her sweet chains

Episode 11

I walked hesitantly to Darius’ study and knocked on the door so gently I wasn’t entirely sure he could even hear it.

“What?” Darius said tensely, I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Darius raised his eyes from the mounds of paper behind his desk, his hair tussled large black bags under his dark eyes he simply looked exhausted, but smiled a little as he saw me. I stepped over and set a small mug of coffee on his desk. “You look very nice.” He said approvingly I sighed exasperated I was uncomfortable with any complements about me wearing a dress I have never been a girly girl but this was tradition, it was our meet this evening and so I was dressed In an ankle length elegant black strapless dress which clung to all my curves in what even I had to admit was an incredible way. It was strapless and I didn’t have underwear on as it was tradition that we would shift during the meet so our clothing was selected to facilitate this as well as it could. The meets were assigned to the phases of the moon (so where around once a month) I’m not sure why really since the moon really didn’t have any impact on us. Generally the meet just consisted of the entire pack amassing in a set location in our forest those who can will shift and we run, we run, we bay at the moon we hunt and we fall asleep curled up together on the forest floor. I always went as it was tradition but I’d never managed to shift at one before. That was our meet except if there was a ‘trial’, if we had a rogue to judge like tonight it was different.  “But maybe you should change before the meet or you might be in danger of giving Derek heart failure.” Darius continued oblivious to my wandering mind. I smiled, but it didn’t go any further.

“I laid out you clothes for the meet.” I said gently.

“I could have done that myself especially as your on compassionate leave from your housekeeping duties at the moment.” (I was working though a three month sentence again but I couldn’t really remember what for). I shrugged unable to actually explain why I had done this as after all I had to serve my sentence in the house because it was well known that I despised it.

“So what do you want Jessica?” Darius said leaning back in his chair picking up his coffee.

“It’s…um …its just.” I stammered unable to believe how tentative I was. Darius didn’t say anything he just raised his eyes to look at me placidly over his coffee showing no inclination what so ever to help me out. “It’s been two days. I just…you haven’t told anyone…I…well I wondered… if you had though about… you know about me going to.”

“I’ve thought about it.” he said simply. I clenched my hands grabbing handfuls of my silk dress.

“And?” I prompted, Darius smiled

“I have thought about letting my only child go, my daughter the only female natural of our pack, who is eighteen and hasn’t obtained her control and who I suspect only wants to leave to avoid having to deal with her boyfriend.”

“Derek’s not my boyfriend.” I Said lamely have no idea what else to say to the rest.

“Where have you been the last two days?” He asked lightly,

“That’s not the point he’s ill right now I want to make sure he’s ok.”

“Bullshit.” He snarled “forget lying to me Jessie I know how you feel about him.”

“No you don’t.” I snorted “I don’t even know.”

“Why have you been sleeping with him?”

“I haven’t.” I babbled suddenly a stammering five year old, “I… promise we haven’t done that yet…I mean…we …I don’t … I… I mean we wont do that…err ever.” Darius continued to look at me as passive as ever he clearly wasn’t in any hurry to help me but he did gently speak at this point.

“I said sleep Jessie not s*x. Although it’s nice to hear that that you haven’t led Derek on that far I’d err prefer it if we didn’t talk about this subject err ever again.” I nodded eager to agree to that.

“We…I mean I have been sleeping in the same bed as Derek because I feel Guilty.” I confessed.

“Guilty?” Darius said, I nodded

“He loves me a lot more than he should I don’t want to string him along and I know that I am and I can’t help but feel like a b***h planning to run away. He’s going to hate me so I’m being me I’m being me I’m being selfish because I like the way he looks at me right now.”

“He won’t hate you.” Darius said gently,

“You hate my mother.” As expected Darius voice suddenly tuned icy.

“Your not your mother.”

“So why do I feel like her.”

“This is completely different.”

“I don't know that it is.”

“It is.” Darius said firmly he sighed heavily turning to look out of his study window at the sunset which was bathing the room in golden light. “Go and meet the boys Jessie its nearly time for our meet.” I smiled vaguely and gave him a single nod, for us (the cubs) meets were especially good fun the whole pack loved the essence of them of being together being free to change to run to hunt, but for us especially it was the best movie night ever. I nodded though Darius couldn’t see this gesture as he was still absorbed in something I couldn’t see outside his window.

“Jessie.” He said as my hand grasped the doorknob. I didn’t say anything or turn around but I did pause. “It’s not the same sweetheart and I will make it alright if it’s what you want I’ll make it alright. I promise.”

