Free Falling

14|Break-up

"You told me you weren't going to do this anymore."

"I know," I groaned, putting my head in my hands. "I'm sorry."

The bed dipped as Skylar sat beside me at a safe distance, and I knew it was to refrain herself from beating me to a pulp. If there were any other places to go to, I would've gone, but my parents were home and I couldn't risk them seeing me in the state I was. It was past midnight as well, so that was another reason why I couldn't go home without them noticing.

"What happened?" I lifted my head so I could meet her gaze. Her eyes didn't hold judgment like it did with the guys, and for that I was thankful, but the scowl played at her lips didn't soothe the ache in my chest.

I told her everything. Starting with Caden and I's relationship and ending with what had occurred a few hours ago before I called her to come get me. After I was finished, silence ensued, and that was what scared me the most. Skylar was never quiet.

I couldn't look at her, ensure that this time her eyes would hold judgment, and I couldn't bear it.

"You should've told me," she finally whispered. I took a risk and looked at her. Shockingly, tears pooled around her eyes, and she looked away as it fell down her cheeks. "You've been keeping this from me this entire time? Your brother I can understand, but from me?"

I opened my mouth to defend myself but the words wouldn't come out, and that was because I was in the wrong. No matter how much I tried to justify my actions, my guilty conscious chewed at my heart every time. There was no way around it, not this time.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "After everything, I just wanted something to myself."

"And you thought I would've taken it away from you if I knew about it?" she retorted, turning her eyes to me. "When are you going to realize that I'm not them. I'm not going to spread your secrets or even judge you for sleeping with Caden. I would've supported your decision because that is the kind of person I am. The person you know I am."

"I do trust you, Skylar. I trust you more than anyone else."

"So why didn't you tell me?"

My eyes clenched shut to prevent the tears wanting to escape, and a shaky sigh rippled through my trembly lips. "After Brent, after he did what he did, I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I didn't want a relationship, I didn't want to be in the spotlight, and I sure as hell didn't want to be involved with the gossip mill anymore. I just wanted to be...alone."

Skylar was listening vigilantly, her expression softening as I explained my side. I knew I was far from forgiveness, but she wasn't the type of person who didn't consider the other side. It was something I adored about her, something I envied.

"You knew what really happened between Brent and me despite the rumors because I confided in you. Kenny and the others didn't know, or they pretended not to know for my sake. After it died down, I was still torn apart. My heart was still with him."

Skylar's hand moved towards mine, clenching it with hers. I smiled softly.

"Caden was the only person who helped me heal, even if he didn't know why. He was my relief, my fresh intake of air, my-"

"Distraction," Skylar said.

I nodded. "He was my distraction as well as a reminder of who I used to be. No matter how much I stroll these hallways fooling everyone that I'm this new and improved Cathy, I was still the same person inside. Caden brought it out of me."

"Do you like him?"

"No."

Skylar frowned. "You talk about him like you do."

I shook my head. "The s*x. I used him for s*x, Skylar. And if I didn't use him, I would use someone else. Or something else to relieve me of this impending doom I feel. To fill the void in my chest."

"I didn't know you were going through this," Skylar said, shaking her head piteously. "I thought...you seemed..."

"I wasn't."

"And now?"

I looked ahead at the wall filled with posters of gorgeous models whom Skylar idolized. Tyra Banks was the biggest out of them all, and a small smile curled my lips.

"Now, I'm even more broken and lost than before."

~

As I walked down the hallway, I saw four figures standing near the lockers, and quickened my pace before they left. The words of apology slipped from my mouth as soon as they saw me, and I could tell by the looks on their faces that they knew I rarely apologized. It came out hasty and desperate but didn't lack sincerity.

"It's fine," Miles said, throwing an arm around my shoulder. "We could've gone about it a different way."

"It's not your fault," André added, shooting me a soft smile. "We forgive you."

I looked at Eli who hadn't said anything, and he shoved his hands in his pocket with an indecipherable look plastered on his face. I refrained from rolling my eyes and settled for crossing my arms over my shoulder.

"Enough with the semantics, Wales," Preston said. "Forgive her and move on. Not a big deal."

He snorted and ran a hand through his hair before pulling me into a hug. The shock subsided as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, loving the warmth he provided. He smelled heavenly. Since when did he wear cologne?

When we parted, the boys were throwing us flirty winks and wiggling their eyebrows.

"Stop it," I told Preston and André. They laughed and walked off to their class.

"Catch you two lovebirds later," Miles said, winking at me before leaving.

I laughing and shook my head and turned to Eli who looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry for yelling at you last night. I've never seen you like that and it scared me," he said.

"I know," I replied. "It was one of my weaker moments. It won't happen again."

"Good." He smiled, and we walked to first period in blissful silence.

When we entered, my eyes automatically found Caden's, and he was staring at me like he'd been waiting for me to walk through the door. His eyes shifted to Eli, hardened, and looked ahead. An inaudible sigh passed my lips.

"You okay?" Eli's voice unshackled me from my thoughts, and I gave him a reassuring smile.

"I'm good."

He then leaned over and whispered, "Does Caden have a thing for you?"

I did a double take and felt my mouth drying. "No, why?"

He shrugged and tapped his pencil on his desk. "He was looking at me like I'd stolen his puppy."

"I'm not a puppy."

"You're a cute puppy," he countered with a teasing smile.

I wrinkled my nose at him and settled back in my seat with a planted smile on my face. Somehow, Eli comparing me to a puppy made my chest clench and stomach swirl with a familiar emotion, but I shoved it down before it transformed into more than just subtle flattery.

Deciding not to put too much thought into it, I opened my notebook and continued my creation of swirls.

After what felt like a few seconds, the bell rung, and chairs screeched against the floor as students filed out of the class. I pushed my notebook into my bag, grabbed my skateboard, and waited for Eli to pack up his stuff. We then made our way to the door, and Eli was the first to leave, but I was held back by a hand latching around my wrist. Instinctively, I snatched my arm away and turned around to glare at the person, only to be met with Caden's soft gaze.

"Can we talk?"

I bit the side of my lip and pondered. The teacher left because he had a meeting second period, leaving his classroom unattended. I looked back at Caden, his pleading expression only adding to the guilt, and I nodded.

I turned to Eli. "I'll see you later."

Eli hesitated but eventually left.

"So, have you changed your mind?" Caden asked suddenly when we were finally alone, and when he noticed my confusion, he added, "About us? About my feelings towards you?"

I frowned and backed away. "No."

He sighed frustratedly. "Why don't you just give us a chance? All the time we spent together meant nothing to you?"

Groaning frustratedly, I threw my hands up in the air and bugged my eyes. "What is it you want from me, dude? I can't give you what you want. We had s*x multiple times, but that's as far as it went. I don't know when you started seeing this," I motioned between us, "as something more than just a hookup. You gotta get over me before you end up hurting yourself even more."

Allowing one last look at him, I shook my head and spun around, but again I was prevented from leaving by a hand grabbing my shoulder. I jerked away, my eyes blazing with heated rage.

"Don't touch me," I warned, my voice low. "Don't look at me, don't talk to me. This is over, Caden."

Pivoting on the spot, I threw open the classroom door and stormed out of the room.