her sweet chains

Episode 15

I easily managed to find multiple excuses to not speak to Derek over the next few days. The most effective being that he was still tying to avoid me and I wasn’t keen to actually find him so I made a token attempt and then returned to my filing/packing/ last minute desperation shopping. but actually as the days went by a little fear was born in my stomach and grew everyday gnawing away at my insides whispering inside me that time was running out that soon I was going to be gone, and I didn’t know what that meant but I knew one thing that I didn’t want to leave without even speaking to him, I couldn’t even consider it. It was simply soul destroying to be so close to him and yet to have him so distant. The physical closeness seemed to act like a balm I couldn’t help but think that when that physical closeness had disappeared I would have real problems and that thought made me just want to scoop Derek up into my arms and kiss him. But of course I didn’t I tried half heartedly to talk to him and he knew it, if either of us actually was determined to talk to the other it would happen but no I didn’t know what to say so I allowed myself to be distracted by the urgent task of locating my blue sweater and told myself I’d find Derek later.

           That’s how my last day at home began with me and Derek still not speaking, due to a combination of mutual stubbornness, deep wounds inflicted by the other and a desire to avoid any further pain. I stumbled around that day in a sort of waking coma where I could walk talk and perform all sorts of basic functions but I couldn’t force my mind to work I couldn’t touch those around me or comprehend what was happening I just sort of felt like I was separated from them all like I was in a bubble or something. Separating me from the one thing I wanted a day with my boys. They were behaving as if today was completely ordinary of course despite the fact that my fees had been paid , had a car and a flat let, me and Jamie had both enrolled in school and were both packed ready to leave in the morning I knew that deep down they all had doubts that we would actually be able to leave and if I’m honest deep down so did I. but our inability to treat this way as any different led to me hanging out all day in the boys house, away from the persistent heavy rain stretched out on the Sofa my long legs slung casually over Dean’s lap and my head resting on Carl’s knee as we watched ‘Classic’ films and moved from the sofa only to get a beer or bully Jamie into going to get more popcorn. I knew I should have been spending my time ensuing that I was ready that everything leaving with me was packed and making sure that everything that wasn’t was where it should be, but I just couldn’t bring myself to . I didn’t want to I just wanted to stay here and forget about leaving at least for a little while.

“Up we get princess.” Dean said lifting me up into his arms.

“what.” I grumbled nuzzling into his warm chest.

“Its time for your surprise party.” I groaned,

“But were watching return of the Jedi.”

“That finished forty five minutes ago princess.” He said softly, I nuzzled closer to him as I felt the cool evening breeze brush over my skin. “Come on wake up.” He said jiggling me slightly.

“Do I have to?” I moaned

“Its your party Jess its tradition that your there.” Jamie said playfully.

“Isn’t it also tradition that surprise parties are you know a surprise.” I said opening my eyes reluctantly as we entered the kitchen.

“No it’s a tradition that you’re supposed to Act surprised.” Dean said lightly placing me down on the cold kitchen floor. 

“Great.” I said rubbing my eyes and making an effort to smooth down my hair, knowing that having been dozing on the sofa for most of the afternoon I must have looked a state.

“You look beautiful.” Dean said as if reading my mind grabbing my hand and leading me towards Darius’ study.

“Remember.” Carl whispered in my ear “look surprised.” I smiled placidly as Dean opened the door and the entire pack cheered well most gave an uncertain sort of shout. Kate cheered ‘Surprise’ and didn’t seem to notice that nobody else did. I smiled around at all of them vaguely unsurprised to see that all the smiles directed back at me were fixed and fake, none of them could understand what I was doing so of course none of them were too pleased about me disappearing but Darius had said I could go and we didn’t question the Alpha’s ruling. My eyes almost instinctively swung to the corner as I could feel an intense glare directed at me from there, and sure enough there was Derek, who was stood stock still glaring at me intently seemingly oblivious to all those around him.

“Jess.” Carl said making me jump stupidly he smiled and held out a bottle of larger.

“thanks.” I said taking the bottle from him,

“Are you going to go talk to him?” he asked.

“no.” I said flatly pointing significantly at his still puffy vivid purple eye.

“Brother's privilege he’d never hurt you.”

“He looked like he’s considering hitting me over the head with his bottle.”

“We’ve all considered that from time to time Princess.” Darius said appearing at my side and kissing the top of my head. “Are you all ready for the morning?” I shrugged,

“Don’t have a clue I’ve never relocated my entire life before.”

