her sweet chains

Episode 23

        In the next week I slipped almost effortlessly into the new routines of being a university student. I spent my Days either in class or hanging about with a still rather bemused Ashton. Hence I found myself spending a lot of time in the library that seemed to relax him as he was obviously more comfortable there, and it seemed to provide him with a reason why I was hanging out with him (for study tips) however wrong that conclusion was. Ashton also tuned out to be a great friend mainly as he kept a distance and just accepted everything including how much I ate as I know the others in our class had noticed and they didn’t see the half of it. When I was alone or trying to be alone around the shops or wandering around the campus I followed Derek’s advice and walked around with his MP3 Player constantly plugged into my ears pounding my ear drums, but I think I was doing this too much as I was starting to quite like his music. But of course in addition to my educational activities I was also spending a great deal of time Drinking, not getting drunk just drinking. Drinking enough alcohol that the pull I felt towards Derek was just deadened to a degree where I could just contently ignore it. Although this still didn’t make it perfect I was close to being content maybe as the annoying rebellious daughter in me felt I was actually achieving the goal of pissing my family off while defying their expectations. Although if I could have stopped congratulating myself on my excellent assimilation skills I would have paid more attention to Jamie and noticed how he was doing, but he was Jamie and here was to protect me and I wanted to be here so whatever Jamie was suffering he endured in silence and I was simply too content and pleased with myself to question any deeper into. But despite however content I felt right now I was still thrilled as Thursday night drew in as I had minimal classes on Friday (so lots of time to go batter an innocent kick pad) and then early Saturday morning we were going home. It was time for out monthly meet, and I was so wanted to see the boys even Derek (even though I of course would NEVER admit that). But this was the reason that I dragged poor Ashton into the shops on Thursday afternoon.

“Library?” he suggested as we left our lecture in the early hours of the afternoon. I shook my head. “ok.” He said with a shrug as if he was finally accepting me ending out friendship as he had expected.

“I need your help.” I said beckoning him towards the car park where I had parked my now beloved scarlet Vauxhall Nova much to Jamie’s disgust (he didn’t like me driving apparently I rode her clutch too hard).

“Why?” he asked as we emerged into the dull afternoon where the air was heavy with rain that promised to fall.

“I Need a male opinion.” I said reaching my car.

“Why mine?” he said vaguely “I mean I’ve known people like you well known of them anyway you’re the beautiful talented popular ones whose boyfriends give me wedgies and trip me over in the hallway. I’m just an oddball.” I sighed,

“Damn it all this time together and you still think I’m that dull.” He smiled

“Not dull just normal.”

“Hell that’s worse that dull.” I said glumly “that’s tedious I can see why your trying to ditch me.” He smiled, “look I was an outsider at school too but even if I was popular were not eleven anymore and I wont give you any wedgies.” I smiled “unless you ask nicely.” I said slipping into the drivers seat and leaning over to unlock the passenger side, Ashton climbed in after only a moments hesitation.

“So this is what do you need my help with?”  Ashton called as he stood awkwardly outside the fitting room I was wriggling around in.

“Yes I need a guy opinion.” I said hitting my bottom in a very undignified way against the mirror behind me as I tried to wriggle into the fabric.

“So what do you want to know?” he said with a sigh as I pulled up the zip.

“Well it’s for a family…gathering I need to know what vibe it gives out “I mumbled adjusting the dress smoothing the fabric down over my hips. I had decided t buy a new dress for the meet as it seemed I had lost more than a little weight and I didn’t want any of the boys drawing pointless conclusions from that. The black dress I had picked out was a halter neck in a clingy sort of fabric that accentuated my curves especially emphasising my cleavage. The dress was very short just skimming under my bum but I don't know why but I liked it. I pulled back the curtain and Ashton’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as he Jaw visibly dropped.

“So what do you think?” I asked as Ashton didn’t even blink. “Ash? Ash.”

“yeah.” He said pulling his eyes up to mine well for a second anyway I appreciated the effort but an instant later they were dragged back to my cleavage. “Yeah it’s really good.” He gabbled,

“Do you think it’s a little too slutty?” I asked spinning round to look in the mirror behind me.

“That’s why it’s good.” Ashton said looking horrified as soon as he realized what he had said even though I just burst into loud giggles.

