her sweet chains

Episode 10

I vaguely awoke as a pair of arms wrapped around me softly picking me up.

“It wasn’t my idea.” I mumbled thickly though my sleep. I heard a chuckle,

“I don’t doubt that for a second sweetheart but I’ve left you in there as long as I could you need some rest.”

“I was.”

“Yes I know but you weren’t supposed to be.” Pete said lightly as he settled me down on something soft that I realised was my bed.

“Pete?” I said gently spurred on by the simple fact that I was still more asleep than awake. He didn’t respond but I pushed on anyway sure he had heard me, “he’ll be alight wont he?” Pete didn’t answer perhaps thinking I was too asleep to notice and simply kissed me on the forehead closing the door softly behind him. That silence woke me like a cannon, and I felt rage pound through me. I forced down the changes before a shift even began to threaten and sat up my hand going to my bedside table moving as if by an instinct that I was powerless to repress. I tucked my small revolver inside the waistband of my jeans pulling my shirt down concealing it as I crept silently into the hallway. The whole house was silent and cold as I pattered as quietly as possible down the hallway again there was no reason for anyone to stop me, I had every reason to be out in the hallway at 5 am but I didn’t want anyone to see me I didn’t want to be stopped I wanted to get away before this irrational intense anger wore off. I in took a breath slowly and moved my way across the entrance hall before I quickly padded down the stairs hesitant as we didn’t have successful captures of rogues very often so I wasn’t sure what the security around the cage would be like but as my eyes adjusted to the dim non-light of the basement I saw that the room was in fact empty except for the large figure who was snoring loudly in the cage. The rage welled up even more intensely here he was perfectly content and asleep while my Derek was upstairs in that much pain bleeding unable to even know we were there, unable to put his arms around me and tell me it would be alight. I picked up a broom from the corner of the room and beat it hard against the bars. The snoring abruptly stopped as the rogue slowly pushed himself up to sitting. I hit the bars again the silver crashed loudly.

“Get your ass up.” I snarled at the rogue who looked up and smiled at me in a leery sort of way.

“Are you my entertainment?” I snarled and beat the bars again.

“On your feet.”

“Oooh bossy.” He said mockingly but he did stand. He was probably in his late teens maybe twenty at a push he was about the same height as Derek though was a slighter build than most of the boys his head was as good as shaved and he had a degree of designer type stubble on his chin. He looked like the bad boy type dangerous that would no doubt make girls flock to him probably until they realized how dangerous he actually was. He smiled at me as my glare deepened. “Jessica right?” he said vaguely,

“How do you know my name?” I snapped shocked out of my rage by pure surprise, though the instant that I had muttered that I regretted it as obviously I had just confirmed his suspicions. He gave a sinister smile, clearly pleased with himself for shattering my calm exterior.

“The wolf I shot he muttered you name as he was bleeding to death.” He hissed smiling as if from the sheer memory of it. “So what is he your mate? This pack you lot are so moral aren’t you, you don’t screw around. Or are you tempted to start screwing around? It is after all such a shame very young and pretty to be bound to one mate.” I narrowed my eyes at him and smoothly drew the revolver from the waistband of my jeans and didn’t even take aim before I could even think I shot him in the leg. He cried out and as his leg crumpled under him, I pointed it at him my hand completely steady.

“Are we having fun yet?” I said plainly,

“You crazy bitch.” he spat,

“I’m just trying to blow off some steam you see I'm rather annoyed at you.” The rogue chuckled

“What for killing your mate or for showing you the life you want but won’t take.”

“The life I want?”

“Yeah” he said smiling “the life you want because were stronger than them and yet you hide and fight our nature so that you can grovel and scratch around pretending to be one of them when you could be so much more and you want to be more than mrs Dead wolf that’s why you’re here to get a good look at what you wish you could dare to live.” I shot him again in the opposite leg he cried out and I could hear the house around me drag itself awake.

“You know your life that you think I want so badly it’s going to be f*****g short and it is going to end with you alone and bloody as my pack rips you to pieces.” I hissed as loud footsteps sounded on the stairs.

“Jessica.’ Darius snapped appearing with Pete and Geoff behind him all clearly displaying bed head, “what the hell are you doing?”

“Blowing off steam.” I said shooting the rogue again in the thigh.