“Well you will remember that were all here so if you forget your toothbrush I can just jump in the car and bring it over to you.” Carl said playfully I smiled as he slung an arm around my shoulders. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Derek slouch out of the room his eyes only flickering to me for just a second his irises a beautiful clear vivid shining Gold.

“I um I’m just I’ll be back in a bit.” I said giving a vague smile as I ducked out from under Carl's arm.

“Go get him tiger.” Dean said knocking his fist against my shoulder in what you could only describe as a blokish way. I snorted and just slipped out of the study the entrance hall was already Deserted Derek clearly hadn’t lingered his scent still hung vaguely in the air. I stood still for just a second closing my eyes as I breathed in his scent savouring it for just a moment before I strode off quickly towards the boys house before I lost my nerve I had to talk to him. I ran across the cold flagstones and into the boys’ house which was dark and silent except for the faint sounds of Derek’s slow soft breathing. I slowly walked up the stairs and down the hallway my slow walk due to the fact that I was trying to steady my emotions more than having any real doubts about wanting to anymore , if I was going to leave I had to talk to Derek . I knew I was going to miss the pack to pieces but Derek I didn’t know how I was going to do that but I needed him to know that. I knew that I couldn’t say anything to stop him being angry with me and I couldn’t really explain why I had to leave but I had to try, he was my Derek. I paused looking at Derek’s closed door for just a moment before I knocked calmly there was no answer. I wanted to growl in frustration, I knew he was in there. I could smell him and hear him breathing, and he obvious knew it was me he was sulking, still. I knocked on the door again before sighing, I sat down across the doorway content to wait it out I was as stubborn as him. But that lasted about a hundred seconds before I growled and pushed myself back up to my feet. This was my last night here for a while at least I should be in Darius’ study getting pissed with my boys but no I was stood alone in a hallway with a sulking Derek who was refusing to even acknowledge me. And why? To explain? Apologise? Just give Derek another chance to yell at me? Well whatever it was that I was here for I wasn’t going to achieve it by staying in the hallway and letting him sulk. I knocked on the door again well actually I battered the door would be a more accurate description. I didn’t get a response but by now I honestly didn’t expect one. I kicked the door full pelt busting the flimsy lock and causing the door to fly open. I strode calmly into the room pausing to close the door calmly behind me. The lights were out but of course I could still see perfectly. Derek was lying out on his back fully clothed atop the duvet on his bed. He was looking right at me his gaze an intense sort of considering look but one that clearly showed he was unimpressed by my dramatic arrival. He removed his gaze from me and instead directed his eyes at the ceiling clearly deciding to simply ignore me. Anger welled up inside me and I growled before striding over to the bed and lying down next to him suppressing my anger as I echoed his posture looking at the ceiling as if I found it captivating.

“I can wait this out you know.” I said confidently turning my gaze back on the ceiling. Possibly thirty seconds passed before I snapped, “will you stop sulking and talk to me.”

“You suck at waiting things out.” He said blandly tuning his eyes onto me.

“Yeah and you’re an ass.” I snapped

“Witty.”

“Look will you just talk to me.” I snarled, Derek sighed and rolled over onto his side propping himself up his elbow resting his head on his hand.

“What do you want me to say Jessie?”

“I don’t really know.” I said gently,

“You want me to say sorry for what I said?”

“I don’t care about that.”

“I really didn’t mean it I just.”

“I know and anyway that doesn’t matter…I…I.” I sighed “I don’t know what I want you to say.”

“Then why are you even here?” he asked gently.

“I…I…I don’t want to leave you like this.”

“Like what Jess how do you want it to be? how did you think it would be ? Did you think I’d smile pat you on the back and help you pack your bags is that what your after?”

“Of course not I mean… it’s not forever and… the… the others they aren’t happy about it but they accept it.”

“And you want me to think like them?” he asked with a vague flip of his hand,

“I want you just to stop sulking and just f*****g listen to me.” I snarled,

“I’m here listening Jess but there’s nothing worth hearing. You want me to support you like them? What you think that I can do that? I mean you think that me and you that I’ll accept it because you don’t know what I feel about you. You don’t feel anything for me.” The venom in his voice stung I bit my lip and reached out running my fingers across his jaw line lightly surprised that he didn’t move away or try to stop me as I watched the golden flecks dance across his eyes.