“hey.” I called as Jamie walked into the flat early that evening. “You’re late.”

“And you’re in the kitchen.” He said flinging his backpack into his bedroom “looking for the corkscrew?”

“I was just getting dinner.” I said he raised his eyebrows as I held up a collection of takeaway menus we kept taped to the front of the fridge. Jamie smiled and walked into the kitchen pressing a firm kiss to my forehead.

“Pizza?”

“For starters then Chinese.” he nodded

“Good plan.” He said grabbing a can of cola from the side and striding into the lounge flopping on the sofa with a growl.

“Why so late?”

“Drama club.” He growled as I flopped down in the armchair.

“You go to Drama club.” I said incredulously,

“I kind of enrolled late choices for my complementary studies were rather limited and if you tell the guys that I go to drama club you will have to live off your cooking for the rest of the year.”

“I don’t think that’s even possible.”I said blandly as the buzzer from the front door growled through out flat announcing the arrival of our pizza.

“Oh that’s mine.” Jamie said as a mobile phone tune could clearly be heard. Snapping us both from the comforting sort of trance we had been in half awake half asleep as something neither of us were watching blared out of the TV. The both of us perfectly content as we lay entwined together on the sofa our stomachs temporarily full.” Where the hell is it?” He muttered twisting under me tying to find the source of the persistent ringing. I shoved my hand in his pocket and instantly retrieved his phone with a smile I handed it to him and jumped off his lap to sit on the floor. Grabbing, myself a generous measure of whisky which I knocked back as Jamie answered his phone giving me an unfathomable look.

“heeellloo.” He called into the phone as I poured myself another glass and settled myself in the armchair making a strong effort to simply sip this measure. “My god.” Jamie said loudly jumping up a wide smile appearing on his face “we’ll leave right now. Oh god. Were coming.” He said sliding the phone closed he ran at me picking me up effortlessly and spinning me round as he squealed into my neck excitedly.

“Jay?” I said as he put me back down his chocolate brown eyes sparkling in excitement,

“It’s Kate.” He said excitement leaching into his voice,” she’s gone into labour.” I felt a wide smile spread onto my face too, and I leaned over ruffling Jamie’s blond hair which was little more than stubble. “Meet at the car in five minutes.” I said brightly,

“three.” He said eagerly,

“done.” I said rushing off. Our intense excitement may seen unusual but our pack now was very small and we were pretty exclusive to be in the pack you had to be a mate or you had to be born into it (Jamie being a very unusual exception) and the last one to be born into the pack had been me! So this was an unusual event and we were very devoted to each other anyway so we all wanted to be there to greet the new members of our little pack. Which is why three minutes later me and Jay were speeding back towards the den as I texted Ashton quickly asking him to take notes for me tomorrow and I would probably see him after the weekend.

“Jess baby.” Roger said with a beam as he jumped up from his position at the side of the gates flinging aside his magazine. He leaned in through the open window and kissed me on the forehead.

“How’s Kate?” he shrugged and leaned in opening the back door jumping into the back seat.

“dunno.” He said as Jamie drove through the now open gates which automatically began to close behind us. “She was still in labour when I sent out here to wait for you two. I frowned wanting to ask why Darius had felt the need to station him outside the gates to wait for us until two in the morning but I didn’t bother “So how’s education?”

“Educational.” Jamie said blandly.

“So how’s everyone doing?” I asked with as much indifference as I could muster. Roger smiled as he rested his chin on the back of my chair.

“Well from what I hear and see …Everyone is being a real pain in the ass.” He said I didn’t like the way he said that At all. “Everyone appears to be gunning for a fight at every opportunity. And everyone is a right bastard to try and live with right now I’ve actually had to start buying food to keep in my flat.”

“Poor puppy.” I said softly stroking the stubble on his cheek. as Jamie pulled the car to a halt in the driveway I slid out of the car feeling suddenly as if a tight band I didn’t even realised I was wearing around my chest suddenly disappeared just at the sight of the den ‘my home’ a little voice inside my head whispered as a beam suddenly appeared on my face and I was filled with such an instant joy that it made it me feel as if I was four years old again. I suddenly just sprinted up the stairs desperate to be inside, I groaned the instant I was in the entrance hall surrounded by the fragrances of my families lives, the sounds the smells all my senses came to one firm conclusion, and I was home.