“You know what.” he said throatily “your right this is fun.” I glared at him,

“I’ll see you on judgement day.” I said handing the gun to Darius and moving past him towards the stairs.

“Jessica.” He snapped

“I’m going to see Derek.” Was all I said as I headed upstairs and nobody tried to stop me.

When I reached the doorway of Derek’s room it was of course now unguarded. I sighed now that the anger had left me I just felt tied. I pushed the door open and felt something inside me twinge as I saw Derek still lying there and yet being so far away. I moved quickly to his side and lost my hand in his fur for a moment.

“Jessica.” Darius said sternly from behind me in a tone that clearly said we were going to have a long unpleasant chat.

“Not now Darius please.” I said gently as I leaned over and gently kissed the top of Derek’s head, I climbed onto the bed and shuffled closer to him snuggling up to Derek’s warm side my fingers gently brushing though his fur. I could hear Darius behind me shuffling as if he was uncomfortable,

“As soon as Kate is up come and find me I won’t have you getting in her way.”

“Sure.” I mumbled into Derek’s warm fur.

“What a surprise to see you here.” Kate’s voice said softly half awakening me from my lingering sleep.

“Am I in your way?” I mumbled Kate laughed,

“Quite the opposite his meds are wearing off but the pain doesn’t seem to be affecting him.”

“Call me morphine.” I mumbled Kate laughed even half asleep I frowned that wasn’t even funny. Not that it mattered at all really I just sighed and shuffled in closer to Derek my eyes flinging open as my nose touched his neck. Kate giggled again as I gawked at Derek he had shifted back he lay peacefully on the bed in human form of course coated in a thin film of sweat and his longish hair in disarray (It was always that way with his shift).

“I didn’t even notice.” I muttered pushing myself up to sitting.

“I thought not.” Kate said smiling “it’s a good sign though.” I began bushing the hair back from his face smoothing it down softly.

“Do you mind if I stay for a bit.” Kate smiled,

“Geoff told me about what happened.” I shrugged keeping my eyes on Derek.

“He’ll live for now.”

“You wont be in trouble everyone know how much you care for Derek mate or not, and pack justice is about retribution against those who hurt our pack.” I sighed heavily though I wasn’t really sure why. “But if you want to hide up here feel free.” Kate said gently.

           Jamie shifted his feet nervously, as I tried very hard to ignore him he had been sent up to get me and Kate had sent him back to Darius saying that I was helping her. but minutes later looking horrified he reappeared and whispered that Darius had told him to wait until I wasn’t helping and bring me down to him, so I was trying very hard to be helpful and Kate bless her was enduing it as I think me being helpful was rather more detrimental than me keeping out of the way.

“Jamie will you just go away,” I sighed turning to face him my irritation bubbling over. “I’ll tell Darius you were here hounding me wonderfully well.” Jamie shuffled and shrugged gently his cheeks tuning slightly pink.

“Darius said.” He muttered and I growled in irritation,

“Derek?” Kate said gently cutting off my tirade. I spun around my heart beating at double speed. Kate was leaning gently over Derek’s pale form, as I noticed his eyes were open as he frowned at her looking lost.

“Kate?” He said gently his voice throaty, she smiled,

“You gave us a real scare you know.” She said

“Sorry about that.” he muttered his voice sounding like it was tearing “I was shot.” Kate laughed clearly through relief more than actual amusement. “The Guys?”

“All fine they captured the rogue he’s in the cage.” He collapsed back into the pillows beneath him sighing,

“Jessie.” He whispered a truly honest smile appearing on his face as his eyes locked on me. I took a step closer so I was stood next to the bed, I smiled at him. Derek reached out as if he wanted to grip my hand, but before he managed to I made a fist and without a thought I punched him hard in the stomach.

“Jessica.” Kate squeaked clearly shocked to hell as Derek coughed roughly.

“You scared the s**t out of me.” I snapped as Derek continued to cough for a few more seconds before he collapsed back into the pillows.

“Sorry sweetheart.” He said with a good attempt at a smile as Kate growled as she simultaneously tried to take his pulse and shine a light in his eyes. We both ignored this as Derek reached up and this time he did gasp my hand tightly. “Did I miss anything exciting?” he asked gently. I shook my head,

“I shot the rogue a couple times.” I said with a shrug,

“Honestly?” he said looking at Kate, she nodded solemnly. Suddenly Derek gave an attempt at a laugh which quickly turned into a cough but he continued to grip my hand until he collapsed back into the pillows, he didn’t try to laugh again but smiled and pulled my hand towards his lips. I pulled my hand out of his weakened gasp and rolled my eyes. I saw a flicker of pain cross his face I’d upset him.