“Thank you.” I whispered,

“And Jessie. I’m afraid I had to go and look up some information in you office and I’m afraid I don’t seem to have mastered your system.”

“Alright.” I whispered gently my voice croaky as in desperation I strode from the room quickly as I felt unwanted tears begin to threaten my eyes.

“Jessie Please tell me you are going to shift tonight.” Dean groaned as I made my way across the lawn towards the boys who were all lounging around waiting all dressed in plain black shirts and trousers. I raised my eyebrows quizzically “oh come on.” Dean said addressing the guys around him, “that dress is spectacular don’t tell me that you haven’t already pictured her slipping out of it.” Derek growled deep in his throat which shut Dean up effectively. He pushed himself up smoothly and walked over to me slinging his arm around me to rest on my waist. I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder,

“How are you feeling?” I asked gently,

“Better.” he muttered rubbing his nose in my hair.

“Alright enough foreplay you two.” Roger said jumping up from the grass. I smiled to pacify to him as I followed the boys towards the forest feeling trepidation slide into my limbs. Derek gently laced his fingers through mine and gripped my hand tightly. I looked over and gave him a fake smile that I knew he would see straight through, which he clearly did as he retuned it with an equally reassuring yet fake smile. The smells of the woods around us deepened and I felt them seep into me I felt as if it was awakening the wolf contained deep inside of me, maybe it was this that made me so aware of Derek next to me. Suddenly Jamie who was stood just in front of us his face tense as he spun round.

“Jay.” I said tentatively as he bared his teeth and began to snarl gently in a warning. Even as I said this I felt the boys around me tense and I felt Derek’s fingers grip mine so tightly it hurt. I twisted feeling my hackles begin to rise instinctively. I shook my head suppressing this urge and trying to understand what had occurred.

“Jessie.” Derek muttered into my ear, I twisted so that I could look into his eyes,

“It’s the rogue.” I muttered to him, Derek nodded gently,

“I have to talk to you.” He said his eyes still locked on mine intense as always. “We’ll catch you up.” Derek said to Carl who nodded as they all moved off into the woods. Dean gently pulling Jamie, who was still snarling at the rogue, he could smell within our trees. I couldn’t help but give Jamie a fond smile how long had he been a member of the pack nearly three years when all the others had been born into it and yet Jamie’s dedication to his brothers was probably the strongest of all of them. Life as a rogue was rough in the part of the world which we could inhabit the place without a safe haven like ours it was harsh it was painful and according to Jamie you quickly learned it was kill or be killed. Yet when he had found acceptance in our pack Jamie had developed an intense fierce loyalty and Gentle a soul as he was I knew right now his every fibre was telling him to seek retribution to kill that rogue who had dared to injure his brother and subsequently his beloved pack. “Jessie.” Derek said drawing me back slightly shielded from the direction the boys had gone in by a large Oak which he pressed me back into. He sighed and lifted his hands up entwining them in my hair. “I don’t want you to do this.” He whispered I didn’t need to ask what he was speaking about I knew.

“He hurt you.” I whispered, his fingers leaving my hair and moving to instead cup my cheeks.

“I know.” He said softly “but I don’t want to hurt you. This will hurt you.” I stood up on my toes and pressed a light kiss to his lips, my lips lingering on his for just a moment before I suddenly became inexplicably shy and stupidly my cheeks began to burn.

“Come on.” I said reaching out and tangling my fingers through his “we’ll be late.” He nodded seeing how much the darkness had encroached during our brief speech and hence he passively followed the gentle lead of my hand on the short walk to the clearing where we held our meet. The rest of the pack had already assembled and were stood in a loose circle around the rogue who was kneeling blindfolded on the ground his wrists and ankles tightly bound even though that was unnecessary as every pair of eyes was currently locked on him intensely. I slid around the circle to stand on Darius’ left hand side, he gave me and Derek a significant look or rather he gave our interlocked hands a significant look which I knew Derek noticed but neither of us could respond as we both knelt before Darius. It was a traditional act showing submission to our alpha, we maintained our submissive posture for just a moment before we rose I sank into the circle at Darius’ left and Derek slid over to his place between Carl and Pete. We stood silently watching our Alpha reverently, who threw his head back and began to howl at the new full moon which an instant later we all began to echo. Strange I know but we are wolves in part at least and a strange thing is we don’t need to be in wolf form to be able to howl I have been able to howl like a proper wolf since I was born. Logically of course we shouldn’t do this we never howled when out in the world obviously as there were no wild wolves in England! It was only at our meets that we were allowed to simply fill our lungs and howl as loudly as we wished to the moon, as we were in the middle of our forest – I don’t know how much land was enclosed within just these walls but I knew it was miles. Darius began to speak in his deep booming voice speaking of the crimes of the rogue kneeling before us and confirmed his fate- death, he had harmed one of our pack and as we had been taught the one thing we taught above all others from birth

