was on top of the world, he took. But destroying his body and mind wasn't enough for him. He had to drag me down with him."

Eli could tell this was a sore subject for me because his hand never left my back, and I embraced the warmth it provided. Him sitting next to me gave me all the courage I needed to continue because it reminded me of what I gained. My life. I was still alive, sitting next to a handsome gentleman who I couldn't be more than happy to call one of my best friends.

"Brent was a controlling, manipulative, abusive son of a b***h, and that was when he wasn't pigged out on drugs. But when he was sniffing cocaine and choking back pills, he became the devil." I scoffed humorlessly as I recalled several moments when Brent would accuse me of cheating on him simply because I glanced in the direction of a boy passing us in the hallway, or him threatening to break up with me because I wasn't giving him what he wanted.

In the end, he got every little piece of me, without my consent, and left me broken and withering into dust.

"Did he..." Eli trailed off. A grimace stretched across his face.

I nodded. "To make a long story short, he slipped me heavy doses of Rohypnol and..." I choked, tears stinging the corner of my eyes as I did. "He, uh, stripped me my innocence, stole every piece of me that loved him. He broke me."

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital. They told me that the amount of drugs I had in my system was enough to kill me. When they said that, the memories came rushing back to me, and I realized that Brent had done everything on purpose. He wanted me to overdose so that he could take what he wanted and destroy the evidence. Me."

I hadn't realized I was sobbing until Eli pulled me into his warm cocoon, arms trapping me in. Heavy sobs racked through my body, jerking my shoulders, drying my throat as I screamed silently. I hadn't cried like that since the first night I slept alone in my bed. I felt cold, empty, destroyed. I had truly believed Brent was a good guy despite what everyone else believed.

Love truly did blind a person.

"I'm so sorry," Eli whispered. "No one deserves that," he pulled away and I frowned, missing the feel of him molded against me, but then he brushed away a loose fringe of my hair and smiled, "you don't deserve that."

Minutes later, I had calmed down, and Eli and I were laying side-by-side in bed, the covers draping around us in bundles of blue and green. I could tell that Eli had questions because his eyes would flicker to mine, mouth open, but then he would look away as if deciding not to ask.

"You can ask questions," I said softly, my voice foreign to my ears.

"You sure?"

"Just ask."

He cleared his throat and shifted so that he laid on his side. His eyes pierced into mine like a blade, knocking all the breath out of me. "Is he in jail?"

"Yes," I answered instantly. Eli blew out a relieved sigh. "But not for what he did to me."

The air retracted back into his body as swiftly as it'd escaped. Eli tensed, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and eyes blazing with fury. "What do you mean not for what he did to you? You did report it to the police, right?"

The lump had returned, but now it was the size of a boulder making it harder for me to swallow. "I went to the police as fast as I could, but he was already there in handcuffs and being escorted out. I thought he felt guilty for what he did and turned himself in, but soon I found out he was caught selling drugs to kids. Still being a minor himself, he got sent to a correction facility and has been there for the past year."

"So you never told the police even after he left?"

I shook my head. "What was the point? He was gone and that was enough for me at the time. As long as he paid for something, anything, I was fine. I didn't want to see his face anymore."

"Did you tell anyone what happened?"

"Just Skylar and she was livid. She threatened to storm downtown and tell the police everything that happened for me, but I convinced her not to. It was no point. Brent was gone and he wasn't coming back. Skylar calmed down afterward and promised not to tell anyone. No one to this day knows what really happened between Brent and I. They just know he was arrested for drug possession and selling to minors."

"Damn," Eli sighed, "that's messed up. Do you how long he's in for?"

I shrugged. "I went to his trial but he saw me and I left as quickly as possible. I couldn't stand him seeing what he did to me. He used me and tossed me aside like I was a f*****g doll. I hated him for it."

"How long has it been since the..."

"A year."

"And no one knows? Not even Kenny?"

"He asked me what happened to Brent and why he was sent away, and I told him the truth. Just not my truth."

"How did you handle it all?"

A humorless laugh resonated through the room. "I'm sure you already know the answer to that." I turned my head to look at him. His lips were set in a straight line, jaw clenched, and chest falling at an easy pace. "That's why I am who I am. Because of Brent. I keep myself from feeling by having s*x with anyone who wants to and smoking weed to help me cope. It never works."

"That's why you showed up at my door and flung yourself at me," Eli joked, a weak smile curving his lips. "I'm glad I stopped you. You shouldn't give up control of your body like that. It's not healthy."

"I know." I squeezed my eyes shut.

But it's the only way I know how to rid myself of his stench, keep his filthy hands from roaming my body, flush out his evil laugh as he stood over me. It's the only way I get to take back what he stole.

A beat passed, and I knew Eli was absorbing the information slowly. I remained quiet, suddenly feeling the exhaustion creeping up the back of my neck.

Eli pulled me into his arms, cuddling me against his body, and I sighed blissfully. Pouring my heart out to Eli gave me some sort of relief like I could finally breathe for the first time in my life. I had told the story once, this being the second time, and gradually I could feel the ropes tethering around the broken pieces of myself and hauling them into arms reach.

Maybe I could be free of Brent Carter without succumbing to who I was before I met him: a girl who was seduced by danger so much that she became the seducer. A girl who drunk until her liver screamed, a girl who craved attention, and a girl who loved an equally damaged boy so much that she forgot who she was in the process, almost causing herself her own life.

Maybe I didn't have to be scared to love or have someone love me just because the first love of my life almost ripped me to shreds.

For the first time in a really long time, I thought about being the real Catherine Brooks.