“You scared the s**t out of me.” I snapped folding my arms “a kiss on the hand ain't going to do it.” He frowned at me, as I slowly gave a small smile. I leaned over and rapidly pressed hundreds of soft butterfly kisses to his lips. Derek groaned contently and reached up grabbing a handful of my hair.

“Good news I think he’s alright.” A playful voice said from the doorway. I pressed one more kiss to his lips before I straightened up and turned around to smile at Dean and Carl who had arrived joining Jamie in the doorway. Dean and Carl were smiling but Jamie looked at me intensely his eyes incredibly wide clearly amused by my actions with Derek.

“I’m just going to go talk to Darius.” Kate said sliding out of the room but pausing to point at Dean sharply “he’s not to exert himself and you lot be gone by the time I get back. 5 minutes.”

“I’m not going to exert him.” Dean said at her back in a tone that sounded slightly hurt by the fact that he had been singled out. “I think Jess might though.” He shouted “why didn’t you warn her?” he shrugged tuning back to me with a devastating smile, “you know Jess I got shot too.” He put in hopefully. I smiled and blew him a kiss, “well that was worth it.” He said dully.

“Well Bro.” Carl said lightly “glad to see your feeling better. We’ll come back when your err…” his light tone faltered “you know…. Not glaring at us like that.” Carl said all but running from the room. I giggled as Dean flashed me a devastating smile and left positively dragging a protesting Jamie out behind him.  I tuned back to Derek, who smiled at me reaching his hand up to bush his thumbs gently across my cheek,

“Now where were we?” he said frowning for a second as if concentrating hard, I just rolled my eyes.

“I think I remember.” I whispered leaning over and pressing my lips to his. Derek groaned contently into my mouth firm sure kisses as his hands lifted up and grabbed my hair firmly pressing my lips to his and preventing escape not that I actually wanted to that is, he tasted so good. I shuffled myself on to the bed laying myself down alongside him. Derek fisted his hand in my hair as his other hand slid down my back to settle on my waist as he tried to pull me over onto him.

“no.” I muttered pulling back from him, “I don't want to hurt you.” I muttered running my fingers lightly over his bandages.

“You won’t.” He said as I looked at him dubiously, Derek smiled gently as he twisted over to lay on his side as his arms snaked around me and he again slid me closer to him.

“Wow.” I said pushing myself back from him “your clearly feeling better.” he smiled but it was slightly sheepishly,

“its your magical effect,” He groaned into my neck .I lightly reached my fingers up to rest on his cheek which I gently twisted around so my lips were again pressed gently against his but these weren’t light flirty butterfly kisses anymore they were deep, passionate and even a little harsh.

“JESSICA.” Darius’ voice boomed though the house.

“Oh he’s pissed.” Derek said tearing his lips from mine. “You better go see what he wants.”

“Nah.” I said slightly breathlessly running my fingers down his bare chest lightly “He’s not that pissed yet.” Derek smiled as I retuned to kissing him enthusiastically.

“JESSICA.” Darius voice bellowed as Derek’s hands rested on my back pulling me into him.

“JESSICA ARMSTRONG YET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.” Derek hesitated for just an instant until I continued to kiss him at which point he growled throatily and nibbled on my lower lip lightly.

“JESSICA EMILY MARIE…” I Squealed and jumped away from Derek as if electrocuted,

“I’ve got to go.” I squeaked panicked and sprinted from the room before Derek had time to do any more than gape at me. But I had to go Darius had used both my middle names now he was pissed.

           Darius stood in the doorway of his study his eyes was pure intense gold- yikes he really was pissed.

“I’m sorry I was worried about Derek so I stayed with Kate and then he woke up and I was worried and if the rogue well that I um… couldn’t …I…um …really sorry.” I gabbled uncomfortable by how damn scary he looked.

“IN.” He snarled pointing into his study. I walked in sedately and sat down placidly knowing that this was probably the best approach as Darius was pissed so I had to be err… non confrontational. The little voice in my head giggled ‘good luck with that’. Darius slammed the door of his study so hard that I felt the vibrations shoot through the chair. Darius strode around behind his desk and loomed over me glaring intently.