“Of course not.” I whispered “you’ve always been my best friend since as long as I can remember every good memory I have they all include you, and what you think of me is the most important thing in the world to me.”

“Jessica don’t claim that you care what I think because you clearly don’t.”

“Dare?” I whimpered,

“My best friend.” He muttered angrily under his breath. I reached out to brush his cheek at this point he did bat my hand away angrily.

“Just leave it Jess.” He snarled “just go. Go off to your party, go off to school I don’t care just f*****g GO.”

“no.” I said firmly “I won’t leave it like this I don’t want our last words to be angry.”

“Well I’m afraid darling that’s all that’s on offer.” He snarled

“Dare don’t yell.” I muttered pathetically “I don’t like it.” I wished I didn’t sound quite so pathetic but Derek didn’t yell at me I could count the number of times he’d yelled at me on one hand and usually it was instantly followed by days of apologies but right now he was too angry, too angry.

“What do you want Jess?” He asked his tone significantly softer. I shrugged rubbing a hand across my eyes. “I cant be happy about this” he said reaching over and gently pulling the hand away from my face, but he stayed put his face hovering just over me so all I could see was the golden flecks dancing across his nearly black irises. “I love you more than anything and whenever we’re apart I can’t even seem to breathe and your leaving me to that. You know how I feel about you and your leaving me. Your leaving me to that leaving me in torment and you want me to be happy about it. I can’t do that Jessie. I cant” he collapsed back onto his back as if exhausted with trying and failing to explain. I pushed myself up wearily and shuffled closer,

“Derek it’s not going to be easy for me either.”

“Yeah right.”  He smiled “your choosing this so you obviously don’t feel what I do you can’t feel this and want to leave me.”

“Look Derek I cant do this now I’m not ready. I can’t do it and I don’t want to even think.” I sighed “I know what I have here but I’ll come back I promise even if its just after a few days and I have to hear you say I told you so.”

“Would I do that” he said smiling,

“yes.” He sighed

“I suppose it’s been seven years what’s three more right. You seem to love tormenting me babe.”

“Derek.” I whispered “I wish I could just stay here and with you and be happy and raise some babies and” I stopped and sighed “I just wish I could be happy with that with you but I cant I want to be I want you so bad but its like there’s something inside me that wont shut up and let me be happy. This is all I can think of. I know this will hurt but I have to try something because I want to be happy with you. I don’t want to ever resent you or being with you. I mean I love you, you know that right.” I whispered but Derek just pulled a doubtful face. I leaned forward and gently tentatively pressed my lips to his. Derek lay passively next to me not responding to my kisses.

“No jess.” He whispered pulling his lips back from mine, “no you don’t mean this and it’s harder to have it today and you snatch it back tomorrow. You don’t want me.”

“Yes I do.” I whispered leaning closer to him “I want you so badly and I love you, I love you.” I again pressed my lips to his, Derek remained passive tolerating my kisses as I slid my tongue across his lips, moaning in pure perfect contentment as Derek’s taste hit me, and in that second his resolve vanished and he wrapped his hands around my neck pulling me to him, pulling us closer fusing our lips together passionately. Our kisses fuelled by an intense desire driven by desperation caused by our rapidly approaching deadline. I pressed myself even closer to Derek desperate for him his scent his taste everything was working together to drive my senses wild. My stomach twisted in anticipation because I knew this was different, this wasn’t groping on the kitchen counter or a sneaky five minute fumble. I had made a choice and I’d come to him not in public just to talk I’d come here to him .I knew this time we weren’t going to be interrupted I wasn’t going to leave and more importantly he wasn’t going to leave me because right now I wanted him more than anything. Derek removed his lips from mine just long enough to pull my shirt off over my head. I leaned over pressing multiple soft kisses on his lips as I savagely pulled his t-shirt up until he got impatient and sat himself up throwing his shirt away opening his arms up to me. I smiled and sat up shuffling eagerly onto his lap straddling him running my arms along the taut muscles of his back. Derek began pressing gentle kisses down my neck as he slid his arms around me his skilled fingers unclipping my bra and easing it off me. I felt my heart begin to race as his kisses slid down across my breasts as his hands slid lightly down my sides his brushing fingertips tickling my spine. I nuzzled my face desperately into his hair savouring how the scent of him washed over me as I dragged my hands across his sweat damp skin down to his jeans and began fumbling with the belt eagerly.