“Jessie.” An overexcited voice shouted an instant before a heavy weight flew into my stomach knocking me off my feet so I fell heavily on my back in the middle of the entrance hall.  

“Hey Dean.” I said reaching up to stroke his beautiful cheek. “I missed you.” He said nuzzling into my cheek the bloody flirt. I sighed,

“Are you going to let me up?” I asked he frowned as if he was thinking it through,

“I guess.” he said but first “welcome home.” He said politely before he leaned over a pressed a rather un-platonic kiss on my lips. His gentle lips lingering a few seconds more than they should have but it was short enough that If Derek had seen he shouldn’t feel the need to start breaking thumbs.

“Up we get.” Roger said holding his hand out to me as Dean jumped up and gave Jamie one of those blokey backslapping type hugs.

“Hey.” Carl said beaming at me before he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. “We’ve missed you here.”

“I know.” I said heavily “I’ve missed you too.” But as I said this I felt those eyes on me and lifting my gaze from Carl’s shoulder I saw Derek hovering by the foot of the stairs, his dark eyes as intense as ever but otherwise he looked unsure as if waiting for someone to advise him on the correct protocol for him to follow right now. Carl seemed to feel my lack of focus and released me. I smiled vaguely at him as Carl nodded ever so slightly reading my thoughts and urging me on, I bit my lip for a second and then shook my head ever so slightly. Carl frowned sadly just a little.

“Come on.” Dean said eagerly wrapping his hand around mine. “There’s someone you have to meet.” I turned and beamed at him,

“She’s had the baby?” I said seeing Derek slide broodingly from the room out of the corner of my eye. Dean nodded smiling in an innocent sort of way that I didn’t recognize well not on Dean anyway.

“Come on.” He said giving my hand a gentle tug which I followed eagerly scampering up the stairs behind him Jamie at my heels.

           Kate was in our makeshift infirmary a room which right now just reeked of blood, yet she was sitting propped up by a mound of pillows. She looked exhausted and yet beautiful seeming to almost glow in the golden light of the lamps. Geoff was sitting next to her looking equally aglow as he nuzzled into the next of his wife his face simply adoring.

“Jamie, Jess.” Kate said brightly, “you’re here.”

“Of course.” I said beaming at her as Carl and Roger entered the room behind us, I kept half an eye on the door watching out for Derek but he didn’t appear “Congratulations.” I said brightly releasing Dean’s hand to run over and kiss both of them on the cheek followed by Jamie who repeated the gesture (though of course neglecting to kiss Geoff).

“Hi sweetheart.” Darius said appearing infront of me sweeping me up into a very uncharacteristic hug. I smiled as I looked back at Kate who was tenderly lifting small bundle of blankets from the mosses basket alongside her bed. Jamie leaned over smiling gently.

“He’s called Lucas.” Geoff said his eyes drinking in the sight of his new little family. I shuffled closer so I could see the tiny baby sleeping deep within the bundle of blankets.

“He’s beautiful.” I said the standard line,

“Don’t lie he’s ugly he looks like the lovechild of a lizard and a prune.” Dean said playfully I swung an arm back whacking him in the stomach playfully. But Kate clearly either didn’t hear or didn’t care as she was rocking the little boy making adoring faces at him as though she was oblivious to the fact that he was asleep.

“I agree.” Roger said squinting into the blankets “so the truth is out confess Dean you’re the father aren’t you.” He said playfully, Dean growled in his throat gently flinging himself on Roger wrestling with him playfully. I smiled gently content to just watch this; I had missed them so much and this playful mood between them.

“What do you think?” Carl whispered into my hair as he wrapped an am tightly around my waist. “Getting broody yet?”

“I’m not sure.” I said dubiously, “after all he’ll grow up to be like them.” I said nodding at Dean and Roger who were still grappling playfully. Carl chuckled into my shoulder as his arm tightened his hold ever so slightly.

“Jessie.” He said tentatively as I bit my lip fairly certain that I didn’t want to hear what Carl was going to say. He was turning more like Derek as he hesitated considering what he wanted to say and what this might possibly cost him.