“What did I do?” I whispered guessing it wasn’t about the rogue.

“think.” He said sternly folding his arms “think really hard.” I stared at my knees my mind reeling as everything I had done wrong since I was about five raced through my mind, it was quite a list.

“um.” Was all that managed to slip out when I opened my mouth ‘witty’ that irritating voice in my head said dryly. “Derek?” I put in tentatively, Darius growled

“no.” he snarled his voice low and threatening “how about a hint.” Something thudded onto the desk in front of me I raised my eyes and felt my heart stop, I lifted my eyes to Darius found them almost instantly sliding back to the envelope on his desk, “this arrived this morning and yes I opened it I’m afraid the symbol in the corner there.” He said tapping the envelope, “perked my interest.” He sighed settling himself down in his chair. “Seems you took my advice about taking some direction. Its June next week honestly how much longer were you going to leave it. Did you think come September we wouldn’t notice.” I shrugged, Darius sighed, “well you know I can’t let you go.”

“I figured having a lawyer in the pack would be helpful.”

“Its not that you want to study law or that you didn’t tell anyone that you’d applied and been accepted for a law degree starting in September. It’s that you don’t have control of your shifts yet and the small matter that you want to go here.” He said his hand slapping the table had enough to make me flinch. “Which is a five hour drive and I’m guessing your not planning to commute everyday.” He growled,

“You allow us to attend university.”

“yes.” He snapped “and that university it’s a half an hour drive and they will do a law degree. You want to study law you go there.” I kept my eyes down but still managed to gain the strength to shake my head slowly. “This is non negotiable.” Darius snapped,

“It’s not about school.” I muttered “I mean I want to go to school but I don’t want to go to that school.”

“And why is that?” Darius asked softly at least he was giving me a chance.

“You know why.” I said keeping my eyes locked on my knees,

“Let’s pretend I don’t.” I took a deep breath,

“If I stay here I’ll marry Derek.” I said quickly before I lost my nerve, “I won’t finish my degree because I’m sure I’ll have to drop out to have his babies. He’ll become Alpha and I’ll become older. And I’ll start to resent him because I never loved him enough I never knew anything else because of him, and then I’m bound to the f*****g pack. I will start to resent him and maybe even my children which will get worse until.”

“Your not you mother Jessica.” He cut in clearly seeing exactly where my train of thought was going.

“But you see.” I whispered keeping my head down now as I felt tears threatening and I wouldn’t let him see that, but if Darius knew one thing about me it was that the thing I most feared was becoming what my mother was or what she had become anyway. “It’s a path that you’ve all laid out before me since the day I was born because Derek said I was pretty.”

“It was the day you were born you were an ugly red little wrinkly thing.” I smiled in spite of myself “and pretty much all the boys said that but the first time Derek stood on tip toe to see in your crib he just smiled and said you were so pretty. We just though we saw something there and you grew up and seemed to grow closer. We just all assumed that once the both of you stated to shift the wolf part of you would recognize you mate. Let’s be honest here Jess since you started shifting last year how many times have you slipped up around him.”

“Exactly Darius I can’t be around him without things.” I threw my hands up and finally lifted my eyes to Darius, “happening but I’m not ready for it, but I know that the two of us can’t go slow or casual. I need to be somewhere else need to be me, not Derek’s mate I need to be me.”

“Your part of the pack Jessie we don’t separate. The pack is who we are.”

“I know I’ll miss it. The pack the boys its all I've ever had and I’m not sure that the life you have for me here is what I want. I need to do something else so that I can figure out if this is what I want or just what everyone else wants for me.” I said shaking my hands frantically but this didn’t stop when I finished speaking. I suddenly recognized the signs of my shift and began breathing deeply suppressing it and slowly the tremors eased. “See I said brightly I can stop it I need to be able to induce it, I won’t be a danger to anyone and I’ll still be in pack territory.”

“But not with the pack.” He said softly, “go.” He said flipping his hand vaguely at the door. I nodded and eager stumbled out. I tuned my eyes up the stairs and thought of Derek up there waiting but suddenly me and Darius’ conversation crashed down on me and I sprinted out of the hallway and across the lawn towards the woods feeling the shift sweeping through my muscles, I was going to find clarity in the one place I knew that didn’t involve Derek I was going for a run.