“We are the pack. Protect the pack defend your brothers. If a brother is wounded the pack is wounded. If our brother is harmed the pack will seek blood, if our brother is harmed the pack will kill.”  We chanted as Darius stepped forward and removed the rogues bonds,

“Do whatever you wish to defend yourself.” He said gently yet his voice was still full of malice and just this sound made icicles slide down my spine. The rogue snarled at Darius baring his teeth, “do as you wish for Tonight we hunt your blood.” Darius stepped back into place and peeled his clothes of carefully as he hunched on the floor and swiftly began to shift. A short moment later Pete began to shift in the centre the Rogue spun round to face the boys snarling teeth bared yet it wasn’t required not yet anyway our pack were controlled and we followed propriety none of us would attack until our ritual was complete, not to mean we would let him go he could run if he wished but we would find him he hurt a member of his pack he would die. I stepped forward next and slowly lifted the glittering platinum chain I always wore off and settled it down gently on the ground before I slid my dress off as always unashamed to be naked it was a matter of course. I knelt on the ground looking across at the rogue thinking of what he had done I did what I knew we were not supposed to do I allowed my rage against him to fill me I allowed my suppressed anger to flow and initiate my shift. I snarled as I felt the shift begin twisting my skin realigning my bones. as I half sensed Andrew beginning his shift we are from a sever hierarchy the Alpha shifts first followed by his second then me his heir, after that status is mainly age its never openly stated but we know our place. Connie and Kate being tuned rather than naturals were after the boys and always would be no matter how long they remained in the pack. The only one who had lower status than these women was Jamie as a rogue however accepted by us he was he had to shift last and again this fact would never change however long he remained in the pack. I pushed myself up in my wolf form instantly snarling at the rogue who scent instantly infuriated me. He remained in the centre of the circle twisting snarling at us all. I half wished he would run as we would be forced to chase and in the chase his death would be swift and each of us would see little if he chose to stand and fight we would tear him apart. We honestly would each attempting only to break the skin not sever an artery; to bite to hurt allowing them to die slowly we tore them apart. I had never participated before being unable to shift however I always had to be present. Most rogues died during the hunt for them it was a preferable fate as away from pack land they must be killed quickly, in my lifetime there had been but three trials in our homeland. I easily recalled the last trial four years before. On my Fathers instructions (although I’m sure they were not completely necessary) Derek had led me out to the gathering and had been permitted to stand out of rank next to me which he did holding my hand tightly as those around me began to shift, Derek quickly realised this rogue meant to fight, as his time to shift drew close he led me back from the circle and pressed me to sit down next to a large tree.

“here.” He said tuning his music on and trying to press the headphones into my ears. “Close your eyes.” he whispered “don’t look and I’ll come and get you when it’s done.” He whispered his intense eyes locked on me so ferocious that all I could do was nod and passively allow him to press the earphones in and close my eyes tightly as Queen blared in battering my ear drums I felt Derek kiss the top of my head before he moved back to his place in the circle and shifted. I kept the headphones in and listened to queen and though it battered my eardrums it wasn’t loud enough to block out the screams of pain and snarling growls from around me, and though I kept my eyes pressed tightly closed the crimson blood red still seemed to float in front of my closed lids a semitransparent fog.