“I think maybe you lot should let Kate get some rest.” Darius suggested gently, though I could hear him his voice seemed to be coming from a long way off as my eyes had strayed again and were held captive but they weren’t locked on the baby I was watching the new little family. The way Geoff looked at his wife and his son, they were like a living advert for breakfast cereal or something and just watching them looking at each other with such devotion to each other it made something inside me ache.

“What do you think?” Carl asked, “Steak.”

“Was that an offer or a request?” I asked Carl chuckled,

“I remember your cooking sweetheart.” he said glumly, “it’s an offer.”

“Then definitely.” I said with a smile. Carl released my waist as Dean extended a hand to me which I accepted and he twirled me around gracefully leading me from the room as we all filled down to the kitchen which was promptly filled with the sounds and smells of cooking meat. But I found myself sighing regretfully as neither this nor the  playful conversation of my brothers engrossed me my mind was dragged away from them as I light sound from the hall drifted to my ears. I slipped silently away from the boys and into the entrance hall none of them stopped to question me although I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that they hadn’t noticed this departure. As I stepped into the entrance hall my brother’s background chatter faded so I could more clearly hear the sounds from the lounge. I headed towards these sounds of a hesitant Piano tune I instantly recognized as the gentle few bars of the only tune I’d ever been able to teach Derek. My steps hesitated but I couldn’t go back to the kitchen after so long away from him I just wanted to be near to him while I could. I halted in the doorway torn between wanting to run to him and wanting to run in the opposite direction I settled for the compromise of doing nothing staying in the doorway watching Derek as he sat at the piano his back to me as his eyes locked on the keys fumbling his way through the simple tune. He sighed heavily in a way that sounded more like a growl, I took a deep breath and strode across the lounge hesitating for only a second before I sat down next to Derek I saw his posture visibly stiffen but he didn’t move away. He didn’t even move to look at me he focused his eyes on the keys before him and began to again fumble his way through the tune. I took this as a cue and slid my hands onto the keys playing my own tune in a flawless combination with his. He sighed and his fingers slowed to a halt as I continued playing feeling his eyes intense on me as my fingers raced flawlessly across the keys. My father had always insisted on us participating in at least one hobby while we were at school apparently to ensure we became ‘well rounded individuals’ most of the boys chose to participate in some kind of team sport I however for some reason I didn’t fully understand had chosen to learn piano, and to my great surprise I had actually found that I loved it. I felt Derek move from beside me as I kept my eyes focused on the keys the tune still emblazoned in my memory. Derek slid himself to sitting behind me his legs enclosing me he rested his chin on my shoulder, I closed my eyes revelling in the sensations of being this close to him again after so long of pure longing this felt like heaven as he slid his hands up my waist his warm breath brushing stray hairs from my neck. My fingers fumbled as Derek brushed the hair from my neck and pressed a gentle kiss to it his nose lingering inhaling my scent.

“God I missed you.” I panted breathlessly as his hands continued to slide along my neck as I felt his face nuzzling into my hair savouring my smell, as his erection was suddenly pressed against my back. “Are you mad at me?” I asked my voice shocking me as it was far too close to a whine, but I needed to know. Derek’s activity completely halted and he was silent for a few moments.

“yes.” he said gently “you hurt me. You knew and you did it anyway.” I twisted trying to face him and found the only way to do this was to stand and twist myself around placing my bottom on the edge of the piano.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” I said reaching out to brush his cheek which he knocked away harshly his face down yet I could still see the locked tightness in his features which betrayed his rage. “I swear Derek I didn’t know how this would hurt you.”

“How did you think it would be?” He snarled savagely his face suddenly raised his golden gaze locked on mine as he grasped my upper arms painfully tight.

“I didn’t know it would be this hard.” I whispered “I didn’t know I could possibly miss someone this much.” Derek’s expression softened in spite of himself and his grip left my arms he lifted one hand which he reached up to brush along my cheek but his touch stopped short and fell as he sighed biting his lip, and I realised what It was he had promised not to pursue me anymore he had given his word that it was down to me now if I wanted him it was up to me to show him. I knelt on the bench placing my knees either side of Derek’s legs allowing me to sit on his lap, he kept his eyes locked on mine but didn’t make any move to stop me or encourage me. His scent enveloped me hot passionate and mine all mine. I closed my eyes revelling in this for just a moment immersing myself in the smell of him which was such a luxury after all this time craving him. I opened my eyes and found him still watching me as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.