“Don’t.” Derek whispered his eyes flashing gold as he pushed me gently so I was leaning away from him

“What’s wrong?” I muttered truly confused as those words went completely against his roaming hands. Derek smiled,

“Absolutely nothing.” He said pressing a path of gentle kisses down my stomach his hands sliding up gently massaging my breasts. “I just want to taste you right now.” he said slipping his tongue out to run along my skin as he continued to kiss my stomach.

“I love you.” I panted pressing my aching breasts into his hands wrapping my legs tightly around his waist as his hands made every inch of me tingle, “I love you.” Derek’s hands gripped at my jeans and tore them open easing me back down to lie on the bed he continued moving his kisses down over my  stomach pulling jeans down over my hips I unwrapped my legs from him as he sat back up pulling my jeans off and flinging them aside. As he settled himself back into my arms for the first time I noticed something I reached up and twisted the long silver chain he now wore around my fingers,

“Baby.” He whispered as I used the chain to pull him to me. Kissing him holding him pressed up

To me revelling in the feeling of being pressed up to each other skin on skin. Derek’s fingers gently tickled along each of my ribs as we kissed eagerly I ran my tongue along his lips, licked the inside of his mouth savouring the taste of him. I felt Derek shuffle as he eased himself out of his jeans clumsily. He slid his hands down my sides grabbing my panties and tugging them down. I giggled and wriggled myself out of that final slip of fabric. Derek laid himself back down pulling me on top of him. I kissed him eagerly as he ran his hands down over my hips. I bit down hard on his shoulder as Derek pushed his fingers inside me I bit deeper until I tasted blood in my mouth and released him. I moaned contently As he stroked and teased inside me  I ran my hands down his arm digging my nails in leaving deep scratch marks, Derek growled pushing another finger inside me. I cried out before I bit into his chest. I closed my eyes moaning as I twisted my hips around playfully.

“Derek, Derek.” I panted as I felt his fingers teasing me sending waves of pure pleasure crashing through me. I squealed in protest as Derek pulled his fingers out of me, he smiled smugly hooking his arms under my legs and flipped me over onto my back and settled himself down in my arms looking into my eyes his irises pure gold. He smiled “what?” I laughed he looked at his bedside table picking up a small mirror which he held up in front of my face. I laughed as I saw my reflection my dark eyes had turned a beautiful perfect gold. “That’s new.” I whispered taking the little mirror from him gazing at my own eyes.

“Beautiful.” He whispered stroking my hair softly. I put the mirror down and turned my gaze back to Derek my golden eyes locked on his golden gaze and again began kissing him eagerly.

“Jessie.” He said tearing his lips away from mine his eyes locked on me.

“So serious.” I said playfully, Derek didn’t even smile,

“Jessie are you sure?” he whispered stroking my cheek. I smiled gently kissing him in reply. Derek slid his hands down to my thighs gently easing them apart settling himself down in between my open legs. I gasped and bit my lip as I felt Derek begin to push himself inside me. Pain but a soft gentle pain, a pain I didn’t want to stop. Derek gripped my hips tightly as he pushed himself into me again. I dragged my hands down his back digging my nails in deeply instantly smelling the rich scent of his blood. I whimpered and writhed desperately as Derek pushed himself deeper into me.

“Am I hurting you?” he whispered,

“no.” I panted “don’t stop.” I muttered kissing him again I arced my hips thrusting myself up against him gasping pure pleasure again digging my nails deeply into his back. I felt waves of pleasure begin to build up as Derek thrust himself into me deeper and deeper. Derek’s breathing was becoming more ragged as he built up momentum. His tightly held control began to evade him overruled by passion and desire he began savagely biting me dragging deep scratches along my arms, stomach and thighs. I grabbed clumps of his hair tugging harshly. My reactions becoming louder and less restrained as he kept thrusting deeply inside me making me feel like I was in danger of exploding through the intense pleasure building in me. Derek filled me even more as I felt myself going insane and I bit down sharply into his chest, tasting the thin film of sweat on his skin. The waves of pleasure built up inside me and I began to scream in pure desperation as I felt my orgasm overwhelming me. Derek snarled savagely as he came and collapsed onto my chest exhausted.

we lay together his warm comforting weight on me  both drenched in sweat our bodies still joined as I gently brushed my fingers through his thick soft locks.

“Jess.” He whispered,

“Shhh.” I muttered into the top of his head Feeling completely at peace as I continued to stroke his hair, unwilling to talk as I was afraid of breaking this warm comforting spell we were in.