           A tremor shivered around the circle as all the assembled wolves shifted we had all shifted now and crept around tense. As the rogue still stood tough snarling and snapping as he was half through a shift. We shifted restlessly until he pushed himself up in wolf form. Darius lifted his head and again howled we echoed him and as the last note of this faded away Darius dashed forward and in a flash of teeth he leapt forward and tore a deep strip from the rogues back flank, blood spayed into the air as the rogue spun and lashed out at Darius with his claws swiping his foreleg but doing little damage and before he could even attempt a second swipe the pack was upon him snarling, growling biting. Kate and Connie alone held back both being born human and Kate especially being a doctor knew these killings were necessary but had never developed our comfort with having a part to play in them. the rage which had fuelled my shift made me desperate to join in to be part of our pack brutal enforcing of justice but I held back Derek I might not love him the way he’d want but I trusted him and I knew he wanted to do what he felt was best for me, so I hung back. I snarled and snapped at the air as I heard the combined snarls, and screams before me and I tied not to taste the thick blood in the air. Suddenly the wolves snarled as the rogue driven by fear of his fate suddenly decided to flee breaking free of the circle directly into my path. Reacting on pure instinct I leapt forward and bit hard into his front leg feeling his blood flow into my mouth as I felt muscles tear and bones splinter under my harsh snap. keeping my jaws locked I jerked back harshly hearing as well as feeling the muscles twist and tear and his strong leg bone splintered and snapped. Almost instantly the pack was upon him again snarling, growling and ripping. The rogue collapsed the last of his strength gone. I released my hold shocked by the realisation of how weakly his blood actually flowed. I shuffled backwards feeling my feet slip slightly on the now blood soaked earth. One by one the pack dispersed as they felt the life was in fact gone from this rogue. Darius again howled echoed by each of us closing the meet. I wobbled a few more steps back and fell to the ground suddenly feeling exhausted I lay still and quiet wanting to be left alone and wanting more than anything not to think not about the body a few feet away that in the morning would be burnt to dust and secured inside our boundary walls, or about the rich taste of his blood which lingered in my mouth. I lay my head down on my front paws wearily closing my eyes until I felt my shoulder being nudged firmly I growled under my breath but the gesture was still repeated persistent little git. I raised my head wearily ready to take a swipe at Derek until I met his gaze; there it was again the gaze of a whipped dog that made me feel like a b***h as if I was the one that had whipped him. I stumbled to my feet and gently gestured towards the house and began to pad that way with Derek following me placidly but I only made it a few steps before I careered around and ran back to the circle plunging my muzzle into the pile of my clothes emerging with my necklace gently held in my mouth (I had left it in the forest a hundred times when forced to shift but I was always determined to find it which though it was always possible was rarely fun). I hurried back to Derek his large dark form much more adapted to the night than my silvery grey fur and together we slid silently into the forest and back towards the house. Generally the meets were longer and we would run and hunt as a pack and generally all sleep together in the woods but this wasn’t considered necessary or desirable on nights that included a trial so no one questioned our departure a short distance from the house I stopped Derek and jerked my head significantly at a clump of dense bushes which I entered and began to shift ( the meet had now ended and that was the only time we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable enough to allow others to see our shifts). I struggled to find the calm required to shift back and think I only did finally succeed as I was too exhausted to feel anything but calm. I hung the long chain back around my neck and  I walked out on to the path my entire line of sight was  suddenly filled by Derek who stood there in human form waiting patiently leaning against a tree trunk, blood liberally smeared across his skin which was pale as snow. But it was his eyes they looked worse than the whipped puppy look right now he looked haunted and was focused on me as if believing I was his only possible salvation. I didn’t pause to even consider why this was all I did was walk over to him and wrap my arms gently around his neck resting my forehead on his shoulder. Derek tightened his arms around my waist pulling me closely as he nuzzled into the top of my head.

“It’s not okay is it?” I muttered into his chest. “I mean we act like it is but we brought him out here and tore him to pieces. That can’t be okay.”

“Your right its not.” He said plainly “but it’s what we have to do to survive and as long as we remember that it’s not okay we’ll never glory in it, we wont ever be doing for anything accept for our survival.”

“And that makes it okay?” I whispered,

“No that doesn’t make it okay.” He said weakly his arms tightening around me just a little “but it’s what we have to do.” I sighed and eased myself back out of his arms.

 “Come on.” I said gently reaching down and again tangled my fingers into his leading him gently towards the house.

           Derek didn’t say anything as I led him to my room. Silently I left to have a shower scrubbing my skin viciously desperate to remove the lingering smell of that rogue and his blood. when I retuned Derek was sitting on the edge of my bed rubbing his hair roughly with a towel, dressed in a pair of boxer shorts he’d acquired from somewhere and one of his t-shirts that I stole to sleep in (I was wearing another one). Derek looked up to smile at me but there was a clear question behind that smile. I sighed and sat on the bed next to Derek before I laid down instantly snuggling down into my pillow closing my eyes.

“Should I go?” Derek asked gently as he bushed his fingers gently across my hair,

“Nah.” I said groggily but in reality I would have begged him to stay. I felt the bed shift as Derek lay down next to me wrapping his arms around my waist. His clean fresh scent washed over me his warm weight reassuring.

“It’s all okay.” Derek muttered thickly into the back of my neck, “as long as I’ve got you all of this the hunts the killing what we have to do I’m happy to do it for you.”